Thread 5: Stories 121-135

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Shining Armor"
~~~~~
Spike and Shiny meet at a bar, boith are incognito in trenchcoats, sunglasses at night, and wide brimmed hats

>So... All my paperwork for the night is done.

"And mine..."

>The wife?

"Two hour massage therapy appointment. Twily?"

>I donated some blood so she's having a field day with experiments. AJ2?

"Playing monopoly with the other Changelings except for 18. She's standing in for me tonight. Applejack and Celestia?"

>Former's been drugged so she can get a good night's sleep, the other I told I was going to distract you from work."

They both nod and head off to a sleazy motel room together, they check in under aliases. Once in the room, they drop their coats.

Revealing Shiny and Spike are wearing nothing underneath... Except what look like small tables strapped to their wrists.

"It's time to D-D! D-D-D-D-DUEL!"

>...

"What... We're doing Thursday Night Dueling Network, right?"

>No, Shiny... Dangit. Tonight's Friday Night Magic! You forgot your deck, didn't you?

"What self-respecting nerd would I be if I didn't always keep a dice set and my Magic Deck on me at all times? And since you whined first, that means my turn is first!"

>Oh, by all means, draw all you want, I brought my blue/black deck.

"... I hope you step on a d4."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Spike"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~

"I got those forms you requested."

>Spike? You didn't have to actually bring them over here clear from Canterlot you know. You could have just mailed them.

"Oh, I know. Little confession, I might be here for personal reasons as well."

>Oh? What're those.

"Mostly I wanted to watch her."

'Messin' up Shiny's paaaapers, with my big ol' booooooty~!'

>Ah.

"Did you know I used to be terrified of her? No joke, I avoided that ballroom like the plague."

'Ahaha! As well you should! For someday, I WILL RULE-'

"Now I just think she's adorable."

He tried to keep it in, really he did, but the aghast look on her face would have been too much for a monk who had taken a vow against all laughter. Thankfully, Chrysalis was too distracted to be angry at Shining Armor.

'Adorable?! Listen buddy, I'm every bit as powerful as I was when I floored your PRECIOUS Celestia!'

"Precious is kind of stretching it these days..."

'If you push me, I swear, BLAM! Evil green laser beam right to your faaaace!'

>Chrysalis, don't threaten my family please.

'Don't you tell me what to do!'

>Now don't be like that. You want my helmet? You didn't get a whole lot of waffles this morning, you look hungry.

'NO!'

"..."

>...

'...Yes! But not because you offered it. And I swear, I will use this love to kill you, and all that you lo-'

*BLAM!*

"Oh, that's embarrassing, my gun went off. Really should leave the safety on, shouldn't I?"

'You probably should, yes.'

"I don't know, we might need a second opinion. Why don't you loosen up your grip on Shiny's face real quick so we can ask him. Balancing your entire body weight on his head can't be easy anyway."

'...Maybe later.'

"Your call. Here's your paper, Shiny. I'll put it in one of the non wrecked spots."

>MmmgmmH

'Shiny says thank you.'

"Feel free to ask anytime you need anything else!"

>mmmmgh

'Shiny says he probably won't.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~
>Shining, I got some bills from Applejack- oh, it's you.

"Hah! Back again, huh? Well your gun trick might have scar- No, startled me before. But behold! I am now decked out in the impervious armor of the Crystal Elite Guard!"

>You know Cadence skimped on actual quality for aesthetics with those, right? I could literally eat that armor right off of you.

Chrysalis turns red and slaps Spike.

"I'm saving myself for Shining Armor- I mean I don't do dragons!"

>Hehehehe...

"What's so funny?"

>You really are adorable, you know that?

"Shut up! I am not!

>No, you are, your half-decent looks are all that save you from being pathetically ridiculous. Let's go over the facts: your mighty hive has been reduced to less than a hundred changelings, many of whom you can not only not properly lead, but you've reduced into simpletons with no ability to take initiative. Those that break this mold have only tenuous loyalties to you, with a few of them out and out defecting from your own incompetence.

"I-.. I can balance a checkbook well. That's what Shiny says."

>Shiny also tells Cadence her cooking is good and AJ2 that she's a talented artist.

"... No..."

>Then there's the fact that the Changelings, as a whole, have been better led and supported by 42, Applejack, or Shining Armor, meaning the only thing that keeps your people from extinction is the good graces of the ponies around you. If it had been left up to some people, the entire ballroom would have been filled with pesticides long ago and we would not be talking here right now. You would not even be able to enjoy breakfast with Shiny and Cadence. Isn't that funny? I guess, in a way, that makes your life a complete joke these days. Does also add a certain value to what you have here, doesn't it?

"..."

Chrysalis runs off crying and screaming.

>Whaddya know? Words cut deeper.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~

>Celestia? Had a question.

"You'd think I would freak out or something, but honestly? I just want to see what we've got left at this point. What's your question?"

>Have ya' noticed the Crystal Empire has better trains than us? Like.... real better. What's up with that?

"*Twitch* Well, they unfortunately have access to a super-light form of crystal, which weighs about ten times less than the steel we do, but is every bit as durable."

>Can't we, you know, buy it from them?

"We could... if Cadence hadn't used it all to build her train."

>Ah.

"She wanted a train fitting for a pretty pink princess, and against all logic she got it."

>Dang. That would'a solved a TON of problems.

"..."

>...Ya told her ta' do it, didn't ya?

"I made a suggestion in humor, she took it literally."

>So it's all yer'-

"I will cut you."

>...Fault.

"ARRRH!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Crystal Guard
"Crystal Guard 2"
~~~~

>Hey... buddy?

"Yes?"

>Are you... are you as confused as I am?

"...Yes."

>I just walked past Queen Chrysalis this morning. She's bad, right? I wasn't there, but what I've heard is pretty bad. Wrecked the prince's wedding, banged him while looking like his wife, and shot his aunt in law. That all happened, right?

"It did."

>And... the Changelings helped her, right? Fought his sister, attacked his home city, did a whole bunch of stuff to him.

"They did."

>...But he's not mad.

"He adopted one."

>No no, I get Two. Have you seen her?

"She drew me a picture. I still have it on my fridge."

>I mean, I'D adopt her. But it's the others. One of them just kicks his ass all the time.

"It's weird."

>And the other one just keeps trying to have sex with him.

"Constantly."

>But he turns her down.

"Loyal to his wife, give him that much."

>And don't quote me on this, but I THINK the Princess doing all that trade negotiating might not be authentic.

"Hidden talents."

>...why? It's just, if I was in his place, I might want to, bare minimum, ban them from my country or something.

>Now you're sounding like a Cantie.

"Hey now! No need to go that far. Just weird to me. Why?"

"Dunno."

>...That's it? Just, 'dunno'?

"Dunno. Guess there's a reason the Princess of Love married him."

>...Should we do something?

"Yes."

>...

"...We should go ask 18 to make sure our vacation time is going through, or else 42 will use it as an excuse to run us more ragged. We could ask the prince, but Chrysalis might mess up the paperwork, and the Princess would likely forget or fill it out improperly. Don't know where I want to go yet, but this benefits package is looking like something sunny with lots of sand. I'll have to bring Two a seashell back or something."

>...I love my job.

"Me too, buddy. Me too."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Celestia"
~~~~

*BOOM!*

>Okay, do you guys know how much I spend on door repairs? I swear, can nobody actually use... Princess! What are you doing here?

"You shun of a bish!"

>...N-nooo...

"You shink yer' shooo mush better shan me, don' sho?!"

>No no no nooooo....

"Well, yer' not! I do papershtuff! Losh of paperstufh! But nobody even shanks poor old Sheleshia! Everyonesh like "ohh, you never do shinks, and jush wan' Twilight ta' fix it!" I DIDN' SHEE TWILIGHT MAKIN' FREE HEALTHCAR! I DIDN' SHEE HER MAKIN' CANTERLOT FROM ROCKSH! Twilish thish and that, ish annoying!"

>Princess, you're drunk. I don't know how you made it across a continent while so sloshed I can TASTE alcohol from across the room, but you need to go lay down.

>Everyone jush shinks Appleajck is fixshin everythin', BUT I MADE THE SHIT SHESH FIXSHIN!

>Okay, getting hot in here, please turn off the sun powers.

"And then theresh YOU! I ushed to like you! You were sho nish, and coutrish, and gelemnty"

>...those aren't words.

"You werr my friend, Shiny! But now all you do ish make me look bad!"

>I make you look bad? How? I say nothing but good things about you all the time!

"YOU SHINK YER' BETTER ZAN ME!"

>I don't, really! What's this about?

"IS ABOUT... HUUUURRRK~!"

>...All over my freakin-

Instead of the tell-tale thump he was expecting, he was instead assaulted by a large pair of forelegs wrapping themselves around his face.

"I-I mish it when you werr my guard. You alwaysh thanked me, wrote me little notsh zat shaid I was a good prinshess, made me feel like I wash doin' a good job, but now yer' jush makin' me feel like I can't fixsh nosin. I wanna fixsh it. I do! I jush... I wanna.."

>...Celestia, you're still a good princess. I still admire you, and you-

"ZZZzzzz..."

>Are drooling all over me.

"zzz..."

>...my heart hurts.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Miss Cheerilee
“AJ56”
‘Diamond Tiara’
-Silver Spoon-
(Snips)
[Snails]
~~~~~~~~

‘If I can politely ask…’

(That’s a lie and you know it, Tiara. You? Asking nicely? When snails fly.)

[Um… Snips? I can’t fly.]

(No, I know, I was just saying-)

‘Can you two idiots shut up for a second? Thanks. Now, as I was saying… why the buck am I in this after-school class for dummies?’

Miss Cheerilee fixed her gaze at a point just to the left of Diamond Tiara, a grin overtaking her face before she quickly waved a hoof.

>No, no, I couldn’t live with myself if you did, dear.

-Who… who are you talking to, Miss Cheerilee?-

“Her invisible buddies!”

[Oh, that’s terrible. I remember Snips had a case of the invisibles once.]

(No I didn’t, I just wasn’t standing next to you when you thought I was.)

‘Can you PLEASE let her finish?’

>Ahem, well, Diamond Tiara, if you want the whole truth, the time you’ve spent trying to utterly decimate AJ56 has hindered your grades quite a bit.

‘WHAT?’

-I warned you, T.-

>Most recently? Our last geography test. For some reason, instead of choosing from the provided answers, you just listed all the places you’d blown AJ56 through.

“Sad, ain’t it? She’d make a shoddy killer, lemme tell ya!”

(Considering you seem to be made of unobtainium, I think anyone else would be six feet under.)

‘Oh, he will be, you thick fool, he will be.’

(Spoiled bitch.)

‘Mealy-mouth peasant.’

A bloody hoofprint appeared on the board with a dull clopping sound. And then another. And another. Until it looked as though a pony who’d stepped in tomato sauce was walking across the chalkboard.

Silence immediately fell.

-I want my mommy….-

“Does your mother have a big plot like yours?”

-I--I don’t--

‘Her plot is not big!’

(Ha, jealously is never a good color to wear, Tiara.)

‘Neither is fat but you make it work.’

[Missus Cheerilee? I think the only pony who should be here is the one who thinks fat is a natural color.]

Miss Cheerilee cleared her throat, and as she did so, everypony in the room except AJ56 yelled out in fear when the windows suddenly blew inward with a whiplike crack. Shards of glittering glass hovered throughout the air as though in stasis.

>Bless you, dear.

‘Th-that was a sneeze? From what?!’

“Holy crap, that was awesome!”

(AAAAAAAH!)

[Gabbentight.]

(AAAAAA- it’s gesundheit, Snails- AAAAAAH!)

-MOOOOOOOOM!-

“Really, Spoons, I gotta meet your mom one day soon. Is that okay? Can I come over later or something?”

-M-Maybe…?-

‘No you cannot!’

“I wasn’t talking to you, flatflank.”

Snips fell out of his chair laughing.

(Flatflank? Ahahahaha!)

‘My flank is not flat, you stupid insectoid!’

AJ56 merely put a hoof to Tiara’s face and turned to Miss Cheerilee.

“Hey, Miss Flowerpot! You wanna come to Spoon’s house, too? You and her mom can compare rumps and I can judge!”

*POP!*

[Miss Cheerilee? Did your eye just-]

>Rupture? Why yes, I do believe it just did, old Apple Family tendencies stretch far, I see. And I think you all know what that means….

All the lights instantly burst and the classroom floor began to tremble and crack as blood flowed freely from Miss Cheerilee’s popped eye.

“RUN FOR THE PLOT- I MEAN HILLS!”

(GANGWAY!)

It was like a stampede of buffalo when all her students sprinted for the doorway, nearly taking the door off its hinge as they pushed through. As Miss Cheerilee sighed with some relief, the lights flickered back on, the hoofprints washed off the board, and the floor fixed itself, not a tile out of place.

>Dear, oh dear… I need to exercise my mind more! It wouldn’t do to lose control like that!

[Lose control of what, Miss Cheerilee?]

>...Snails? What’re you still doing here, sweetheart?

[You didn’t say we were excused.]

>Oh! Oh goodness, a student who actually listens… I feel faint….

[Miss Cheerilee? I feel something wet running up the back of my neck.]

>Yes, well, whether it’s on purpose or you’re just too dim to notice, your abstract lack of fear is intriguing to them. They're just having a taste.

[Should I move?]

>I wouldn’t, dear.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Diamond Tiara
"Spike"
~~~~~
Spike is checking out Twilight's armory and reaches for a rocket launcher when a familiar pink hoof touches the same weapon revealing... DIAMOND TIARA!

"So... It's come to this, has it?"

>Back off, handslave, what I do is for the good of Equestria compared to your joyriding

"I'M Twilight's assistant so I'LL be the one to test all of her new weapons."

>Pfft, you've become such a little bitch since your vow not to kill I could bitch slap you like the bitch you are and you wouldn't stop me

"It's not a vow, it's a choice-"

Diamond Tiara reaches out and begins smacking Spike rhythmically with her chant.

>You're just a little good two-shoes! Aren't you? Little goody two-shoes! Little goody TWO-shoes!

Revolver in the face!

"Good, bad, I'm the one with the guns."

>Eep...

"But you know what, since you're so dead set on playing with this dangerous, experimental rocket launcher before I have a chance to see if it's safe then by all means-"

>VICTORYORDEATH!

Diamond Tiara pushes Spike out of the way, swipes the rocket launcher and runs off with it cackling like a madmare.

Later, in Ponyville

>Prepare to meet your own, fat, plotty end, Changeling horror!

The ensueing blast reaches up for miles into the sky... But is barely a few feet in diameter and is centered on the filly.

>I blame Celestia!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Crystal Guard
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

As the morning sun spilled in through the massive crystal windows, a certain guard has decided that today is a good day for skipping and singing as he carries his breakfast to work.

>Ooooh~, I love my job, yes I do! I love my job and I-

*TRIP!*

>Should watch where I'm going, apparently. Hmm?

"Zzzzz..."

>How the hay did I miss that? Hey! Wake up Bug Queen, days starting anew!

"Zzzzhrk!? Wassat?"

>C'mon, let's-OH WOW! Look at all these bottles. Someone was having a party!

"Rassrasafrassa..."

>Hungover? Ahhh, no worries there! I've got my favorite frappamochachinolattegrande, Supreme! Best hangover cure there ever was!

"Rmemethnnks."

>Just going to have to make do, I drank most of it, but few sips ought to get you back on your hooves!

With all the co-ordination of a seal with a massive head injury, the black hoof manages to find purchase and bring the coffee to her lips.

As if a firework had gone off under her, she suddenly rocketed upright.

"OH SHIT! MY LIFE DOES SUCK!"

>...Come again? Whoa now! Little early for a drink, isn't it?

She ignored him, drinking down any wine bottle that still had alcohol in it.

"NO*glub* NEED TO *glubglub* COUNTERACT CAFFEINE! Have to get back to blissful non-smartness!"

>Why?

"Because non-smartness means I'm convinced my life is awesome!"

>...Are you alright?

"No, I AM NOT ALRIGHT! If you wish to understand, simply think about this question, what is the most baffling thing about your Prince?"

>...Why isn't he an Emperor?

"...Huh. Right? This is the Crystal Empire, not the Crystal Principality. They should be the Emperor and Empress."

>It's weird.

"...what was I talking about?"

>Something about questions?

"Was I? That sounds dumb. I need to go mess up Shiny's papers some more."

>You okay?

"Yeah, think the alcohol is kicking in. Why, what was I talking about?"

>Nothing important, I guess?

"Guess not. Bysies!"

>...The most baffling thing... why does he put up with this?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack 12
"Conductor"
~~~~~~

>Did- did we really have to have this interview on a train?

"Well, it is a conductors job."

>Yeah no, I get that, it's the fact that the train is moving, that would be my problem. Shouldn't you be, I don't know, watching the tracks?

"Nah, it's fine. So, what makes you think you have what it takes to be a conductor?"

>I don't mean to sound offensive, but all I saw you do was jam that stick down and then relax to start talk to me. Is... is that all there is?

"Oh no, no no no, there's also the crushing monotony of this life, watching the tracks go by over and over and over again as the hours tick away and nothing ever changes except for the blurry lands of freedom that pass you by, just out of reach so as to tempt you with the prospect of huge hills and grand adventure but never to deliver."

>...Uh...

"We're all on our own little traintracks, I've realized. So many things in life we see, but can never be a part of. All because destiny laid down this little road that we have to follow, and can never depart form. So few choices, yet we never realize we have no freedom. Because this is where we want to go. We WANT to go to that next town, that next castle, that next destination. All the while, happiness is just out of reach, but we never think about it. Never never never do we question the lies. Never never never do we care as our hope dies. Never never never."

>...I wanna go home.

The conductor just gives him a little smile, and then pulls down harder on the accelerator.

"I'll have you there in no time."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
"Applejack"
~~~~~
"Hey, Twiligh'! How ya been?"

>Applejack! Come to complain about the copious amounts of brewery equipment I used government bits on?

"Huh? No. Honestly those costs were pretty negligible since ya already had most o' the equipment an' went real do-it-yerself wit' tha rest."

Twilight curses under her breath.

>I knew I should have paid the extra two cents over at the competing hardware store! But no, I had to go with supporting small business!

"Righ'... Anyway though, Ah jus swung by to say 'howdy' an' maybe ask what'cha were brewin' an' why. Ya ain' much a drinker."

>Oh, I'm not, this is all part of a grand experiment.

"Oookay. What'cha plannin', is this a beer that'll make ponies glow green?"

>Applejack, firstly, it's a Dark Lager, please try to respect that. Secondly, the beer itself is nothing special, just a standard malty dark ale with a bit of a caffeine kick to it. I will call it "Capbeerchino!"

"Well, that sounds dandy an' all but... Didn' ya jus' insistantly called it a dunkel?"

>... Do you want to know why I'm doing this or not?

"Well, alrighty, jus' sayin'-"

>Based on communications with my brother, Cadence, Spike, and others, I've noticed Queen Chrysalis' intelligence and awareness spike phenomenally on ingestion of caffeine. To stave off depression, she will then imbibe alcohol. Ironic, isn't it? Fighting depression with a depressant.

"So... What you wanna find out is 'is there a golden medium'?"

>Huh? Oh, yeah, that works, I just wanted to record her reactions.

"So, how're you gonna get Chrysalis to even drink yer beer anyway since ya'll put Capbeer-"

>Dark. Lager.

"Well it's also obviously caffeinated, so why in tha hay would she drink it?"

>I've done my research, Chrysalis does not understand what cappuccino means! I will also be shipping a free crate to the royal family, meant for Shining Armor but Chrysalis will insistantly drink it first! Not only that, but I've done my marketing research and the Crystal Empire loves coffee and fine booze. And to top it all off, I have an unbeatable ad no one can resist!

Twilight reveals a mock billboard with AJ2 giving puppy dog eyes and "Drink Capbeerccino or she will cry" captioned underneath.

Applejack slowly begins to back away.

"Well, Ah see yer mighty busy Twiligh', an' Ah'm pretty busy too! Great catchin' up wit' ya! We should never do this again!"

Twilight just slowly turns to face Applejack with a mad smile while lowering her goggles over her eyes.

>It was good to catch up with you too, Applejack, but now... Now is time for TWIENCE!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Fluttershy”
‘Luna’
-Twilight-
[Cadance]
"'Spike"'
{Celestia}
~~~~~~

>Alright, this meetin' of-

-Hey, whoa now, we need to talk about the elephant in the room.-

'What strangeness do you speak? We have not invited Rarity back for several sessions now!"

[Burn.]

"Oh, that wasn't very nice. Accurate, but mean."

-I meant the fact your sister is passed out on the table, Luna.-

'What of it, Sparkle?'

-Does anyone know why she's here?-

>Yeah, Shiny dragged 'er back from the Empire. How she got over there, I ain't got a clue.

[Is she alright?]

>She's fine, she jus' got shnookered off her rear and went on a bender. We've all been there.

-...I haven't...-

"...I have..."

'Point is, Princess Twilight, that we have no concern for how inebriated our sister chooses to become. It is her business.'

-Nobodies worried about her?-

[Not really, no.]

>Maybe iffin' she wasn't on the table and Ah' didn't know where she was, but she ain't exactly in a gutter or gettin' taken advantage of.

'She speaks the truth! Were it any pony but Shining Armor, I could see the concern, but the poor sap can't even get any from the lawfully wedded wife who shares his bed every night!'

-EW EW EW! SHUT UP!-

'No need to be like that, I'm sure he'll let you climb into his bed too if you ask.'

-I know, but I haven't had a nightmare in months. I don't need to sleep with Shiny.-

'*COUGH HACK WHEEZE*'

>ANYWAY, point is, Twi, she's fine.

"Except for the smell."

>Right, cept fer' that.

[And the note taped to her chest.]

>Right, that too-... come again?

"She's right. Right there."

-Huh... 'do not open unless you are Celestia.'-

'Well, clearly that does not exclude-'

-'especially you, Luna.'-

'DRAT!'

>Iffin' we could all get back on topic-

"'Cake's here!"'

In less than two seconds, only Applejack and the still unconscious Celestia remained.

>...Son of a-

"'I ordered extra Cider-cake with tart frosting!"'

Make that just the unconscious Celestia.

{SNNRK!? HUH WHAT!? WHERE AM I!?]

Fine, JUST Celestia.

{...back home again, yay.... huh? What's this?}

...

{....'Thank you for everything you have done. You're still a good princess, and I still love you.'...}

....

{...I'm not gonna cry. You can't make me cry.}

...

{Damn it.}

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Shiny
'Sombra (Written)'
"Sombra (Spoken)"

>Alright, rework this, fix that typo...

*SLAM*

>Oh now what!?

"GRAGH!"

>Uh, Somby?

"GRARGLARGH! ROWRGH YARGH BRARARGH DAARAGRAWR! ROWARARGH GRAWR RWARGH RRRAAAAAAAARWGH!"

>Uh...

"RAWRGH GRAWRGH BLARGH ROOOOAR!"

>Wait, how can you be drunk, liquid just passes right through you!

"..."

Scribble.

'I was under the assumption you had changed the rules around seeking an audience. Half the royalty seems to have burst in here drunk.'

>No, Somby, just...no.

'Ah, well, Two is awaiting further sessions of Monopony, do you know when you will be free?'

>In about an hour or so, drunken ponies providing.

'Ah...Luna, one of your platonic harem, and the Grand Chancellor of the Gryphon Kingdoms were in line behind me, should I-'

>No no, I got this. See you later.

"Grarghrargh."

Sombra exits, Shiny closes the door, locks it, and uses the new door bar he installed.

>Let the siege begin.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Fluttershy"
~~~~~~

>Alright, good. I've finally got the castle budget all re-worked, and now I just have to... *Sniff*... so I smell copious amounts of alcohol?

*Door opens quietly*

*Closes with a tiny squeak*

"Shhhhiiiinining am... armo... chest metal shhtfufs.

>...Oh, come on now, really?

"Hoooow ya dooooiin?"

>How are you here? Is the train service giving discounts based on blood alcohol level or something?

"Noooo shilly! Ah' jus... jus' asked Dissy ta' send me over her', cause I wanted ta' talk with my buddy SHIIINY!"

>We don't even know each other!

"Ohhhh don' be like that! Ah' helped witch yer' wedding!"

>Is Discord here? Tell me he's here to take you home.

"Yaaaa~! He's off witch her marefriend!"

>Oh sweet merciful heavens, he's with Cadence!? HONEY, I'M COMING!

"Firsh time you shaid THAT in a while, ain't it?"

>... *Twitch*

"But noooo, he ain't wi' Cadosh! He'sh wish A team!"

>A team of what?

"Nooo a teen!"

>There's a teenager in my castle? How old are they?

"NOOOO! A. TEAB! ZA NUMBER!"

>....Eighteen?

"YEAH! ZAT NUMBER!"

>So why'd you say- Oh! I get it, cause she's disguised as Cadence. Okay, that makes sense.

"I ship it!"

>Ship what?

"A team!"

>You want to ship 18? Where? Why? She's nice, really helpful. I don't want her to go away.

"Ish better shan fertytwo, DASH!"

>Dash wants to ship 42? Where? She's not that great of a flier, I don't know what her problem is. Besides, I like her too. I don't want you shipping anyone.

"You know what?"

>Blargh?

"Took the worsh right outta my-BLLLAAAARGH!"

>Oh joy, you hit the face this time. I think that's, what, ten points?

*squeak!*

>Even her collapsing to the ground is quiet... and I'm pretty sure I just heard Chrysalis scream in terror.

"ableagbae"

>Rush to help her? Don't be silly. She's probably fine.

"Gewf"

>Glad you agree.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"AJ18"
[Cadence]
------------------------
>Last paper to sign for today and I can finally get some re-

*Door bursts open*

"Heeeeeeyyyy, whash up, good lookinsh?"

>Oh, come on you're not even royalty! Or disguised, for that matter!

"Sho? I can't haf shome alchyhol, too?"

>Honestly, nobody should have any alcohol. First thing tomorrow, I'm putting a security system on whatever's left of that wine cellar.

"Cool shtory bro, now let'sh fuck."

>If I didn't want to do that while you were sober, what would make you think I'd want to do that while you're drunk?

"OH, COME ON, It's not like you'll ever have shex wif your wife again."

>*twitch* That's not true. It'll-

"Why'dja even marry that shtupid bimbo, she barely doesh anything of usesh, and you don't even take her on datesh or anything."

>*twitch* LOOK, I-

"COME ON SHINY, DON'CHA MISSH THE HORIZONTAL MAMBO!?"

*pop*

"Whoa, what'sh wrong witsh your eye- zzzzzz"

Shining hurriedly signs the last paper and storms out of the room, running past Chrysalis glued to the ceiling with chocolate, AJ2 and Sombra playing Candyland, and AJ42 yelling at a random guard, then bursts into Cadence's beauty product room.

[Hey, Shiny, do you think I should put the industrial-size hairspray can in the corner, or-]

*Shining then magically picks her up and takes her to the bedroom*

[Whoa, what are you doin-]

>WE ARE GOING TO MAKE LOVE. NOW.

[But aren't I constantly doing tha-]

>I'M TALKING ABOUT SEX.

[But I thought you took a vow of chastity.]

*pop*

[Shiny, your eyes-]

>I KNOW.

Shining and Cadance entered the bedroom and weren't heard from for 24 hours.

Around that time, AJ18 decided to look in.

"Look, Shining, about last-"

Shining and Cadance were passed out, looking way too content.
The stained sheets said it all.

"Damn, he actually did it."

AJ18 slowly closed the door and walked off.

"That should've been me."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________