Alternate Anon Adventures 3 - Easy Mode Part 2 (NSFW)

>You wake up well rested. Breakfast was a short affair. Twilight couldn't even muster up the courage to say 'good morning' to you. You can understand her plight however. If you were caught having a good time with the roughest gay porn to have ever existed, as well as attempting to include a representation of a room mate as part the action, you think you too might have an uphill struggle trying to regain some semblance of credibility with your peers.
>While you're washing up your dishes, Spike comes into the kitchen, frowns at you doing his job and places a scroll bearing the royal insignia on the table.
“That from Celestia?” You ask while wiping away the remaining soap suds on your bowl.
>“I guess. Hey Anon, can you tell me something?”
“What do you want to know?”
>“Is Samus a boy or a girl?”
>He's already reached that line of questioning? Boy does his brain move fast.
“Won't that spoil the surprise if I tell you?” You counter.
>He thinks for a moment, “Will it change anything if I know?”
“No. Will it change anything you don't?”
>He thinks some more, “I guess not.”
“Then forget about it, you'll know once you finish the game anyway.”
>Spike shrugs and leaves, presumably to finish Hunters as quickly as possible.
>Once you dry your hands off, you crack open the seal on the scroll and unfurl it.
>It reads:

>Dear Anonymous,
>Of course you may visit, you don't have to write a letter every time you wish to speak with me face to face. I am curious as to why however. I doubt it's about the regularity and luminosity of each day's sunrises as your last seven letters have been.
>A carriage should be there to pick you up in about... now.
>Let the Sun light your way.
>Celestia.

>As you finish reading, Spike comes bursting in.
>“Hey Anon! There are some royal guards outside that want to talk to you.” He announces.
>You knew for a fact that Celestia wasn't omnipotent but some days, she really rustled your jimmies when it came to predicting and anticipating future events.
“Tell them I'll be there in a minute.”
>“Sure thing Anon.” Spike says before running off.
>You go to the bedroom. Boots? Check. Bag? Check. Axe? Check.
>Actually, axe un-check. You don't think the guards would appreciate you bringing a weapon when visiting their leader.
>As you enter the library, you see Twilight at her desk. Unlike the common sight of her pouring over piles of books, today she's just sitting there, idly spinning her quill in mid-air.
“Just going to Canterlot, not sure what time I'll be back.” You casually mention.
>Her quill drops the moment you finish.
>“Err... Anon, wait!”
>She gets up and quickly cuts you off from the exit.
“Do you mind?”
>“Just a moment. Can I ask... why you're going to Canterlot?”
“I'm going to see Celestia.”
>The colour drains from her face instantly.
“Don't worry, I'm not going to talk to her about your... habits. It's about these dolls.”
>You pull out the Lyra lookalike from the pocket on your lower left leg.
>“Oh. Well... have fun Anon.”
>She makes her way back to her desk.
“Not as much as you were having yesterday, I'd imagine.” You reply.
>She visibly stumbles and flashes you an angry grimace.
>ICE BURN. Totally worth it.

>It takes roughly an hour for you to reach the capitol. One of the flyers pulling your carriage sprained a wing early on so the rest of it had to be continued on solid ground.
>Once you get past the city walls, things take a turn for the strange.
>As you were dreading, you saw more p0nies with the offending dolls.
>What they were doing with them is what creeps you out more.
>A pair of fillies run past your ambling chariot. You notice both of them carrying dolls, re-purposed as pencil cases.
>“...What do you think of my horn warmer?”
>A pair of male unicorns sitting at a table outside a café, both of them reeking of the upper class, catches your attention. One is wearing a cravat and a monocle while the other has a blazer on, as well as...
>You do a double take.
>Impaled on his horn is one of the dolls.
>You can't believe how smug he is. His partner, unbelievably, looks jealous at the absurd sight.
>“Curse my luck, I wish I had been there.” He says, dejected.
>“I would have gotten one for you too but it was strictly one-per-p0ny. I'm sure if you look around, you could buy one.”
>“Not without paying through the nose for it. Collectors are driving the price of them skywards.”
>“Well if you knew what some are of the... seedier uses for these are, you'd understand why.”
>“Speaking from experience Quicksilver?”
>“As always Gold Star.”
>The two stallions laugh heartily, while you do all you can to not leap off and beat some sense into both of them.

>You soon reach the castle. Thanking the two pegasi, you hop off and head inside.
>You're quickly ushered into the throne room. Sitting at her position of power is the alicorn you wanted to see.
>“How's my favourite human this fine day?” Celestia asks after she gives you a quick embrace.
“Favourite? I'm the only human you know.”
>She chuckles, “The sentiment still applies.”
“I'm fine, thanks for asking.”
>“Not at all. Down to business then. What was so urgent that you needed to see me this minute?”
>You sigh.
“It'd be better if I just showed you.”
>You pull out the Lyra doll. Celestia simply raises an eyebrow at it, while the unicorn guards at attention by her throne break out into fits of sniggering.
>To be honest, you were expecting more of a reaction out of the Princess.
>“You came all this way to show me your doll?”
“Err... no. I want to know why I've got one of these in the first place.”
>“I imagine you took one when they were being given out at P0nyville.” She flatly responds.
You groan, “I mean, why were these being given out in the first place?”
>“Anonymous, just because I rule Equestria doesn't mean I know absolutely everything that occurs within its borders.”
>You can't believe your ears.
“But I heard that these were being handed out under your orders!”
>This elicits more of a response.
>“Walk with me Anonymous.”
>She begins trotting towards the exit. You quickly follow behind her.

>You follow the Princess for what seems like an eternity. If your internal map is correct, you're now within the central spire of the castle. Judging by how many stairs you and her are climbing, you must be getting near the top.
>The stair case comes to a stop, leading to a short corridor connect to a single set of double doors.
>“You should feel very privileged right now Anon, not many individuals are invited to my personal chambers.” She informs.
“Okay... cool.”
>Why is she taking you to her bedroom?
>She inserts her horn into a round slot on the door, similar to the one in the Chamber of Elements. With a click, the door unlocks and swings open. Celestia walks in and you follow behind.
>You immediately notice the scent of honeysuckle, strong but not over-powering. Looking around, you take in the sight of the most powerful being's personal space. Brightly coloured décor, a few full bookcases, a marble fireplace, expertly crafted furniture, pretty much what you were expecting.
>“Anon, could you come over here?”
>You don't take your eyes off the strange metal structure in one corner of the room as you walk over to Celestia. A multi-tiered astrolabe of some sort?
>“Impressed?” She asks.
“Yeah, very striking.” You answer, “Anyway, what's the deal with-”
>You turn to face the Princess.
>She's on her back, wings unfurled and eyes half-lidded, on a pile of the p0ny dolls.
>If you weren't astounded before, you are now.

“Err... Celestia, I... What are you doing?” You gabble.
>She lets out a throaty laugh, “I'm just indulging in some hedonism. It's not often a mare in my position gets to enjoy herself so much.”
>She rolls over and squirms so she buries herself into the jumble of dolls. The way she moans a few times gives you flashes of your encounter with Twilight in her pleasure den.
>You don't like this.
“But why? Why give out all these dolls?”
>She raises her head and smirks at you incredulously, “I did no such thing.”
“But the guys yesterday that gave these out said they were doing it under your orders.”
>“I did no such thing.”
“So what's going on then?” You demand, getting a little annoyed, “These dolls could be everywhere.”
>“And what if they are?”
“Celestia, I can't believe you're acting like this. This is deadly serious, a bunch of p0nies have been distributing these things with your stamp of approval. Doesn't that worry you at all?”
>The Princess laughs again, “Obviously a group wanting to spread joy to as many p0nies as possible. If they're doing that, then they have my stamp of approval as you put it.”
>She gets up out of the pile and walks behind you. Wrapping her wings around you, the smell of cranberries penetrates your sense of smell.
>“It sounds like you need some joy in your life.” She whispers into your ear.
>A wing traces itself over your head.
>“I could help with that.”
Brain, status report!
>I don't know dude.
What do I do?
>That's easy dude. Run!

>You slip out from under Celestia's wings and run for the door.
>It's shut. There's no handle and the door's made from thick oak. You wish you had brought your axe with you now.
>Damn you hindsight!
>Let's analyse this situation: You're effectively locked in a room with a being that moves the Sun for a living. Her personality has completely flipped from what it normally is. Or was it always like this and she's just really good at hiding her power level? Whatever the case, she wants something you don't feel like giving and you need to get out. The only available exit available to you is the balcony but you don't really feel like putting yourself in gravity's ability to give you a gentle landing. There's no point in screaming as there aren't any guards or other castle staff nearby that could come to your assistance.
>Looks like you're going to lose your future wizard status to a horse.
>Celestia chuckles some more, “So what'll it be Anonymous? Willingly or kicking and screaming?”
>Her horn flares with magic and you're lifted off the ground. Frozen in place, you're entertained by the sight of the regal-looking room transform into something a scene from a BDSM video you watched one time.
>On second thoughts, the balcony is looking a little more tempting now.