Meat opens exactly as the title suggests: the lovable 23-year-old John Egbert eating a hefty chunk of cold, raw meat. Then this happens:


John's sudden thoughts about Lord English come out of nowhere and the story knows it. This is an interesting situation that occurs in both sides: Meat with John's sudden motivation to save all of existence after seven years of inertia, and Candy with John's sudden motivation to go outside and make friends. Calliope's meat and candy may both be empowered with some form of cherub magic, which is probably the actual explanation for this abrupt motivation. But both sudden changes stick out too hard for me to just dismiss them through canon, wait I mean ambiguously post-canon means.


The sudden change quoted above came across to me as a natural progression in the plot. But the start of Candy, where all the stuff in Meat was abruptly "cancelled", came across to me as a change so absurd it may as well be fanfiction, which caused my initial burnout. Upon further reflection, I am almost certain my first impressions would have been swapped if I had read Candy first. I think most of us can agree that the epilogues' intention to tell two wildly different stories depending which side you start with was an absolute success.



This passage is an early introduction to this new theme of inscrutable Roxy. Actually, "new theme" is a bit of a misnomer; Roxy has always had such themes, being a void player and all. But the Meat Epilogue is where those themes start to play a role in the story, or rather show the potential to play a role. I won't go on further about that theme, especially because I already wrote a whole post about it.


John leaves the girls behind, their relationship resuming its underwhelming status quo. I need to write a tangent about Roxy x Calliope sometime, but not now. Do you think this is the Candy Epilogue??? Hell no, we're in for some rich and juicy MEAT.



WE NEVER EVEN GET TO READ JOHN'S LETTERS, IS NOTHING PURE IN THIS WORLD?????????


The epilogues have a fair few cliffhangers; an amount that may or may not be enough for me to crave a followup, a secret true happy ending or what have you. John's letters totally seem like something the reader deserves the chance to read which sort of makes me desire more epilogue material, but at the same time the epilogues are so GOOD already as they stand... it's a bit of a weird situation.




The concept of "canon" is going to be so much fun to discuss, I can just smell it. Too bad I'm only going to discuss the first three pages of Meat, so I may not have much time to get into it.






The second page of Meat gives us our first look at what Dave and Karkat are up to. You may already know that I have a strong opinion on those two as a ship. If you didn't already know that, then I figure it's courtesy for me to say what that opinion is. Here goes:


Dave x Karkat is a great ship and I like it a lot.


Go ahead, make all the confused disgruntled faces you want. It won't change that the above statement represents my opinion on Dave/Karkat in all 100% honesty.


I guess I should make something clear. I still don't like the way that ship was handled in A6A6I5. That doesn't mean it ever was a bad ship in itself!!! I just proclaimed it to be a bad ship because I never got to see it presented well (or really, presented at all aside from a few pictures and vague descriptions). The epilogues present that pairing beautifully and I love it. It actually feels REAL and MEANINGFUL, not just as a friendship but as an actual romance that has a bearing on both sides' story progression! I'd almost go so far as to say it's just as good as John and Roxy's dynamic earlier in Act 6 Act 6. The one ship it can't compare to is John x Terezi, which is by far the best ship in Homestuck.





As we can see here, John is the only one so far who gets second-person narration. All other characters are narrated in third person. I've already talked plenty about John's mass existential crisis where he feels like the only "real" person in existence; his narration being the only one in second person helps hammer in that point and make us experience that crisis with him.




The description of Jake and Dirk's TV show has a whimsical feel we haven't seen much since early Act 6. A refreshing return to form reminiscent of the narration's stories about B2 Earth.






Dave's economy obsession is far funnier than it has any right to be. Dave talking about politics sounds like the most boring nonsense ever, but it's somehow done well here. Basically every character in this comic has an absurd fixation or two, so Dave's insistence that it all comes down to the economy helps anchor his political talk to the usual Homestuck feel.






Now THAT'S how you do a wham line. This line sets up a fresh new premise...


... shortly followed by a quick picture of what our naive, innocent little Jane Crocker has been up to on Earth C.



Say what you will about Jane in the epilogues, but I really like the way Meat introduces her status. It's the complete opposite of John's: while we see firsthand that John has spent his days mourning his father in isolation, we learn through dialogue that Jane lived out her businesswoman fantasies to an absurd proportion and is now literally running for president of Earth.






John and Jane's extreme contrast is fascinating and I haven't seen it talked about much. John is still the pure-hearted and childish Egbert man we've known since day one, but Jane is nothing like the innocent girl we knew at first; two of the first words Dave describes her as are "fascist" and "xenophobe". It's never fully explained how she became that way, though major divergences like this fit well in the epilogues because they fuel John's existential crisis.


Wham line 2. Dave's insistence that his (boy)friend should run for president FINALLY addresses Karkat's leadership role!!! One of the biggest criticisms with the credits is that Karkat didn't do anything even close to leading the troll race, which was the main point in Kanaya's prior conversation with Echidna. The epilogues address that leadership role in an unexpectedly brilliant way: Karkat's campaign fails in Meat, but shines high and mighty in Candy.






Dave believes in Karkat. He sees the best in him and can easily imagine him as a strong, good-spirited leader. This passage is great, I can't even put into words how it makes me feel. Dave x Karkat was a good ship this whole time, I'm telling you.



Karkat goes on to discuss how he doesn't like being famous or giving himself attention. Dave tries to convince him otherwise, which leads to this passage:


Obama's presence in Homestuck has a certain charm to it that wouldn't exist if the comic hadn't dragged out so long. Homestuck's seven-year run took place entirely during the Obama administration, which cements him as part of the comic's mythos. Dave's idolization and headcanons about Obama are incredibly endearing and I'm glad the epilogues gave that arc a strong resolution, culminating in Dave and Obama's conversation near the end of Candy.





Here we get someone other than John talking about canonicity (and lack thereof). I find this bit interesting because it's an early hint at John's great revelation at the end of Candy that he is far from the only person who has existential issues with canon. I love finding early hints like this when rereading the epilogues, just as the authors intended.






Dave is pushing Karkat hard to prove himself, which is exactly the endearing and meaningful drive that all good ships in Homestuck have. Just as Terezi pushed John to become a hero in the retcon quest and John pushed Roxy to join him in that journey, Dave is pushing Karkat to become the next Obama. If that doesn't make you smile, then I don't know what to tell you.



Dave and Karkat's discussion about the Mayor is such a heartwarming moment. WV's role throughout Act 6 is somewhat polarizing; some people like that he's everyone's adorable little friend, while others resent his relegation and wish he did more. Act 7 and the credits show him and PM staying behind to rebuild society, which was a decent resolution whose impact the epilogues show full force. The Mayor may be long dead, but his spirit lives on forever. The mention of his backstory as the Warweary Villein is a nice touch.



I can mostly skim over Dave's ensuing rambles about politics and troll reproduction, because I made my point already: they're surprisingly fun and insightful reads that prove "political Dave" isn't inherently a bad thing, just like shipping him and Karkat.


This is so heartwarming it's unreal. I can't overstate how impressed I am that the epilogues made me like a ship I used to hate.






Dave knows Karkat way too well. He can tell Karkat is a natural-born leader just like his Alternian ancestor was. Dave is even something of a prophet later in Meat; he accurately predicts what would have happened if Karkat won the election (which is to say, what would have happened if John chose candy).



Next up, Dave does some math to figure out who will support Karkat, who will support Jane, and who will have to be swayed in Karkat's favor.


This bit establishes that Dave, Jade, and Karkat's three-way romance isn't quite the straight* "all three love each other" many readers had thought. Jade has loved everything about Dave from the start of the comic and the epilogues take full advantage of that. She's a bit of a wrench in Dave and Karkat's dynamic that goes in different directions in either epilogue.



* actually only two-thirds straight



Skipping a bit...






This ramble is probably the only time on this page where Dave's rambling kind of has the same "off" feel as in A6A6I5. It's just a bit too wordy, which thankfully isn't an issue through the rest of this page. If I recall, Hussie himself wrote the dialogue in Meat's first few pages, so I'm glad to see him improve in writing political Dave from last time he tried it.





Jake in the epilogues is a bit of an odd spot, as I've discussed before. He starts off as a beloved Renaissance man much like Grandpa Harley, which is a bit at odds with his dorky inner psyche. Since he's a voiced character unlike his pre-scratch self, the epilogues have to reconcile his celebrity status with his dorkiness. It's done well so far, with Dave treating him like a wildcard who could end up in any position. But through the rest of the epilogues Jake's arc is weird and all over the place. At least he gets a touching resolution at the end of Candy.






It's kind of adorable that Karkat doesn't care in the slightest about those alpha kid stories. Years ago I would have used cases like this as evidence that his relationship with Dave isn't completely healthy, but now I don't see any reason to debunk a good ship.



Next up, Dave gets a call from Dirk. After a short nod to fandom's decapitation meme, we move on to the next page and the last one I'll cover in this post.







Come on, John. There's a much better word to describe how you feel about canon. That word starts with "home" and ends with "stuck".



John in the epilogues is INCREDIBLY "homestuck", probably more than at any point in the comic proper. As soon as he tries to place how he feels being in canon again, the comic becomes true to its title once more. John is stuck in the idea that the canon world is authentic and Earth C is a land of stupid nonsense; only at the end of Candy does he realize others feel the same but express it in different ways. Especially dear sweet Roxy, holy shit is her story with John heartwrenching.






"Sick, nostalgic" is quite an interesting combination of words. John's time on the battleship was a boring trudge, but he romanticizes canon nonetheless.




"I CALLED IT!", I thought to myself when I first got to this page. I had hoped for a long time that the pre-retcon timeline would make a return of sorts—maybe even a version of that timeline where Aranea didn't interfere. And I was right! I had also hoped that John would do a second retcon that changes the course of events another time. And I was half-right.




If this scene took place in Homestuck proper, it would no doubt be a blatant one-to-one visual callback to the time John punched Vriska. Visual callbacks are fun and all, but towards the end they kind of overstayed their welcome, so conveying the feel of a visual callback through text is a very welcome change of page.




Thank you, John. You made the right choice.



Rereading the epilogues is so much fun and the authors knew it. It took me surprisingly long to realize the contrast between this scene and Gamzee's grand return in Candy. Early in Meat, John zaps alone to a meaty point pre-retcon and wisely stuffs Gamzee inside a fridge; early in Candy, John zaps with friends to a sugary point post-retcon and reluctantly lets Gamzee outside a fridge.


Page 3 of Meat ends with John commanded to move things forward, which probably makes readers that started with Meat feel like they made the right choice. Candy presents itself similarly at first, by swiftly handling all the friendships and character dynamics one at a time. Both epilogues take advantage of this false sense of security so they can veer hard in different directions.