ReflectioN

June 17, 2021

It's been one year since V passed away, after ending the Battle of Mashupville. Things have been rather quiet since then. Personally, I am a bit relieved that I don't have to deal with any more ridiculous shenanigans.
...But still... there is a part of me that misses those days...
Lately I have seen many new faces pop up around... though I can never be sure, I have a feeling it has to do with his absence. A missing V leaves a hole in this world's ecosystem. It's only natural that imitators try to fill it. Still, though, none of it feels as genuine; the attempts are nice to see, but none of them match the same level of determination in shitposting he had. It's still rather strange to me how someone would spend so much of his efforts on small shitposts. Though, I guess in the end... he did serve an important purpose... Well, recently I've come to fully understand why V was so popular. People used the platform he gave everyone, regardless of whether he "gave a shit" or not, to improve their own skills. Now that he's gone... well, now that he's gone...
I know he wanted to go. I know he felt like there was a definite stopping point, and that it should be after only three years.
...If I know that, then why do I miss him so much?
I cannot seem to move past this, no matter how much I wish to. He accepted his fate, why can't I? Why do I have this empty hole in my heart? I did not care for him for most of his existence until the very tail end...why the hell do I feel so guilty now?
I should have done something back then... I was there with him. I have no excuse.
I willingly let him destroy his own self to kill that beast. Why didn't I go ahead and do it first? I just stayed back and attacked him whenever I could, watching as he grew more and more exhausted from the fighting.
I keep replaying those moments in my mind. What if I had done something different? I could have fought harder before they trapped me in that cage in Johnson's lighthouse... no, RN was too powerful for me. I could have tried to corrupt V's computer before V was brought into it... no, too dangerous. I could have killed the beast myself... If anyone, I should have been the sacrifice. It's not fair.
...I wonder if those regrets are why I do what I do now.
If whoever ends up reading this wants to know what my life is like, here it is.
I play video games.
I go to get groceries.
I watch rips, from everywhere, and I catalogue them and their creators. Maybe it's too obsessive, but I enjoy the work.
I tidy up everything I can. This includes the house, but it also includes the channel.
A channel that uploads anything was bound to occasionally skirt the edge of YouTube's restrictions, which seem to be contracting all the time... I do the least changes that I can, but... I must admit I have done a bit of future-proofing on the VvvvvaVvvvvvr channel. Though, I can't bring myself to hit that "upload" button... sometimes I feel the urge to post something like he would. Start it all up again, invite everyone back. But then I remember I'm not V... and that he tied a bow on his channel so masterfully I'm convinced that he had been planning it for years.
All the finale uploads tied together very well... though he did seem annoyed at my "Ends Here, Ends Now" project, just another one of my lore-hijacks. I don't think he ever knew the extent of my involvement in those uploads. I know he disagreed with my opinions on lore... but even when something tragic happens to me, I know that the best way to heal and learn from it is to make it a good story. ...Even if that involves building an intricate radio-frequency Webdriver Torso renderer-streamer quantum-hack program.
Hmm... maybe that's how I heal. I don't need to stay in Mashupville all the time. Maybe I should explore the world. Find some new stories to broadcast.
Then again, interesting things still happen around here. Maybe those'll show up sometime... I would need to figure out where, but then again... I'm not going away anytime soon.
I have all the time in the world. I'll do my best to use it to the fullest.

Until next time, whenever that may be,
~ N