Thread 35: Stories 31-45

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>OO7
~~~~~~

>Well, that's disheartening.

He had been following a lead for at least two days now. Just tailing this one mare who had been the center of a lot of outbursts and violent threats. She sort of fit the profile of the Titan's disguises, her mannerisms synced up fairly closely, she even sort of had that same look in her eyes from the memory his Queen had shown him.

And yet... there she was, being pestered by Princess Cadence of all ponies. OO7 did not know much about the love princess, but there was one thing he was absolutely certain of without a single question.

She was annoying as fuck.

Which is why he felt such dismay in his heart. According to Chrysalis, her fellow Queen's fuse was shorter than a trimmed rat hair and twice as brittle. The idea the legendary rage of the Titan could be held in check for so long? Madness. She would have crushed Cadenza Mi Amore long ago.

>I think I'm off my game, little pigeon.

The thing that had been stalking him since last night, likely because he kept feeding the thing, just hooted a bit and tilted it's head.

>Because if that was Chitania...

"Buhhh buuhhh buh bubbubbubuhhhh buh! BUH BUH BUH BUUUUH!"

>We'd all be dead.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Jetset
“Nurse”
_______

The wrap was tied and the surge of pain that zipped across his temple forced Jetset back into a different kind of consciousness.

Namely by grabbing the warm hoof pressed to his forehead, cartwheeling behind the mare dressed in white with a single flip and wrapping a foreleg around her throat.

“Wow… and here I was thinking you were actually cute.”

>Where… where am I?

“Not getting my number after this little stunt, I’ll tell you that much.”

>I remember… Arana-

“That’s an ugly name. Are you dating this Arana? You shouldn’t, she has a bad name.”

>-and then… pain. Something hit me from behind….

“Something can hit me from behind if you catch my drift. I mean, you are behind me and all, totally understandable, a little poking there.”

>Blood… I bled….

“That’s true enough. You got a pretty nice sized gash on your head there.”

>I haven’t… it’s been so long since I’ve seen my own blood….

“Are you into that type of play? Blood play? Is that what this Arana mare did to you?”

>Hm, there’s only two who could injure me so. One’s my Queen, and I know it wasn’t her so that leaves only Ch- WILL YOU QUIT GRINDING AGAINST ME?

“Hey, it’s been a long time okay? A really, really long time and you’re just rambling anyway! Let me enjoy this for just a few more seconds!”

>No! Leave me be, peasant!

“This peasant just fixed your cracked noggin!”

>…I appreciate that.

“You’re welcome. …So does that mean I can continue-”

>No, get off me. But what you can do is tell me where the entourage that dropped me off went.

“Oh, them. Yeah, Princess Applejack left a message, something about heading to the amphitheater-”

A sudden gust of wind nearly upended her skirt as her patient sped from the hut, becoming nothing more than a glint in the distance.

She sighed.

“Why are the cute ones so full of crazy...? Ah well. CALL ME BABY I LEFT MY NUMBER IN YOUR JACKET!”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"???"
'???'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~

>Okay, if I were a teen magazine come to life and given alicorn level magic, where would I hide...

"LOOK OUT!"

>No.

Without ever even looking, she let whoever it was about to bowl into her do so, remaining completely unmoved as all of them came to a sudden and painful stop.

'OW!'
[FUCK!]
{IT LOOKS SOFT, BUT IT'S NOT SOFT AT ALL!}
'YOUR BOOTY IS A LIE!'

>...My faithful student, you should know better than to try to move me.

"I'm so sorry, Princess Celestia! I just in too much of a hurry to stop."

>I understand, of course. Off to see Spike?

"He wanted us to come over here, I'm pretty sure. No idea why, though."

>Well, perhaps he simply wishes to meet up for lunch or something. By the way, any chance you've seen Cadence?

'Noperino!'

[Yeah, been too busy with the paintball and the pie flinger and a bunch of other stuff...]

{Is she missing?}

>It's nothing, don't worry about it. Please, by all means, go enjoy yourself and spend some time with the poor dragon, he has to be feeling neglected.

"Oh, right... of course. Come on girls!"

'WHEEE!'

[NO MORE LIFTING WHY!?]

{I um... I don't mind..}

>...Shoot. Was hoping they would know.

Alone, she sighed to herself.

>Damn it, Cadence. Don't you know how worried you're making him?

Instinctively, she rolled her eyes to the direction he had gone.

>All he does anymore is worry...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Actarius
"JJ"
~~~~~

>....

"Are you still bummed about her not knowing your name?"

>That obvious?

"Listen, I know a thing or two about being bummed. You know about that."

>I realize it's silly to expect her to know it, but it's hard sometimes, you know? We're not particularly useful in crises due to the fact they all rely on magic that outclasses Celestia, we're not particularly liked because we're the guys who show up to break up the party, and, you know...

"You all look exactly the same."

>Exactly. But at least I figured the ones I worked for recognized me. Especially Applejack, she's supposed to be the princess on our level, you know? But instead...

"Ahhh, you can't let it get you down! Can't tell you how many times I've been confused by someone else by my own hive. You'd figure a species like mine would be experts at telling each other apart, but nope. Totally interchangeable.

>Hey, you're not interchangeable. Nobody else juggles.

"Yeah, but how much of that is them just being smart enough to know that it's a dumb idea?"

>It's not dumb! Juggling is an amazing profession! It's, like, one of the coolest things ever! It's... the best!

"...It is pretty nice."

>See? Don't let anyone get you down like that, you can't be all the way down with me around.

"Can't help it sometimes."

>Fine, then at least be halfway up, you know? You want to be part down, I understand, but you've gotta at least have a part of you up with me. If it gets too much, I'll drag it up.

"You were the depressed one."

>Well, guess you're just good at juggling feelings too.

"...Hey, Actarius?"

>Yeah?

"Do you like being a guard?"

>...

"...Well?"

>Hm? Oh, yeah! It's great, love my job most days, lots of great ponies to hang out with and I know all the guys and, you know, learning experience, learn something new everyday!... it's great, lots of fun.

"..."

>Hey, stop lagging behind, I may be off duty but I've still got to watch them!

"Right... got your back."

>That's my line
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

>Chrysalis
"42"
+Random Changeling+
-???-

~~~~~


> You know what?

" What is it your majesty?

> I keep hearing our... popol vuh? (flip, flip, flip) po.pu.lace is in the double digits, but seeing this neverending chaotic ball of Madness rolling through the ballroom I dare to say, like Cadence would, that we are at least in the #728C00´s

" ...Your majesty?

> Wait, shoot. What was I saying?

" ... well no matter that your majesty, I understand what you mean, we do look quite numerous as group.

> Exactly!

" There´s a lot of unknown faces among this guys.

+ HEY!

" ...And Girls

+ Thank you.

> Yeah like that guy over there, do you know him?

" I belive we found him as a stray crossing Equestria´s border at the San Palomino Desert. But he doesn´t speak pony and I dont understand his Native accent.

> You don´t say.

" Yes your majesty look, HEY YOU!

- ¿que?

Says pointing a hoof to himself

" YES YOU!

- ¿quien? ¿yo?

" YOOUUU! COOMMMEEE HEERREEE!

Says pointing a hoof to the spot she is standing.

- ¡ah, que caray!

Says troting over

- Mande Tomandante

" See your majesty, i cannot make head or tails of what he is saying

- ¡BOQUEO!

" Bo what...?

- ¡Vuestra Real Majestad! No soy digno de estar ante en Vuestra Majistral presencia, prosternado en tierra extiendo mis pezuñas a vos con la esperanza de ser ungido en vuestra belleza inmarcesible.

> OOH! I see... don´t worry 42, I got this.

> El QUESO ESTA VIEJO Y PODRIDOU, ¡DONDE ESTA EL SANITARIO!

- Con prontitud Presteza ubicare las instalaciones sanitarias pertinentes y dare una bizarra lucha sin cuartel contra dichos productos lacteos renegados, vuestra perenne majestad.

> !SI, EXITO, ME GUSTA!

He salutes and trots away.

" Your majesty never cease to amaze me

> HA! any queen worth her hive most know how to make use of her schooling at a moment notice

> That one was from the hive deep south of the badlands, those dumbasses never bothered to learn proper North-tongue or pony for that matter. Fortunately for you I know all there´s to know about everything so there

" Of course Your majesty, but what did he say?

> Just how awesome I am and how sexy, you know basically that I´m pretty awesome, oh! and how smart and badass and all that, and cunning, and cool.tourette

" cultured, Your majesty

> That, and how awesome, and how happy he was to be here

" and what did you tell him, Your majesty?

> I thank him for his honesty and told him to keep working for his queen and Hive with all he got.

" That´s why is he figthing a cheese wheel with a toilet seat?... and losing?

> Valiant hearts will go to great lengths for the sake of duty

- ¡QUESO INGUESU!... ¡¿COMO SUPO QUE SOY INTOLERANTE A LA LACTOSA?!

> That dedication... *sniff* it's so beautiful

" riiight...


* Yeah you´re going to need google translate for this one.
ALSO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZA1DuB8NIE&feature=youtu.be&t=7s
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>32
{Other!32}
[Original!32]
"Variolus"

Within the darkness of 32's mind, he and his past self glare at one another, circling slowly, honed instincts prepared, glistening fangs bared, only one may be victorious, only one may leave the confines of their shared mind, the only remaining question is who.

>It's come down to this then. No more tricks, no more scenarios, no hiding behind your proxies and nightmares. Just you and me to the finish.

The previous owner of the changeling's body sneers.

{You think you can defeat me? I am twice the warrior you are, and after all you've been put through you aren't fit to fight a mere grub. I will destroy you and return to the world and-}

>Fail. Miserably.

{Wh-what?}

Now it's 32's turn to sneer.

>You heard me, your plan? I've thought about it and even if you beat me here, it's doomed to failure, because let me tell you something about the changelings out there.

32 breaks off the circling and begins to advance on his double, his gait unflinching.

{Get back, you traitor!}

Other!32 fires a blast of magic at his foe, it misses as 32 continues his walk.

>Those changelings out there? They are loyal to the point of blindness, they are impulsive, brash, have more personality issues than I care to count, there are those that cannot fight, those who cannot seduce, and our best and brightest cannot be bothered to pull away from relationships doomed to failure.

Zap, miss.

>They...

Zap, miss.

>Are just...

Zap! It glances his flank, he keeps coming.

>Like...

Zap! To the chest, he stumbles back but growls, regaining his balance and unleashing his own strike right back at his double, catching him in the face and sending him flying.

>Me!

The other 32 shakes his head, staggering back up.

{No...they are...nothing like you!}

>That is where you're wrong, where I was wrong. I saw them as mere puppets, following the Queen's will through blind obedience conditioned from birth, you see them as potential soldiers that merely need to be brought back in line. But you-I-we...no I guess I? Pronouns are complicated in this context. But it's all wrong, because they DO have freedom, freedom to look for an occupation, freedom to protect the ones they love and are loved by, freedom to fail, to succeed, to seek the truth or lie like dogs. I could never change them but neither can you!

{I can...I will!}

>Look me in the eyes and tell me what you think would happen if you tried to separate 77 from his lady love, or 42 and 18 from the Empire, or the little pervert from his rumps -though someone should-, or PJ from her tubers, or 29 from his harem! They are not an army, you fool, they are a people! A culture! And no amount of intrigue or authority will change what they have become, what they should have been all along! Named! Numbered! Free!

{Y...you...}

>This world is beyond the likes of you or I, my revolution failed before it even began, and your plan will fail the second you get control over our body! They will see through your deception and cast you out like the parasite you are!

{ENOUGH!}

The old 32 howls in rage and leaps forward, his clumsy attack deftly evaded by his opponent, the two circle once more.

{Your words mean nothing! I will bring about a resurgence! A golden age! A-}

[Oh no, not the spinning again!]

>{...}

[You guys're gonna make me hurl, I'm already dizzy! Stand still when you monologue, ya drama queens.]

>{YOU! YOU KNOW HIM!? OF COURSE I KNOW HI-STOP THAT! NO YOU! NO-!}

[Guys? You're stealing the Guard and Changeling schtick.]

{Reveal yourself at once, you pest!}

['kay.]

From the darkness emerges...an extremely youthful looking 32.

[Hey how's it going?]

>...hello.

{You...you had a hand in his return, didn't you!?}

[Well duh, you really think I was just gonna let you get control again? Fat chance, mon freur.]

{You pathe-}

[Would you shut up for five seconds? I gotta talk to the current us.]

>Uhm...

The original 32 blinks at his current self staring at him. The younger changeling chuckles.

[Kinda screwy ain't it? But it's totally logical, I was still pretty young when I got the old mind zotz. I've been in here the longest, watching Mr. Buzzkill over here until he got it and watching you afterwards. All the knowledge of our lifespan packed into the body of a drone barely out of adolescence. Sounds like a Neighponese comic plot, eh?]

>You were the one helping me this whole time?

[Ten-Four, Thirty-Two, see what I-eh, doesn't matter. Yep, it was me!]

{Why did you not make a move while I putting him through those scenarios?}

[I was busy!]

>With WHAT!? I had to kill and be killed by all the people I know multiple times over, the hell were you doing that whole time!?

[Building a bridge.]

>...I'm sorry, what?

[Have you happened to notice a distinct surplus of knowledge, current-me? Knowledge you ought not to have?]

>...yes...I've noticed a certain kink in what I know...42's newfound attraction for the pink airhead, for one.

[Believe me when I say there's a reason for that. You see, I like to make my home down around our subconscious, I like it down there, pretty hustley and bustley, I get to see all the dreams. But when we got poisoned-amateur work by the way, we're slipping- I noticed something weird.]

{Your own uselessness? I assure you it's downright normal.}

[No...what if I were to tell you that this coma put us closer, mentally and spiritually, to the Hivemind than any drone in the past...possibly century?]

>...I...

{I'd call you a liar who's trying to distract us and usurp power for himself!}

[You and your trust issues, I swear. But yeah, we are more or less mentally orbiting the great collective unconsciousness slash afterlife of our race, and while SOMEBODY decided to play hostile takeover, I made sure to try and keep us from going sensory overload from the sheer amount of hopes, dreams, ambitions, and fears that bombarded us like some kind of radiation while everyone else was asleep...did you know 77 is terrified of alien abduction? I shit you not.]

>But...that's a filter, not a bridge.

[I was GETTING to the bridge, the bridge is super important but it needed context. Now, midway through this, I actually manage to get a message from inside the Hivemind, someone inside desperately needed to speak with our wayward self here and required a way in to do it. So the other half of my time making sure we didn't have a seizure was spent trying to slowly but surely get her in here without all the other stuff following her in.]

{This is preposterous, who would want to speak with him?}

[Oh you know who.]

The original 32 smirks, the doubtful one blanches, jaw dropping.

{No...}

[Yes!]

{No!}

[YES!]

{I FORBID IT!}

[I ALLOW IT!]

>HEY!

The two arguing changelings look at their confused counterpart.

{[What?]}

>WHO IS IT!?

The other 32 springs over, grabbing 32 around the shoulders.

{Listen to me, me! You cannot listen to the words of this she-devil when she arrives! Her tongue drips the blackest venom! Her throat is a fount of lies! She will lead us to ruin!}

[She can hear you, you know.]

"Yes, yes I can."

A green flame erupts in the changelings' midst, crackling with life, the voice issuing from it echoes through the nothingness. It is a voice familiar and yet alien to 32, tinged with confidence, callousness, but a raw energy underneath like the predator prepared to strike. Two amber eyes glare out from the fire, burning somehow even more intense than the inferno around them.

[Presenting...]

The fire begins to die away, revealing a tall and imposing figure, unlike any Queen 32 has witnessed prior. Fangs drip with poison, flecks of red adorn her chitin, smog grey hair hanging limply from her head, she steps forward, intent on the gathering, a lioness amongst mice.

[Her majesty, Queen Variolus, She Whose Name Means The Greatest Suffering, The Poisonmouth, The Seeker of Power.]

>...holy shit...

The Queen smirks, her gaze baring down on 32's form.

"That's a fine way to greet your mother."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

Out on the high seas beyond Equestria, Jetset's submarine breaks the surface and the hatch opens for some fresh air. In this moment of vulnerability, 007 rows his dingy over and knocks Jetset out of the submarine with his row and swiftly climbs in.

Within the hull, 007 finds his objective, the top secret mini-vault holding the secrets of Equestria within, embedded into the hull and easily undoes the combination lock. And then finds out the vault hatch opens directly into the ocean and quickly floods the sub with 007 in it.

Topside, Jetset floats in a lifesaver and laughs.
~~~
Later on the high seas, 007 has his spy ship target Jetset's for destruction. A torpedo is launched towards Jetset hits a switch, splitting his ship in two to allow the torpedo to pass through.

Then the torpedo split in two and hit both halves of the ship as Jetset cursed his nemesis.

on his own ship, 007 laughs.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"Spike"
'77'
[SS]
~~~~

>...

"...Can I help you?"

>Aren't you going to ask?

"Aboooout, what?"

>What do you mean about what!? This what! Him what!

"Your doll?"

>Doll!?

"Yeah, the doll you've been carrying around. Is it a reference I'm not getting?"

'You think that's a doll?'

"Little trenchcoat and mustache is adorable, by the way. What, is it based off Deep Colt or something?"

[Are you serious?]

"Fine, whatever, is it supposed to be me from my detective days? I didn't wear the mustache."

>...I think he's serious.

'He can't be.'

[No way.]

"Serious about what?.... Why are you all looking at me like that?"

>'[...]'

>He's serious.

"About what!?"

>Spike?

"WHAT!?"

>Aaaaannnddd.. TA DA!

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS THAT YOUR ROCKET LA-UMF!"

'Will you keep it down!'

"MRPHMPMH!"

>You couldn't see through that disguise, really?

"It was very convincing!"

>...

"HOW!?"

>I don't know either, maybe you were dropped as an egg?

"HOW DID YOU GET THAT!?"

>Meh.

"..."

>...

"...You're a bitch sometimes."

>Mmmm... I know.

[...So are you going to tell-]

>Nope.

[Just checking. Put his 'disguise' back on.]

"...Like a chameleon...."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"???"
'DT'
[77]
{SS}
~~~~~

>I'm telling you, all I see is just a tall doll when you do that! The mustache, DT! THE MUSTACHE!

'You have issues, Spike.'

>You have NO idea-GLK!

[SPIKE!]

{Oh, hey, magical strangling. Chrysalis?}

'Not green.'

{My moneys on Cadence, in that case.}

'That's a not-actually-a-choke-but-looks-threatening choke, my money's on Twi-'

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

'Nailed it.'

>T-Twi! Hiii!... Now I know what you're thinking-

"Do you have ANY idea how dangerous this stuff is!? You could have changed your skin into something else! Teleported your insides! SO MANY THINGS!"

>...Okay, I didn't, like, eat the stuff.

"DOESN'T MATTER!"

>It doesn't!? All of that can happen just by touching it!?

"It can happen by you BREATHING on it!"

>WHAT!? Why was this not in the vault!?

"Because I didn't think anyone would be dumb enough to take the freaking GREEN GLOWING-"

'A-hem.'

"..."

'...Guessing you're the reason that Spike can spell stuff with fire that persists in the air now?'

"No."

'Now, I know what you're thinking 'oh, it's so dangerous!', but I would also like to remind you that if the option for persistent fire exists-'

"N. OH."

'...I'm very rich-'

"NOOOOOO!"

'Spoilsport.'

[May I ask how this is achieved?]

"Sorry, I can't tell you, you'll tell Chrysalis."

[...Oh dear lord, not agai-]

"NO NO NO! It's not that! It's good! Very mutually beneficially good, just a surprise, I swear, NOT some kind of secret keeping thing.... I've had way too much of that, thank you. Good surprise... When I get it to work."

[Oh, that is a relief.]

"As for you... are you wearing a dress!?"

>Uh...

"Nevermind, you've clearly suffered enough."

{...but he-}

>If you have any love for me, you will shut up.

{...}

>...Heartwarming.

"But seriously, you're so punished when we get home. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts."

>DAMN!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"???"
~~

>Do do...DO DOOOO! Do do... DO DOOOOOO! DODODO-

"SHUT UP!"

>Sorry, but it helps me sneak.

"Why is this so important to you!?"

>I need to get back to the hotel before Shiny finds me! He's probably got Celestia with him, which means I can slip back in without either of them noticing and pretend I never left.

"..."

>Oh! Sorry, Shiny is my husband, Shining Armor. And Celestia's... well, you probably know who she is.

"...Huh."

>I know, me? Married when I'm still so young and vibrant? But it's true!

"And... 'shiny' and Celestia are, what, friends?"

>Oh, more than that! They've been so very close for years now, always spending time together and looking out for each other. Like this!

"Yes, those hooves are very close together, you do not need to shove them in my face. So, let me get this straight. You, his wife, ran off in the middle of the night and presumably have not been back sense, and drove your husband to another mare. This mare, who he is very close to, is now most likely with him, searching for you and probably piecing together that you are avoiding him. So now we have a guy feeling totally pushed aside by his wife and a mare who he's close to..."

>...Huh... I wonder....

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

[DAMN, Celly! We done looked up so many sides o' this place you'd swear I was lookin' for the tear off strip on my condom wrapper YO!]

{Sheeet! We gone so high we put that premo stuff from last week to shame and so low you'd swear we just got popped one in a drive by, no sign o' that Boo of yours!}

[I don't get it, she ain't gonna just go the ghost on me! She's pinker than the inside o' the crispy chicken from that bad dive we went to, she can't exactly just crouch low and go!]

{Homeboy, I think you gotta start facing facts.}

[Awww, no Celly, don't make me think it.]

{Call me the mailmare cause I gotta deliver a message and it's bad news, she's avoidin' you man!}

[Mah' Boo wouldn't hide out from me all night! I love her, Celly!]

{Too bad, she ain't got a fuck to give. She's doin' it, Whitey.}

[Ah... ahhh, shoot, you right! You right you big bootied crazy mare! She dun ran off on me! We on vacation, you know? We're s'posed to finally be rockin' the sheets! If I can't get no vacation lovin', I ain't never gonna get none!]

{...Well, you know, it would be a shame iffin' you didn't get nothin' on your V.}

[What'chu sayin'?]

{Jus' throwin' it out, you catch it like the cops on party night or it gets loose like that one Zigga who knows how to run, but your homegirl will step up to bat if you want to get a game in.}

[...You'd do that for me?]

{Would I!? Whitey, you gotta ask? I'd take a bullet for you and then I'd donate that bullet to get you another grill!}

[Ah... Dang, Celly, you the best!]

{Hey, you bein' a little preemptive here, ain't ya? Why don't we duck in here real quick, yeah, right here, and-WOO! Boy you just takin' it ain't ya!?}

[Damn straight I am! Gonna wreck it like my credit score after a trip to the jeweler!]

{OH YEA-
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

>HAH! Jokes on you, doing that would blast off his crotch in fire, and he has a fantastic credit score!

"..."

>...I uh... I just said that out loud, didn't I?

"..."

>....Snickerdoodles.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pinkie
"Dash"
'Fluttershy'
[???]
~~

>And, of course, she runs off without us!

"She just didn't want us to see her chew him out. So, total bullshit because I want to see that."

'I don't, Spike always looks so sad when she does that.'

"I know, but then she always does that fun thing where she tries to be parental, and it's funny."

'That's weird that you find that funny.'

"Pfft, what do you know."

>I agree.

"...Huh. Pinkie thinks me finding something funny isn't right. Weird feeling."

>I don't find everything funny!

[Really? I thought that was your schtick.]

>GAH! How did you sneak up on ME!?

[Mystery for the ages. Hey, any of you three seen Cadence?]

>...
"..."
'...um... have you checked a reflective surface?'

[What? The heck are you- OH! No no, 18. Paperworkbug.. need to work on that name, not as much pop as Punchbug.]

>Oh wow! 18!?

"You're, uh... true to life."

[Damage control. Gotta preserve Cadence's public image as she is no doubt making an idiot of herself, so at the very least the newspapers will think the dumb one is the imposter.]

>...

[Yes, I do see the irony in this. You guys having fun?]

"Oh yeah, real fun."

'This place is great.'

[Cool...]

>...Huh.

[Uh... yeah, we never really talk, do we?]

"I send paperwork your way all the time."

[In person?]

"..."

>I pop in sometimes!... Not often, but before recently I was having 'spotlight problems', let's just say.

'I um... I don't think we've had more than three extended conversations. You seemed nice, though!'

[Right. Well, if you see Cadence, tell her Shiny is going to smack her bottom raw for running out like she did.]

"You sound jealous."

[I so am. Have you seen my ass? It would get way more jiggle out of it. But alas, his heart, and dick, belong to another, and possibly Pinkie if her parents have any say in the matter.]

>DON'T YOU START!

[Hah! See you guys. Have fun!]

>...
'...'
"...So is anyone else a little creeped-"

>Yes.

"Just checking"

'...like a mirror.'

"Right?"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>55
"Attendant1"
'Attend2'
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>WHEEEEEE!

"He's just been flying through that fire over and over again."

'How long do you think he's going to keep going?'

>WHEEEEEEE!

"Do you have the heart to tell him no?"

'I'm too afraid to get close to tell him no.'

"Good call."

>EEEEEHHEHEHEHEEEEEE!

"Well, at least he's up there, could you imagine if he was down here?"

'Ah, shit.'

"What?"

'Jinxed yourself, man.'

"Don't be rediculou-"

[GET OUTTA THA' WAY!]

*WHAM!*

"MY SPLEEN!"

'Warned you. Should'a been like me and-'

{MOVE!}

*KABLAM!*

'MY RIIIBS!'

"..."

'...S-shut-ulk-shut up...'

"...I taste copper."

'At least the one that hit you was tiny... ow...'

"..."

'...Buddy?'

"..."

'Uh oh.'

>WHEEEEE!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Variolus"
[Original!32]
{Other!32}

>M-mother?

[Mother?]

{MOTHER!?}

"...I do not have time to form a minstrel quartet, yes, mother, giver-of-birth, if I remember correctly you came from a tryst with a low-ranking Maretonian functionary. My but wasn't I slumming it towards the end? But then again he must have had something special for him to produce the son that made it this far."

>...son?

Variolus looks at the original 32.

"You made sure the Hivemind didn't fry his brain, correct?"

[Yes, it's just...son? Not drone? Infiltrator?]

"Oh...heh...heheheh...I see."

Variolus shakes her head with a rueful chuckle.

"Let no mistakes be made, were this situation any different, you would be addressed as such, but with what our race has been reduced to, your continued existence merits at least an acknowledgement of parentage...though I am certain few will cheer your name if you told them this fact."

The other 32 spits on the ground.

{Feh, of course, even the doom of our race has grown cancerous with sentimentality.}

"...pardon me for one moment."

Variolus rounds on the changeling, her eyes alight with cold fury.

"You will be silent..."

The Queen advances on the smaller drone.

"If you are not, I promise you, you will perish-no...no not perish...mmm, but not be tortured either..."

Variolus looks over at the current and original 32's.

"Son, what is a proper term for being effortlessly made to feel excruciating pain? Is it possible one can be 'excruciated'? No...no, that sounds wrong..."

She turns back to middle 32, who has spent her time pondering backing further and further away. She's back on him in moments.

"Regardless, rest assured if your mouth opens again to deride me or your far more palatable selves, I WILL keep you alive long after I've skinned you and peeled your eyes like grapes...heh, and your grapes like eyes. So-"

Her hoof reaches out...and presses gently to the trembling drones' mouth.

"-hush. Am I understood?"

The other 32 nods slowly.

"Good boy. Now..."

Variolus turns to the other two.

"You, first self, return to your duties safeguarding the current one from mental harm, report to me should anything seem amiss."

[At once, my Queen.]

The original 32 sinks back into the darkness.

"And then there were two."

Variolus lies down somehow retaining her fierce regality even in such a pose.

"Come, my son, we have much to discuss, revelations to unfold, sins to atone for, and hopefully when you awake several lovely techniques of how to dispose of that disgusting little creature that sent you here in the first place."

32 walks forward, sitting before the Queen.

>If you allow me, your highn-

"Address me as mother, son, I am affording you this courtesy, you shall afford me the same."

>Uhm...Mother, this seems like quite the effort just to speak with me. What could be so important that you would create a bridge into my mindscape?

Variolus gives yet another rueful laugh.

"My purpose here is manyfold, son, but let us approach it one at a time..."

>Then what is your first purpose?

"Simple, I am here to convince you to rejoin Queen Chryalis' hive."

The words hang over 32's head like a buzzard circling a decaying corpse, behind Variolus he can see his other self trying his damndest not to bust out laughing.

>I...but...

"Your face is sketched with incredulity, what is it about this you doubt? Chrysalis holding to her vow to save as many of her race as she can? Your ability to forgive her for the things she allowed to happen to her? Or perhaps you doubt my ability to convince you."

>I am simply afraid you ask the impossible, I am persona non grata amongst my hive...my crimes are so many-

"Exaggeration will get you nowhere, your crimes against the hive number less than ten, and that is including separate counts rather than umbrella incidents."

32 opens his mouth.

"The book thievery does not count. Listen to me, and listen well, I do not even begin to imply the road will be easy, it will be hard, it will be painful, you may even find yourself barely dragging your own carcass along towards the end. But if our race is to survive beyond a few more generations, we can't have members rotting in a prison cell."

>But what do I have to offer? My ideas are all the rejected ravings of a blind revolutionary, my convictions just lead to conflict, I...I have nothing to truly add to the Hive.

Variolus shakes her head.

"Do I truly hear these words come from your mouth? You have naught to add to the hive? You who pacified the creatures that ate your comrades? You who publicly decried the actions of a being that could reduce you to the consistency of a pudding? You who saw the Titan herself, she who could lay even the mightiest Queen low, and tried to kill her with a mushroom?"

>I failed...and that killed Pommel...

"He died doing as you would have done, defending his people. Were it you who perished, the Hive would have mourned your passing. His death prompted you to seek your own, and lead to you attempting to kill another Queen in the very same day!"

>How do you know I merely do not carry a deathwish?

"I have seen many brave souls that could not see their bravery for what it was, you are no exception."

>...it matters not, in the eyes of the Hive, what I have done is unforgivable, I...I am a monster.

"Hmph, odd that propensity for such things would run in our bloodline."

>...what?

"Prick up your ears, my son, it is time I told you a tale, a tale of how I brought about the fall of our race..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pinkie
"Dash"
'Fluttershy'
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>Huh, you know, I haven't seen Cheesy around in a bit, where do you think he ran off to?

"Probably went to go see some mare with a non-crazy family."

>DASH!

"Your family is nuts. I'm not saying this to be insulting, this is a fact. My coat is blue, my skills are mad awesome and your family is weirder than a purple coated Chitania figure."

'That one is named Slamtania.'

"..."

'Well, it is...'

"Point is, your rents are almost as bad as-"

[HAH! No fucking way!]

"...Wasn't going to say her name, but she fits far better than anything I could say otherwise."

{Hey guys.}

'Oh, hello Poindexter. Nice to meet you again!'

>Chrysalis! Were you making fireballs above my Partyland!?

[I was.]

>BAD!

[I didn't burn anything.]

>Principal of the matter!

[The situation called for fireballs.]

>Then at least don't make them building sized!

[I don't do small.]

>Ugh! At least apologize!

[Sorry, and no more fireballs unless deeply necessary.]

>...That feels insincere!

[Every time with you ponies.]

'Pinkie, she's right, we shouldn't just assume like that.'

[...Thanks.]

"What were you going to roast anyway?"

{Me.}

>"'...'"

{Long story.}

"Spill!"

{Maybe later, when I don't feel the icy hoof of death on the back of my neck.}

[If it were me, you wouldn't get the chance to feel it.]

'Oh... I suppose this means no more gaming?'

[What? Oh hell no, that's still on.]

{Got a campaign for when we get home and everything.}

[Why would you ask?]

>...And you think MY family is weird?

"Point taken."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non Canon

>32
"Variolus"
'Dead Queens'
-Momsie-
~Scidrella~

>Mother, may I ask something?

"Certainly."

>Could any Queen have come here to speak with me?

"Yes, it is only through highly skilled artifice and assistance of my confederates that you do not converse with someone less apt to convince you to try a new path...like Saturnia or, ugh, Titania."

>Your confederates?

"Yes, even now they are protecting my form within the Hivemind while this conversation traps my consciousness here."

--------------

-BACK OFF YOU LACKWITS!-

'Come on, we wanna talk to the dreamwalker!'

'I gotta tell him to tell my kid to stop screwing around and rut that pony senseless!'

'Which one is your kid? The one who can fight, the one who does the paperwork, the one who can't fight, or the one that can't juggle.'

'Don't forget the tuber-eater, she's GOTTA tap that alabaster ass!'

-The juggler is mine, you dullards.-

'...then why aren't you trying to get in on this so you can tell him he can just fwoosh the holes away?'

-...-

'Well he can!'

-Sciddy?-

~HISSSSSSSSSSS!~

'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!'''''

*Ker-flee*

-Good work.-

~All in a day's work...but you think we can get her to tell him to tell my daughter to stop trashing my rep?~

-...-

~I'm just saying, she's making it almost sound like I DIDN'T enjoy the crazy things I did. You ever eviscerate a buffalo? Shit's great.~

-You have issues, Sciddy.-

~Hey! YOU try eviscerating a buffalo, see how fun it is, then heap your scorn!~
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________