Doomed To Either Be Believed Or Not Believed

* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (so hey)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (When you're feeling up to it, I wanted to vent)
<staApp|online> [You stir and wake up as Riley's alert plays. You're feeling a little better - enough that it isn't a monumental task to sit up and type a response.]
<staApp|online> [Questing still seems like an ordeal - but you can talk.]
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (I'm a bit better. Enough to talk, at least.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It's all the same shit in different shovels, isn't it.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (That was how /she/ put it.)
<epinephrineElectrified> [This is the middle of a train of thought.]
<epinephrineElectrified> [She probably knows this; she's become adept enough at coaxing beginnings and endings and some semblance of logic out of these snarls.]
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Mm, yeah.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (...I could feel it. The Knight Syndrome, I mean.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (For two weeks before it all crashed down about my session's ears.)
<staApp|online> [You have. It's hardly the first time, after all.]
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (The last time I tried to put it off, I went an' KSed during the BK fight, instead. So I /can't/ nip it in the bud. It's required.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (...I kept trying to keep going. Figured maybe it was just how hard I was pushing myself.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Hoped it was, rather.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (None of us can control it. It's just that the more I know, the more detail and filigree I can see in how the Game is trying to break me on the seams that every person in the Game seems to share.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (And I still can't do a damn thing about it.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I'm the Seer, after all. Not a Sylph, not a Prince, not a Dame. A /Seer/.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Babbling, eyes downcast or absent, doomed to either being believed or not being believed, and too fragile to take to the battlefield.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (This is my role. Knowledge alone is my power. And this fact, that I /know/, is enough to make me helpless.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (So what can be done to change that?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I deal with it by being insane.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Not always in the good way. But usually.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : ( (Also, you've never babbled, in all the time I've known you. Ranting isn't the same at all.) )
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Oh, and did you really think 'God-King of Corpse Fiesta' was /always/ truthful and genuine?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Trolling is the art of asymmetrical warfare, of small forces creating large results. That, at least, Myra's world had right, for all that it got wrong, for all that it grew her like a bonsai kitten, bottle, broken spine and all.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Seed of truth to it, even when it wasn't.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It's not fine, I'm not okay, I likely will /never/ be, and through all of it I somehow managed a following.)
<epinephrineElectrified> [That is more cognitive distortion than Epi.]
<epinephrineElectrified> [The narrator is disappointed.]
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : ('Somehow'? You're an effective leader, Ri, when you manage to trust yourself.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (...okay, that was disingenuous, but you're still a sweetheart.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I've been reading through some of Myra's old files.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Which ones?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (There's an article I'm looking at, Sburb analyzed by way of its brainwashing techniques.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" ('m finishing it for her.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (It almost makes /more/ sense when I read it in this mindset, rather than how I usually am.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Can I read it, when you're done?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Of course.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (She wrote a lot about the Game, but I still think this one is my favorite, even though she never did finish or post it.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (One of the last unfinisheds she sent me, before she...)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (/me hugs)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Why?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Why /any/ of this?)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (I don't know.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (I wish I could get the answers for you.)
<epinephrineElectrified> [> Epi: Sink down, into the foam mattress you've put in your Homefree, and curl up, and paw at your face, trying to figure out if you're crying or not yet.]
<epinephrineElectrified> [...yes.]
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (that's what I'm s'pposed to do, find the answers)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (but all of the answers are more questions)
<staApp|online> [You wish you could hug him for real.]
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (each one more terrible than the one before)
<staApp|online> [Not for the first time, you hate the game.]
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Does anything say you gotta look for the answers alone?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (No, and that's the one thing I /miss/ about the Seer Network.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I knew exactly what I was doing, and I thought I knew why.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Could you fix it? Make something that does the good things the Network did, with safeguards so it's not as easy for it to go bad the way it did?)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (My role is to understand, and if that means my brain is broken in the process, so be it. Mindblogger only almost understood. She never did really, and so she hates and resents the social contract that she didn't realize she agreed to.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Think she would've done better if she'd fallen in with the Mannerists and and not the Seers.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Maybe.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (This, for good or ill, is what I will always be. And at least I am proud of that.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (/me hugs)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (I've always been proud of you.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Doing it in public will - will be a safeguard. Knowing /how/ the last one went could be a safeguard, too.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Making rules, too. For how people have to treat each other, for who's in charge of what, and when it's okay to Scry on anyone.)
<staApp|online> [That may be seven years of Law talking, really. But it still seems like a good idea to you.]
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I'm not a professor of ethics, and that's the kind of thing that needs long deliberation.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Yeah.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Mannerists might be able to help some.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I'll think about it. Maybe a Pits spinoff, I've been doing a little work on the side for a bunch of people doing Land mapping and reverse-engineering the landgen algorithm.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (...if you make a Pits that isn't a festering pit of racism and hypocrisy, I will sing your praises. And do one video dance of your choice.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (I've already /made/ a Replayer Network. I can do it again. Assuming CF doesn't go raid it in its early days, which even I can't guarantee against.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (And Pits is FOSS, it won't take much fiddling to make another competing federation standard.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (Well, no. But you know the steps that might help decrease the odds of CF raiding. And even if they do raid, it'll be worth building.)
* staApp|online PMs "Ri" : (And the bastards need some competition. Maybe they'd shape up if they had some.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Heh. You have a point.)
<staApp|online> [You don't hold out much hope for that. But anything is possible, really.]
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (S'pose I'll leave to go dig through how much of their code is PT-specific, then.)
* epinephrineElectrified PMs "Zei" (Thank you for listening.)