Thread 1: Stories 16-30

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>"Actually, they blamed Zecora fer this one."

>"Really? Because she's a.."

>"Yeah, the racism worked in our favour fer once."

>"We really need to work on a better education system."
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*Luna rushes past the royal throne room*

>TIA HELP! SHE'S COMPLAINING ABOUT OUR POLITICS!

>Fer land's sake, Luna! Ya'll gave a tax-exempt status to a oubliettes and ogres club!? It's not a religion, it's a fecking board game! And what's this about you giving MORE funding to Prince Blueblood for a Zepplin fleet? Those are terrible warships! Pegasi can just fly into them and pop them!

>CURSE YOU CELESTIA! I BLAME YOU FOR ALL OF THIS!

>....I know.
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>Princess?

>OH SWEET HEAVENS WHAT NOW!?

>Nothin' overly important this time, jus' a quick question.

>Will it make me feel terrible by the end of this?

>Naw, nothin' like that. Just wanted to get somethin' cleared up.

>O-okay. Optimistic here.

>Who's our airforce?

>Our what?

>Our airforce. You know, the pegasi who make up our air infantry and what have you. At first, Ah' thought it was the Wonderbolts, but then Ah' found out they're mostly just there for show. They even have little races for the rich! Ah mean, that would just be silly if they were our top aces. That would be like making our best soldiers get into arm wrestling competitions for the wealthy to watch. Not very dignified. Nice of them to help with Spike, but all that posturing made it pretty clear they weren't actually made for real danger. That and they all mysteriously vanished when the Changelings invaded, even though they were certainly in canterlot for the wedding. So I was just wondering who it actually was? Cause we need our aces to be ready to.... Celestia? Why are ya'll....oh.

>You lied, Applejack. You lied.

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>"Celly, we need ta..."

>"NNNNNGH!"

>"Ah know, 6 AM in tha morning, 30 minutes 'fore ya raise the sun. But it's a matter of national security."

>"What is it..."

>"A pegasus kid got lost in tha hedge maze, almost got eaten by a hydra. Kid swears it was a statue a few seconds before he got attacked."

>"If you want someone to blame, you should call the night guards for letting the kid slip..."

>"And Discord was in public display in front of said maze a few years ago."

>"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to enjoy this."

>"Because I'm saying you should move all the statues to underground storage and place them in magical stasis, 24/7. Starting today."

>"I can provide the upper levels of the mines. But You should know by know that I'm charging for personnel costs from your coffers, since this will be the first major project you will be undertaking."

>"Don't worry about that, Celly. I'll be moving the statues myself. All I need is a few scribes for inventory an a company of unicorn guards for help."

>"You said you will be moving the statues yourself. Why the unicorn guards?"

>"Cause the hydra should be at Starswirl Plaza by now."

>"......"

>"You know you're the only one to blame, right?"

>"I need a cup of espresso. Scratch that, make it a whole mug of Raktajino."

>"Raktajino?"

>"You never want to know."

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>You'd notice it slowly, day after day.
>At first it was fine, just staying a little after her schedule had run out of work
>"Ah've just got tah finish this last report Anon, don't let me keep ya!"
>And so you'd go, appreciating your free evenings away from the palace.
>Not that you didn't find a certain satisfaction working as her aide.
>Even if it didn't mean you got to hang around with royal plots
>But New Canterlot's nightlife was something to savour.
>Though.. you started she'd stay in her office at the end of the day more and more
>Eventually it became a regular thing, you leaving before she left to do her own things
>It was when you saw the bags forming under her eyes you started to worry
>But she knew what she was doing, right?
>She still looked amazing despite them, managing to balance her own beauty with the elegance of her alicorn body
>And her work seemed as fine as ever, too.
>Okay, she glared at that one ambassador from Saddle Arabia
>But it DID stop their aggressive expansion into Equestrian territory
>Stopped it so far they started expanding on the far side of Equestria actually
>The final straw was when you came in early one day to find her asleep at her desk
>Some draft bill now lightly coated in sleepy drool
>Sighing, you approach the sleeping goddess. Finding there's back-to-front words inked on her face by her odd choice of pillow
What are you going to do with her...?
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>TIA!

>Okay, just because you continually poke holes in my administration does not mean you can-

>Stuff it! We need to talk!

>Rude.

>What the buck is this?

>An allocation of funds for the maintenance of a royal administration. What's the problem? Seems fairly straight forward. No need for all the shouting.

>It's fer Blueblood!

>And?

>THERE'S A CHARGE FOR THREE JACUZZIS IN HERE!

>Oh?

>AND A MINI BAR! AND A PERSONAL SPEEDBOAT! AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS!

>Well, he is royalty.

>Buck that! Buck it straight to the darkest pits of Tartarus! He doesn't control anything, oversee anything, manage anything or even help with anything! He doesn't even rule any land, how is he a prince!? He doesn't do anything, and we're allocating the same amount to him Ponyville spends on WINTER WRAP UP!?

>...He is my nephew-

>CELESTIA!

>Okay, I maaay have been overlooking his book keeping. For.. his life. But his parents assured me he was spending it responsibly!

*pop*

>....A blood vessel has ruptured in your eye, which I believe is the ancient Apple family tradition to signal this conversation should end. I will come down much more harshly on his spending.

>Thank you.

>...Please stop glowing, I am fairly certain you are giving my guards cancer or something.

>I blame you.

>You know what? I earned this one.



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>"What am I going to do with you AJ?" you sigh.
>Was this the first time she's slept at her desk,
>Or just the first time you caught her at it?
>Grabbing a chair, you place it gently on the floor before the low desk
>It's actually kind of nice to see her so peaceful for once
>Her light gold mane gently rippling to an unfelt slight breeze
>It didn't undulate like the 'astro' alicorns so much as gently flutter
>You always did like the effect though
>Sometimes you wondered if she even realised how many stallions stared at her at the various functions she attended
>You say "attended", mostly because Molly forced her to meet some of the social elite now and then
>Over her shoulder you can see the city she keeps
>It's already starting to wake up
>All good things must come to an end, it seems
>Extending a hand, you carefully boop the princess's nose. Careful not to stand directly in front of that horn
>Fortunately she merely stirs from her slumber, bleary eyes trying to focus on you
"Rise and shine AJ. New day ahead of us."
>"..'non? Why you in.. mah quarters? S'not were y'work.."
"We're in your office Applejack. You fell asleep, remember?"
>"Can't have.. I don' fall sleep. You lyin'.."
"We're Honest with each other remember? I'll get you some coffee. Don't fall back to sleep okay?"
>"C'n fall sleep in mah quarters if'n I want to Anon."
>Well, at least she's somewhat comprehendable now.
>As quick as you can, you mix up something from old exam revision rushes
>If this thing could keep you awake and wired for a day and a night straight, it might have a chance of denting AJ's tiredness.
>Leaving it on her desk with strict instructions to drink it, you wait by your own desk just outside.
>She hated looking weak or undependable you knew
>You knew lots of things about her, now you thought about it
>And you'd never have dared act like you did just now when you first took the job
>It was nice to know you'd grown closer over time
>A-As employee and employer of course.

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>After a few minutes had gone by
>And after the sound of an alicorn suddenly realising where she was
>Knocking over a couple pieces of furniture
>Hurriedly catching them with magic and hooves, placing them back
>And walking around in circles muttering
>Had all stopped, replaced by silence, you walk into AJ- no, Applejack's office
>She's already half drained the cup of 'brew' (thank the various gods in this world for that zebra world foods store)
>Seems to have done the trick, at least.
>Emerald eyes now bright and focussed, but not on you.
>At least, not when you're looking, whenever you look at her she glances away.
>"Ah'm really sorry about surprisin' y'all like that just now. I-It's just the work-"
"Which you could delegate."
>"Anon y'know ah can't trust any of the clerk types 'Tia keeps."
"Don't you trust me to take some of the load off you?"
>"Now don't ask a gal a question like that first thing in the mornin', of course I trust you!"
"Then trust me when I say you need a break."
>"Ah'll.. organise one some tim-"
"Today, AJ."
>"No way can ah do that Anon, there's the new seapony treaty, the new policy an-'"
"-and nothing that can't be put off for a little while. There's no use in fixing up a country if you break yourself doing it."
>"But, but the ah- the-"
"AJ. Break. Or else I'll invite your sister and friends to try getting their cutie marks in legislation."
>That did it, the threat of the CMC running riot in the halls of power is not something to use lightly. She even seems to shiver at the thought.
>But then that might be the secret ingredients in that 'coffee'.
>"Alright, y'all convinced me tah take a break. Ah'll ah.. head to my quarters an' rest up."
"And I'm going with you."
>"Now Anon, ah'm not THAT tired."
"Wouldn't be the first time you had your work brought to your rooms."
>"...tarnation."
"And don't think about leaving an illusion behind either, I'm going to keep an eye on you to make SURE you're actually resting."
>"Double tarnation."

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>You got a couple of odd looks as you walked with Applejack to her rooms
>Mostly curious servants who were still brushing sleep from their eyes and bump into usually one of their more organised employers out of place.
>In short order though, you both wind up her suite.
>You always felt a little overwhelmed when you visited here, the rooms were enormous with detail and money evident everywhere
>Someone had clearly been and aired the room a little while ago however, with a breakfast tray on what you assume was the suite's dining table
>Walking straight past it however and through another set of doors, Applejack unsteadily walked to her bedroom and fell on top of her mattress with a whoosh of air movement and bedsprings
>Sighing, you pick up the tray piled high with some kind of pancake and follow AJ.. taking a deep breath you identify the food. Of course.
>In hindsight it's obvious, apple crêpes.
>She still thinks of home, it's adorable in a way. The reason she got into politics in the first place was to better her family's lot.
>Taking a seat at the foot of the bed, you smile at your friend and employer sprawled in front of you.
>Orange and yellow DO look very nice on a red bedspread.. though that train of thought's cancelled before it departs by Applejack's smile back at you.
>Head lifted up off the sheets and eyes finally no longer wandering away from you.
>"Okay, maybe ah did need the break."
"Told you."
>"Though ah could maybe-"
"AJ.."
>"Ah'm joking with ya, silly!"
>God it felt good to see hear her giggle, hoof nudging your shoulder.
>You didn't mind working for her, but it was nice to be reminded she was your friend outside of work too.
"You might want to eat your breakfast too you know, before I decide I'm hungry enough to eat yours."
>"Don't even joke about that Anon, ah couldn't bare missin' out on that grub!"
Breakfast in bed with Applecorn, technically.

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>"-!"

>"No! Not another word, Applejack! it's been a long century, but we've finally reformed the Royal Guard into an effective peacekeeping militia, properly distributed them throughout Equestria. We've also reformed the education system and the quality of education has never been higher. We've made sweeping headway into the research and development of new agricultural techniques which have expanded crop yield two thousand fold. Implemented tax and economic reforms which have enabled small business while fairly regulating big business, AND cut unemployment to zero percent of anyone not attending university! We've helped stabilized the Crystal Empire, improved relations with foreign races and nations, relocated Canterlot to a more manable location, reigned in Blueblood's exorbitant spending, taught Cadence how to count, AND EVEN TAUGHT SHINING ARMOR HOW TO RIDE A DAMN BIKE! There is NOTHING left that is wrong with this country! We are living in a Golden Age and I! AM! BLAMELESS! For the first time in centuries, the ponies of Equestria pin nothing as my arbitrary fault! I DO NOT NEED TO LISTEN OR EVEN HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF YOU!"

>"Actually, Princess-"

>"NOT LISTENING! TRA LA LA LA LALALALA!"

>"... Wow, Ah jus' wanted to tell 'er Twiligh' wanted to go to tha spa wit' 'er."

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>Now ah'm all fer the magic o'friendship fellas, but could y'all actually do some fancy mathmatics in your research now an' then?
>Honestly, seems tah me y'all just make this up as you go along.

>..Y'all.. aren't makin' this up as you go along, are ya?

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>Celes... Celly. We need to tal-*blaaargh*

"Goodness, Applejack! Out of all your disregard of manners this one surely takes the cake! Explain yourself! (I need more cake, ugh)"

>Y... ya remember the baked bads from a decade ago?

"Baked bads? Baked bads, baked bads... Ah, yes. Twilight once told me on how you tried to do everything by yourself and unwittingly caused food poisoning throughout the entire Ponyville. Wait, don't say you tried your hooves on baking while doing all the work."

>N, no! Ah was just tryin' to get a nice pastry to go along with lunch, it smelled and looked good, but somethi- *erp* *blaaaargh*

"You can pay for the bag later. Now, is any other staff affected as well?"

>J, jus' my chamber guards that shared the same table with me. Like I said, it seemed like fine past-

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"CELLY! TIBERIUS! DID THOU CAUGHT SIGHT ON DEAR TIBERIUS! HE WAS CURLED UP NEXT TO US IN BED LAST NIGHT AND-"

"No, Luna. I told you three times already. If any of my guards or I spot him, I'll let you kno-"

"Princesses! We finally brought the opossum you have requested. This little vermin snuck up on the royal kitchen and devoured half an apple crate by itself. We were able to catch it only because it was so full."

"OH, TIBERIUS! GOOD TO SEE YOU WHOLE! DON'T SNEAK UP ON MAMA AGAIN! EVER! Now, let's get you a bath, you are positively drenched-"

>Wait a minute. So that varmint-

"HE'S NO VERMIN!"

>That... opossum. Was found in the kitchen.

"Yes, your highness."

>Eating up the apples.

"Yes, your highness."

>That was supposed to go into the pastry.

"I do not know, ma'am, but seems likely."

>... Celestia.

"Oh, you can't blame me for that. Luna's... "pet" did it this time. You would have to speak to her after you're wel-"

"NO! YOUR GORGEOUS TAIL! THE LIMBER AND SNUGGLY TIP! WHY IS IT GONE! PHYSICIAN!"

>... Don't imagine where it went, don't imagi- *urp* *blaaaaaaaaaargh*

"..."

"..."

>Order... a thorough inspection on the chefs, correct any unsanitary practices and sterilize the entire cooking facility. Who knows what you were having with yer precious cake? Hehe...

"Sergeant, please relay Applejack's message to the chefs and confectioners."

"Right away, princess."

"I need another coffee and an entire apple pie for all the trouble. Stupid, irresponsible Luna... Is this fur?"

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>"Oh, Discord... You bad, bad, boy. You need to be taught a more thorough lesson in magic with benefit-"

>"Princess-"

>"You saw nothing!"

>"Ah don' care whot you do wit' dolls, princess. Ah wanna know why we're spendin' so much money on depleted uranium mahjong tablets, oxygen enriched enviroments, an' electronic mahjong tables?!"

>"Oh, no! You can't touch those funds, Applejack! The Griffons will eat us alive!"

>"An' why does Mayor Mare an' Princess Luna spend so much o' their gawdang time playin' tha damn game? They got more importan-"

>"No they don't! No they don't! They're useless outside of it!"

>"Ugh... Ya ain' gonna see reason wit' this, Ah'm jus' gonna hafta do it mahself!"

>"Applejack! Please! DOOOOOON'T!"

>One week later, Equestria's debt is in the hundreds of trillions from when the Griffon Ambassador challenged Applejack to Mahjong and kicked her ass

>"I'm blaming you for this..."

>"Ah deserve this one..."

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"... As you can see from air dock 3 on the right, Princess, the newly developed bulkhead structure allows for a highly modular and flexible design that reduces material requirements and assembly time while maintaining structural integrity..."

>Modular, as in constructed with parts that are built and assembled in reproducible procedures, I assume. Are the on-site and off-site fabricators capable of producing parts that are within the fault tolerances you specified?

"Yes, Princess. The inspection I conducted two days ago was quite promising, with 99.6% of the randomly selected parts passing the inspection."

>Good. It is from the mechanics and engineers that I require the most honesty and integrity. I need to know I can entrust the lives of my soldiers and myself in the air.

"We follow your example, princess."

>Thanks, that would be enough flattery for today.

"Right. With all the required parts delivered, each of our air dock can assemble a Gala class patrol ship in 22 days. McIntosh class frigates would take up to three months. A Baldwin class cruiser, about nine months."

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"The most difficult part was building the machining tools that can operate at reasonable precision. After that, it all boils down to iterating on preexisting designs; narrowing the precision requirements, reducing effect of heat on the cutting, more secure welding techniques... I was rambling again, wasn't I, Princess?"

>Not at all, Chief. I guess the names are familiar. I named them and christened their prototypes, after all.

"They remind you of your close and extended family members."

>McIntosh, would be obvious. I swear, he would be wearing this condescending smile if he knew I would be fiddling with numbers, static mechanics and avionics. Red Gala was quite an accomplished midwife and prolific in our family meetings, my sister owes her life when she was birthed. Baldwin, I guess old former Captain Armor would have a few stories to share...

>Sorry again, I guess these are the times in the year... What are you looking at?

"While I feel sorry for your loss, I should say you do look quite beautiful when you are deep in thought.

>I guess being detached with your lower half doesn't stop you from feeling like a colt who just got his cutie mark and became horny. Uh... no pun intended, and no offense.

"None taken, Princess. I already had my time with my mate, so that would be enough for a lifetime. Now, let's not get so glum and move onto the new balloon design. I don't know how you convinced Celestia to part with these stable gases from the star but they're much safer than the combustable hydrogen we were using..."