levianon - A pirate prince part 3

from /hhg/ Helluva Hotel general #810, #811, #812
part 1: h ttps://pastebin.com/LDRS4HJu
part 2: h ttps://pastebin.com/JPzTE4i5
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>Having hauled about 97% of your remaining crew off of their asses (there were a few of them that hit stronger stuff than just rum and reefer who insisted they were going to marry the hookes they were in bed with and go to sea no more) you stroll down the dock, letting your new coat flutter in the breeze, the pleasant bule of money in your pockets made all the sweeter by the knowledge of how dishonestly you came by it
>You pay a visit to the harbormaster to "have a chat before we shove off", a few of the crisper banknotes and heavier coins at the ready
>If anyone comes by and asks, he's to deny having any memory of you or your ship
>If they press the issue, he's to admit to having "a faint memory" of your having been here "for the briefest of moments"
>If they press it further, he should "suddenly recall" where you said you were heading before you departed, and that whatever baloney answer he gives should be as far as possible from where you're actually planning to point the bow of the ship
>Get it?
>Got it?
>Good
>We sail with the tide
---
>Lets see then
>Provisions?
>Check
>Fresh water?
>Check
>Ammunition?
>Big check
>Heading?
>Hmmmmm...
>You've heard rumors of absurdly rich gem placers on some of the bigger islands to the north
>Might be worth investigating

>"GENTLEMEN~!"
>"TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO DEMON!"
>"LET'S GET UNDERWAY BEFORE WE SOBER UP AND REALIZE WHAT A BAD IDEA THIS IS!"

>"HUZZAH!"

>"NOT SO FAST!"

>Who the heaven said that?

>"PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD CAPTAIN!"

>You turn in the direction of the voice and see a pink blur topped off with a long golden mane of hair streaking down the docks toward you, followed closely by a greyish blur brandishing an exterminator spear
>Oh split the mainbrace and fk yourself sideways with a broken boarding axe
>It's Lucifer's kid and her girlfriend
>Again
-
>Crp inept a with whole grain mustard

>"Raise the anchor!"
>"Crank those engines!"
>"Get us out of here!"

>Too late
>The rosy-cheeked wrench-in-the-gears and her pastel-goth girlfriend both skip right across the wood and onto your ship before you can make any headway at all
>....................how the fk are they so nimble when they're both wearing high heels?
>You hear the clicker clacker of dozens of hammers being pulled back and see the glitter of a whole lot of cutlasses shining in the evening light
>The ash-grey little spitfire doesn't seem concerned
>She has a roiling anger in her stance that promises to repay the slightest injury upon herself or her girlfriend with a razor blade rectal exam

>"Stand down boys, stand down."

>You mutter under your breath

>"you gaggle of morons..."

>Time to really pour on the charm, Anon
>You got out of Lucifer's crosshairs with a little ass kissing, surely you can get away from his weird daughter?

>"Your Highness!"
>"What an honor to have you aboard!"
>"May I offer you a dram and a ration of hardtack?"

>Spear point
>Aimed right at your throat
>Almost before you've finished your sentence

>"Stow it, Long John Silver"
>"We know what you did, and you're not getting away with it."
-
>Vaggie gets dozens of flintlocks, blunderbusses and muskets aimed at her, several of them point plank
"Ah no need for such hostilities! Now be a darling and take that discount whalers spear away from me, and my men don't... Well it's pretty obvious isn't it?"
>If looks could kill you would be dead dozens of times over
>She slowly pulls her spear away from you and your crew stop aiming at her
"See? Isn't this nicer?"
>"Fk you!"
"No. Now you said something about me doing something? I don't recall doing anything spectacular recently..."
>>"You stole my mom and dads bracelet and watch."
>Anon cringes at charlies words
"Oh. That... Right."
-
>Charlie brandishes the watch Levianon tossed as a distraction earlier as proof, and he notices Lilith's bracelet on Vaggie's wrist

>"Well, I see that you've recovered both of the misplaced-"

>"You mean stolen"

>"...both of the irregularly acquired items"
>"Where's the harm then?"
>"You have your property back, we have our money, seems like we all came out on top"
>"Jolly good times all around, I do love a game where everyone wins~"

>Levianon tries to casually stroll back to the bridge, but Charlie cuts him off

>"There's still the matter of you having stolen from the royal family in the first place, Captain"
>"I wonder what mom and dad would say if I told them I caught the thief red-handed?"
>"I wonder how long it would take for a flotilla of gunboats to make it here from the nearest PG outpost?"

>Panic creeps up Levianon's backbone
>Lucifer made it clear that he'd be dancing with Jack Ketch if they ever saw each other again, with the only alternative being a few centuries of slavery
>...to his daughter
>.......who doesn't seem to know about any of that

>"As a matter of fact, why don't I call them right now and ask them how to handle this~?"

>NOPE

>"Nononono, Princess, you seem to be an able negotiator and a rather equitable sort, surely we can settle this ourselves without having to trouble your illustrious parents?"

>Charlie folds her arms and shoots the pirate prince a look that could melt steel with the sheer force of its smugness

>"Oooohhhh, I suppose..."

>"Wonderful, wonderful"
>"Please, step into my office"

>Levianon hurriedly ushers the two demonesses into the captain's quarters, where there won't be any of his crew around to see him licking boot
-
>Alright Anon
>Better to let a piranha bite you than a shark
>Just find out what the princess wants, then see how far you can talk her down
>And above all else, make sure she doesn't get the king and queen involved

>You hoist up a bottle of Madeira from its cooler and lay out three measures in the good cups, the ones you usually reserve for negotiating with other captains

>"Alright lassie, lets not dance about the subject"
>"You've got me over a barrel and I want to get off of it"
>"And then knock a few holes in the barrel"
>"And then push it over the side of the ship and never see it again"
>"So exactly what do I have to do to make you go away?"

>Vaggie (why is that her name?) ignores the wine in front of her entirely, while Charlie reaches over and takes a polite sip of hers

>"We want half"

>"...half of what?"
>"The money I got fencing your parents stuff?"
>"Out of the question"
>"I take it you've never been on a long haul before your highness?"
>"It takes more money than you'd think to properly equip an honest, hardworking crew of thieves, backstabbers, and drunks"

>"Half of everything"

>You find yourself laughing out loud
>Wholly involuntarily
>This lass is completely daft
---
>Charlie's not too pleased to have a cartoon pirate laughing his head off at her, but she did deliberately ask for far more than she really expected to get
>That way she can let him talk her down to a reasonable figure

>"The most you'll ever get is five, your highness."
>"We're not running a charity here."

>Vaggie pitches in to back her up

>"You're not, but we are, marinerito"

>"Yo no onions marinero, onions capitan"

>She's visibly surprised to hear the pirate speaking Spanish, and it takes the wind out of her sails

>"We're setting up a center for sinners to redeem themselves."
>"If damned souls start leaving Hell for Heaven, that fixes the overpopulation issue, right?"
>"No more exterminations"

>Levianon gawks at the pair of demons on the opposite side of the table
>He drains his glass, refills it, and drains it again

>"Have both of ye been huffing tar fumes or something?"
>"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard"
>"Too stupid to even laugh at"

>Charlie furrows her brow in annoyance and opens her mouth to start justifying her plans, but Vaggie interrupts

>"We're not asking you if you think it will work or not, we're TELLING you that the only way to get us out of your hair is to start contributing"

>Charlie catches on and rides the momentum

>"Either that, or I could give Dad a call and ask him if he thinks its funnier to have you fired out of a cannon or scuttled alongside your ship!"

>Levianon glowers at the both of them

>"As I said, five percent of the plunder is the limit:

>"Ten"

>"Five"

>"Twenty"

>"Charlie, you're going the wrong way"

>"Oops."
>"Eight percent"

>"Six point six, and that's my final offer"

>Charlie smiles
>She would have been happy with five, its better than the whopping supply of absolutely nothing she's been trying to work with thus far, but playing hardball negotiator with the big, scary scalliwag was fun

>"So..."

>A black-nailed, pink-sleeved hand extends across the table
>Green light begins to swirl about
-
>"...its a deal then?"

>You feel a chill

>......blast it
>Blast it to pieces
>Tar it, feather it, put blackjack upside its head, steal its wallet, make it walk the plank, and BLAST it
>You knew this was coming
>It's Lucifer's kid
>She would try to get you to cut a Deal with a capital D
>Shake that delicate little hand and you're locked in
>No "forgetting" to make payments, no trying to dance around the due dates
>...but the alternative most likely involves you and your crew being nailed to something immovably heavy and left out for the exterminator angels to play with come the next cleanse
>Or something worse
>At least this leaves you a degree of freedom
>And its only a little over six percent of the booty
>You'll just have to plunder even harder to make up the difference

>"It's a deal"

>You reach across the table and take her hand
>You haven't done this sort of thing in a very long time, so it's somewhat surprising that it doesn't hurt as you seal the Deal
---
>Charlie is the first to emerge from the doorway
>Followed by Vaggie
>Followed by Levianon

>"Well I'm glad we could come to a mutually beneficial agreement your highness..."
>"...now get off my ship I'm sick of looking at you"

>"Aye, avast ye scurvy dogs"

>Charlie's pirate accent is atrocious

>"That's not even what you're supposed to say when disembarking a ship"

>"How about safe travels then?"

>The Princess actually HUGS Levianon in front of the entire crew before she traipses back onto the docks
>She throws a salute back at the crew and strolls off arm in arm with Vaggie, humming the tune to Drunken Sailor

>"Captain?"

>"Yes, yeoman?"

>"Exactly what sort of arrangement did you come to with weird royal kid?"

>"She skims a little cream off the top of our profits and in exchange none of us get keelhauled bow-to-stern by the balls"

>"Sounds more like we just got blackmailed"

>"Shut up"
>"Seamus!"
>"Play something cheerful!"
>"My spirits need raisin'"

>Music begins to play while the ship slinks out of the harbor, looking about as dejected as a ship can

h ttps://youtu.be/1lHp-H3EOzA
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So how exactly can charlie try to help anon become a better person other than
>Stealing is wrong
>Gib to charity
Would she try to make him less like a functional jack sparrow and more like robin hood: ocean edition?
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Well, Levianon is hellborn, so he's never going to Heaven no matter what. I think sea faring Robin Hood is exactly what she's imagining. Also he does a lot of salvaging and exploring too.

>Dear Charlie
>We salvaged a spice vessel that we found adrift off the coast of The Isle of No Return
>Please find enclosed your agreed upon share of the cinnamon, nutmeg, and cocaine that we found in the hold.
-
>Charlie thinks he's talking about Sugar cane rather than actual ccaine
-
>"Excellent! We were running low on sugar... Why does it smell like petrol though?"
>Levianon decides to just go with it rather than clarify that it's ccaine and chaos ensues
At least Angel Dust would be happy.
-
>Monthly packages come from anon
>It's angels favorite day
-
>Levianon starts stealing more drugs having found a way to screw with the contract
>Charlie is contractually bound to take 6.6% of all the drugs that Levianon takes
>Charlie now has to either end the deal or continue sorting through all the incoming shipments for hidden drug stashes before angel can get his hands on them again
-
>Levianon's drug plundering psses off some demons who tend to settle their problems by sending them to the bottom of the ocean, full of holes
>Next package that comes in from him is a single plastic bag

>"Dear Charlie"
>"We ran afoul of The Crimson Fleet and had to shoot our way out of The Bay of Cornelius"
>"We won"
>"Barely"
>"Here's 6.6% of the ashes of my ship"
>"Don't spend it all at once"
>"Faithfully yours, Anon"

>"P.S. don't expect another payment until we've hijacked a new vessel."

>"P.P.S. We're thinking of going with a submarine this time. If you know a good place to steal one, please let us know"