Thread 61: Stories 16-30

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>13
"Changeling"
~~~~~~

>...Really?

"Now, be fair, I'm just the messenger."

>He's seriously asking me not to come within eight hundred feet?

"Dadling's uh... changed a bit."

>Seems mean is all.

"He's just a bit overprotective."

>This seems extreme.

"He bought swords."

>That's not so bad.

"And then he trained walruses to wield them."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Having a baby makes you nuts.

"Little bit, yeah."

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Non-canon
>Two
"???"
'???'
~~~
We find our little bug princess roaming the Crystal Palace when she comes upon a strange relic

>Oooohhh... Pretty...

A particularly reflective relic she nears blithely

Reaching out a hoof, she touches the surface of the mirror and is immediately sucked in

>IT'S FULL OF STAAAAAAAAAAAARS~!

Pbbbt!

>Where am I?

"Oh, my god! Flash! A lost child! What's your name?"

>Oh, hi! I'm Two! Nice to meet you! I should put that on a card!

'Uhh, nice to meet you. I'm Flash Sentry-"

>Aren't you half robot now? And how come everyone looks so funny?

"Flash! She's adorable! Can we keep her, please?!"

'No, Sunset...'

"Then you don't mind if I follow her back to her world?"

'Well- wait, what?'

Sunset grabs Two and jumps back through the mirror

>LET'S FLY TO THE CASTLE!

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Alternate take on this...
>Two
"Various"
~~~
We find our little bug princess roaming the Crystal Palace when she comes upon a wardrobe

>Ohhh! They'll never find me in here!

Throwing open the doors, she hops in

And lands in a snow drift.

"Welcome, child, to Narnia! The White Witch has brought eternal winter to the land, and we need one from another world to save it!"

>... Okay.

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>Cadence thoughts
"Cadence"
~~~~

"So, I was thinking about getting the steamed seaweed, it's imported! I never get to try imported stuff anymore.

>...Should I say something? I feel like I should say something. I feel like I should be on that end. I know it's a circle, but I feel like I'm in the wrong place. I feel like I should be over there... am I over complicating this?... Is there a way to overcomplicate this? We're as complicated as it gets. Married couple and mare who does the paperwork side of my job better than I do.... why couldn't she just be bad at her job, you know? Why does she have to do all this stuff and ask for so little? I'd have told her off if she was just a little bit of a jerk, but no! She did all this without even the HOPE this would end up this way, she kept trying to give up and she still kept loving him! That's... shouldn't I be proud of that?

"Oh, but the ice-rolls sound so good! How do they get the sugar to form ball that so perfectly?"

>I mean... I'm the princess of love, right? Aren't I supposed to admire when someone gives stuff up for love? And keeps fighting despite all the odds? And leaves it be to just let the other be happy? This is the stuff I say is good, don't I? Why does it change because it's me?

"Though I am worried about it going to... not my hips, obviously, nothing goes to my hips no matter how much I want it!"

>This is bad. I always just kind of figured this would be someone ELSE'S problem, something I could look at from the outside and if it got too hard just say "Follow your heart" and see where that goes, not something I would do. I mean, how can I look at this objectively? That's Shiny! That's MY Shiny! He likes being my Shiny! Nobody has a problem with him being my Shiny!... Why can't she just be trying to steal him from me? This would be so much easier if she was trying to steal him! I could fight and win if she was trying to steal him from me! I would win easy! But she doesn't want that... DAMN IT!

"OH! They add cinnamon to the seaweed?... Wait, that sounds like it might be horrible... or good! Dare I take a chance?"

>This was bad enough when I had to do actual PRINCESS stuff, but now I can't even deal with the thing I am the supposed authority on? This is so unfair! I didn't want to be the princess of love, I just fought a necklace! Nowhere in the stories does anyone get princess powers from fighting a NECKLACE!... Oh wow, my backstory is really lame. I'm a discount version of what Twilight does every other event... and I'm apparently not even that good at my job. Any one of my jobs... and wow I have a lot.... maybe it would be better if I just asked Eighteen to swap with me permanently. She changes into me enough, it probably wouldn't be that big of a difference for her.

"Maybe I'll go with... hm? Oh yes! You're welcome for.. that, yes, which I did. I did that... obviously... you're welcome!"

>Maybe that's what I should do, just tell Eighteen to become me permanently and just go slink off back to the boonies and hide away for all eternity. She'd get all the paperwork done, rule the kingdom, make everyone happy, do all the chores, probably raise Two better than I could... and I guess everyone would shut up about me sleeping with Shiny, wouldn't they!?

"I'm telling you, next time we need to just all disguise ourselves, I have JUST the giant trenchcoat!... Yes it's pink, why do you ask?"

>Because that's all a relationship is, right? Sex. It's allllll about sex and how much or little of it you have, and if you don't have a lot CLEARLY you don't love each other or are cheating on each other, right!? Because ooooohhh, it's impossible for the EMOTIONAL side of love to take precedence over sex, a few hours of lovemaking clearly trump a lifetime together!

"No, I do not have star sunglasses!... Okay fine, I DO, but I don't wear them!"

>CLEARLY I am bad at this because I don't put out every night and in a variety of different ways! That's what I needed this whole time, sex! Obviously I should just go out and have all the sex in every position because then I have all the love, right? New stallion every night for more love because that's how that works! And mares too! Have to sleep with every mare to get that extra mega love!

"No no! It would be great, I have a bedazzler and everything... why are you laughing?"

>Well you know what? FUCK them! And I do not mean in the way they want! Emotional love trumps sex everytime! There! I said it! Romance beats sex! END OF STORY! And I swear, if I hear just one more Celestia-damned pony telling me I need to do oral, I swear I will TEAR THEIR HEAD RIGHT OFF-

"What?... Oh, yes, it does appear my menu has caught on fire.... is that a gimmick? Is this an advertisement for the extra spicy rack?... No? Huh. Well... I thought it was neat."

>...Who am I kidding? If I tried to fight anyone who said that, I'd probably just get beat. I need superweapons others made or for them to be weak to me specifically to win anything. I suck at this...

"Ack! Smoke in the eye! Smoke in the eye! Ooooh ow ow ow, it stings... yes I'm crying it hurts!"

>...If I really was the princess of love, I'd just tell them and we could fix it together. That's how it's supposed to work, right? And we'd all come to an understanding and this would be fine, just like I tell everyone else. I just need to say it.

"...........Hm? Oh, no, just thinking about if I need to reapply my eyeshadow. Do I? Does it look fine?... Shiny, stop being a suckup. Eighteen?... Eighteen, we're on the date, you do not need to impress me."

>That's what I would do if I was good at this.

"Hm? Oh, no, it still just stings, think I got some ash in my eye... you know what? I'm going to the bathroom to freshen up... ha ha, ha. The food will not be ice. Jerks."

>...I'm worst princess...

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>Twilight
"Diamond Tiara"
'77'
[Spike]
~~~
>Tiara, may I ask about TBDRLIATU?

"Well what do you want to know?"

>Well, I remember making something similar that you and Spike fought over once. It was based off of an old weapon from the human world called a Fliegerfaust.

"Yeah, I remember that. Thing blew up on me so I made modifications to the design."

>And what are those exactly?

"TBDRILATU has a magnoscopic scope with vision ranges from magical, thermal, electromagnetic, and even x-ray. It also has radar and sonar scanning to shoot down planes or blow up submarines."

>Why x-ray?

"In case I need to shoot something in space."

'It's a reasonable precaution.'

"Yep. He weighs one hundred fifty kilograms, and is chambered to fire six, 80mm custom made rockets of various payloads and designs. Initial launch is added with electromagnetic rails with radar based range finder. Because of this, TBDRILATU can also fire smaller sized explosives, ferrous slugs (I never use those, though, why downgrade?), or operate as a more conventional grenade launcher."

>Wow... how much do the materials cost?

"About four hundred thousand bits for twelve shots."

>...

"Admittedly, that's why my standard loadout is all guided rockets. I can lock onto multiple individual targets, or just unload multiple rockets into a single target."

[And this is why the A-team lost government funding.]

"Well, you and the others did."

'It's not as though we needed it. Most of the funding paid for Twilight or you anyway.'

"Well, you know what they say. We can't all live on love alone."

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Non-canon
>DT
"Spike"
~~~
"Tiara, do you even remember half of what TBDRLIATU does anymore?"

>O-Of course I do!

"Really? Besides trigger, sight adjustments, and additional weapons deployment, what do the other buttons do?"

>Uhhh... Well... This button... I locks onto a single target multiple times!

Hot Cocoa is dispensed

>... Well I know for sure this one is part of the jump jets control system.

Instead deploys an Warthog style airplane around the two of them

"Alright, you really need to clean up TBDRLIATU's interface and start labeling things."

>One more chance! ONE MORE CHANCE! Okay! This should be the emergency teleportation recall-

Pulls a lever and is dropped down into a pit

>Okay, why do I even have that lever?!

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Non-Canon
>DT
"Spike"
~~~~
>Hey Spike, I've been wanting to do a custom job on the Highwind for some time. Mind if I do a little bit of my own upgrading?

"Eh, I don't know. How much is this going to cost us?"

>Oh, don't worry about it. It'll be completely out of my pocket. I swear, it's going to be really cool.

"Well...maybe-"

>Thanks for the keys. I'll bring it back!

~A time-lapse later~

>Spike, check out the new Highwind!

"WHAT IN THE-"
The highwind is covered in stacks of Missile Pods, missile bays, and rockets.

>This baby is equipped with hellfire rockets, Missiles that fires mini missiles, Bunker Buster missiles, Heat Seeking Missiles, Homing missiles, Incendary Missiles, extinguisher missiles because...what if you want to put out the fire? Drill missile, an armory missiles for those ground assaults and we need a gun. A drop pod. A Snack missile for snack emergencies...what, I get munchies sometimes.

"...are there enough missiles on it?"

>Ha...hahahahahaHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
falls on the ground laughing.
>I'm dying! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"..."

>Wait wait, I think I-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *snorts* OH NO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"..."

>HAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA OKAY...okay...hooo...I'm done.

"..."
Spike looks serious as DT has this grin on her face.

>Can I barrow the hoverbikes?

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"You strapped on so many rockets to the front, how are we supposed to see?"

>...Why would you need to do that?

"What if we're about to fly into something?"

>...Use the rockets?

"What if it's someone we don't want dead?"

>Then they better fucking move, this stuff is dangerous.

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Non-Canon
>DT
"Random thug"
~~~
"Oh, man! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! Oh, man!"

>Stop right there, terrorist scum!

BAMF!

"... Wait, did you just hit me with a boxing glove rocket?"

>Yes!

BAMF TO THE GROIN!

>See? Still hurts, don't it?

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Canon debatable
~~~
Deep within her laboratory, Twilight Sparkle toils away on the Sub-Space Alternate Reality Simulator. Millions of calculations are made, adjusted, wirings fixed and replaced, algorithms, heuristics, and AIs improved!

When Twilight set back to look upon her work, she smiled and saw it was good.

"Been a long time since we had some twience for fun. Let's take the SSARS 2.0 for a spin. GMAI, run scenario: Tomb of Horrors. I want to feel the pain and the bitter taste of my blood on my lips again!" The machine whirred to life and its doors yielded, Twilight Sparkle stepping out of her lab and into a grueling trial as the Arch-lich adventurer: Twilatus.

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 >PD
"Technician"
'Scientist'
[???]
~~~~

>Well?

It was very, very rare that she saw her employees smiling. However, that just meant that when it finally happened...

Of the two stallions in the room, one dressed sharply in a suit and the other in a lab coat, the suited one stepped forwards.

"Everything with our secu-droids are ahead of schedule. We're making quite the splash in Canterlot, and it's setting a bit of a trend, you might say."

>Good. And the information?

Impossibly, he smiled even more.

"They're recording everything they see. You'd be amazed at how much someone reveals. when their only other companion is a emotionless machine."

>Excellent. And you?

The scientist stepped forwards, smiling as well.

'The infusions for the ice is on track, and we're making a lot of headway in the Changeling infusion. In fact, once your newest 'acquisition' arrives, it's very likely we'll have it within the month.'

>Excellent. Finally...

She looked over, smirking as she looked into the shadows.

>How is it going with the blackfeathers?

Teeth, white pearly teeth, shown in the darkness.

[They're acting exactly as you believed they would.]

>Obviously. But good, make sure you keep them under the radar until the time is right, I do not need the Gryphon Queen to catch on before the... proper time.

[Of course.]

>Good, all of you. I shall see to it you are given your 'bonuses'... with a bit on the top if you can keep this up. Dismissed!

For the first time since they started working there, they didn't hear any spite or anger in her voice. Just a simple, pleased command.

For the first time since they started working there, they were not afraid.

>...What a shame.

She was positively grinning as she looked down to her desk, to that angry face in the paper that had not left it since the day she arrived in Caterlot.

>Looks like your time is almost up.

The smile grew, becoming erratic, even unhinged.

>What ever will I do with my time... when you're a corpse?

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>42
~~~

Her nose was pressed to the ground, light sniffs tickling it as she slunk along at a snails pace.

>...It's pointless.

Her eyes darted around, spying anything even slightly out of place. A barely moved vase there, a shift in the floor too close to the wall to be a guard.

>I have trained my entire life to track those who sought to evade me, to hunt down any changeling who attempted to flee and contain them. I have learned the methods, found the flaws, and I have made sure that I have none of the latter. I am a machine, little Two, a machine made for two things. To fight... and to hunt.

It all lead here, to this closet. One that, she was sure, contained her prey.

>And I am very good at what I do.

With a dramatic swing, the doors to the closet opened, revealing...

>...What in the name of...

...A giant life-sized replica of Two... made of dark chocolate.

>...You know, I should be questioning a lot of things here, but for some reason I'm just stuck on why she used chocolate instead of marchmalleys.

"Ya' can't use marchmalleys, silly! They're white! I'm not white, my chittytin is black!"

>...

Slowly, sloooowly, Forty Two reached up, up, up... to the top of her helmet.

A pointless move, since Two's upside down head lowered herself into her vision shortly after.

"Hi!"

She snapped up, of course, moving as quick as lightning.

"MEEPMEEP!"

>AH HAH!

She felt her hooves close around something, and with a prideful smirk she lowered it in front of her face.

The dust cloud in the shape of Two seemed to smile at her for a moment, before disintegrating with a 'poof'.

>...

"GOTTA CATCH ME!"

With a ZOOM! She was off.

>...I'm starting to think I'm still unconscious after the invasion, and this is all a really odd dream.

ZOOM!

"No it ain't!"

ZOOM!

>...Well thank goodness that cleared that up... GET BACK HERE!

"MEEPMEEP!"

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Non-Canon
>Spike
"Chrysalis"
~~~
>Oh, hey, Queen Bitch!

"The full title, kid. I worked hard for it."

>Right, sorry, Queen Bitch of the Universe II

Chrysalis hangs her head

"Okay, actually, you could drop that last part at the very end, anyway though, the hell do you want?"

>Well, figured lately on burying the hatchets and all that, you know how I've been working on and off on crowns for the royalty?

"Yeah, not half bad, but still crap compared to the one sitting on the top of my head."

>Exactly! I had a stroke of brilliance recently and thought: what crown would Chrysalis wear besides the one she worked so hard on? Then I realized I've been thinking about it the wrong way, it's not about a crown YOU would wear... But a crown your crown would wear.

"... What are you getting at kid and why am I kind of liking it?"

Spike takes out a sketch of crown, similar to Chrysalis'... Except it's got a little set of prongs so it can hook onto her smaller crown.

>I know you like your crown, so I put a crown on your crown so you can be royal while being royal.

"Fucking brilliant."

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CD

>32
"Pommel"
'Daw'
-Vekir-

'Oh come right off it!'

>I'm serious, you can learn a lot about a person's strategy when approaching combat by knowing what approach they have towards a game like chess.

'I plain don't like chess.'

>See, that tells me all I need to know.

'Which is?'

>You're a dullard.

'Feh, chess isn't a right judge of that stuff. Now cards, that's much better.'

>How so?

'Well look at it like this, you know what you got, but you may not know what the other guy has, but if you read 'em right, you can get a lay of the land and vice versa. Now tell me ya can't apply that to a scrap.'

>An...interesting way to look at it, I suppose. What about you, Pommel?

"Well I suck at chess, and I suck at poker sooo..."

-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

>Did you hear something?

-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

'Yeah...kinna a high-pitched squealing'

-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

"Wonder what the heck it is-"

CRASH!

A small sky-blue blur of speed smashed its way through the doors of the restaurant, snaking its way between and through the busy hooves of the staff and patrons alike, making a bee-line for the three individuals sat at the far end, all the while continuing its cry.

-UUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Finally it lept, smashing onto the table right in front of 32, who stared, blinking in confusion at it.

-...uhl.-

>...uhm...hello. Can I help you?

-Huh? Oh! Aha! One of the moments! ARMOR OFF!-

In an instant the armor on her body fell away, revealing the small Morlock within, who was staring, a gigantic bordering on goofy smile on her face, at the changeling.

"Hey, it's Vekir."

'How've you been, squirt?'

But the small creature only had eyes for the changeling, who, finally having his mind catch up with his body, smiled back almost paternally.

>Vekir? Vekir! How-what-where, I don't...ha..hahaha!

The changeling was quick to grab the small morlock up, wrapping his forelegs around her in a firm hug, picking her up off the table (in the process freeing her hoof from the salad bowl she'd landed in).

>Oh little one you don't know how fantastic it is to see you again!

-Zhetri Tuuhl you do not know how muchly I am happy to see YOU again!-

>How are you? How are the others? Rekulk? Grelk? Grehm? Sebjek? There must be so much that's happened down there!

-...yes, yes muchly! Much of a muchness has happened...uhm...-

>Well please my dear girl, speak up, I want to know all about it! My ears are always open when it comes to my adopted people!

-Vekir has...not been down there...for a while...eheh...-

>Huh, why not? I thought you were a farmer.

-Well, you see, things occurred...-

And for miles around, even as far as Ponyville, people head a strange sound on the wind.

>THEY MADE YOU *WHAT*!?

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>AJ
"Fluttershy"
~~~

>So, Fluttershy, how's yer' chaos trainin' comin' along?

"Oh... actually? It's coming along pretty well. I'm surprised how much I'm getting the hang of some of this."

>Really?

"Yes!... Oh, I hope you don't think less of me, but..."

>Now come on, ya' know Ah' ain't never gonna think less o' you. What is it?

"...It's... well, sometimes... it's fun."

>Fun?

"It is! I know how bad that sounds since it caused so much trouble, but sometimes it's fun just to make something interesting! I made a little roller coaster for my mice friends, and they loved it! And then I made a giant cake made out of jello for Angel Bunny, he loved it too! And then I cleared out a rock that was blocking some poor ferret's home by making the rock tapdance! It was a fun show."

>Huh. That does sound kinda fun. Don't mean ta' get down on ya', but ain't ya' kinda worried yer' gonna...

"...Sometimes. But I've started feeling it... 'taking over' before, but it never sticks."

>It doesn't?

"Nope, anytime I feel like it, she just makes me think... sane. She just makes the voices stop and I can think again."

>Oh... ya' mean Chrysalis.

"Yes! She's been really helpful, Applejack."

>Well.... good. Bout time she did somethin' useful.

"..."

>What?

"Oh, it's silly."

>Shoot.

"...Want to come and watch sometime?"

>Ya' mean watch ya' do yer' chaos stuff?

"Yes!... I mean, yes, if you want to."

>...This ain't a trick ta' get me ta' magic train, is it?

"...No?"

>...Maybe sometime.

"Oh... good."

>...So is that elephant gonna leave the room, or-

"He seems pretty settled in, I don't want to bother him."

>Ain't he gonna melt? Ah' don't want snow all over the carpet.

"Nope. He's going to get bigger, actually."

>...

"..."

>...What the fuck happened ta' mah' life?

"I ask myself that a lot..."

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