An ATT rep calls Edgewater support

ATT: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The agent does not respond.)

ATT: 'Ello, Miss?

Agent: What do you mean "miss"?

ATT: (pause)I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Agent: Do you have the LAN MAC for the device?

ATT: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this router what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Agent: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue 4608...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

ATT: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Agent: No, no, 'e's uh,...it's resting.

ATT: Look, matey, I know a dead router when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Agent: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable device, the Edge Marc, idn'it, ay? Beautiful trunking!

ATT: The trunking don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Agent: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

ATT: All right then, if it's restin', I'll wake it up! (shouting at the router) 'Ello, Mister Edge Marc! I've got a lovely fresh packet for you if you show...

...

ATT: (yelling and hitting the device repeatedly) 'ELLO EDGEY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes router thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

ATT: Now that's what I call a dead router.

Agent: No, no.....No, it's in recovery mode!

ATT: RECOVERY MODE?!?

Agent: Yeah! You power cycled it wrong, just as it was wakin' up! Edge Marcs enter recovery mode easily, major.

ATT: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That router is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of lights was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged defaulting.

Agent: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

ATT: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did the status light turn red the moment I got 'im home?

Agent: The Edge Marc prefers keepin' on its red light! Remarkable router, id'nit, squire? Lovely trunking!

ATT: Look, I took the liberty of examining that router when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been routing traffic in the first place was that the ALG had been disabled.

(pause)

Agent: Well, o'course it was disabled there! If I hadn't disabled that ALG, it would have nuzzled up to that SIP traffic, bent 'em apart, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

ATT: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this router wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Agent: No no! 'E's pining!

ATT: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This router is no more! It has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'E's pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-ROUTER!!

(pause)

Agent: Well, I'd better replace it, then. Have you gone over our RMA document?