(7:41:49 PM) Kazumi: "So, did you hear what happened?"
(7:45:43 PM) Eva: "Somewhat.." she nods to Kazumi, "Your disappearing act after Malachi, went down told me the rest." she sighs and lights up her own cigarette taking a deep drag and exhaling smoke "You were feeling guilty, so your ran again.. and not to me." she looks worriedly over to her mate
(7:47:06 PM) ***Kazumi paused and looked at her. "I didn't see you around at the time. And what happened, my dear, is that I opened the Eyes of Good, let loose hell, nearly killed Malachi, and wound up invoking Gaia. At least I assume it was her from the way everyone was sobbing like little babies."
(7:48:34 PM) Kazumi: "And I looked away. I didn't meet her eyes. You know why? Because I was ashamed of my foolishness, so I turned my back, and looked away, and deep inside of me I just BEGGED for forgiveness. A word, a touch, a fucking whisper. ANYTHING? And you know what she did, Eva? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
(7:50:07 PM) ***Eva sighs and turns to cup her mate's  face "Explain. Tell me everything."
(7:54:15 PM) ***Kazumi moves to sit on the stump of some log and lights up a new cigarette. "I looked up into the Eyes of God.... truthfully, I just wanted to look up at the fucking night sky, but apparently that was enough for ME to active them. Anyone else who'd done so earlier.... phhhbt, nothing. But not me. I woke something up. I felt this call inside of me
(7:54:16 PM) ***Kazumi ... the stars were singing again, like when Ra was in me. And then everything went to hell. Malachi stepped in, nearly got killed, Gaia showed up.... and fucking ignored me."
(7:59:09 PM) ***Eva moves to have a seat between her legs to be close to her "Did she speak to anyone?"
(8:04:45 PM) Kazumi: "She spoke to Malachi, she spoke to everyone else. A touch on the shoulder, Eva, a signal... ANYTHING that said I was forgiven, but I got nothing. And I know exactly why. And I fucking hate her for it."
(8:07:55 PM) ***Eva drags and exhales her eyes almost boring holes into Kazumi.. "And why's that?" she asks in a low voice
(8:11:18 PM) Kazumi: "Because I went to the Mountain of Storms sept to turn myself in. I didn't want Iron Secrets to suffer further because of MY mistake. You know, the fucking honorable thing. Instead of punishing me, they read me a prophecy....."
(8:11:24 PM) Kazumi: "In the beginning of the last days, it shall come to pass that love will set all in motion. It is through love he gains his power, it is through love that he loses all. But before him comes his herald, hard used, and harder still to be used. It is by their action the eyes will open. It is by their action that He will stand there, but it is by the l
(8:11:24 PM) Kazumi: ove he has that the mother will grant him the strength to look, and by looking releases that final doom upon the world. He holds no ill towards the Seerer of the Marring Star, he only does what must be done. He only acts from love. Fear the coming of his herald, her hunger only grows and grows."
(8:15:48 PM) Kazumi: "Fear the coming of his herald, her hunger only grows and grows." She huffs, and drags hard on  her cigarette. "All I wanted was... peace. I hope you never ever have an incarna inside of you, Eva, because I was able to feel things poet's can't find words for. I had senses I can't even count. Months and months I lived as a goddess and now I'm trappe
(8:15:48 PM) Kazumi: d in this rotting carcass that cages me in. I'm blinded and mutilated like this, and all I wanted was to go back to what I had been, with no more desire than to serve the Nation and win this war. But that's not the role they picked for me. No.... because the loremasters tell me I'm connected to the Wyrm. Don't you get it?! I've been chosen alright.
(8:15:48 PM) Kazumi:  I'm Judas!"
(8:20:09 PM) Kazumi: "Oh-ho-ho.... it's so god damn cunning it's brilliant. Turn her gaze from me, push me away, harden my heart, make me able to hold something huge. But not something beautiful. I'm going to get pushed and shoved and worked until I let something in from the Wyrm, I'll bet you. And they will think they have a great ally. Right until I turn on them." Sh
(8:20:10 PM) Kazumi: e shrugs. "Double agent. Devil-you-know. Whatever. You want to know what the next great battle this sept has? I'll bet you it'
(8:20:15 PM) Kazumi: it's going to be ME."
(8:21:42 PM) ***Eva sighs and shakes her head "Im not sure what to say right now, Kazumi.. her Incarna appears so rarely, but I almost feel I should slap you right now, Kazu. Most garou go their entire lives without standing in her presence, She was there for Malachi and to charge us with howling his legend that night. You saw her and heard her voice, you were given an honor, Im hideously jealous right now..
(8:22:29 PM) Eva: And now you have the conceit to complain because she didn't speak directly to you, and try to sooth a shadow lord's guilt." She chuffs "And you say you hate her for it."  She shakes he head and stands turning around to kneel in front of Kazumi "I get it though.. right now you are scared.. and feeling trapped and confused and.. and overwhelmed, but you are not Judas. Do you know why?"
(8:25:34 PM) ***Kazumi growls out. "She could forgive with a glance, with a look. Was it not too much to ask? Was that really arrogance to you?" She looked down at Eva. "In some stories, Jesus knew Judas would betray him. Jesus TOLD him to betray him. And when Judas asked why he had to do so, Jesus said it was because he wasn't strong enough. Now you tell me why
(8:25:35 PM) ***Kazumi ."
(8:25:58 PM) Kazumi: (( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqURPBtGJzg
(8:27:24 PM) ***Eva sighs "Judas made the concious decision to betray. You did not." she flicks away her cigarette and reaches out to to softly run her finger though her mate's hair. "Tell me, was it you the other night who said that fate deals in alternatives and backups?"
(8:29:14 PM) ***Kazumi laughed darkly, and eyed Eva. "Yes, and here's your chance to force an alternative path. The judges of the Shadow Lords commanded me to spy on Iron Secrets and report back to them. I have been transferred from the sept and ordered to keep quiet about it. Then they gave me a new name, Viper." She gazed firmly at Eva. "Now go and turn me in.
(8:29:15 PM) ***Kazumi "
(8:32:46 PM) ***Eva looks at her mate and then after a moment her face splits into a grin and she laughs. She laughs and laughs as if it was the funniest thing she's ever said in the world, falling back to sit on the forest floor grinning up at her. "At least they gave you a cool code-name." she chuckles as she fishes the silver bullet out of her shirt
(8:35:42 PM) Kazumi: "Oh for fuck's sake." Moon throws down her cigarette and lights up a new one, settling down. "Eva, the reason I am so angry with the Mother is that I think I am being set up for a task I just do not have the fortitude to do. I'm not a Wyrm follower, I'm not a betrayer, I'm not corrupt. I dare say I have handled power with far better grace that most
(8:35:43 PM) Kazumi:  would. Certainly better than Victor. But I do think I am being set up for something.... I just don't think I can do."
(8:36:39 PM) Kazumi: "You wouldn't think it, but I have a favorite story from the Bible. Can I tell it to you?"
(8:40:35 PM) ***Eva holds up the bullet and carefully unscrews the bullet from the casing, seems the inside is hollow and nestled snugly is a small bone with glyphs cared into it. She tries to pull it out, but the cold makes it difficult as she looks up to Moondancer and nods to her "One of the ones from Solomon?" she asks listening
(8:41:56 PM) ***Kazumi shakes her head. "On the day before our Jesus was crucified he spent the night alone in the garden at Gethsemane. And he knew they were going to come for him, and in a moment of weakness he asked if this cup could pass from him. If he could be spared the pain and death that would come with the morning. And of course, the cup would not pass
(8:41:57 PM) ***Kazumi , and the soldiers would come to Gethsemane. But he did not have to be there when they arrived. He could have chosen to leave to postpone the inevitable for a few hours or even days. He knew what would happen, but he chose to stay. To sacrifice himself, and thus atone for the sins of others. It's a very fragile, human moment. And I've ofte
(8:41:57 PM) ***Kazumi n thought about that night. I'm being set on a path, given a role.... and I can't pass the cup, because I have a...." She paused. "That's a hollow bullet with awakened cocaine in it, isn't it?"
(8:46:28 PM) ***Eva shakes her head no and finally manages to extract the small bone on it. she holds it up and turns it so kazumi can see the glyphs that read as 'Tyvar'. "Please love, continue." she prompts with a little smile
(8:51:49 PM) ***Kazumi shrugs and takes another drag on her cigarette. "I don't know what's going to happen, save I HOPE that it's to an end that serves our ultimate victory, Eva. But this talk of a Wyrm connection I have that even I am not aware of. This growing hunger that people should fear. I don't think Mother ignored me because she's a bitch, I wasn't wort
(8:51:50 PM) ***Kazumi hy, OR because she wasn't there for me. I think  it's part of what's coming. I think people need to see me resenting it. Viper, snake, worm, Wyrm.... I don't think that name is coincidental either. But that name, Tyvar...  it sounds familiar, but I think I arrived  too late for the story."
(8:59:50 PM) Eva: "The only *other* living legend in the nation right now.. He's my boss Kazu.. You are not the only spy in this camp. Although, Malachi knows what I am, and doesn't seem to care either, he expected it." she moves to hug Kazumi muttering "Spy who Loved Me.." with a tiny cheesy grin. "Malachi spoke last night too about his time in the Garden of Gethsemane.."s he says into her shoulder "He too wished for the cup of seeing to pass to
(8:59:51 PM) Eva: another, but it was his place. His role to play.."
(9:02:49 PM) ***Kazumi drags on her cigarette and rolls her eyes. "Still don't think I'm Judas?" She snorted a laugh. "Frankly, Eva, I think you're putting blinders on to something that is going to bite you in the ass. I have a role to play too, but it's not going to be pretty, and I think I'm being asked to go right into the maw of something awful. This busines
(9:02:49 PM) ***Kazumi s is going to get very dark for a while."
(9:11:47 PM) Eva: "It could be i have blinders, but, Kazumi.. I love you. And you dont need to have your walls up with me. if you are scared, tell me and I will hold you until you have your courage if you are wracked with guilt, then I will forgive you. It's that simple to me."
(9:20:14 PM) Kazumi: "Right now, Eva, more than anything I'd like a straight fucking answer so my imagination doesn't run away from me. I've given up every dream I ever had, lost own own name, twice, and all the rest, and I won't even know what it's about until it's over, I'll bet you." She takes a drag and sighs the smoke out. "Nothing is ever as bad as I think it wil
(9:20:14 PM) Kazumi: l be, and at the same time, it's always managed to be worse."
(9:20:39 PM) Kazumi: "Just not as dramatic."
(9:27:14 PM) ***Eva chuckles and leans into her lover "Including me?" She asks sweetly before pecking her lips. "Sorry, nothing straight around here."
(9:27:46 PM) Eva:  She takes a moment to realise she's just made a bad pun totally on accident
(9:28:53 PM) Kazumi: "Eva, you're the only thing someone hasn't taken away from me, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one. That's part of the reason I pushed Tanith away, I don't want him sucked into my wake."
(9:34:36 PM) Eva: "They wont part me from you that easy. I bite." she says as she sooths her mate and runs her fingers though her hair "Are you scared Kazu?" she asks bluntly
(9:39:31 PM) Kazumi: "Right now I'm a bit too emotionally wrung out to give a shit. By the way...." She gestured around. "We're in a Wyrm-tainted forest."
(9:41:22 PM) ***Eva looks around and nods "We're also all tainted to the gills. In fact, Im surprised you're still alive after visiting a Shadowlord sept." she nods
(9:44:44 PM) ***Kazumi snorts. "I spent the night in the hive I blew up. The Shadow Lords cleansed me on arrival."
(9:46:53 PM) Eva: "Hope so.." She nods and looks back to Kazumi as she looks at her "Why go there?"
(9:50:03 PM) Kazumi: "I wanted to go home and think." She shrugs. "I just nearly killed my Alpha, home didn't feel like Slovenia right at that moment."
(9:53:58 PM) ***Eva frowns but nods "I.. Understand love. I just hope one day your meaning of home is right here." She pats her own hip with a wry smile
(9:57:27 PM) ***Kazumi grins. "A nice sentiment, but I'm a literalist sometimes." She sighs and rests a hand on her shoulder. "Eva.... I'm still looking for a way to make you fertile again, but I think we should hold off pregnancy until this is over."
(10:04:33 PM) ***Eva frowns deeply at that "Darling.. I.. I dont want that.. if we can find a way.. I want to give you a reason to keep going, to.. be this woman I love, if something should happen to me.. I'll admit, Im scared for you Kazu, and the end times aren't going to wait."
(10:08:27 PM) ***Kazumi nods her head. "We'll just have to see what comes, then...." She sighs out. "I know this much, Eva... fate has a way of deflating my expectations. We all imagine awesome heroics. Or even terrible villainy. Life tends to grind those down to relatively banal moments. But I /am/ the woman in that prophecy I wish it referred to some darkness i
(10:08:28 PM) ***Kazumi n my heart, some deep gnawing hunger of my evil psyche. But it /doesn't/ and that does worry me. Something is going on I have no clue about. " She stood up and paced. "How could I have a connection to the Wyrm I don't know about, I can't feel, and Naze can't detect but that a Fianna loremaster says is there?!"
(10:24:21 PM) Eva: "But you do have a connection love.. his name is Burns the World.." She sighs "Remember when I asked what you said about fate and alternatives?  I think somehow maybe Burns knew you were this Herald or he picked you for fitting the bill for this other lost bit of prophecy  or whatever.. He kidnapped you, not to get a Malachi or anything, but because you were *you*. He wanted to see the End of the World and sought to.. I dunno,
(10:24:25 PM) Eva: mold you into his grand image of this herald. You disappointed him.. but it marked you, you are still that herald love, fate just found a different and ultimately more banal way to achieve the same goal.
(10:31:05 PM) ***Kazumi raised an eyebrow. "Every time I have had some notion that I was /chosen/ for something, I have been wrong. Basically, the one time you think I was right is when the Black Spiral Dancer picked me to be the herald of the apocalypse?"\