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Arena Stickball texts

faiuwle
Sep 24th, 2017
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  1. You play PUSHER, of course. Burgundies are ideally suited to this position because of their TELEKINETIC POWERS and their ability to COMMUNE with dead players.
  2.  
  3. Also, PUSHER is the most dangerous position and no one really cares if rustbloods get killed.
  4.  
  5. --------------
  6.  
  7. ARENA STICKBALL has always been the only time you really feel like yourself...
  8.  
  9. When you're out on the velvet, your BRAWLER defending you against the opposing PROWLERS and ZAPPERS and...
  10.  
  11. You guess thinking about it too much you a little sad, now.
  12.  
  13. --------------
  14.  
  15. Looking at the DOZER always helps you get to sleep, and looking at the SNOWGLOBE always makes you nervous. You know it's not a real one, but still.
  16.  
  17. -------------
  18.  
  19. Oh hey, it's your ARENA STICKBALL GEAR. You play PUSHER. It brings back fond memories of your seasons playing in the OUTGLUT GRUB LEAGUE.
  20.  
  21. You're trying out for the THRASHTHRUST JUNIOR LEAGUE soon, but you're a little RUSTY. If you blow it, you could get culled. Between band practice with Tetrarch Dammek, revolution lectures from Tetrarch Dammek, and butling practice (you mostly serve Tetrarch Dammek) you really haven't had the time you need to practice.
  22.  
  23. ------------
  24.  
  25. You'll never forget the season your ARENA STICKBALL team took 3RD PLACE in the OUTGLUT GRUB LEAGUE!
  26.  
  27. But just in case you do, this featureless white orb is here to remind you.
  28.  
  29. ----------------
  30.  
  31. You still can't believe they got a shot of you at the EXACT MOMENT you clobbered the Clover. What a lucky break!
  32.  
  33. ----------------
  34.  
  35. You were so excited to show him that branch. He ate all the leaves in one very slow bite, and you were left with a pretty decent hivemade CUEBAT. The first CUEBAT you ever had, actually.
  36.  
  37. ----------------
  38.  
  39. The THRASHTHRUST SNOWGLOBES are the best team to ever play the SPORT OF LORDS, and that is simply all there is to say on the matter. Playing for them is your dream.
  40.  
  41. Was, you guess.
  42.  
  43. ----------------
  44.  
  45. The CREST of the ALTERNIAN PRO ARENA STICKBALL LEAGUE, with all fifteen balls. In a real game of ARENA STICKBALL, these are all different sizes and each has its own distinct powers.
  46.  
  47. ----------------
  48.  
  49. It's your CUEBAT, your most prized piece of ARENA STICKBALL equipment.
  50.  
  51. ----------------
  52.  
  53. You can't quite life a CUEBAT with your telekinesis. The best PUSHERS can, but you're not one of them.
  54.  
  55. ----------------
  56.  
  57. Yes! You got the CUEBAT! This thing packs a wallop, especially when the tip is chalked and it's carried by you.
  58.  
  59. ----------------
  60.  
  61. You've taken some pretty good thumps to the nugbone in your day. The PUSHER is the only player allowed to score, so they're prime targets for the opposing defense.
  62.  
  63. ----------------
  64.  
  65. Nothing like a little RECESSED TABLETOP ARENA STICKBALL with your best bud! To bad he's not around right now. Maybe later.
  66.  
  67. ----------------
  68.  
  69. Nah, RECESSED TABLETOP ARENA STICKBALL isn't very fun by yourself. It's not very much like ARENA STICKBALL, either.
  70.  
  71. ----------------
  72.  
  73. XULTAN MATZOS was the greatest PUSHER the SNOWGLOBES ever had! No PROWLER could catch him, no ZAPPER could blast him, and no matter what lusus the WRANGLER set on him, Matzos would shake 'em off!
  74.  
  75. That all ended the night the Heiress of that era attended the game and the opposing CONTROLLER made Matzos thrust his bone nook at her. She had him culled right there on the velvet.
  76.  
  77. ----------------
  78.  
  79. XULTAN's telekinesis... it was like nothing anyone had ever seen. Rustbloods can get pretty powerful, but he was like something from history. From one of those illegal parts of history you're not supposed to know about. When he really got going, the whole stadium would rumble in his psychic wake.
  80.  
  81. Lately, you've kind of secretly suspected that maybe his death wasn't just the result of some blueblood CONTROLLER prank. Maybe they were taking him out before he became too dangerous for them to handle.
  82.  
  83. ----------------
  84.  
  85. They release a new ARENA STICKBALL GAME GRUB like six times a sweep, and every time you buy it like a sucker and act surprised when nothing's different.
  86.  
  87. It's like, what are they gonna do, change the rules?
  88.  
  89. ----------------
  90.  
  91. You have to account for the effects of all the different balls when you're the PUSHER, since you're the only one allowed to score. Touch the DOZER with your hands and you fall asleep in seconds, the STITCHER is a loose pile of yarn that has to be rolled up into a ball before it can be used to score (and makes a tempting distraction for the opposing team's PROWLER, etc.)
  92.  
  93. The TRACER will try to follow the path it was taken on in the match before, and the FINISHER will only move on a predetermined path to the goal (hopefully, your opponent's). There are lots more'. It's a lot to keep track of, frankly!
  94.  
  95. ----------------
  96.  
  97. Knees apart, head tilted, CUEBAT at an angle over the non-dominant shoulder... it's pretty much a by-the-numbers perfect stance. Not the one you use, of course--you prefer the XULTAN MATZOS "knees in" method--but it's solid.
  98.  
  99. DROMED BAKTAR is no slouch, except, uh, when he's slouching slightly (as recommended by the PUSHER PLAYBOOK).
  100.  
  101. ----------------
  102.  
  103. Your PUSHER PLAYBOOK recommends that you always keep your gear in working order, which is kind of an obvious thing to recommend. It barely counts as a tip! It's also very difficult to actually do, since PUSHERS just get brutalized out there.
  104.  
  105. ----------------
  106.  
  107. There's a lot in here about the modern consensus on how you should hold your CUEBAT: the right grip, level stance, keep your head down, swing your hips, eyes on the ball, good hustle, ice your knee, etc...
  108.  
  109. You've never really paid it any mind. The first time you saw a poster of XULTAN MATZOS holding his CUEBAT, you knew how you were going to hold it for the rest of your life.
  110.  
  111. ----------------
  112.  
  113. Oh, obviously! Like, half the plays in here were MATZOS ORIGINALS! He really reinvented the Pusher position. Brought some real dignity to it.
  114.  
  115. Which is probably why they humiliated and culled him.
  116.  
  117. But they can't kill his spirit.
  118.  
  119. ----------------
  120.  
  121. There's a lot of strategies in here for the best way to score with each ball, and how to avoid getting killed by them, and that kinda stuff. A lot about that kinda stuff, really.
  122.  
  123. ----------------
  124.  
  125. They plays offered by your PUSHER PLAYBOOK aren't really applicable to TABLETOP ARENA STICKBALL.
  126.  
  127. Since the game is necessarily simplified, there's almost no chance of the tiny plastic PUSHERS being horribly maimed and needing to crawl to safety.
  128.  
  129. ----------------
  130.  
  131. GRUB JUICE companies are heavy sponsors of the various ARENA STICKBALL teams, though only at the PRO leel, of course.
  132.  
  133. Minor-leage scrubs rely on more ARENA STICKBALL-centric endorsements, like CUEBATS or HELMETS, which barely cover the cost of wear and tear (and significant injury).
  134.  
  135. ----------------
  136.  
  137. ARENA STICKBALL is played in two 11-hour halves. It's grueling.
  138.  
  139. ----------------
  140.  
  141. The Matchtip, the #11 ball, is actually on fire. It's a cinch to deal with if you're a gifted TELEKINETIC, but luckily for you, you can also just smack it away with your CUEBAT.
  142.  
  143. ----------------
  144.  
  145. IMPROVISED WEAPONS are prohibited on the velvet, unless you improvise them from something you find on the playing field itself, like somebody's torn-off leg or whatever. Then it's fair game.
  146.  
  147. ----------------
  148.  
  149. Yep, there's your ARENA STICKBALL gear, specially-made to take hits from any and all ARENA STICKBALL HAZARDS-- getting burned by the MATCHTIP or blasted by the opposing ZAPPER or mauled by a LUSUS controlled by the opposing WRANGLER or, really, any number of other things--it doesn't take any of those hits especially WELL, of course, but it does take them!
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