Wtf too long

https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/761517



So... how do I say this? first of all, play it. It's a fun game, pretty genius and creative, lovely.



Second, this game is just way too crazy, you can't even imagine, even after you finish the game you may overlook how crazy this game is like.... do you even realize what you just played? let me explain.



You start as this random dude that works at a boring company, and he just says fuck it, I am gonna steal and become everything. I don't care. So he fucking punched a door and made it go fly accross the wall, and then stole that door's identity. He became the door. He starts slamming and hitting everything nearby him, while also copying it's abilities and consuming the life force of all objects. Now the door has the power to refill it's ink and heal itself, it is unstoppable. Then comesthe intern, sure cute kawaii woman, her identity? stolen, completely. He became her, her body is nobody to be found, HE CONSUMED HER.



He just starts having a massacre, brutally killing every intern and accountant in the building as he goes up from floor to floor, consuming everything he has beaten to death only to become more powerful. He beat up his manager who had a freakin gun, AND NOW HE HAS A GUN AND HE'S SHOOTING EVERYBODY, HE FIRES AT PEOPLE MULTIPLE TIMES. At first you will be thinking "wait isn't he just firing people? as him making them lose their jobs" LOOK CLOSELY, THE TEXT CLEARLY SAYS HE'S FIRING AT PEOPLE. Until he reaches the boss. Now, what's the deal with the boss? He doesn't like croissants that's what. He's unfit and undeserving of being in that position, which is why he decides to kill him. The problem is that the boss also has a freakin gun and he's pretty resourceful and strong. You shoot a bullet at him and he takes it, sure he bleeds but he's still fighting. The only thing he doesn't have that will allow you to defeat him, is that you have the ability to improve your bullets. You dip your bullets in some bbq sauce a bunch until it is enough, the boss fires shoots at you a whole lot hoping it will be enough. 20 shots, you don't even flinch, you are too powerful. Your boss also doesn't show a single sign of fear because he's that egotistical. Once you dip your bullets in bbq sauce often enough, you shoot at him killing him in one shot.



Now you are the boss of the company. You won...

But is that really enough? are you really gonna stop there after you had proven to be so skilled, and you are so much capable of getting a lot more power?...

I mean, was this ever about money even? What do you care about some boring accounting company, especially after all your employees had died during the term of the previous boss?



It's time to take it to the streets...



Most of the things in the streets are either too soft or big, way too out of your reach as of yet. You can't destroy out a building. So, what can you find on the streets that is within your reach? Man holes. They are made out of metal and they hit hard, thanks to that, now as the boss of your company, you can pummel things. Or as I like to call it, now you can pounce into things. Now, what else is there. Cars, you step in front of a car which runs against you. Cars are aware of how much of a monster you are by just looking at you, and they just keep trying to ram you over, over and over. You always heal, those man holes taught you that you can recover the health you had lost when you get hit in any way. You let them keep trying to kill you while you charge your pounce, and eventually, you destroy them. Now you are able to ram into people, and yes, you are still the boss, a human. (If you id the car, dumb) you move along to the next street making your way to where the mayor is, and consume every man hole, street sign, and car along with their passangers in it. You become more and more powerful but also cause more ruckus. The police starts knowing about you and they start patrolling, they have guns, paramedics, and know the secrets of dipping your bullets into bbq sauce, but they are no match to your bbq pouncing. So many cops, all of them, consumed. No chance against your power and your wishes. You eventually reach the mayor, which is a very tedious and annoying fight, he just can't stop ranting about dumb stuff and trying to be eco-friendly to stay hip with the kids, but now you are the mayor thanks to it. You took his identity and he vanished. The people that once followed now follow you. Now what? Do you think this is it?



No. There is so much more... so many more cities and people and things to take over.... and most of all... if we get the president, our power extends beyond any of your enemies. The armies that come to get you have no chance against you, and instead now you turned them into your own army. You consume the rest, and your power grows with your army. You send armies to everyone easily getting rid of your enemies and consuming all of them. Every city just gone. Eventually you need to cross a river, so fuck it, the mayor is now a fucking plane. Metal Gear Solid V flashbacks.



You defeat godzilla, a mech, blah blah. Finally you reach the president, but he is too powerful. He has so much power that you stand no chance against him. But then you find a bunker hidden nearby, IT'S A FUCKING NUKE. And you and the president start having a war. You keep on making your nuke more powerful while the president keeps on throwing nukes at you, not even close from stopping you. 1-3 nukes later, you finally launch your nuke, which is the same one as the president but it is stronger than ever. You kill him



What's next? More first world countries, you stole the russian nuke which is the strongest as anyone else's, and you are unstoppable. None of them stood a chance. Finally, you get access to the private space jet, and destroy the planet, only to then have control of the people, which is much more powerful than the nuke. You with the people destroy every single planet in the solar system and consume it, only to at the end consume the sun and become it. Why though? Wasn't this enough power? it's never enough. You can't stop, besides, this was necessary to meet the creators of the universe. Those that establish order. You as the sun, get closed to the young intern lady that happened to be in this place, and became then just to become cute and kawaii desu ne. Then, you destroy all the deities kept to keep order, you need to in order to have the power to fight the almighty. With this comes the sacrifice of your people no longer existing. Then, you fight the almighty. You kept putting him in shackles, preventing him from snapping his fingers to erase you from existance. You do this until you beat him, and finally, get his identity.



Now... you have stolen everything. You can't be any more powerful than you are now, you are the creator of everything. What now? Is this really it?.... no.... you are the creator of everything. So you can simply create another universe where you can steal more.

Never let the dopamine of stealing stop :)



Universal Thief