Eng Eddie's Life Coach (2017)

1
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,214
Go, go, go! Come on, come on.

2
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,549
Yeah!

3
00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:10,300
Level 43!

4
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,052
Okay, head rush.

5
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,513
<i>Hey, there! Do
you still live with your parents,</i>

6
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,682
<i>eat junk food and
have inflatable furniture?</i>

7
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,350
Idiot.

8
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:19,601
<i>You probably think
I'm an idiot.</i>

9
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:20,686
What?

10
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:22,855
<i>But I'm Garry
"The Winner" Wishmann.</i>

11
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:28,027
<i>Send me $99.95 and I'll send you my
patented earphones of enlightenment.</i>

12
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:32,031
<i>There, I'll guide you personally
from chump to champion in one week.</i>

13
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:35,534
<i>Whereupon, you'll receive an
official graduation certificate.</i>

14
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,161
Oh, please.

15
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,747
What kind of lame-wad
would need that?

16
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,041
For you, sir.

17
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,584
Wait, what? Who sent this?

18
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:44,668
Your mother!

19
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,545
Mom,
you know I scare easily.

20
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:50,215
<i>Now, you must complete the course and
bring me the graduation certificate,</i>

21
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,051
<i>or I'm kicking you out.</i>

22
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,719
I just ordered new curtains.

23
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:55,804
<i>One week, darling.
Bye, Eddie.</i>

24
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,227
This is so stupid.

25
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,812
<i>"This is so stupid. "</i>

26
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,230
<i>That's what you're thinking.</i>

27
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:06,982
<i>But now's not
the time to think,</i>

28
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,318
<i>now's the time to begin
your transformation.</i>

29
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:15,657
<i>First, you gotta organize your exterior
before you can organize your interior.</i>

30
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,578
<i>Next, remove
all distractions.</i>

31
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:20,871
Bye, little buddy.

32
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,166
Wake up!

33
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:28,504
<i>Now that we've cleaned your outside,
it's time to clean your inside.</i>

34
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,591
Ah!

35
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:37,888
Don't even have to chew it.

36
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,848
<i>Up and at 'em!</i>

37
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,600
I'm awake, I'm awake.
What now?

38
00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,393
<i>It's time to get physical!</i>

39
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,816
Physical.

40
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,235
Sorry. Trying to
dance in here.

41
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:52,444
Ah! Excuse me.

42
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,868
<i>Rise and shine!
Yes, Garry.</i>

43
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,912
<i>It's time to
kick it up a notch.</i>

44
00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:03,122
Kick it up a notch.

45
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,342
<i>Way to go!</i>

46
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:19,429
<i>The week is over and the graduation
certificate is as good as yours...</i>

47
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,140
I did it!
I'm a winner!

48
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:24,184
<i>...as soon as you send me
an additional $99.95.</i>

49
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,061
What? But I did
everything you said.

50
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,231
I ate kale. Do you know
how hard it was to eat kale?

51
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,483
You owe me a certificate!
Do you hear me?

52
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,260
- I...
- Listen, Wishmann.

53
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,678
I need that certificate.

54
00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:00,846
Okay, so here's the...
Garry!

55
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,932
<i>Stop playing those video
games and go clean the pool!</i>

56
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,017
Yes, Mother.

57
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:07,186
You're Garry
"The Winner" Wishmann?

58
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,188
It's just Garry.

59
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,023
I've been treating you
like my lord and master.

60
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:13,192
Sorry, the whole commercial
was my mom's idea.

61
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,694
She's like, "Get some ambition,
or I'm kicking you out. "

62
00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,946
Dude, we're living
the same life.

63
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:22,075
Wait a minute. Is that the original
edish of Diamonds of Greyfork?

64
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,952
Hey, dawg, thanks
for the certificate.

65
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,454
My mom, like,
totally framed it.

66
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,122
My mom won't
get off my back.

67
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,499
Just tell her we're
flowers waiting to blossom.

68
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:33,086
Like we are about to blossom
into Level 43! Level 43!

69
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,171
Yes!
Yeah!

70
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:35,964
<i>Are you a flower
waiting to blossom?</i>

71
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,300
<i>Are your parents on your back
and can't get them off?</i>

72
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,177
<i>Then I can help.</i>

73
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,304
Idiot.
Idiot.