[Shizune] Sleep Well, My Little Angel

Sleep Well, My Little Angel


It's midnight.

I'm up like this every single day. I walk through the door to the apartment around the turn of midnight every night, absolutely drained from work and school. In fact, I don't even think I can call it being drained anymore as much as being in severe pain. I come home every night with every muscle in my body aching, which averaging three hours of rest will do to you.

Six to three in the morning, every day of the week.

I toss my bag and coat off to the side, landing over next to the fridge. I move my hands and rub my arms a bit, as the cold of winter is certainly showing no mercy on my heavy amounts of pain. Out of desparation, although it may end up waking Misha up because of how loud it is according to what she's told me, I turn on a small box heater that we generally use to keep the apartment warm.

It's a nice place. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a decent sized kitchen and a living room... it's honestly all that I could ask for as a temporary home. I flop down onto the sofa and breathe out a shaky sigh, my throat quivering a bit in the freezing cold air.

I feel like crying.

I just want to go to sleep.

Unfortunately, I can't. I bring my hands to my temples and gently massage them for a few moments. Then, I painfully rise from my seat and grab my backpack, dragging it on the floor into my bedroom. Leaving the door cracked, I fling my bag over to my desk, grabbing a pair of pajamas and getting dressed in some more comfortable clothes before heading to sit down for three hours.

Studying and homework is frustrating, especially after a day of classes and an eight hour shift at work. Coming home every night to mounds of homework is... well, it's frustrating, to say the very least. I sigh once more and reach over into my mini fridge, grabbing a can of soda. Caffeine has become my best friend, keeping me sane in my time of need. I take my glasses off and lay them off to the side, as I can feel yet another migrane coming on.

It's depressing. I have no happiness in my life, and feel like I've been struggling through depression for my two years of university so far. It's as if I'm getting overloaded, and sometimes, my head just can't take it. I cry almost every night, begging myself to go to sleep, but my hands just keep writing and my brain continues to work.

I can feel tears beginning to well up in the corners of my eyes once again, my hands shaking from exhaustion as I try to focus on diving into my physics homework. My grip tightens and my vision continues to blur.

Please.

Not tonight.

I don't want to wake her up.

I worry Misha a lot. It's gut wrenching to see her so sad because of my own problems, and that's why I almost can't consider her a source of happiness for myself anymore. Whenever I have the opportunity to have a conversation with her, or whenever I need someone to help relieve some of my stress, she always seems to be be depressed.

I know she still has feelings for me.

It's beyond painful, for that reason, to see her sometimes.

I'm always confused when I see her. I told her no back in high school, and it was because I meant it then. I'm not saying I'm interested in women, because I'm not, but... things have really changed recently.

She offers me her shoulder when I need to cry, a smile when I need to cheer up.

Christ, now the tears are going good.

I can see drops of water forming on my textbook pages, streams flowing freely down my cheeks. I'm sure I'm making some sort of noise as, I find myself struggling to breathe right now, but she won't hear me. Whenever I'm up late, bawling my eyes out as the pain and depression of daily life begin to blend together into one major storm, she doesn't come in.

Maybe she sleeps through it.

Maybe it's just too painful for her to face.

I need her.

I'm not even afraid to admit it anymore. I just need her to be here with me.

My heart is racing. I really don't know this kind of emotion, it feels like a foreign feeling to me. I don't know what to call it.

Should I call it love?

I don't know what love is. I've never felt it in my life. My parents haven't ever shown affection, and none of the guys at school ever caught my heart or attention.

But how can it be love if I don't find myself attracted to women?

Is it just her?

My mind is an absolute jumbled mess.

I feel like someone's eyes are glaring into my back. Maybe it's just paranoia and lack of sleep. Maybe I should just skip out on homework tonight and try to get a good six hours of sleep for once.

I stretch my arms, tears still falling off my cheeks. Pressure is something I can handle, but a load of stress is something I cannot. I swing my computer chair around and notice that my door is open further than it was before. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, and then I notice something.

The front of a pair of fuzzy slippers peek past the door, but nothing else does.

I propel myself up from my chair and walk over to the door, ripping it open. There stands a girl with cascading long hair, hair that has long since been dyed back to its original brown color.

Misha stands before me, looking more scared than anything else. Her eyes and cheeks look puffy, as if she had just gotten done crying herself. In fact, a drop catches light from my bedroom as it rolls down her cheek, dropping off and heading down towards the floor.

I can't take this anymore.

I wrap my arms around her, not even bothering to sign. I'm not mad at her at all.

I'm relieved.

My heart begins beating at that pace once again, as it has every time she's been in my presence for the past year. I clutch her night gown, sobbing into her neck. She strokes the back of my head, attempting to calm me down. This is what I need, this is what I've wanted from her for ages.

Someone who I can come home to and talk about my problems with rather than attempting to fend them off on my own. My heart feels like it's about to jump right of my chest.

I peel my head off of her neck, positioning my face right in front of hers with a small gap in between. It appears she was crying with me.

But for what reason?

The next thing I know, I'm pressing my lips against hers. Her lips taste of a parfait, a taste that I wish could linger for ever. A warmth and sense of relaxation wash over my body, as well as a hefty wave of exhaustion. I hold my lips there for a moment, and she's the first to break off.

She tries to escape, attempting to push me away and get back to her room, but I won't allow it. I hold her tight against my chest, as I can feel drops of warmth gathering against my top. Her muscles relax, and I finally release her from my grip, confident that she won't go anywhere.

[Please don't think of this as desparation.]

Her eyes look sad for a moment, before lighting up a slight bit. She signs back at me after gathering thoughts for a moment.

[Shicchan, I don't know what to say...]

Her hands drop to her sides in the middle of the word say, but I can understand what she's getting at.

[Look. I don't know what the hell is going on with myself anymore, and I don't even care. All I know is, everytime I have a chance to spend time with you, I feel different.]

I pause for a moment as her expression looks intrigued, her hand moving to her eye to wipe away some excess tears. I move her hand away from completing the action and do it with my own hand, gently moving my thumb against the bottom of her eye. She gives me a less pained smile, which in turn makes my heart melt.

She looks happy. Pained for the moment, but this could possibly be the happiest I've ever seen her.

Has she been faking happiness for my sake?

[Misha, I don't know what love is. I've never been given love my parents or sibling, and have never had any real feelings of affection towards boys at school, or girls for that matter. I'll tell you now, I'm not gay or anything of that sort.]

I stop for a moment to gather my thoughts, her eyes slowly beginning to widen up from their previously half squinted state.

Is she surprised?

I guess she should be. After all, I did deny her once before, why wouldn't I do it again?

I'll tell you why.

[I'm not going to give you an opportunity to confess to me once again.]

Her smile begins to drop to a frown, making me panic a bit.

Hopefully I do this right.

[Because I'm going to tell you right now. I love you.]

Her eyes widen to a stare.

[What?]

[If there is such thing as love, then that is how I feel about you, Misha.]

She bounces forward, wrapping her arms around me once again. This time, she initiates something I'm sure she's wanted to do for a very, very long time.

She presses her lips to mine, a sensation rushing to my head.

I could get used to this, I think.

After a long moment, our lips disconnect, our foreheads still touching though. She's smiling with her eyes closed, and I find myself running my hand through the back of her lengthy brown locks of hair.
I pull myself away, giving her a smile.

[Come with me, Misha.]

She looks puzzled as I walk into my room, leaving her a clear path to enter. I close the door as she finally makes her way in, shuffling across the room and flopping down onto my bed. I lift the cover and pat the open space beside me, indicating that I want her to come lay down with me.

She hesitates.

[Shizune...]

She falters a bit, actually addressing me by my given name. I grin at her, my eyes beginning to strain a bit as I struggle to stay awake.

[If I wasn't sure about this, you wouldn't be in my room right now.]

She giggles visually before finally taking a few slow steps to my bed, rolling in and getting herself comfortable. I cover her up and reach over to my desk lamp, turning it off.

I find myself wrapping my arms around her next, her head nuzzling into my chest. She looks up at me for a moment, and I lean down into one final kiss of the night.

I can tell you, it feels strange to finally give this girl what she's wanted for so long.

Maybe she just moves a bit faster than I do.

I grin for a moment before I find myself falling off into slumber.

You certainly have won this battle, Misha.