i've felt pretty bad the last couple of days ): a combination of a lack of sleep due to playing way too much civ3 (a friend and i spent a good 10+ hours on a multiplayer game that we ended up losing due to lack of resources on our side of the map, not doing that shit again any time soon) and general depression over not being able to get even 1 interview during my current 8 or so month job search. not only does it feel amazing to be constantly rejected and told you're not good enough, it also makes my parents mad at me that i'm still living at home without a job. and understandably - i should have been moved out by now. it's getting to the point of where i need a new game changer - before that was exploring the possibility of teaching english over in turkey since my cousin lives there - but now i'm considering maybe going back to school for another useless masters degree or some sort of technology oriented field. i've even considered putting up a donation button to abuse twitch's culture of throwing money at streamers for no reason, but that just makes me feel even more depressed that i'd have to beg for electronic pennys from either my speedfriends or streamfriends.

hard to focus on speedgaming or streaming when my current life situation is less than desirable. no reason to stream if i'm just going to be unresponsive, sad, or become easily irritated by things that don't matter.

i'll be in a better mood eventually, but don't expect dumb evening nonsense or vtmb runs for another couple days.