Date Night, Amelia Bedelia

"Date Night, Amelia Bedelia"

Anon was sitting at the kitchen table in the residence of one Mr. and Mrs. Rogers. He was on a date with Amelia Bedelia, a maid who was employed by the Rogers.

They had met on Tinder. Her profile picture was a poorly lit picture of some wood. Anon had sent her a message on a whim. Surprisingly, he received a reply, where phrases like "come over to my house" and "I'm thirsty" were exchanged. Encouraged by his desperation from still being a virgin, he left as fast as he could to meet this woman.

The date was not going as Anon had expected.

"Thanks for the help, Anon. It would have been awfully hard to get on the roof myself."

"N-no problem, Amelia. Why did you need to throw the phone down the chimney, again?"

"My master was very specific in his instructions. My to-do list says to drop tinder into the fireplace."

Amelia had taken a cheesecake from the counter and put it in the refrigerator to cool further.

Anon was confused, but chalked it up to his general inexperience with women.

"How about we grab a drink?"

Amelia picked up a soda from the refrigerator and sat back down.

"Good idea, Anon. My hands are a bit sore from climbing onto the roof," said Amelia as she iced her hands with the drink.

"Huh," thought Anon. The subtle approach was not working. Anon resolved himself and thought, "Enough dancing around the issue."

"How about we take this to the next level?"

Amelia smiled, "I thought you'd never ask."

She led Anon up the stairs and into one of the house's bedrooms.

"I almost forgot to show you the second floor of the house. Thanks for reminding me Anon," said Amelia with a bow.

"Well, she isn't mad," thought Anon. "Maybe the direct approach is working?"

Anon went for it again. "Do you...want to get busy?"

Amelia replied with a quizzical expression. "Hmm, I seem to have finished all my chores, thanks to your help. I'm not busy at all."

"Damn, maybe she's playing hard to get?", mused Anon. "I'm going for it."

"Amelia, how about we get laid together?"

Amelia pushed Anon back onto the bed.

"Oh my god it's happening!", thought Anon.

Amelia then plopped herself next to Anon on the bed and stretched.

"You're right, Anon. A nap sure does feel good after working so hard today."

"Wat," murmured Anon. "Maybe she wants me to make the first move?" Being a kissless virgin, Anon decided to at least fix half of the problem.

"How about a kiss on the lips, Amelia?"

"Of course, you deserve it!" said Amelia.

Anon closed his eyes. His heart raced. He felt something plump and sweet against his lips.

"Here you are!" said Amelia as she put a Hershey's Kiss chocolate against Anon's mouth.

Anon, frustrated at being led on and assured that this girl was tormenting him, decided to leave.

"Fuckin' normies. Just when I thought I was going to stop being a wizard..." shouted Anon as he raced downstairs.

"Maybe I was too hard on her." said Anon too himself. "I shouldn't assume every girl wants to fuck me on the first date."

Just as Anon was about to leave, he remembered the cake in the refrigerator.

"I am sort of hungry after all that work. Might as well get something out of this date."

Anon took the cake out of the refrigerator and put a spoonful into his mouth.

"Holy shit. This is the best goddamn cake I've ever had." said Anon aloud. The cake was so good Anon forgot about his rage from earlier.

Amelia walked down the stairs.

"Oh, Anon. Why didn't you say you wanted cheesecake?" said Amelia coyly, as she slipped off her uniform.