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- Chapter 8: As I pray, at the very least,
- that I won't make any more mistakes.
- When would winter end? There weren’t many clear experiences I could draw from so far
- so the days only somewhat were noticeable in their changes in temperature. But even so,
- I was strangely aware of the turning points, probably as we reached milestone after
- milestone.
- That’s why, the end of winter to me is probably today.
- Yesterday, I’d shut myself away in my room all day long, exchanging mail with
- Zaimokuza, refreshing the SNS, thoroughly checking for any errors on the homepage; just
- spending the day off completely restlessly.
- Then comes the Monday that opens the week. The Monday everyone detests. The
- Monday when problems that occur in the weekend gets reported.
- Going to school, the classroom was filled with the atmosphere of a year’s end. Because of
- the excitement from the season of graduation, the topics of conversations were mostly
- about future courses, plans for the spring break, or even about the final tests. Excluded
- from all the casual chats was me alone at my seat, just silently listening to it all.
- What awaited was the after school chime.
- Through Yukinoshita Haruno, the bait had been spread. The prom that had been
- cornered based off on self-restraint had another even flashier proposal. The subset of
- caregivers opposing the prom wouldn’t be able to overlook this information. Above all,
- because their window of argument had already been established, they would probably
- make their move faster than they did before; both today and tomorrow too.
- And it seems that prediction wasn’t all that off the mark.
- When the afternoon classes ended, as the atmosphere began to lighten, Hiratsuka-sensei
- came towards the classroom as if she had been hurrying somewhat. She peered in
- through the door and when our eyes met, she smiled tiredly.
- “Hikigaya. Do you have a moment after this? You’re being called in.”
- As if Hiratsuka-sensei had said a joke, the lot remaining in the classroom slightly turned
- their heads.
- Already having packed up and gathered my things, I took my bag and headed off.
- Hiratsuka-sensei smiled bitterly at that.
- “The reason you’re being called… Looks like you already know why.”
- “Sort of, since I can think of a lot of reasons. I used to be called in every time something
- happened.”
- “Seriously.”
- Hiratsuka-sensei shrugged her shoulders and her bitter smile appeared somewhat sad. I
- also pretended to smile bitterly while averting my eyes.
- And, what came within my line of sight were those groups doubting us.
- On one side were several students giving us strange looks while there were those at the
- back of the classroom giving us their usual reactions.
- Miura didn’t seem to have any interest in us at all and looked bored while twirling her
- hair with her fingertips. Ebina-san was looking at me while nodding. Tobe’s group was
- smirking while whispering, “tsubeh. Hikitani-kun screwed up, beh”. Damn you, Tobe...
- But there was just one in the middle, Hayama, that maintained a cold smile like a statue
- and fixated his gaze this way.
- I have no reason to know what he means by that and I’m not interested either, but I can
- tell just from looking that there’s pity.
- And finally, there was Yuigahama. Quickly able to guess the situation based off
- Hiratsuka-sensei’s presence here, she stopped packing her things and only grabbed her
- nearby coat with her as she ran out.
- Exiting into the corridor, Yuigahama caught up to us. She probably intended to come to
- help me, but I can’t keep relying on Yuigahama for this. Always, up until now, I came this
- far by relying on her. I wanted to complete the finishing touches by myself.
- “It’s just me appointed to be there, right?”
- “That’s right. Well, I don’t know if it’s an appointment or not. I’ve just been told to call in
- the person responsible.”
- “Yeah, that would be me.”
- Hiratsuka-sensei breathed out with an expression mixed between bitterness and
- sarcastic amazement. Yuigahama watched our exchange with a long face before uneasily
- opening her mouth to speak.
- “But I think it’d be good if I went as well…”
- “It’s okay, I’ll do it properly.”
- I said it so nonchalantly that Yuigahama opened her mouth to say something, but just
- before she could, her words had caught in her throat. And then, with lips pursed, she
- made a slight nod.
- Her strange behaviour caught my attention and when I turned my gaze to face her,
- Hiratsuka-sensei struck my shoulder.
- “There’s no need to worry, I’m here too. Nothing weird is going to happen.”
- Hiratsuka-sensei said to put her at ease and Yuigahama nodded by returning a faint
- smile.
- “Then I’ll be off for a bit.”
- “Yeah. If something happens, call me.”
- As she spoke, Yuigahama lightly made a soldier’s gesture with a raised hand while
- Hiratsuka-sensei and I began to walk again. I burningly watched her figure clad in a
- white coat with hands deep in her pockets as I followed her one step behind.
- “Is this according to your plan?”
- Hiratsuka-sensei slightly moved her neck and asked my reflection on the glass of the
- windows extending across the corridor.
- “...Sort of, for the most part.”
- Honestly speaking, not everything has been going according to plan, but the very
- minimum has been achieved. To me, this is a job well done. As I answered, I could tell
- Hiratsuka-sensei was smiling wryly over her back.
- “That’s very much like your methods. Do you have a chance of winning?”
- “There doesn’t have to be. In any case, there isn’t another way.”
- As the continuing glass of the windows changed to walls, I could no longer infer
- Hiratsuka-sensei’s expression. I could only hear a sighing voice escaping.
- “...That’s not a bad answer. I like it, that kind of thing.”
- As she spoke, Hiratsuka-sensei’s figure unexpectedly disappeared. I knew she’d just
- turned the corner and was going down the stairs, but even so, I’d hurriedly moved my
- legs faster. Becoming aware of what I was doing, I smiled bitterly.
- Someday soon, will I end up looking for that figure every time something happens?
- Because I was imagining stuff like that, I had stopped walking at some point. As I slowly
- went down the stairs one step at a time, the distance between us began to widen. Just
- like this, I will surely have to come to terms with separating from this person.
- Neither of us spoke and the only sounds came from our footsteps.
- As we approached the landing, Hiratsuka-sensei’s white coat flowed as she turned half
- her body towards me.
- “Hikigaya, do you have time sometime soon? It doesn’t have to be today. It can be
- tomorrow or some other day.”
- Hearing that, I thought about my schedule for a moment. Today I still had to clean up
- things here and there which would take up some time, but I really had nothing to do
- tomorrow and after.
- There probably wouldn’t be any club activities anymore. Regardless of how the prom
- turns out, there likely wouldn’t be.
- I was late in replying because I was suddenly thinking about all of this. Our footsteps
- resounded as if filling in the meanwhile silence.
- “...Well, I’m pretty much free.”
- “Really. Okay then…”
- Walking forward, Hiratsuka-sensei was also slowly thinking about something as she cut
- off for a moment.
- “...Okay then, let’s go for ramen!”
- With only her neck turned this way, and her long hair shaking, I could see her smiling as
- if she won something.
- I replied with a bitter smile and a nod.
- 8-2
- At last, we reached the reception office and Hiratsuka-sensei knocked on the door. The
- voice of the person who requested me coolly sounded out and I remember having heard
- that voice somewhere before. It seemed the visitor was Yukinoshita’s mother after all.
- I followed Hiratsuka-sensei into the room and there someone gracefully standing next to
- the window turned around to face us. The person before us, wearing a wisteria-coloured
- kimono moderately decorated with peach blossoms, was truly an unimaginable beauty.
- Coffee had already been prepared and placed at the seat of honour. Yukinoshita’s mother
- sat there and with a friendly voice asked me to sit down as well. I quietly obeyed and
- Hiratsuka-sensei took a seat next to me.
- “We’ve met the other day as well, haven’t we.”
- “Yes... Nice meeting you then.”
- I answered with a twitching smile. Her formal smile overlapped with Haruno-san’s
- features and frankly I wasn’t very good at dealing with it. As if she could tell I was
- nervous from my state, Yukinoshita’s mother raised a hand to her mouth; smiling as if
- she was lovingly looking at a small animal.
- “Then let’s start over… May I ask about your reason for being here today?”
- When Hiratsuka-sensei cut in, Yukinoshita’s mother gently smiled and took out her
- smartphone.
- “Ah, that’s right. Then getting straight into it… This, were you the one who thought of it?”
- On the low table was the phone screen that was displaying the official site of the dummy
- prom.
- Absorbed in the thought that this was the finale of the match, I laughed a little. Because
- I’d wanted this shameless attitude calling for diplomacy during this critical moment.
- While this sense of crisis is being called an accidental trigger, there had been no other
- option but to call for a compromise.
- “It could be the opinion of some students. These days there are quite some flashy high
- school students.”
- As I said a line I’d been told somewhere before, reworded with sarcasm mixed in,
- Hiratsuka-sensei’s elbow hit my side. Yukinoshita’s mother looked at that with a smile
- and responded with a certain tone of voice.
- “I see…”
- Yukinoshita’s mother placed her hands on her temples and narrowed her eyes. Her
- gestures reminded me of the gaze of big cats as they went into hunting mode.
- I started to get a bad feeling as sweat gradually began to run down my scalp. I don’t mean
- to brag, but I’ve never been wrong about bad feelings.
- Suddenly, Yukinoshita’s mother began to speak.
- “Running another proposal isn’t a bad move, but the flaws stand out a bit. Also, even if
- you increase the number of choices, it will still be difficult without resolving the
- fundamental problems. What’s your opinion on that part?
- That gaze and tone of voice had changed to become so much colder than before. A cold
- chill ran down my spine. The last part of what she said seemed a question aimed towards
- me, but my head couldn’t get around to an answer.
- Yukinoshita’s mother rejected the dummy prom proposal we’d made because it was just
- something used to run against the original proposal. Had she heard something from
- Haruno-san in advance? No, judging from her actions the other day, she wouldn’t go out
- of her way to tell her mother when it seemed there would be discord.
- In other words, it simply means she saw through our plans. In addition, because she
- could point it out from the beginning, our plans were crushed before they even started.
- I should have replied, but I had lost my words and I was left dumbfoundedly looking at
- Yukinoshita’s mother.
- The person on the other side was calm and composed as she hid her mouth with a
- folding fan, smiling as if she was enjoying this. That figure appeared as if she was looking
- forward to what hand I would play next.
- Though she could make a face like that, I could only put up a bitter smile. The things I
- had thought of saying had all blown away. As long as her first hand remained calling out
- my plan as something just used to run against the original, there was no meaning in
- exchanging words about it. Besides, the dummy prom plan had been seen through by
- both Hayama and Haruno-san the very first time they saw it as well. I had already lost
- the moment I thought it would go through someone like Yukinoshita’s mother.
- “The real problem, the one about the self-restraint at a prom; the fact we can expect a
- subset of students to rebel against it is true. The risk of this happening in a place not in
- our awareness still exists.”
- Seeing me unable to reply, Hiratsuka-sensei promptly intervened.
- “Therefore, it might be wise to choose situations that falls within our management to
- some extent. The Student Council’s side have revised their plans to find a way that will
- satisfy both sides.”
- Hiratsuka-sensei handed documents that she’d set on the side table to Yukinoshita’s
- mother and gave me a part of them too. Flicking through them, I could see the revisions
- from what Yukinoshita and the others had said the other day. Yukinoshita’s mother also
- examined through the documents but had a dull reaction to it with a somewhat sour
- expression.
- Hiratsuka-sensei’s follow up itself was in line with my ideas. But, seeing the dummy
- prom completely as just an alternative plan made our persuasive attempts feel strongly
- like we were on the defence. Yukinoshita’s mother also had a troubled look as she turned
- her neck.
- “I see… It looks as if you’re bringing together components to make persuasions, but I
- wonder if they would understand… Because there could be people on the inside also
- stubborn about this.”
- Yukinoshita’s mother mixed her words with a bitter smile. Though her wording was
- different, it was something I’d heard somewhere before.
- “Even if we continue talking like this, to change everyone’s opinions, they’d need to be
- here.”
- Not paying attention as the other side continued to talk, I lightly closed my eyes and
- searched through my memories. If I remember correctly, it was Yukinoshita Haruno
- who’d said it; that she didn’t care about how the prom itself turned out.
- In that case, for what reason did Yukinoshita’s mother bring up that subject here.
- The answer was simple. Because it had resulted in a problem.
- Yukinoshita’s mother had a way of solving it and the one tool required existed here. It
- would do nothing but erase the dispute; her idealism and actions didn’t matter. She had a
- habit of seeing things as problems and avoiding uproars. Thus, she was just playing
- along.
- But that’s why we proposed the dummy prom; to lead her to something more
- reasonable. That aim itself was definitely not wrong.
- It’s just, where we’d drawn the line was wrong. Methods are methods, tools are tools,
- and to that end, there was no concept of friend or foe.
- This time, Yukinoshita’s mother was the messenger. She was only a negotiator sent by
- the other party.
- My opponent in this game isn’t Yukinoshita’s mother. She was just another piece on the
- board; the strongest queen.
- In that case, there was still a hand I could play.
- There was probably just one person in this world, something only I could use, even if I
- wouldn’t be forgiven for using it just once; the absolute lowest and worst means.
- However, if I only had one card left in my hand, then I had no choice but to play it.
- “To persuade that ‘everyone’ you speak of, can we ask for your cooperation?”
- Maybe my statement was unexpected, Yukinoshita’s mother tilted her head. A movement
- so innocent, I dropped a smile. Their reactions when they’re told something out of their
- expectations were truly so similar.
- “There is a way of persuading them, isn’t there? Then wouldn’t the end result change
- depending on who says it?”
- What’s important isn’t “what is said”, but “who says it” may be an overused phrase, but it
- is the truth. The subset of stubborn caregivers and such could be convinced if it was
- Yukinoshita’s mother saying it instead of me. They would also know they’d be dealing
- with an opponent who held a higher rank than themselves and it’s because of this I was
- asking for her assistance.
- The nature of this game was nothing other than to take the opponent’s queen.
- “...In fact, it wouldn’t be very persuasive if it was someone like me who isn’t really known
- by anybody talking.”
- With a dry laugh and a pitiful voice, I had played check on the unknown black king.
- “That’s not true. I think you’ve done well in such a short time. It was to the extent I
- became curious who it was.”
- After Yukinoshita’s mother smiled and spoke as if she was truly impressed, she turned
- her neck.
- “My apologies, had I asked you what your name is?”
- And then she lowered her eyebrows and asked like she wasn’t that sorry.
- In a moment, Hiratsuka-sensei held my wrist to restrain me. She understood well that if I
- said my name here, the other side would get some kind of meaning out of it.
- But my turn had been over the moment the other side had asked. All that was left was to
- fulfil my role as another piece on the board.
- This piece usually never had any use. They were good-for-nothings that had no place on
- the board except to take up space.
- But, in just one circumstance were they capable of removing the queen from play.
- “It’s Hikigaya Hachiman.”
- When I named myself, Hiratsuka-sensei breathed out a small sigh as if she had given up
- and let go of my wrist.
- “Hikigaya…”
- Yukinoshita’s mother placed a hand to her mouth while repeating my name in a small
- voice and wandered her gaze downwards. Seeming like she finally remembered
- something, she raised her head.
- “I see… You’re…”
- I returned her gaze with a formal smile. I can’t do it as well as Hayama or Haruno-san,
- but I tried as best I could. Maybe it was effective, because Hiratsuka-sensei looked like
- she was playing dumb.
- The problem starts here. As I’ve named myself, I couldn’t afford to make any mistakes in
- my statements or behaviour. Whether it be coercion, insolence, or even being overly
- sucking-up, any of it could be seen as intimidation.
- And so, as long as I’ve been cornered, mistakes from now on will become my fault and
- becomes something the other side could take advantage of. That’s why I have to act with
- sincerity and convey that we have no ill intentions.
- “We caused you terrible trouble on that occasion. You parents were left with many things
- to do and excuse us that we couldn’t greet them.”
- Her words were as flat as possible and her lowered head was neither too shallow nor
- deep. Just fulfilling with as much duty as she held responsible. There weren’t any other
- unnecessary emotions within.
- This was a one form of diplomatic etiquette. It wasn’t an excessive show, but just enough.
- Maybe she thought the message was correctly conveyed, she returned to her composed
- self.
- “We truly apologise for the trouble caused by one of our own. How was your leg injury?
- We offer our sincere apologies for the inconvenience it must have caused.”
- I positively act in response to Yukinoshita’s mother deeply lowering her head.
- “I made a full recovery thanks to you. To the point my leg became even sturdier than
- before. You can watch me dance when the prom is on.”
- At that moment I moved just my foot around as my shoes made tapping noises and
- showed off how random my step work was. As I did so, Yukinoshita’s mother observed,
- placing her hand to her mouth as she pleasantly laughed.
- “What bad manners.”
- Hiratsuka-sensei hit my waist with a smack and thanks to that I could finally stop
- clowning around. I scowled at myself for acting so foolishly and I refrained from letting
- out a deep sigh.
- Still smiling as Yukinoshita’s mother watched, her eyes narrowed and she murmured to
- herself.
- “...has quite the nerve.”
- Her gaze was so cold it made me feel as if she was evaluating me and I was being frozen
- solid. In those eyes that looked as if they could see through everything, I felt nauseous.
- But that gaze soon loosened. Yukinoshita’s mother opened her folding fan and hid her
- mouth as she giggled. That was this person’s way of laughing honestly.
- “I’ll do it.”
- “Thank you for your help.”
- Until the very end, I tried to maintain my composure as I answered; wiping the sweat
- from my forehead while pretending I was combing my fringe. My shirt was tightly
- sticking to me from cold sweat and my throat was so dry it hurt even just by breathing in.
- Looking in hindsight, all I’d done was name myself and talk about that incident in the
- past. That name, that conversation, those themselves had no meaning. That’s why
- whoever heard it can give whatever meaning they want to it.
- Yukinoshita’s mother had been smiling for some time now, but it disappeared as she
- flicked the fan closed.
- “Alright… let me try talking to the caregivers. It would help if the teacher could also be
- present.”
- “We will adjust to your schedule.”
- I listened as the adults discussed business. My nervousness from before had been cleanly
- cut and I began to feel a surge of tiredness. Without realising it I was staring up at the
- ceiling, sighing deeply, and standing in a daze.
- “Hikigaya. Can you do something for me?”
- “Y-Yes.”
- Suddenly being talked to, I straightened my back in panic. It looked like the conversation
- had progressed quite a lot while I hadn’t been listening.
- “I can’t leave after this. Can you tell Yukinoshita to continue the revised plan for the
- prom? How you tell her, I’ll leave it to you.”
- “Ha… I got it...”
- Hiratsuka-sensei just nodded as I answered without having understood the flow of the
- conversation. Her eyes were telling me to hurry up and go. Well, it was true we didn’t
- have much time left until the prom. The decision-makers should be promptly told of this.
- After I stood up, Yukinoshita’s mother sitting on the other end smiled.
- “Hikigaya-kun. Let us meet again.”
- “Hahaha… Please excuse me.”
- Playing it off with a dry laugh and without giving a direct answer, I bowed and left the
- reception room. If possible, I didn’t want to meet her again...
- 8-3
- I quietly walked down the school building in the approaching twilight and finally reached
- the Student Council room.
- I stood in front of the door and knocked. There was only a slight delay before there was
- an answer, and I breathed out a deep sigh.
- There were no sounds of footsteps and the door opened quietly. The heater must have
- been turned on as a flow of warm air escaped from the narrow opening.
- The person holding the door knob was a girl with plaited hair and glasses. If I
- remembered correctly, this was the secretary. She seemed to know who I was as she let
- me inside.
- I lightly lowering my head in thanks and entered, and right in front of me was the vice-
- president at his desk, crying “there’s no time… there’s no time...” while doing his work.
- Good, good, suffer some more.
- I looked around the inside of the room, but Yukinoshita wasn’t here. Just Isshiki at the
- desk on the far end, gnawing on snacks and tilting her neck as she looked at me.
- “...I hadn’t called for you.”
- Am I not allowed to come if I’m not called for? Yep, not allowed. When I opened my
- mouth to say the reason I’d come, Isshiki clapped her hands.
- “Ah, are you here to help? Aiming to be a servant? A free labour worker?”
- What’s with that super development? Just how much are you leaping? Having to deal
- with Irohasu who hadn’t changed, my shoulders dropped as some strength left my body.
- “Expect that next year. I’ll introduce you to a promising rookie. Anyway, where’s
- Yukinoshita?”
- I asked after our exchange of our usual remarks. Isshiki turned her neck and glanced at
- the unornamented desk Yukinoshita used.
- “Haa, now that you mention it, she’s not here.”
- Isshiki seemed to only notice this now. Seeing that reaction, it probably hadn’t been that
- long since she’d left.
- She probably left because the heater was on too strongly. Anyway, if Yukinoshita wasn’t
- here then there was no reason for me to be here either.
- “Then nevermind. Later.”
- “Ah, hey, what’s with that?! Didn’t you come for some reason?!”
- Isshiki called out and stopped me as I tried to quickly leave the room. I suddenly realised
- when she said “reason”. I hadn’t been told specifically to tell Isshiki, but I figured she
- should know. I stopped walking and turned around.
- “Ah, that’s right. They’ve decided to go with your proposal for the prom. You can go
- ahead and start on it. Good luck.”
- “Haa… Huh?”
- Isshiki’s mouth dropped open and turned her entire upper body along with her neck. If
- she heard the details, I’d have to tell her the whole story of how it all happened which
- would be too much of a pain. I’ll take my leave while Isshiki’s head is still trying to
- comprehend it.
- 8-4
- I hadn’t decided on where I was going, but even so my legs didn’t hesitate and naturally
- headed towards that place. I thought she must be there.
- In the empty hallway of the special building. It’s been almost a year that I’ve passed
- through here towards the clubroom. I would probably still reach it even if I closed my
- eyes.
- Finally, I could see the door. I stood in front of it, traced it, then placed my fingers on the
- handle. It should be made of the same materials as every other classroom door, but I felt
- as if I would never forget this coldness and hardness.
- If I pulled with some strength, the door would make a noise and slide open.
- What’s in front of me, wasn’t a deviant, but a regular classroom.
- However, the reason I felt this classroom was different was likely because a certain girl
- was there.
- In the setting sun and the blowing wind, Yukinoshita Yukino was standing by the
- window, gazing at the outside.
- The window was wide open as if to change the atmosphere in the clubroom not used by
- anyone in a while and the curtain was swaying in the wind.
- Even if the world ended, this girl would be here, like this. This sight was so much like a
- painting that I was making these illusions.
- When I saw that, both my body and mind had stopped.
- ——I was lost in admiration even when I was defeated.
- Yukinoshita noticed the visitor and she held her hair swaying in the wind as she turned
- around. Her eyes widened as if surprised for a moment, but quickly expressed a smile.
- “Hello.”
- “...Yeah.”
- As I answered her, Yukinoshita closed the window. The swaying curtains also stopped
- and all sound disappeared inside the clubroom.
- The sunset brilliantly filled this tranquil space. While my eyes narrowed due to the
- brightness, Yukinoshita leaned on the glass window and the glossy black hair on her
- shoulder shone even further.
- “Do you have a reason to be here?”
- “No, I was told to contact you about work.”
- “I see, I’m sorry I made you go out of your way to come all the way here.”
- “You don’t have to worry about it, it doesn’t take much time and effort.”
- As I answered, I pulled the chair closest to the door. In this place where I always sat on it,
- I lightly gestured to Yukinoshita to also sit down. It looked as if Yukinoshita was taken
- aback, but as I waited for her, she sighed as if giving up and sat on the chair closest to the
- window.
- “About the prom, ultimately your revised plan has safely passed. It looks like the subset
- of caregivers against the idea will be persuaded and will have to come to terms with it.”
- It should have been the first time Yukinoshita had heard of this, but she didn’t look so
- surprised. She didn’t move a single eyebrow and was just silently listening. While I was
- thought it was strange, I continued to say the last part.
- “That’s why… It’s my loss.”
- “Yes… It’s your win.”
- Finally, Yukinoshita deeply sighed and muttered.
- “...Why?”
- “It ended up this way because of your methods again. By essence, it’s your win.”
- Remembering the connection between the feeling of self-scorn and laughing at myself, I
- spat out the doubt that had been living in my chest.
- “...Even so, you foresaw this. Didn’t you know of my methods by now? That makes you
- the winner after all.”
- Hayama Hayato and Yukinoshita Haruno both knew of the dummy prom plan and had
- immediately seen through it. I’d barely managed to play check on the king by getting
- Yukinoshita’s mother on our side. Then in that case, it wouldn’t be any mystery that
- Yukinoshita Yukino, who held the same specs, would have seen through Hikigaya
- Hachiman’s shallow thinking.
- In the first place, the way Yukinoshita and Isshiki presented their idea had already been
- prone to errors. But that itself became the clue to my idea of presenting two choices, in
- which one choice would be crushed and the other would progress.
- As I questioned her, Yukinoshita hid her eyes and her neck shook.
- “That’s not certain. As long as the faction opposing the prom itself existed, our reasoning
- couldn’t even become established… But I figured, if it was you, you’d be able to do
- something about it.
- It was just like Yukinoshita to have foreseen such. Just, the smile she added at the end
- was connected to what she’d said. I wanted to deny it, but I could only foolishly lift one
- side of my cheek.
- “Trust is a heavy thing… It surprises me.”
- “I was also surprised. I naturally just thought in that way.”
- Yukinoshita smiled bitterly like she was being shy. I felt breathless seeing that. As I
- wondered how to reply back, Yukinoshita murmured in a fragile voice.
- “I depended on you so much that I thought like that…”
- Those eyes gazing at me were blurry with regret and sorrow. I couldn’t bear being seen
- with those eyes that I averted my own and quickly spoke.
- “...Even if that’s the case, it doesn’t change the fact it’s your win. The condition for victory
- was to make the prom a reality using our own methods, was it not. What made it happen
- was your plan, your methods.”
- “...You’re okay with it as my win?”
- Her tone of voice as she asked was feeble, and I wanted to cut her off from talking that
- way that I nodded three times while looking away.
- “Then… The match is hereby over. Will you listen to what I have to say?”
- I couldn’t pretend to not hear what she’d said. As I looked at Yukinoshita, it seemed as if
- she’d abandoned her weakness as she clenched her fists and tightened her lips. One of
- her eyes was shaking with determination as she waited for my impending reply.
- “...No, it won’t be that way. It’s true it’s your win this time. But that doesn’t mean you’ve
- won the entire competition.”
- “In regards to the conditions for victory, winning this match means winning the
- competition, and the other person must listen to what the winner says… I’m sure I said
- that.”
- I became aware of my lips drying up as I watched her explain it indifferently and declare
- it. I remembered hearing those words in the depths of my memories. While in both
- impatience and desperation, I somehow opened my mouth.
- “...That was just a figure of speech, a difference in opinion.”
- As Yukinoshita let out a trembling sigh, she murmured with a sweet tone of voice as if
- she was whispering sweet nothings.
- “Then… You decide.”
- As I see that fleeting transparent smile, I come to terms with my own defeat. She knows I
- wouldn’t be able to answer if she said that.
- While securing Yukinoshita Yukino’s autonomy, as long as I’ve decided to respect her
- own decisions, I can’t allow her to entrust her decisions to anyone else. Even if that
- someone was myself.
- That’s exactly why she accepted this match. For this one moment, all the disagreements,
- all the disorders, all the misunderstandings; she had brushed it all aside. To properly end
- this match, and this relationship.
- “I can’t make the decision… This is the same as me deciding the winner arbitrarily.
- Yuigahama is also in this match. And it’s judged at Hiratsuka-sensei’s own discretion and
- bias. And, and it’s sort of…”
- I couldn’t accept that ending. I quickly spoke as I couldn’t allow things to end like this. I
- didn’t know how to make her wait for just a moment, nor how I could stop her.
- Forgetting how to even breathe, I was reaching out toward nothingness.
- “...I’ll be honest.”
- As she interrupted my voice, Yukinoshita smiled sadly and faced me with wet eyes.
- “It was fun. It was my first time. I was happy thinking the time we spent together was
- comfortable…”
- Being told she was truly happy with a face that looked as if she would cry, I could no
- longer deny it nor stop her.” As I lost strength in arms and lowered them, Yukinoshita
- nodded as if she was thanking me and continued to speak.
- “I’d never argued and fought like we did… nor cried in front of others. I was so nervous
- even when we went out together, and it was the first time I was so unsure of what to do…
- I didn’t even know it was okay to rely on someone. That’s why it went wrong
- somewhere…”
- I looked up at the ceiling as I listened to her speaking so quickly about unsolicited things
- in a trembling voice. The distant sunset hurt my eyes, but even so I couldn’t close them
- and just let out a damp sigh.
- “This kind of imitation-like relationship is wrong. It’s definitely different to what you
- desired.”
- Her monologue tied things together like that, and when I realised the end was coming, I
- finally looked at her face.
- “I’m okay. I’m… okay now. I was saved by you.”
- Wiping her glistening tears with her fingertips, Yukinoshita Yukino smiled beautifully.
- “That’s why, this match, and this relationship, let’s end it with this.”
- If that was her answer, I had no reason to make an objection. The objective to help her
- was achieved, the co-dependency was resolved to end the relationship, and the boy’s
- willpower stood firm.
- I didn’t happen to have the mind of fulfilling wishes. The club activities and work ended
- here.
- That’s why I had nothing left. Every reason I had to get involved with her were all gone.
- “Alright… It’s my loss.”
- I sighed deeply as I spoke as if I was spitting everything out. To fulfil the last
- responsibility left to me, I questioned her.
- “I’ll listen to what you say. What should I do? ...If it’s something I can do, I’ll grant you
- whatever you want.”
- In truth, I’d vowed to at least grant that much, no matter what.
- Yukinoshita let out a sigh as if in relief, she told me something she must have been
- holding close to her dearly.
- “Please grant Yuigahama-san’s wish.”
- “Are you fine with that as your request?”
- “Yes, this is my request.”
- To Yukinoshita who closed her eyes and nodded as if caring for someone, I answered her
- with the most gentlest smile I could make.
- “...Alright.”
- Following our last exchange, I stood up from my chair. Yukinoshita didn’t move from that
- place and the distance between us began to widen just by the sounds of my footsteps as I
- finally reached the corridor.
- And then, softly and gently, I closed the door as if stopping myself from doing so.
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