Sleepless (1/2)

>You are a researcher.
>The fluffy pony epidemic has spread nationwide, and the National Science Foundation has begun distributing grants to study them.
>The lab that created them has refused to give up their genome, citing trade secrets law and patent considerations, and despite threats from the Department of Justice.
>State governments have variously classified them as vermin, animals, or in the case of Texas, illegal immigrants.
>The fluffy hordes tend to be more concentrated in the Southeast, especially Georgia and the Carolinas.
>The desert states have far smaller populations, as fluffy pony fluff acts like a greenhouse that fries the ponies to death in the summer.
>Those fluffies in the Southeast are posing a threat to local agriculture with their wanton grazing.
>Your bosses have received an NSF grant to study fluffy pony physiology, specifically to find ways to control the population without harming the surrounding environment.
>You're not on that team, though.
>You're helping find out how the fluffies tick.
>Since your facility is in Virginia, subjects are quite plentiful.
>Driving into work each morning, you see dozens of pastel fuzzballs devouring kudzu on the roadside.
>It's almost ironic, the plant plague and the animal plague being side by side.
>Today, you will be dealing with the effects of sleep deprivation on fluffies.
>When you arrive and get to your floor, an assistant directs you to a cage with a nervous fluffy inside.
>She hands you a clipboard with all the relevant details.
>This is a female unicorn with white fluff, orange eyes and a bluish-white mane and tail.
>The paper says she is 11.8 inches tall, 12 inches in total length from nose to dock, and five pounds in weight.
>She was abandoned by her owner, but has not been injured and is in good health.
>You stoop to look into her cage.
>“Whewe daddy go?  Hooman new fwiend?”
>It's still rather creepy that they can talk, but you're getting used to it.
>It's time for government-funded science.
>You take the cage and move it into another room.
>Inside is a large drum that holds just over nine inches of water at the bottom.
>That water surrounds a small, circular cinder block that is seven inches in diameter and ten inches tall.
>The top of this block is curved.
>A fluffy can stand on it, but if they lie down they will roll off into the water.
>The combined apparatus is a larger variation of the common flowerpot experiment.
>The fluffy stands on the block, but must remain standing because it will fall into the water otherwise.
>It is an easy way to deny them sleep, both of the NREM and REM variety, since the fluffy must maintain total alertness to stand on the curved surface.
>Before you begin, you take the fluffy unicorn out and hold her over a bucket.
>”Pway?” she asks.  You squeeze her.  “Owwies!  Why huwt fwuffy?!” she cries.
>You continue to squeeze until she defecates and urinates, then set her back into her cage while you attach a video camera to the rim of the drum and point it at the platform.
>Everything is ready, so you set the fluffy on the platform, start the recording, and mark the time on your clipboard.
>”Wha doin'?  We pwayin' game?” she asks you.
“Yes.  You must stand on that block.  If you don't, you will be a bad fluffy and no one will love you.”
>Tears gather in her eyes.  “Fwuffy stan'!  Fwuffy good!  Pwease wuv!” she sniffles.
>You leave the room.  Now the waiting begins.
>You settle in a chair in the room next door.
>A flat panel monitor provides you a live feed from the drum camera.
>While you have a few moments, you check your clipboard for other relevant details.
>This fluffy hasn't been asleep since she was brought in at three in the morning.
>That was over six hours ago.
>You know that on average, fluffies require eight to ten hours of sleep each day.
>While some get this sleep in one chunk at night, many seem to take naps throughout the day and then take a longer nap in the evening.
>Ferals, especially, exhibit this napping behavior.
>On the monitor, you watch her as she tries to walk around.
>”Hewp!  Fwuffy stuck!  Fwuffy need hooman!  Pwease hewp fwuffy!” she calls nervously.
>Each time she contacts the water, she cries and jerks back.  There isn't enough space between the platform and the drum for her to fall completely in, so she won't drown.
>The first hour passes without much incident.  She cries and begs for help, which only serves to exhaust her faster.
>One hour and twenty-nine minutes into the experiment is when things begin to get interesting.
>”Fwuffy sweepy,” she whines, toddling in a tight circle on the small platform.  “Fwuffy take nappies!”
>She tries to lie down on the curved block, and immediately begins to tumble.
>With a few loud shrieks, she frantically pushes herself back to a standing position.
>”No wan'!  Wawa bad fo' fwuffy!” she wails.
>She goes back to spinning in slow circles on the block.
>”Pwease hewp!  Fwuffy stuck in bad wawa pwace!  Pwease get out!  Fwuffy sowwy if bad!”
>Fifteen minutes later, she tries again.
>”Fwuffy no feew good...” she yawns, and lies down.
>As before, she rolls right into the water.
>It takes her a few seconds of thrashing, but she returns to standing on the block.
>”Fwuffy no wike dis!” she yells, tears in her eyes.  “Fwuffy wan' pway new game!  Pwease wet fwuffy out bad wawa pwace!”
>Ten minutes later, she tries yet again, with the same results.
>”No wan'!  Wan' beddies!  Pwease wet sweepies, wawa!  Fwuffy sowwy!” she cries.
>You scribble down notes about her behavior and stress levels.
>As she waddles, you notice a yellow stain on her rear fluff.
>”Fwuffy scawed, fwuffy no wike wawa, fwuffy wan' 'way fwom wawa!”
>She is too nervous to feel drowsy.
>It takes another twenty minutes for her to calm down.
>”Wan' nappies!” she yells, lying down again.
>She tumbles once more and screams loudly.
>”Fwuffy no wike!  Fwuffy wan' out!  Wet out!  Wet out!” she screams, stamping her hooves.
>You watch her as she throws a temper tantrum, nearly falling off the platform twice.
>All she's doing is making herself more tired.
>Thirty-two minutes later, she succumbs to another nap urge and rolls.
>”Wawa go 'way!” she screams at the top of her lungs, pulling herself back up.
>“Why wawa hate fwuffy?!  Fwuffy no do bad to wawa!  Pwease wet fwuffy sweepies!”
>You write this down; at 12:07:29 PM, the subject becomes cognizant of her inability to sleep.
>You call in an assistant to bring you lunch from the cafeteria.
>You suspect that things are about to go downhill fast, and don't want to miss it.
>The fluffy is clearly getting more drowsy.
>Her steps are shaky and awkward.  She constantly misses the block with her hooves and hits the water.
>Contrary to your expectations, she gets louder as she gets drowsier.
>”Wan' sweepies!  Fwuffy wan' sweepies!” she yelps.  “Wet haf!  Fwuffy feew spinny!”
>Spinny?  She must mean dizzy.  You record that.
>She continues to scream as loudly as she can until she submits to another nap urge.
>”Twy 'gain!  Fwuffy get sweepies now!”  She rolls off the block.  “No!  Why no gif sweepies!  Hate wawa!  Wawa meanie!”
>She tries to stomp the water, to no avail.
>”Make sowwy poopies!”
>Now she's shat in it.  “Wawa smeww bad!  Wawa dumb!  Now gif sweepy!”
>You're beginning to understand why her owner let her go.  She's a bit of a brat.
>Then again, that might be a function of her exhaustion.  You record the behavior just in case.
>Another nap urge hits her, and she lies down and rolls off.
>”No smeww pwetty!  Wawa bad!  Fwuffy no wike!  Pwease hewp fwuffy, fwuffy feew funny!”
>While you're eating lunch, a new wrinkle in her behavior appears.
>The fluffy's eyes are getting glassy, and her temper tantrums have gotten quieter.
>”Fwuffy sowwy yeww, fwuffy no mean, fwuffy wuv wawa...wawa wet sweepies now?  Wawa wuv fwuffy?”
>Is she hallucinating?  Does she think the water is alive?
>She attempts another nap immediately after she says this, and rolls right off as usual.
>Once she gets herself back up onto the stone, she unleashes a tidal wave of hiccups and sobs.
>”Why...why do dis?!  Why no wet...wan' sweepies...pwease gif!  Sweepy!  Sweepy!” she cries, barely able to force out the words through her hiccups.
>A constant stream of brown erupts from her rear end at this point.
>She topples over involuntarily a few moments later, rolling into the self-made sewage.
>”Hewp!  Fwuffy no smeww pwetty!  Dis bad wawa!” she shrieks, finally getting back onto the block.
>”Fwuffy sowwy fo' be bad!  Fwuffy neva bad 'gain!  Pwease wet fwuffy out sowwy-bowl!”
>She thinks she's being punished.
>It's almost three in the afternoon when something new happens.
>The fluffy was in the middle of screeching apologies when she suddenly fell silent.
>She now stands on the block, shaking violently and staring straight ahead.
>When she begins to sway from side to side, you can hear whispering.  You turn up the volume.
>”No wan' sweepies...sweepies bad fo' fwuffy...sweepies bad,” she says.
>”Sweepies mean bad wawa, bad wawa bad fo' fwuffy, sweepies bad fo' fwuffy too...no wan'...”
>Suddenly, she slams her face into the water.  “Stay 'wake!  Sweepies huwt fwuffy!”
>This is new.  You write it down.
>Your shift is coming to an end, so it's time to hand off to the next guy to continue monitoring.
>Before you leave for the day, you make a few additional notes about her behavior so far.
>This way, your relief will have some context for his observations.
>The last words you hear the fluffy say before you depart are “Fwuffy sowwy fo' sweepies...”