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JON MAHON CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Jan 1st, 2012
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  1. JON MAHON CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
  2. --------------------------------------------------
  3. HE'S MAKING A LIST
  4. AND CHECKING IT 9001 times
  5. GONNA FIND OUT WHO'S NAUGHTY (in bed) AND NICE
  6. JON MAHON IS COMING TO TOWN
  7. He sees you when you're SHOWERING!!!! OH MY GOD
  8. He knows when you're awake
  9. HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY NAUGHTY NAUGHTY (in bed) OR GOOD
  10. SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!!!!!
  11.  
  12. JON MAHON was impersonating santa AND DOING A BAD JOB OF IT. (he did grow a pretty epic beard for it though)
  13. he took his 9001 detentions he had gotten over the years and CROSSED OFF HIS NAME
  14. and wrote OTHER PEOPLES' NAMES ON THEM. (illegal) and for the detention location
  15. he wrote in the address of some party place nobody knew about (not even him)
  16.  
  17. he was passing them out during lunch the next day with his friend SID SPACE
  18. in a santa outfit and said "crap......... LETS BE SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!" (nobody heard)
  19. so nobody knew it was him
  20. even though
  21. on the detention
  22. you could still read the crossed out JON MAHON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  23. and the detention reasons were things jon was well known for! (farting in class)
  24.  
  25. also the date on the detentions was December 25th (nobody noticed this either maybe they're dumb I DON'T KNOW)
  26. everyone was all BUMMED OUT that they couldn't attend their christmas parties (NOT NOTICING that everyone in the parties had detentions too,
  27. so there wouldn't really be any party because there'd be nobody there because AUGH I don't know..............)
  28.  
  29. so on december 25th everyone brought their party stuff to the detention!!!!
  30. AND DROVE TO THE MYSTERIOUS PLACE LISTED ON THE DETENTIONS
  31. wait a second if there's TONS OF KIDS in one place AND THEY HAVE PARTY STUFF
  32. THEN IT'S NOT A DETENTION AT ALL!!!!!!
  33. THAT WAS!??????!??????????? A PARTY INVITATION!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  34. darn you jon AUGH
  35. ........ !??????????
  36.  
  37. then, when EVERYONE was inside
  38. A GIANT CALIFORNIA REDWOOD TREE CRACKED A VIOLNET SNOWSORM AND FELL AS IF HINGED
  39. BLOCKING THE ENTRANCE AND SNOWING EVERYONE IN AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!????????!?!??!?
  40. but hey it made a nice 30,60,90 right triangle
  41.  
  42. CRAP!!!!!!!!! so the people INSIDE THE PARTY PLACE
  43. were STUCK INSIDE for the time being!!!!!!!!!!!! D:
  44.  
  45. so HERE I WILL ESTABLISH A PARTIAL LIST OF PEOPLE WHO WENT TO THE PARTY
  46. celebrities: Barack Obama (with his awesome t-shirt), Osama bin Laden, Vegeta, Hitler, Anne Frank, (oops) Anne Frankenstein
  47. classmates: Josh, Jared, Sid Space, Karson, DANNY, Tyler, Alex (both Nuclear and Irritable Alexes), d-love/2kdre
  48. and the obligatory list of similarly named people: Billy Mays, Bill Gates, Bill Nye, Bill Cosby, Bill Gosper
  49. (the first three bills make up the BILLY ALLIANCE)
  50.  
  51. SO THE PEOPLE NOW HAVE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING TO DO IN THE AWESOME PARTY HOUSE UNTIL SOMEONE HELPS............
  52. (or just enjoy the party)
  53.  
  54. d-love got a DISCO BALL AND SET IT UP
  55. ACTUALLY 99999 disco balls
  56. BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD LASERS AND WERE EVIL
  57. and was DJing and rapping and stuff
  58. d-love: "YO YO YO jon mahon YO"
  59. d-love: "gotta eat the toast"
  60. d-love: "'cause its christmas time OKAY?????????????????"
  61.  
  62. SO JON MAHON GOT OUT a giant candycane
  63. and used it AS A SWORD
  64. TO FIGHT OFF THE DISCO BALLS
  65. but wasn't getting very much progress
  66.  
  67. Jared: "ME NO LIKE DISCO BALLS"
  68. and Jared left! (somehow)
  69.  
  70. BUT THE DISCO BALLS WERE STILL ATTACKING
  71. until suddenly VEGETA WAS LIKE "KAMEHAMEHA!!"
  72. and blew up the disco balls with a huge energy blast
  73. that somehow did not damage the building or any guests
  74.  
  75. So THE BILLY ALLIANCE GROUPED TOGETHER
  76. AND DECIDED TO BLOW A HOLE IN THE WALL TO GET OUT.
  77. SO WERE BRAINSTORMING together until JON MAHON SUDDENLY FARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  78. WHOSE FART BLEW everyone into "THE NIGHT BEFORE JON MAHON"
  79.  
  80. 'Twas NOT the night before JON MAHON, when all through the SCHOOL
  81. Not a creature was FARTING, not even uh Jared! LOLOOLOLLOLOLOLO;
  82. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
  83. In hopes that JON MAHON SOON WOULD BE THERE;
  84. ...but then suddenly a bee flew in and it stung someone who died and then they SUED IT FOR MURDER
  85. LANDING THEM BACK IN UHHHHH THE JON MAHON PARTY HOUSE
  86. BECAUSE THE JUDGE FARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  87.  
  88. so they were back at the party house
  89. and suddenly Wendy from the restaurant named Wendy's came over
  90. and uh well
  91. SHE worked with IRRITABLE ALEX
  92. to create FROSTY THE FROSTYMAN
  93. WHO WAS ALMOST THE SAME AS FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
  94. EXCEPT HE ACTUALLY WAS A FROSTY AND also simultaneously product placement
  95. also he was evil and he throw snowballs at people
  96.  
  97. BARACK OBAMA WAS WATCHING POKEMON IN THE CORNER
  98. and turned into BROCK OBAMA (like in obamastory)
  99. and d-love started DJing some rock music
  100. which caused obama to then change into BROCKSTAR OBAMA
  101.  
  102. AND SUDDENLY PLAYED SOME REALLY RAD TUNES
  103. and he chased after FROSTY THE FROSTYMAN
  104. but Jon Mahon handed a super cool electric guitar to Brockstar Obama
  105. who accidentally made frosty the frostyman explode WITH DA POWER OF MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!1
  106.  
  107. JARED WAS SOMEHOW BACK
  108. and then there was rebecca whose last name was BLACK
  109. oops I mean there was REBECCA BLACK WHO WAS SINGING "FRIDAY" ENDLESSLY
  110. and JACK BLACK
  111. Hitler: "what does the scouter say about her annoyingness level"
  112. Vegeta: "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!"
  113.  
  114. and jack black who was obsessed with octagons
  115. drew an octagon
  116. Jack: "WE FOUND AN OCTAGON!!!!!!!!!"
  117. BUT IT WAS A MAGIC ORANGE OCTAGON
  118. AND WAS ACTUALLY A PORTAL
  119. so everyone went in thinking it was a way out of the party place
  120. but it actually just led to ANOTHER MAGIC OCTAGON that was BLUE
  121. !!!!!
  122. except it was always friday
  123. Jared: "ME NO LIKE FRIDAY"
  124. so they went back in
  125. and it was always NOT friday
  126. so rebecca black shut up finally
  127.  
  128. so JACK BLACK TRIED TO SING FRIDAY (in a really heavy russian accent)
  129. BUT THERE WAS A CHARACTER NAMED SLIPPERY SOAP FROM BLUES CLUES
  130. WHO WAS MAKING A SLIPPERY MESS
  131. but he slipped and fell on an octagon before he could finish
  132. poor jack
  133.  
  134. Jon Mahon did not actually have a real christmas tree
  135. so he took a fake robot one
  136. and put it up
  137. Sid Space: "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A FAKE CHRISTMAS!???????"
  138. Jon Mahon: "sure"
  139. Sid Space: "WHAT!"
  140. Jon Mahon: "WHATS THE MATTER DO YOU NOT LIKE YOUR FAKE CHRISTMAS!????"
  141. Hitler: "NEIN NEIN NEIN!!!!!!!!!!!"
  142.  
  143. but the fake robot tree came with a fake robot santa
  144. who was evil
  145. but Karson kicked its butt
  146. because he's goot at kicking robots' butts
  147.  
  148. so the BILLY ALLIANCE got together with nuclear alex (who knew about radioactive stuff)
  149. and josh had some uranium in his pocket.
  150. and the billy alliance decided they would make a machine that harnessed the power of jon mahon's illegal nuclear farts
  151. to blast a hole in the party house and get out
  152.  
  153. so the BILLY ALLIANCE with the help of NUCLEAR ALEX
  154. constructed a machine and inserted josh's uranium
  155. and jon mahon was given pizza
  156. and then jon farted
  157. and a GIGANTIC HOLE WAS BLASTED IN THE CEILING
  158. it was pretty impossible to get out through it though
  159. CONSIDERING IT WAS ON THE FREAKING CEILING
  160.  
  161. for some reason IRONICALLY after the hole was blasted the VIOLNET SORM disappeared and all the snow was gone
  162. (also the tree REVERSE-FELL as if hinged - if that's even POSSIBLE)
  163. completely negating any need for the hole in the first place.
  164. and to make it worse the fart made it super smelly all the way from here to 125 MILES away.
  165.  
  166. The billy alliance was FINED FOR DAMAGE TO THE PARTY HOUSE because the person DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE VIOLNET SORM
  167. and thought the explosion was random and unnecessary
  168. AND THAT WAS ILLEGAL.
  169.  
  170. so they got out anyway
  171. and nobody cared
  172. LADIES AND GENTLEMAN
  173. THIS HAS BEEN A JON MAHON CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!
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