Last post I guess
via Raving and Drooling - A lion's tail by pawz on 9/10/11

I probably shouldn’t post this. No, I definitely shouldn’t. But I will.

Merry and I were ready to get on a bus to Da Lat last night. First I took all of Suki’s clothes that I would never be able to give her thanks to Jo being a cunt and my parents always siding with her and not giving me her address and I packed them up for Merry’s daughter Mai instead. So many beautiful dresses. Then we went to the markets to buy gifts for Nimh so that he wouldn’t feel left out and I bought lots of cute clothes for him too.

I was just out of the eye hospital and I’m still blind in one eye but Merry desperately wanted to go to Da Lat to see Nimh who is sick so we booked the 1am sleeper bus and we were in Pham Ngu Lao drinking with friends waiting for the bus.

I was very angry with my parents for constantly lying to me about my daughter and my property and not in a good mood, but I was still nice to Merry. I bought her dozens of roses. First one rose from Nam… then another from Yam… then a whole big bouquet from Linh. Merry was drunk and she got angry at me. “Why you always spend money on roses ?” She demanded. I said “Because I love you and I like buying flowers. Sometimes you make me waste money on things I don’t want. You always make me buy things I don’t need and spend money on expensive taxis when we could just walk. I don’t like wasting money on those things. I am much happier buying flowers for you because they are cheap. You can give this bouquet to your mother when we see her”.

She ignored me to go and talk to her friends. Later near 1am I said “We should go”. She walked off on her own to another bar. I guessed where she had gone and I went to find her. I said “Why are you here ? We should be at the bus station. The bus will come soon”. She stood up and said “Fine” and walked off. I started following her but I ran into someone I knew and I stopped for a second to say Hi and tell them I was leaving. When I turned around Merry was gone.

I ran through the streets looking. I went to where I thought the bus station was but I couldn’t find it. I gave up and went back to the Bia Hoi place wondering what to do. Suddenly she turned up angrily saying “Where is my ticket ? Give it to me” I said “Where were you ? I was looking and looking for you” She just goes “Fuck you. Give me the ticket”. So I gave her both bus tickets and she ran off without me.

The bus company rang me and asked in Vietnamese where she was and why we weren’t on the bus but I didn’t understand them.
A few minutes later Merry came back. I said “What happened ?” and she said “Bus has left already”. I said “I told you ! You weren’t ready ! You were too busy sitting around at another bar !” She ignored me and went and sat drinking with friends and laughing and having a good time. When I tried to look at her, she ignored me. I said “What about all our clothes and the suitcase full of gifts I brought for Mai and Nimh ? She said “I threw them in the street”.

I doubt this is true but I had no idea what to say. Most likely they were put on the bus to Da Lat because Merry did not have them. All I know is she was drunk and so very angry at me when I had done nothing wrong. I asked “What happened to the flowers I bought for your mother ?” she said “I threw them away”. I stayed talking with two nice people I’d just met commiserating what had just happened. They tried to tell me to work it out with her but I just said “I don’t see the point. I loved her. I bought her a wedding ring. I bought expensive ticket to Da Lat for us to see her sick child. I buy so many gifts for her family and for no reason she gets angry and me and runs away. If this is how she is going to act now… I don’t want to know how she will act in 5 years time. We’re finished”.

When the place closed, Merry left with Toan and some friends. Toan said “Come with us”. I just looked at Merry who was staring back and me and said “Sorry. No. I’m going home. I’m tired. We should be on the way to Da Lat now, not getting drunk in Saigon. I give up. I’m going home” and I turned and walked away.

I have no idea where Merry stayed last night or how she paid for her drinks. She made no effort to say sorry to me or ask me to take her home. I cannot even comprehend why she would be so angry at me for no reason after I bought us tickets to Da Lat and gifts for her family but I can only assume she just gets fucking crazy when she’s drunk. Ironically that’s exactly what Loi, a vendor girl said to me. She said “Why you not go home with Merry ?” and I said “We’re finished. She so angry at me now for no reason. I don’t understand”. She said “That girl fucking crazy. She here every night drinking, drinking, drinking. She’s fucking crazy. You don’t want her”.

So I walked home in the rain. I’d bought a switchblade that night because I’ve wanted one for a while for protection. I was carrying all my computers and camera gear as usual and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t like the idea of walking around unprotected because I have heard so many stories of people being robbed. So I had it in my hand the whole way home fingering the clasp and practicing unfolding it. I cut myself a few times trying to unfold it the cool way like they do in the movies.

Well, it’s funny how weapons beget violence isn’t it ? Someone DID try and rob me. In District 5. Some guy started following me, and when I turned down a dark street he quickened his pace. Now I walk a LOT faster than the average Vietnamese person so I knew when this guy started catching up it was going to end badly. I undid the clip on my knife and held it in my hand. Suddenly the yells someone at me an put one hand on my shoulder and one hand on my laptop bag.

I didn’t speak. I didn’t even think twice. I turned around and sunk a four inch knife into his chest. He staggered back clutching his chest and fell to the ground. I quickly turned and walked away as fast as I could without running. It was a dark empty street at almost 4am in the morning. Noone saw anything. I didn’t get any blood on me but I kept the knife and I just washed it when I got home.

But I guess that’s a bit of a story and a half right ? I figured if I was going to share one last story with you it may as well be a good one. Last night my second marriage ended and I killed a man in the street.

So I guess that’s it. I don’t know if the police will come bashing on my door today to drag me away to prison. I don’t know if Merry will find her way home (I doubt it, she can never even remember the address) and even if she does, she’s not welcome here after that.

So now I’m single again and a murderer.

Cool huh ? My life is nothing if not eventful.

My daughter is dead to me. My parents are dead to me. My new wife got drunk and ran away over some petty imagined complaint. And now I may well be going to jail for murder. The word for “self defence” in Vietnamese is “tự vệ” but somehow I don’t think it’ll get me very far.

So bye bye everyone. Bye bye to my parents. Bye bye to my friends. I’m finished with you all. Most likely the next person’s blood on this knife will be my own.

Been nice knowing you all. Please publish all my stories in a book. Maybe I’ll be famous posthumously. I originally wanted to call it “Love on the Streets of Saigon”. Maybe now a better title would be “Life and Death on the Streets of Saigon”.

I guess it’s up to you.