Drinks and one bad Futurama reference

Some day, I stopped paying attention.

I am currently in a mermaid themed bar, having a few drinks while sitting next to a short wyvern who can't properly hold her drink glasses. Earlier today I asked Lou to meet me here so that I could tell him about what Terry told me.
Of course, I told him to meet me here over two hours ago, and he hasn't shown up yet...

I pick up my glass and take a sip of its contents slowly, so as to savor the flavor.

??

The petite Wyvern next to me drops her drink onto the table for the seventh time tonight, and starts becoming flustered. Watching her spill all those good spirits over and over again is becoming more painful the more she does it.

I turn my head towards the girl and call out to her, "Hey."

"What?" The Wyvern turn her head towards me and makes a an extremely depressed expression. I can't tell if she's going to cry or kill herself...

"Why don't you just ask for a straw or something?"

The petite Dragoness orders another drink, "That's too childish."

"Not to mention the fact that we have none here, unfortunately." The Bartender, who is a Mermaid, interjects while cleaning up the spilled liquor, placing down another glass, and filling it up.

"Lucky for you, I never go anywhere without one." I comb one of my hands through my shaggy hair while unbuttoning my shirt with the other. Time slows down greatly as I reach my hand into a pocket that was on the inside of my shirt and pull out a straw. Sensual music begins to play as I slowly place the straw in the Wyvern's glass in an overly detailed, and budget consuming, manner.
During all of this, the Petite girl could only stare at me in amazement. "Here you go, enjoy." I shoot her a toothy smile while changing my voice to sound more handsome than normal.

She merely lowers her head, while keeping her eyes locked onto me, and tries to get the straw into her mouth with her tongue. After a bit of probing, she finally succeeds and starts to quickly suck up the drink like a butterfly on meth. Of course, she's too preoccupied with staring at me to notice that she's drinking from a silly straw...

??

Lou finally arrives and takes a seat down next to me.

I turn my head over towards him, "You sure took your time."

"Sorry, but I got caught up in something." Lou apologizes while banging the table in front of him like bongos.

I button my shirt back up and put on a serious face, "Anyway, I need to tell you something."

"Wait! Me first!" Lou interrupts me.

"Fine."

Lou jumps up and begins standing on top of his chair, "I'm through with Terry!"

My eyes open wide in shock from hearing his words, "What."

"That's right! I've found someone else!" Lou points at a centaur with a horn on her head standing near the entrance, "And there she is!"

....Is that a Unicorn?

I slowly clap my hands while trying to process this current wave of information, "Congrats, I guess?"

"So what is it that you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh, it's nothing."

"Alright. See ya!" Lou backflips off his chair and lands on top of the Unicorn's back.

?!

The Unicorn bursts through a wall next to the door, and gallops away into the sky on top of a rainbow.

I do my best to comprehend what just happened.

"That's coming out of YOUR pay!" The Mermaid Bartender shouts while pointing at a employee, who is a Cyclops, which results in her loudly sobbing.