Thread 98: Stories 46-60

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>Applejack
“Celestia”
~~~~

>’Tia? Got a question.

“If it’s not how to calm the burning wrath in my nethers so I can finally coax some stallion into giving me the illful release then, quite frankly, I don’t give a damn, sweetie. But you’re going to ask me your question anyway, as time has woefully proven, so if you’ll just scoot a bit to the side, I need a straightway from here to the window.”

Like it was opposite day, Applejack proceeded to situate herself directly in Celestia’s path.

>Ah’m doin’ this moreso tuh’ save bits. Yer’ rear’s done progressed to the point where ya’d only get stuck an’ wind up takin’ the whole damn wall down with ya’.

“Wow. Really? You really have the gall to call ME out when your own ass has earned the nickname ‘eclipse’ because some think it’s reaching my level?”

>DAMN Y’ALL, HIVE GAZETTE!

“She gets all the gossip, dear. All. Of. It. Even if it is baseless and wrong.”

>Yeah, no kid- hold on a tick. Are y’all suggestin’ yer’ rear’s better’n mine?

“There was no suggestion there, dear.”

>…

“…”

>Ya’ know what, we’ll circle back ‘round to that later. Right now, mah’ question. Can y’all do me a favor?

“For the last time, Applejack, I cannot, I will not, use my sun to destroy all the pear and peach crops. I know, apples are your thing, it’s in your name, and although I don’t understand the profoundness of fruit rivalry, I simply-”

It was almost too easy for Applejack to cut off her mentor. Halfway into Celestia’s jibe, she started talking and the solar goddess knowingly chuckled to herself.

>’Member what Ah’ said back in the day, ‘Tia?

“Which day exactly? Every day with you feels like an eternity, and I mean that more genially than horribly, dear, so trying to pick a certain one of your quotable sayings from ‘back in the day’ would be impossible.”

>…In reference to Bugs an’ her smaller bugs.

“Yes, because that certainly narrows things down a tad, doesn’t it? Yes, of course, let me just open this tome here titled ‘Applejack, Bitching and Moaning about Changelings Vol.1-16, Abridged version of the Abridged, vol.1-3. I got the special edition just for the hoofnotes!”

The princess mimed blowing dust off something quite invisible and then followed that by flipping through the pages of a very thick, also very invisible book.

“Let’s see, let’s see… it’s got to be here somewhere. What exactly did she say on the day that was back in the day?”

If nothing else, Applejack greatly appreciated Celestia’s innate talent at injecting levity into most situations.

>Alright, alright, point made, sheesh. Put the book down, Ah’ll… Ah’ll jus’ tell ya’.

“Splendid!”

And she tossed the imaginary book over her shoulder.

“Now then, as you were.”

>Ah’ mentioned awhile back that one day, Ah’d have to do somethin’ ‘bout ‘em. Somethin’ Ah’d love doin’. Any uh’ that ring a bell?

If it did, Celestia didn’t say. Partly because with her wing currently caught between her teeth, talking was quite impossible and preening was something that acquired attention.

>…

She nibbled off a few stray feathers, shuddering thereafter.

“Oooooh yeah… mmmfph. One can never go wrong with a good preening, I swear to me, it’s impossible.”

Sighing with the utmost pleasure, Celestia paused mid-exhale upon spotting her protégé’s blank expression.

“…oh- dear, I’m sorry! I just figured that while you beat around the hoof, I’d take to actually… you know… doing something. When you feel like getting to the literal point of all this, I’ll-”

This time, what caused Celestia to pause and chuckle was the cerise hue that surfaced in Applejack’s orange cheeks followed by an agitated nicker.

“Adorable horse noises there, dear.”

However, what she said next did succeed in lowering Celestia’s smile.

>The thing Ah’ woulda loved doin’, what Ah’ used to dream about… was seein’ the backside of Chrysalis von Bitchling an’ ‘er merry bugs as they were exiled. Ah’ used to picture mah smile as Ah’ gave the order, too. Then came the parades, the cider was flowin’, streamers, a huge ‘Bolts display, it was somethin’ magical.

“…Yes. It certainly, uh… certainly sounds like it. Not the type of magic I tend to dabble in or want part of but yes, I suppose to another pony, quite grand….”

The alabaster mare’s tone was devoid of the distress that might have normally been associated with such a proclamation. Mostly because she knew Applejack, and she knew where the apple mare stood concerning changelings.

As Applejack opened her mouth to continue, her left wing involuntarily twitched, as if sensing something she herself had not.

>Nowadays, the parades’re mostly screamin’ ponies, the cider tastes old, the streamers’re torn, the ‘Bolts’re in a new generation… an’ Ah’ve been a pretty biased jackass.

Something of a snowed expression flitted over Celetia’s face.

>An’ to be a proper leader, ya’ really gotta set the example, ya’ know? If, say, Ah’ show Ah’ dislike changelings, then that same feelin’ trickles down to the guards an’ the others, even those who never even met a changeling will hate ‘em right off the bat. ‘Cause of me. Never even given a proper chance. ‘Cause of me.

Her wing continued to twitch, struggling now, and Applejack’s left eye squinted itself in a clear show of concentration.

Celestia had half an idea what the princess of paperwork was attempting and so remained silent to see if she’d be proven right.

>Welp. While Ah’m fairly certain Ah’ll always be a jackass of the stubborn variety, Ah’d prefer it be narrowed down to fightin’ with y’all over cake portions an’ a budget fer’ said cake that Ah’m fairly sure Luna is dippin’ into without puttin’ it in the books….

Shiftily, needlessly so, Celestia glanced left and right before leaning in.

“Not to be a snitch, and you certainly didn’t hear it from me but… I do believe my sister’s switched from the Lunar Pies to the Crescent Shade style of cake. It’s ten times more expensive.”

>AH’ KNEW IT!

Vindication was such an awesome feeling, and it only proceeded to grow within Applejack as she continued.

>Still, passin’ over that, Ah’m tryin’ to limit the things Ah’m a jackass about, an’ bein’ biased towards mah’ own kind is one of ‘em. They did somethin’ bad in the past, okay, fine, we all do, that’s no excuse for a year’s worth of neglect jus’ ‘cause Ah’ didn’t wanna see past first impressions.

“I’ll say. I could, however, understand your actions if they had snatched a slice of apple cider cake, then the consequences of neglect would have been sound and warranted.”

>…

“Obviously.”

>…

“In the vast amount of time I’ve been alive, I’ve done worse for less, dear. Move along.”

>…Erm… yeah. Soooo, as Ah’ was sayin’… Ah’ can pretty much reckon that Bugalis is gonna up an’ move regardless of what Ah’ do, but that doesn’t mean Ah’ won’t give this venture mah’ damnedest to make her see different!

Now quite intrigued as to what Applejack’s spasming wing was attempting to do- namely trying to bend itself towards the front- Celestia’s all-seeing gaze shifted over to her protégé, the smallest of smirks playing over her lips.

“And finally, we reach the apex of this ten-minute long ask. What, my most stubborn pupil, is this ‘venture’ you’re planning?”

To answer her question, Applejack stood, her settled bones cracking lazily as she stretched, turned around, and strolled to the window, the very same window that saw Celestia and herself dive through numerous times in the past.

Her horn alighted itself, the glow steadier than it’d ever been, and the glass pushed itself open. The rush of sweetened wind was invigorating, and it was all of that, the grand landscape of rolling land and mountains presented, that Applejack extended a hoof towards.

>It’s this. The outside.

When she glanced back at her mentor, Celestia was surprised at the simplicity of her plan, and the fact that the tip of Applejack’s wing had found its way into her mouth for a little nibbling.

>Ah’m takin’ the changelings on a field trip, ‘Tia. Personally.

If she weren’t feeling just so incredibly lazy at the moment, Celestia would have awarded that plan a hoofclap.

As it stood, she only smiled in her usual majestic way, the kind she had specially reserved for when a student of hers finally found their way home.

“Sounds like a exquisite plan, dear. Is this field trip limited to Canterlot? Or are we including Ponyville as well?”

>Mostly the two ya’ll jus’ mentioned, dependin’ on how many we got in the ballroom. Haven’t counted those rascals in a long time, heh.

“Naturally.”

And suddenly. Applejack was smirking through her wing.

>Ah’ve enlisted some guards tuh’ help with the effort, mostly tuh’ keep the peace, put on a good show of things, show ‘em the points of interest an’ the like.

“But of course. Protection and morale boosting at the same time, all fine and well.”

The smirk only grew.

>So that means, uh’course, that while Ah’m out an’ about, someone’s gonna have to pick up on the paperwork, ‘Tia.

A moment’s curious pause.

A blink of understanding.

Then a mirthful laugh of power escaped Celestia.

“Ah yes, well, if it’s for the better of two species coexistence, I can take back the reigns of my world for a short time, I suppose. You bitch.”

>What was that?

“I said that twitch, you’re twitching, dear.”

And it was true. A series of quakes shook Applejack every so often, particularly whenever she plucked a loose feather free of her wing.

>Mmmph… this preenin’ thing… it ain’t s-so bad….

Joining Applejack by the window, Celestia glanced out and beheld all that she ruled over, silently imagining little black dots popping up here and there, commingling and spreading out even further.

The slightest trills of apprehension settled into her mind, the aftermath of allowing a species with so jaded a history to wonder free about Equestria. Her brow crinkled at the thought of a species with such a ghastly ability allowed the freedom to go wherever and do virtually whatever so long as it remained lawful. Her tail, flowing in the breeze, whipped about when considering the increase of population should her ponies and changelings decide to take a page out of Glimmer and Dadlings book and start producing.

Those thoughts did not please her entirely, and for the most part would put her on edge as the transition started, but as with the smaller mare beside her… the time for new beginnings was now.

And if it somehow failed and the changelings reverted back to habits of old, after all was said and done, after she finished scrapping the chitin off her hoof and silence covered what was sure to be a barren land struck by war, she would turn to the Applejack, much like she was doing now, and say,

“This was all your fault.”

>Huh?

“That’s what the nurse will say when your wings are bare, that it was all your fault. Preening is indeed a great thing, nearly on the same level as an aphrodisiac, but one must exercise caution! After the cleansing or orgasm is had- or both- you must let it rest, dear.”

>DON’T Y'ALL TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!

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>77
‘Chrysalis’

>My queen, a moment of your time if I may.

’77? What’s on your mind?’

>You have heard I am to be married yes?

‘Of Course.’

>I uh, I have a request. What I’d like…as a wedding present.

‘Well you have been one of my more dependable infiltrators…one of my more dependable lings period really…alright, how much is this going to cost?’

>Nothing….monetarily.

‘oh?’

He produced from bag he had been carrying a tattered scrap of what looked like a banner.

>This, my queen, is a part of our banner we carried on our mission to infiltrate Canterlot. It was used to make an eyepatch when I was injured. I was hoping…perhaps you could recover the rest of it? It would mean a great deal to me.

‘…From down in those caves? That horrifying death trap?’

>That is exactly why you are the only one I can ask. I don’t trust anyone else to go in there and retrieve it. Whatever horrors you face you can surely destroy.

‘This is true…’

>And…well I would like to be able to have the banner present at the ceremony. A way for them to attend, even though they can’t exactly…be there.

‘I see.’

>Will you grant me this request?

The queen looked at him, considering. He was quite loyal. Actually useful. She’d put him through a lot and yet unlike all the others in that ordeal he had come through alive and relatively obedient. Surely that deserved a reward. Hm…

‘…Very well. I shall grant you this boon.’

>Thank you my queen you are as magnanimous as ever!

‘Damn right I am!’

>If you’ll excuse me I must take my leave, much to do before the wedding.

‘Page 100-235 of the pony sutra?’

>Actually we’re up to the 300s now.

‘Impressive.’

>Good day my queen.

After he had gone chrysalis pulled out her now much worn dictionary

‘Magnanimous, magnanimous, magnanimous…here we go…huh. That’s a new one.’

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 >Spitfire
"Mane-Iac"
'Pegasi'
~~~

>Hey, thanks again for helping me with this... strange comic book villain who came to life that I still do not understand-

"AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! NO BOOKS COULD HOLD THE MAAAAAAAANNNNEEEE-IAC!"

'HELP! HELLLLLLP!

>Right, that. But don't you worry you're overdoing it?

"NO SUCH THIIIIIING!"

'OH FUCK I WANT MY MOMMY!

>Well, there is. Dodging you chucking stuff is fine, but you're picking up chunks of crystal. Little dangerous.

"Pfft, don't be silly!"

'I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR POTENTIAL HARM WHEN I BECAME A GUARD!'

>What do you mean?

"Even if I hit them, they'll fall unconscious, just lie on the ground for a bit and be fine!"

>...I fear there has been some misconception-

CRACK!

>OH FUCK!

"See?"

>What do you mean, see!? You just brained that guy! Oh fuck, he's going to-

'Uggghhh... what happened?'

>...huh.

"Yep!"

>So.. no side effects?

"Well, there is one, but it's like a fifty fifty shot of happening."

'...Why am I in a guard uniform?'

"Shoot!"

>...I don't understand this world anymore...

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>Dash
~~~~

>I'll admit, this is pretty weird.

When the call had come that there was some suspicious activity on the back of the Canterlot mountain, Dash hadn't thought much of it. She expected, at best, some weird graffiti or some other strange creature just roaming around with nothing much to do. Still, she had been eager to get out and stretch her wings, and any excuse to be out and about and more active was one she was ready and willing to take.

At least, after making sure Lightning Dust was watching the place while she was gone, and doing it right this time. Fool her once, shame on them, fool her twice...

But absolutely none of that was on her mind at this moment. No, instead she was much, much more focused on the source of this 'suspicious activity'. Which, as it turned out, they had been needlessly vague on.

>Just... big hole. Is there a reason they can't just call it a big hole? What, did they think we were going to laugh at it or something? I wouldn't have, I'm not that immature... maybe if they called it a big dirty hole, but then they'd be asking for it.

The indent before her was obviously recent, though how anyone had managed to dig so far into the back of Canterlot it was nothing but an imposing void that she had no hope of seeing the bottom to.

Still, three things kept her from simply setting fire to it and letting whatever had made this hole suffer a well deserved fate. One, it was positively massive, so it's not like whatever had made this would be particularly sneaky. Two, it was well put together enough to be considered a reasonably safe mine, so it wasn't just some wild animal. And Three, most importantly, from the dirt trails she could tell whatever had made this had been going IN, not coming out of the mountain, so she need not fear the creatures in the catacombs nor some other, unspecified sealed evil within making it's way out into the world to raze terror.

That was extremely important.

This, coupled with the lack of any massive prints or trails leading in, means likely this had been made from someone trying to illegally mine resources from Canterlot. Which means that she how had full authority to go in there and kick their asses from one side of the mountain to the other.

>Alright, buddy! Come on out, and maybe I'll go easy on you... maybe.

Her wings beat almost silently as she descended into the cave, lighting off a flare from the emergency case all Wonderbolts brought when responding to activity such as this in case someone got hurt and they needed attention. The cavern glowed a foreboding red the deeper and deeper down she went, soon the light from the opening behind her being naught but a tiny speck of the sun in the distance.

Further and further down, winding this way, winding that, so many different twists and turns. All the while, keen eyes noticed strange gouges in the side of the wall, as if something have slashed at the walls or carved something free of them.

>Huh...

Further, further, further down... further down until she could no longer even hear the wind, further inside the mountain until she could no longer see a thing but the red all around her. Further down, until the worry began.

>Okay, Dash, let's think about this. You're totally awesome and can handle whatever it is down here you need to handle, and then rainboom it to the next century. But on the other hoof, someone could totally play rotten and sneak attack you. If you have someone here, at least they can say 'look out!' if someone tries to sneak up behind you, and then you can spin around and WHABAM!... Oh! And someone can totally see you being awesome! Yeah, that's way smarter, if you do it now nobody will believe how awesome you are, even though it's totally true. Yep. This sounds like a good idea, what do you think?

The massive, dilated eye, easily as big as she is just by itself, said nothing.

It just blinked.

>That's what I thooooooAAAAHHHHHHHH!

She didn't even think, she just kicked. She kicked with everything she had right into that exposed, staring, oddly green colored eye. Strangely, while she did indeed hear the sound of a pained groan, no roar accompanied it. But she was damned if she was going to find out why.

She was hauling rainbow tail towards that exit, and she was going to put her status to the test.

>OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!

She heard it behind her, rumbling in the ground as it chased her down every bit as fast as she was flying. The thought that somehow there was something as quick as she was, even if it was mostly due to the winding turns and confined spaces, strangely never really occurred to her. Dash has a set amount of brainpower, and every bit of that brainpower was focused in one thing.

Getting the hell out.

>FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCCKKKK!

Up up up up up up up, and up some more for good measure. Up until she saw the light like heaven's gate, up until she heard the whoosh of clean air, up until she smelled freedom.

Up until she could feel just the tip of something brushing against the end of her tail. Poking, but not grabbing, or grasping.

Not yet.

>NononononononononononoFREEEEE!

With an explosion of wind and screams, she crested the opening at last, again into wide open free skies with which see the sun and the clouds and the wondrous blue above. And, at last, she could see that which she had been besieged by, that which had been invisible in the ground below after she dropped her flare in her fear.

>...A Quarry Eel!?

A massive, slithering neck twisted as the massive head looked up to her. Though she knew them incapable, she would swear she saw the thing glaring at her.

>What are you doing over here!? Go back to where you're supposed to! Shoo! Shoo! Back to Ghastly Gorge you go!

She expected it to try to snap at her, or at least let out a screeching roar, but strangely neither happened. It just kept staring with that massive red head, green eyes narrowed into a burning glare, never once did it's mouth open for any such thing.

>Go on! Get!

She let loose a burst of speed, arcing down too quickly for the thing to follow before laying another kick on the very tip of its nose.

Again, to her confusing, she heard teeth grind, but it would not roar or screech.

>Go on! No making your nest here! SHOO! Or else I'll go get Fluttershy and she'll make you move! With crazypower!

A moment of consideration, wondering if she should indeed just go and get her friend, was broken when the thing huffed, rolled it's massive cheeks this way and that, and then seemed to let out an annoyed puff.

She wasn't an expert, but even with her limited knowledge, this seemed rather odd for such a creature.

Still, it seemed content, and did as she said. Slithering down out of the hole and making it's way into the forest, no doubt to eventually follow whatever strange path had led it here to bring it to a new place to live.

>That's right, you better run! Ha!

She felt far too proud of herself as she watched it slink off, already making a mental not to have some workers come over and seal off the hole, so nothing else could go inside. She was going to tell everyone.

>...I totally kicked a Quarry Eel in the face...

Needing to get back and 'report', she took off, thinking no more of the subject.

A shame, since if she had, she might have found it odd that the eel seemed to be taking great care to leave no path in it's wake as it left...

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 OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
'Rarity'
[Twilight]
{Luna}
~~~~

>This here Princess meetin' will now come ta' order! First, what ta' do with the upcoming trip with all the changelings.

{We have devised a trap that should set them ablaze most efficiently!}

>...Celly? Ya' forget ta' tell her this will help 'em?

{WHAT!?}

"I don't tell her anything anymore, she doesn't listen to me."

{But our trap!}

'Or, the scribbles you drew up when you saw a modern oven.'

{That was completely unrelated!}

[As someone who perused a history book in the other world with Sunset, this makes me feel uncomfortable in ways you cannot understand, please move on.]

>Well, Ah' was thinkin' just takin' 'em across Canterlot and Ponyville-

{We are not the only one who thinks this is some sort of trap from Chrysalis, right?}

>It's my idea.

{Oh yes, it's your idea, in thine head... that the bug monster can control.}

[She's not controlling anyone, stop.]

{That is exactly what thou would say if thou were being controlled!}

'...She's not wrong.'

"Aren't you training a changeling right now?"

{What we might or might not be doing in order to maybe or maybe not one day turn her wayward minion and his untapped power against his former ruler and thus gain control of a massive army of sneaky mind controlling illusion masters is not the subject right now!}

"Luna? We know you just want to keep 56, and hate that he likes her more than you."

{LIES!}

'Okay, wow, he's... he's in grade school.'

"What was that, pot? Speak up, or kettle can't hear you."

'Spike-wikey is not in grade school!'

"Not the point."

>Can we PLEASE get back to this subject?

{Certainly! They think they are going in to get a shower-}

[NOT THAT FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA NOT THAT!]

"Stop using my name like that!"

>She's usin' it right, though, if Luna loves ya', she'll stop.

"...Huh.. Did you really-"

>No, Ah' didn't think this would work.

{Our plan would work! We just need-}

THOOM!

{Hrmph! No appreciation for efficiency...}

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>DT
"Spike"
~~~~
>Heheheh...

"Working on something?"

>I shook this can of soda for an hour. I'm seeing what happens when I mix Pop Rocks with it

"Sound messy...and a little unsafe."

She rips a package of pop rocks and puts it on top of the soda.
>Psh, I know you're a stickler for safety, but nothing ventured nothing gai-
*BOOOOOM*
The soda pop rocks explode sending both flying. After some of the fizz goes away, DT stands up.
>Wooo! I'm going to need to remember this one...what the heck are in pop rocks?
Notices Spike is facedown on the floor in an indent
>Ha, I see how useful your dragon scales are. Look at me. Normal Pony. Just fine.
Adjusts her tiara.

"..."

>Aw don't feel bad. I'm just more thick skinned then most ponies.

"..."

>...Spike are you okay?

"..."

>H-hey, you can get up now....

"..."

>...I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I'll be more careful from now on just wake-
turns Spike around and sees he has button for eyes.
>...up?
Spike enters through the door that's his shape.

"Wow, that was quite the kick. Oh you found my Spike dummy."

DT starts getting red from embarrassment.
>I thought you were...you're the fucking dummy!

"W-what did I do?"

Puffs up her cheeks.
>Just...fuck you, Spike.
Storms off.
>As if I actually care.

"...girls."
Looks at the mess around the clubroom.
"...I wonder if Blueblood is busy."

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NC
>Spike
‘Twilight’

‘Hey Spike!’

>Twilight! What brings you out here?

‘Just wondering what my number one assistant is up to these days…whatcha workin on over there?

>Oh this? This is charity….mark 2!

‘You’re replacing charity!? Wait…it looks a bit big for you…’

>Well yeah! I’m not just going to throw away my most precious weapon! …but I will outgrow it one day. So I have to plan ahead.

‘oh.’

>…want to see the rest of them?

‘The rest?’

The dragon began to cackle unsettlingly as he moved to a hidden switch on the edge of his lair. When depressed a hidden door slid aside to reveal a circular stairway leading down into the depths.

>Come twilight sparkle…come and see what your tuteledge hath wrought….

‘…OK…not a feeling good about this right now.’
>Really? Because it makes me feel….good~

‘…can you please put on some pants? I just feel this would preempt something uncomfortable.’

>No. now come on.

He lead her down into a large pitch black room.

‘And now dear sister, feast your eyes….on THIS!

Flicking a switch bright florescent lights began to snap to life sequentially in two rows leading down a long, tall hallway revealing a myriad of firearms of increasing size. Every single one was a revolver.

‘Welcome to my HALL OF CHARITY!’

>So…when you kept asking AJ for pay bumps and tax breaks for ‘Charity work’ it…it wasn’t this right?

‘…’

>…Spike?

‘Hey! Wanna’ see what’s under the tarp at the far end?’

>Spike? Spike! Get back here!

Her cries were to no avail as he pelted off down the hallway as chased after him. Shortly arriving at something very large hidden by a canvas covering.

>Young drake we are GOING to talk about this!
‘In a minute…first, let me show you my masterpiece!’

Gripping the tarp he pulled it off slinging it to the side to reveal a Big Fucking Gun.

‘BEHOLD! JIZEN NO MUGEN DESHITA!!’

>…It WAS the infinite charity?

‘What?’

>You just said it WAS the infinite charity. Deshita is makes it past tense. If you wanted to say is it would Desu.

‘Sigh….you’re killing the moment Twi. Just…just murdering it while making the kids watch.’

>Oddly dark, but fine. Show me your gun.

‘Gladly! This beauty right here, is precisely measured to fit in my grip when I reach my FULL SIZE! Such a work of art obviously cannot use a standard chemical accelerant model so I have fitted her with magnetic rails to accelerate projectiles to 10 TIMES THE SPEED OF SOUND!
…all based off your designs of course’

Twilight suddenly had an even worse feeling.

>Of..of course. Tell me…what ARE the projectiles for this thing? Because y’know…it isn’t exactly safe to-

‘I’m glad you asked!’

The dragon moved over to a metal panel on the wall. Pressing a button it slid aside to reveal massive diamonds, lovingly crafted into the shape of a bullet and banded with steel.

‘These….these are what my pride and joy will use to bring swift justice to the enemies of EQUESTRIA! All shall know her name and tremble at the raw might of my BELOVED PRECIOUSSSSS!’

Twilight did a quick calculation in her head as to the kinectic force a diamond of that size, moving at mach 10 would have on impact.

>Nnnnope!

***

The were surrounded by flame. Not surprising as they stood inside the crater of an active volcano, the massive weapon dangling in twilight’s telekinesis over the pit of lava.

>Don’t try and stop me any further Spike! It must be cast into the fire!

‘NO!’

>I must destroy it!

She released the gun…and it fell.

‘PRECIOUSSSS!’

The dragon leapt after it grabbing hold of it in mid-air as they both fell down, down, down into the pool below.

<SPLOOSH>

The revolver instantly began to twist and melt like ince cream while the dragon slipped beneath the molten rock, still desperately trying to rescue it.

>No! SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!

A beat passed. Nothing.

>oh spike…

‘WHAT!?’

>Spike!?

‘Yeah!?’

>You’re alive!? …oh right, dragon. YOU ARE SO GROUNDED MISTER!

‘What!? WHY!?’

>Tax Evasion!? Fraud!? Building Weapons of Mass Destruction!? NO DESSERT FOR A MONTH!

‘Oh that is BULL-‘

>2 months!

‘You can’t-

>3!

‘…I’ll be good.’

>Hmph. Now get up here and clean yourself off so we can go tell Applejack what you did! You’ve been very naughty!

‘…she likes it when I’m naughty…’

>FOUR months!

‘FINE! Coming!’

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NC
‘Spike’
>Twilight

>Hey Spike!

‘Twilight! What brings you out here?’

>Just wondering what my number one assistant is up to these days…whatcha workin on over there

‘Oh this? This is charity….mark 2!’

>You’re replacing charity!? Wait…it looks a bit big for you…

‘Well yeah! I’m not just going to throw away my most precious weapon! …but I will outgrow it one day. So I have to plan ahead.’

>oh.

‘…want to see the rest of them?’

>The rest?

The dragon began to cackle unsettlingly as he moved to a hidden switch on the edge of his lair. When depressed a hidden door slid aside to reveal a circular stairway leading down into the depths.

‘Come twilight sparkle…come and see what your tuteledge hath wrought….’

>…OK…not a feeling good about this right now.
‘Really? Because it makes me feel….good~’

>…can you please put on some pants? I just feel this would preempt something uncomfortable.

‘No. now come on.’

He lead her down into a large pitch black room.

‘And now dear sister, feast your eyes….on THIS!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

Celestia had left the instant she heard Applejack coming. Shining had left shortly thereafter because he apparently had plans for tonight he needed to work for, and those plans sadly did not involve him remaining here to 'practice' any nightly activities that may occur with her.. She, the Queen of the changelings, had been by her lonesome self for at least forty five minutes, and thus had grown bored.

And when she was bored, she dreamed. Oh, how she dreamed, of a world absolutely crawling with her lings, of an entire nation under her command, not just what amounted to a rather small army, of her superiority etched into history, one she would live on though for the rest of the foreseeable time, and never did she have to consider actually giving in and siring the next generation herself. She would rule them, yes, but there was no way she herself would ever get pregnant.

No way.

For forty five minutes, she dreamed.

On the forty sixth, exactly, the door opened back up, and she could not give a care.

>So, that was her plan? I have to say, I'm rather impressed you're going along with it.

"Hmmm?"

She lazily rolled over in the pony's bed, kicking her hole ridden legs in the air distractedly as she only partially listened in.

>Applejack's plan, I mean. I must say, I'm rather impressed you decided to go along with it, it's rather risky, but that you're willing to risk it at all is a lovely step in the right direction. You have my kudos.

"Mmm."

What brief, ever so happy respect she had begun to have on the matter began to melt away like an icecube beneath her rump on a hot day.

>...You have absolutely no idea what it is, do you?

Coyly, quite catlike in fact, the Queen curled her spine just enough she could peer around her kicking legs to the sky to look at the princess, mirth sparkling in her emerald green orbs.

"Nope."

>...Really now?

"Nope. I said she could try it, whatever it was."

An ever so slight puff filled out her alabaster cheeks, mixed in with a nicker of distaste and an irritated narrowing of her eyes, all of which proved absolutely useless to phase the Queen in any capacity.

>Rather dangerous to agree to something when you have no idea what it is, wouldn't you say? You're being rather irresponsible.

"I said she could ask them, I didn't say they had to go along with it. And if she tried to make them go along with it, well..."

Fwoom, went the flame up her horn, and the point was made.

>You are either massively trusting to Applejack to do what is right for your subjects with upmost respect and care, or...

Just because she could, she flipped the curl of her spine, peering to the princess from her left side this time.

"Or indeed."

If only to stop looking at a facefull of queen rear shaking at her every time, the tall alicorn stalked her own bed like a shark, circling it until she reached the edge that the Queen's head eventually came to dangle off of. She tried to be unmoved by the childish nature of it all...

But it was rather hard.

>You have absolutely no hope for any of this, do you.

While most ever word that came from pearly white lips normally was soothing and warm as a summer day, the Queen took ample notice of the spark of heat laced into every word on that line. It was not even a question, it was nothing more than a statement of fact, and they both knew it.

"Oh, Celly, Celly Celly Celly..."

A long, ebony hoof reached up, ever so slightly tapping her on the cheek.

"No."

The face looking down upon the upside down royal never so much as twitched, not a once.

"She'll go in there, she'll say her great big speech, she'll do this and that and claim it's all just so important that they do what she says, but it doesn't matter. Simpler, better, safer lives are but a trainride away, who would take her up on it? Especially... her."

A pink tongue within white cheeks clicked, distaste apparent on her creasing brow.

>Applejack informed me that you two had agreed to put your animosity aside.

That same black hoof joined it's sibling in flopping on the bed, splayed wide as if to show off something that clearly wasn't there.

"Do you see me arguing, or fighting, or otherwise confronting her? Do you see me questioning her, or examining her every choice, or demanding to know her secrets, her ways, or anything of the sort? Did you hear any terms to my agreeing to let her ask? No? What, I ask, is not amicable about that?"

The swan like neck craned down, bringing her ever closer to the eternally smiling face.

>It's not very amicable to set someone up for failure when they are earnestly trying to improve the lives of your subjects.

One of those hole ridden hooves rose again once more, choosing instead to forgo her cheek this time and let the ever flowing mane go through the gaps. She twisted, not enough to hurt, just enough to hold that head in place so never once did their eye contact break.

"It's not my fault the last time she saw any of them, she had an army at her beck and call ready and waiting to tear them apart. What is that you keep saying all the time? Actions have consequences? Well... that's the consequence to forcing them to back down."

>Oh, really?

The grip grew loose as the sterling white head moved ever closer, allowing the mane to be free once more.

>That's a rather interesting take from one who so often skirts consequences herself.

"Celly, don't be silly... I face them every single time I fail. Difference is, I like to figure out ways to twist them ever so slightly into my advantage, or mitigate the damage somewhat. I always have to answer for them, every single time I fail, and I do so more than I want to admit... I just let them roll off me. If it bothers you I don't let it affect me, that's hardly my doing. Not my fault she cannot do the same."

A million rebuttals or corrections or answers laced her tongue, but the princess spoke not a one of them. She knew better, she had spoken with the queen enough to know when a word was not a word, but a cleverly laid trap waiting to be sprung the moment an argument came forth. She didn't need to argue this, at all, and it would not help her if she did. She knew this, Chrysalis knew this. This was not an argument.

This was, like most things to the Queen, a game. One they both had been playing for centuries.

The changeling was enjoying herself.

>...Chrysalis, are you aware of the mudball story?

"Mmm, can't say I am, but it sounds quite interesting. Let me guess, a skimpy number, a lot of mud, and quite a bit of fun? I'd wager it was a sex thing were it not you, but we know better."

She was back to the lackadaisical song like voice, completely devoid of the rising excitement and need for challenge that had been building just a moment ago. She was ready for fun once more, sure she had succeeded in sending Celestia's errant questions away, and the Princess was all too aware of this fact. She thought it was over, and they could go back to joking and being as they were again.

She had no idea.

>It actually goes by many names. Some call it the boulder story, some call it the moss story, others the snowball story-

"Whoa ho! Retracted, you've been studying!"

The Princess felt a smirk cross her lips at that, undeterred in the least. She closed the gap until her face and the still upside down Queen's were tellingly close. Chrysalis's muzzle pointed to the sky, Celestia's pointed low, in a perfect yin and yang of white and black.

>It's all the same idea, even if it changes on location, but I do so love the mudball story the most, it just seems to fit. For it goes something like this...

A hoof reached up, letting Chrysalis's mosslike mane run through it before it snaked around to the ebony cheek, cool gold touching against it as it brushed solid chitin.

>At the top of the hill is a mare. This mare looks clean, and shining, and all below look up to her. Everyone wants to be up there on the top of the hill with her, and every time she casts something down the ponies below all flock to pick up the various things she gives. Be it gold, or a spot up higher on the hill, whichever. Everyone wants to be up there, where she is...

Her hoof continued on upwards, sliding ever so slightly along that upside down nose. Every so slightly causing her to completely lift it to the sky to follow, until the very tip of her nose was perfectly pointed to the ceiling.

>But, despite how they see her, this mare is not clean, not completely. For one day someone came to visit, crawled all the way up to the top just to see her, and they left something behind unseen to most. Now, in the mares hoof is a tiny little ball of mud... boop.

Her horn glowed as she summoned magic to her call, ever so slightly conjuring just a tiny little ball of mud on the very tip top of the crest of the nose.

>Now, this doesn't bother the mare, not at all. She's resentful to it, but she does not let it affect her life. Those below can't see it, they wouldn't even look for it. And of course, it's just a tiny little ball, what's the harm? She's even come to think it quite fitting sometimes, she is standing on a hill after all, and it just seems to fit with how things should be. She does not wish to fling this mud down to anyone, she does not wish to throw it in anyone's face, it's just a tiny little part of her she sees no reason to be rid of. For it is mud, and mud is very hard to get out sometimes, and with all those ponies down below looking up to her, someone might notice, and know she's had mud on her hoof this whole time. How embarrassing would that be? So she leaves it, hides it, thinks nothing more of it and forgets about it until something reminds her... but then she speaks.

The changeling found her eyes growing cross and her breath hitching in her lungs as that slow, caressing hoof rolled the ball ever so slightly to the side, and something broke loose.

>The more freely she speaks, the more she moves, the more she moves... the more breaks off.

Tiny little pebbles came loose, all rolling down her snout.

>Now at first, most think nothing of it. They can accept that their leader had something up there, but surely it's not mud. Surely this is merely soil, the best kind, from the top of the hill. Why wouldn't they have that? They're at the top, they must've figured out the best soil, the best spots, and the most right way to sit upon it. So they pick it up... and then it happens again, only this time, to the ponies looking up to them.

Roll roll roll, and more came down. Each one rolling.

Growing.

>And to the ones looking up to them, and to them, and to them. It gets bigger every time, because the ones up above aren't on top of the hill, they are in places it's easier to get mud on themselves and think nothing of it. The lower down the hill it gets, the less sunlight, the more mud, and the tiny little flecks that the mare so callously flicked off and thought nothing of gain more things to stick to it and grow as more ponies find more dirt to give to it. Soon, the ponies on the bottom feel like they're drowning in mud, even if they never touch it or see it themselves. They feel like they're surrounded by it. But they don't blame the mare, she didn't toss it onto them, and she certainly doesn't want any mud around her, no... it must be the one who brought the mud in the first place.

Bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until she felt like the tiny flecks had become miniature boulders, rolling all down her snout, into her eyes, her cheeks, her hair, everywhere.

>So they ask, they search for clues from the mare, and then they find out who brought the mud. And now, it's not a case of who rained the mud on them, it's who started it. It's not a case of who didn't clean it up, it's who caused it all to happen in the first place... so that pony is sent away, they are shunned, and the insulted mare who had been given mud in the first place says not a word, for even if she didn't speak up, that someone brought mud to her hilltop, and she would not defend them. Now, whenever someone else comes to visit the hill and asks them why they are covered in mud, they all say it is all the fault of that one little pony, they point and scoff and make sure it's known far and wide who started it, and who's fault it is. But do you know why that's wrong?

Irritated, yet curious eyes looked up to her, blinking away the tiny flecks of dirt that hung to her eyelashes.

>Because they weren't asking who's fault it was, they were asking why they haven't cleaned the mud off.

Ever so gently, she brought her lips close to the queen and curled them together as she ever so gently let out a puff of air to clear the mares face, soon leaving behind no trace of what has been.

>I very much like that story, don't you?

Black chiten curled around the white spearlike shape of alabaster horn, dragging the mare into her line of sight once more.

"Not really, I hate downer endings."

>How fortunate... so do I.

Their gazes locked for what felt an eternity and more. Neither side angry, or accusing anymore, neither side joyous or mirthful. There was nothing more said, in anger or in jest, just a look to one another with not a word shared more.

"...So these three mares walk into a bar-"

>Really now?

"Your story was too much of a downer, I'm lightening the mood."

>Oh come now, does absolutely everything roll off you? Does nothing stick?

The edge of her left cheek curled upwards in an upside down smirk, only the tip of her fang visible to be seen.

The hoof, still curled around the top of that white horn, jerked the princesses head forwards, forcing her to touch their noses together in a light, quick tap.

Without a beat missed, the grip let go, and the fires of emerald came, and the Queen was spirited away.

>...I stand corrected.

The tenseness in her shoulders waned, and she felt herself relax.

>Perhaps this will.... OH FOR FUCKS SAKE, CHRYSALIS!

No more time to wonder, she had to start putting out the fire before it spread to the rest of her bed, and-

Too late.

In the distance, over the roaring flame, she swore she heard a cackle of mirth.

>...One of these days, I'm just going to crash the whole sun into it all. One of these days.

She looked into the flames that had once been her new bed, and she dreamed. The one of white dreamed...

And the one of ebony plotted.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter and I deny certain events. Now for our main segment...HELP!

"I wonder where's Pinkie? We're suppose to do a show soon right?

'She'll be here when she'll be here. Why do we even keep coming to the show?'

"Because we're friends, silly."

'...Do you...do you really think so?'

"I wonder if she's trimming her bushes?"

'...uh what kind are you talking about?'

A door opens and Nightmare Rarity rushes to the bathroom.

"Was that Rarity? Why was she all black?"

'Maybe she's trying to impress your husband.'

"THAT BACKSTABBING *CENSORED*!"

Pinkie enters the room.
>We're in trouble! Call Discord!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fuzzy
"Buzz'"
~~~~

>Annnnndddd-COMING AT YOU LIVE! IT'S FUZZY AND THE BUZZ!

~Fuzzy and Buzz in the morning, 97.1!~
~Pick up the damn phone!~

"Our top story today, the mystery disturbance to Canterlot has been revealed!"

>You can all calm down, it turns out it wasn't Buzz's ideal marefriend on the prowl for love.

"OHHHHHH!"

~SKRROOOONNNKKKKK!~
~More cushion for the pushin!~

>No, as it turns out, it was just a lonely old lost Quarry Eel.

"It was looking for a giant gaping, barely used but oh so willing cavern to nestle in, but unfortunately it got mixed up as to what part of the castle Fuzzy was on."

>OHHHH!

~We have to go deeper.~

"The Wonderbolts have assured us that the matter has been settled."

>In other news, we have a big announcement to make! Party Place incorporated, headed by none other than one of the Element's of Harmony and previously only known for the disastrous Partyland incident, have made an announcement!

"A reminder to any callers, me and Fuzzy missed said incident do to being attacked by plushies. And no, I have to confirm again, this wasn't Fuzzy's sex doll come to life for revenge."

>OHHHH!

~I wish I was a real boy...~

"But with this new announcement, they have confirmed their own record label!"

>That's right, and we're gonna wrap this segment up with their very first single! Now, I would like to remind you all that while yes, these are changelings, this is an unbiased thing promoting them. Trust me, they don't like Buzz either.

"OHHHHHH!"

~It's not that I hate you, I just want to see you die.~

>Coming at you live, the very first ever single from the Queenlings, Keep the Bugs Alive! HIT IT!

"THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we make cries for help!

"What's going on?"

'Is Rarity trying to do an impression of Princess Luna because I don't think she'd like that.'

>No time to explain! Call Discord! Call the nightguards! Call Luna!

"I don't know how to reach Discord."

'I think he's actually awake instead of sleeping right now, so I don't we can reach him.'

>NOT GOOD! Luna! LUNA HELP!
Pinkie runs to the roof and shines a big searchlight that has a crecent moon on it.
>C'mon Princess Luna signal!

'Pinkie, are you going to tell us what's going on? You're starting to scare Cadence.'
Pulls DT back down.

>We're in trouble! We're in big trouble!

"AH!"
Pinkie bumps into Cadence and they all tumble down the stairs.

'...so you finally killed somepony and need help with the body. I always knew this day would come.'

"Oh no! Pinkie you should give yourself up! It's not too late. I swear I'll visit you in prison!"

>No no no...that's nice of you to visit, but I mean-

Luna appears.
[So it appears a shadow has taken over Rarity. This is bad.]

>How bad?
The dreamhouse begins to warp. Its colors become dark, happy furniture become Twisted. The walls and doors take on different shapes.

[...the we don't think your house is going to survive bad.]

Life in the Dreamhouse~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Luna
"???"
~~~~

>Hmph! We thought our idea was good.

"Indeed, mein princess!"

>...How did thou get inside our room?

"Nein, ist not ze' matter at hoof, no? No! For we have zee' your planz, and we agree with zim!"

>Oh! How delightful! Finally someone understands!

"INDEED MEIN FURHER!"

>Princess. We do not know what that other thing is, but it sounds wrong.

"VE MUST GAS ZE' LINGS!"

>We actually wanted to use fire.

"NEIN! For how can ve' experiment on zem and learn zeir secret miserly ways if ve' do not study zim!"

>They're actually rather bad with money.

"Leave it to me, Mein Furher! Ve' shall deal wit' zim as ve' see fit!"

>We do not know, we just met thee...

"Pshaw! Look ut' me, Mein Furher! Mine coat is white, and mine hair ist blonde! Ve' are ze' master race!"

>Yes, but... thou art an earth pony.

"...Wow, wow okay, wow."

>What?

"Vhat do you mean, vhat? Vhat is vhat you just said!"

>Well, thou are!

"You know vhat? I take it all back! Vee just vished to gas ze' lings, ve' did not ask for racism! THIS IST NOT MINE FURHER!"

SLAM!

>...wait, what?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Guards"
'???'
~~~

"Princess?"

She didn't know how long she had been staring. She didn't know when, exactly, she had sat herself in front of these massive double doors, and started to prepare herself.

She didn't know. She had just lost herself in what she needed to do.

"Princess, do you want us to come inside with you-"

>No.

Hard, that was the only way to describe what came out of her there. Just plain hard.

She wasn't ready for this. She had prepared herself, she thought she had done so at least, but she just wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready for what was on the other side.

She didn't want to admit it, but she was scared this was all going to fall apart. She still remembered the sting when Celestia had declared her test a failure, still remembered the emptiness of that ballroom, how hollow it had all felt, how nothing had remained.

Nothing but regrets.

And now, here she was, as if divinely gifted from above. As if magically granted a boon, here she was with one more shot.

And she wasn't ready for it.

The only thing that stopped her from turning around, and returning to prepare again was the knowledge that she would never be ready for this.

>Leave.

"Princess?"

>Ah' said leave, go away.

"But what if they-"

>Then fine.

"...As you command."

No... she had to get up.
Straighten her hat.
Take a deep breath...

And push the door open.

Push it open, and look to them many, many, many shocked, and angry, and disgusted, and suspicious faces.

'What do you want?'

She was only going to get one more shot.

She had to make it count.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKKEEEE!
>Discord
"SA"
'??'
~~~~

>...Hm... never thought I'd be the little spoon in one of these.

The stallion clinging to his back never even opened his eyes, only shifting slightly in the covers.

"Mmmhmm..."

Tiredly, the neck of the chimera of chaos tilted up ever so slightly, surveying all above him.

>My oh my, you certainly went above and beyond, didn't you?

"Hmmm."

>You could have simply given me two nothing stories, just as you promised, and that would have been the end of it. But so many... and one of them a seven parter no less! Seven parter! That's more than triple what I was expecting, total!

"Mmmhm."

>... You didn't have to do that...

"Rmmm..."

>...You know, this is normally when I would poof and reveal you had been with a life sized me doll, or pull down a zipper from the top of my head to reveal that I was secretly Chrysalis in disguise, or some other such gotcha... buy you know what?

"Hmm?"

>You, my friend, have earned this. Even if it is in non-canon, and will thus be forgotten, you got Discord.

He wished the stallion had opened his eyes, he worked hard on that pixalated title screen.

>My request was filled... and certain other things too!

When he came back to reality, he reached back, talon like claw tapping his own quite red and plumped backside.

>You've earned this.

A bit of magic, and he now sported a tiny little stamp on his left cheek, so tiny it was near impossible to see... of Shining Armor's cutie mark.

>...You really didn't have to.

"You didn't have to do anything either, I agreed to it without this.

>Hm, point... can... can I-

"More?"

>Please?

"... Sure, I'll make sure you get more stories next time. Dunno how much, but you'll get them."

>Mmm... and what if that's not what I was asking for?

A white hoof tensed on draconequus hips, dragging him tellingly close to strong white thighs.

"Well, then-"

SLAM!

'SHINY!? OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK!?'

"...Something wrong, Cadence?"

'SOMETHING WRONG!? SOMETHING WRONG!? You... you slept with Discord!'

>...And?

'AND!?'

"You said it was okay."

'WHEN!?'

"Last thread."

~~~~

'Honey? What are you doing?'

"Fucking Discord in the ass!"

'Oh... have fun!'

~~~~

"See?"

'...Oh... b-but that's cheating!'

>You signed a contract that said I can sleep with anyone not a changeling.

'When!?'

~~~

'THERE! I don't care who you fuck, just NOT CHRYSALIS!'

~~~~

'..Oh, right, the pinkie thing... uh...'

>...

"..."

'...Nevermind! Phew, I was worried there for a second you were lying to me.'

"Never!"

'...he's not topping, right?'

>No, bottom is the game today. Topping apparently has dire consequences.

'It does!... Whelp, love you honey!'

"Love you too!'

'Have fun!'

SLAM!

>...Now, where were wweeeeeEEEE!

SLAM!

>AH!

"Right about here."

>The magic of friendship, right?

"We're friends?"

>Friends with benefits, now get goiIIIINNNNNGGGHNHNH! LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________