• Ludwig von Beethoven’s symphonies are a numbers game: 3, 5, 7,
and 9 are the best. The sixth is also fine; 1, 2, and 4 are not as
inspired, and 8 is “like boot camp for 9.”

• Of LVB’s five piano concertos (concerti is correct, but it is a bit
much), the fifth is the most famous and popular. You prefer the
fourth. It is greater.

• Ravel’s Boléro and Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture are both stupid
pieces, Bo Derek and cannons notwithstanding. You don’t listen to
Tchaikovsky. He is for children and the ballet.

• Mozart was perfect and the play/film Amadeus slandered him,
although he did like to gamble. He composed forty-one symphonies,
twenty-seven piano concertos, lots of operas, and hundreds of other
works. Everything he wrote after the age of puberty is worth listening
to.

• Handel’s Messiah is great despite its popularity. You prefer it performed
as it is written, with a small orchestra and chorus. Modern
arrangements make it sound like a small war. Messiah sing-alongs
are as hideous as karaoke.