Thread 86: Stories 16-30

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 >Spike
"???"
~~~~

>A lone dragon hunts through the brush, following the tracks in the dank, cold snow... what is it that he wishes to find? Why... none other than dear, dear Applejack, the princess of his sweet apple heart... she's gone... she's gone and he, and he alone, has the skills, the tenacity, the strength! He alone will follow these tracks and he will find her, and whenever he finds whatever it was that made her rush from her day of joy, that would ever take from her this time of happiness she slaves for, and so richly deserves... when he finds them, he know what he must do... he's going to put a bullet right between it's eyes.

"What if she's chasing a wounded animal or something?"

>GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"..."

>...H-hi, Fluttershy!... Wasuaaap?

"..."

>Why are you here?

"You're next to my cottage."

>Ah. It seems these tracks loop a bit.

"..."

>...

"...Want some help?"

>Ehhhh, I'm kind of doing the lone gunmare thing.

"Name one time a lone gunmare didn't have a spunky female tag-along when he's on his rescue mission."

>.......ehhhhhhh... point, weirdly prevalent.

"..."

>...

"...The dragon paused as he considered her. Power, yeah, she had that. But that's the problem, isn't it? She's got power... but that power's a drug. But then again... drugs can be useful, give you strength... for a time. He had a ticking clock, and one thing he didn't have time for... worrying about tomorrow without the apple of his heart... dare he drink that poison?"

>...

"...He dares..."

>...Okay, ten out of ten for using the voice.

"Totally unneeded."

>Adventure to save Applejack?

"Let's do this."

*BROHOOF!*

"...Sorry about making you grow the mustache."

>.................I kinda like it..............

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>Applejack
"AB"
'Big Mac'
~~~

>...Okay, so the tracks kinda go off in a bit of a random wobble here, which means either Granny went off on one'a her stompin' rants, or she found what she was lookin' for.

"Oh thank the great apple buck! Let's go home and-"

>Applebloom! Language!

"...What? Buck? But we say buck all the time. Our whole lives is buckin'. We buck as much as we can till our legs are sore, then we go home and wait till we're ready ta' buck some more. We're all about buckin'!"

>Ah' know, but... well...

"Ah' know, ponies use it instead'a fuck-"

>APPLEBLOOM!

"Ah' just wanted ta' tell ya' Ah' know! And it's dumb ta' me too! "Oh, Ah' bucked her good last night!"... So, what, ya' kicked that mare hard enough ta' shake somethin' loose? Oh yeah! That's somethin' ta' be proud of! Then it gets real dumb when they say stuff like "Wanna go back ta' my place and Ah' buck yer' brains out?" And it's like he's tellin' her he's gonna break her dang skull in! It's one letter! What, are ya' tryin' ta' be coy or somethin'? Would it make sense iffin' Ah' said "Ah' need ta go take a shin"? They both use legs, so Ah' guess they're the same right!? IT'S SO STUPID!"

>...

'...Eeeeeyup.'

>Don't encourage her!

'She's right though.'

>...Yeah, she kinda is...

"...."

>...But when we get home Ah'm still washin' yer' mouth out with soap.

"DANG IT!"

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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Acty's Mom'
[???]
~~~~~

>Okay, just trust me on this, follow my lead and whatever you do, don't try anything crazy. I know the temptation is there to go off the rails and hop on your own rail, but trust me, that rail is bad. Just let me do what I do, and we'll alllll have a good time, otherwise we are going to be very unhappy and sore in the morning.

"...Wish that was the first time I heard that..."

The plan had been gone over a million times before they got to this point.

Still, right after he rang the doorbell, he felt he needed to go over it again.

>Just lie back, and-

SLAM!

>Hiiiiii moooooom! This is-

'I SAID SIX O' CLOCK SHARP, SOLDIER!'

>M-MA'AM YES MA'AM!

"But it's five fifty, we're ten minute ear-"

>JJ NO!

'What did you just say!? Does he not know the official Equestrian guard protocol!? It's thirty minutes early minimum!'

"...ignoring we couldn't get here that early because the train doesn't run at that time today, that doesn't sound like something the guard would-"

>JJ!

'Just because it's not on the books doesn't mean it's not ONE HUNDRED PERCENT necessary SOLDIER!'

"I'm a drone."

'WHAT WAS THAT!?'

"Drone class, I'm a drone, that's... like... civilian to you guys? Lower workers?... Uhhhh, I don't know, farmer equivalent? Calling me soldier is offensive to the actual soldiers who do all the fighting, I'm only there to fight if there's no other options, they're the ones risking their lives."

'THAT IS... hrm...'

>...

"..."

'...GET INSIDE!'

>MA'AM YES MA'AM!

'AND YOU!'

"..."

'...Keep respecting soldiers, bug monster!'

"Right..."

*Stomps off*

"Every day with her, huh?"

>EVERY. DAY.

"How the heck did you survive-"

[SUGAR LUUUUMMMPPPS!]

A dark shadow descended upon him, grabbed him, and squeezed.

Squeezed until his ribs began to crack.

>RIBS, DADDY! RIIIIBS!

[Oh sugar lumps you know I don't care if it hurts my ribs! Ohhh, it's so good to see my Acty Wacky!... And you must be Jugglejack! Hiiiiii, I'm Acty Wacky's daddy! You can just call me Greg!]

Shakily, the changeling reached out to the positively massive, treetrunk like hoof waiting for him.

And was promptly bounced around for his troubles.

[Oh my! He's got a good grip!]

>Er, thanks.

In between being slammed into the floor, Jugglejack tried to agree.

He failed.

[Whelp! Come come come come! We're starting to open up the gifts! Ohhh, your brother is going to be so happy to see you!]

>...O-oh, uh... he came?

[Of course! He never misses a Hearth's Warming!... Except for those three times, but those were a fluke! Come along!]

Neither pony nor changeling were given the option as the massive pony daintily walked away, dragging them along with them every step of the way.

"...I like your dad."

>Yeah, he's cool.

"...So, your brother-"

>If I punch him, get ready to run.

"I already was when your mom looked at that spear after she looked at me."

>...

"This is the part you reassure me."

>Let's just say my family likes spearing things.

"...I see where you get it from..."

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

>...You worried we're spoiling her?

"She's a princess in one of the most wealthy countries on the planet and is an semi-invincible mind-reading shape-changing pony bug hybrid."

>....

"..."

>...Yeah, you're right, I'm being silly.

"Sigh."

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>Spike
"Fluttershy"
'???'
~~~

>...You ever just kinda click a gun every now and again because you like the noise?

"..............No?"

>Oh, uh... me either.

"....."

>.....

"...Well, um-"

>Hey! I just remembered something!... Hey, Rarity? Calling Rarity-

'YES I WILL BE THERE IN A FEW SECONDS!'

>...But I-

'ALREADY ON MY WAY!'

>...

"..."

>...

"...So, how is she supposed to-"

>There's a tracker in Charity.

"You let her track you?"

>... I kinda like it...

"Spike, I'm starting to worry you have issues."

>Fluttershy, I'm starting to worry that tree is going to beat that Timberwolf to death.

"The wha- OH NO!"

>...

"That doesn't change my point!"

>..

"...Oh hush."

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>Twilight
"???"
~~~~~

>Spike? What's taking so long? You're missing your... whatever non-official equivalent she is to you's first Hearth Warming! Celestia already crashed her present... "I can handle it" my big purple rear... Spike? Spppiiiiiikkkkeee?

"He's not here, Princess. he left down for Sweet Apple Acres about-"

>GAH!... What the fuck?

"Hi."

>...Pommel, what, ah, what are you-

"I just went to get a glass of water."

>I see the water, but we both know that's not what my issue is.

"I uh... was pretty sure there was nobody around when I made a run for it."

>I see that, I understand that. I wish I didn't understand it, but I do. I understand this, it does not make it easier.

"Nah, I guess it wouldn't. Um..."

>...

"...May I be relieved to go back to doing... what I was doing?"

>You are, thank you for inexplicably stopping to answer my question, when any sane individual would have instead pretended to be a potted plant.

"Thank you."

With that, the guard tightened the ribbon wrapped around him, gave a stern nod, and continued walking back to his room.

Twilight, eventually, would go off to see where her friend had gone.

...Just as soon as she stopped vomiting mentally, and trying to scrub out the image of where that ribbon had been.

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~

Amidst the laughter, the joy, all the fun and excitement, there was a strange sight.

One of them, normally the loudest and most excitable, was sitting.

Just... sitting.

>...Hrm... that's odd.

Perhaps, on any other day, Celestia would have let her be.

But not this day.

"Weird feeling, isn't it?"

>Pfft, You can't sneak up on a changeling, Celly.

"Then why did you flinch?"

>HAH!

"...But seriously, what's bothering you?"

>Nothing is bothering me.

"And yet, there is a distinct lack of excitement on your end, did you not get good gifts?"

>...Nah, they were fine. Great, even, though I haven't gotten Shiny or Caddy's yet.

"Me either, how strange... still, if that's not the problem, what is?"

>I just said there wasn't a problem.

"And I just said there is no chance I believe that, what is wrong?"

>...It's weird.

"Weird?"

>It's weird to be here today.

"...Ahhhh... at long, long, looong last, it's finally starting to sink in what you've been given, isn't it?"

>...No.

She couldn't help the giggle that came, and a gold enshrouded hoof prodded an ebony black side.

"You aaarrrrrreeee."

>No.

"You're finally realizing just how lucky you are to be here today."

>Pfft, they're lucky to have me.

"Uh huuuuuhhhhh..."

She huffed, looking away with only a bit of petulance.

>...I wasn't joking, you know.

"Hm?"

>Back when I said if anyone had done that to ME, I'd probably try to stab them or something... maybe want them dead.

"Oh... yes, I never doubted you did."

>...I wonder what it would've been like if he had been a bitter guy?

"Hm? I suppose he'd be calling for your head or something, certainly wouldn't have looked the other way for you running around. Perhaps even... well, asked that you be 'dealt with' and replaced, if he were one of the harsher ones I've known. Though I'm sure you'd react... violently to that."

>Pfft, maybe not ...Applejack tried to depose me.

"I do believe that 'trying to get others to willingly leave your service' is quite a lot less harsh than 'depose', Chrysalis. 'Depose' usually entails quite a lot more... permanent measures."

>Same to me.

"Well, I'd like to point out you tried to 'depose' me, and with quite a lot less subtle acts."

>...Fair enough.

"I'm not sure if fair factors into any of this, but I'll accept it for old times sake."

She shrugged this time, seemingly content to go with it.

"...Speaking of, I notice that there is an unmarked box haphazardly wrapped yet to be opened. Is that who I think it is for?"

>...It's because of Two.

"Ahhh, the mouths of babes swaying even the hardest hearts... Chrysalis?"

With that last word, her tone had shifted on a dime, going from playful and fun to slow and gently prodding in a second.

>Hm?

"...While I'm sure you're wondering it right now, no matter how you may deny it, you only got to this place because of second chances. Second chances you tried to use to your advantage, and that you squandered for quite a while before that changed. Where would you be without a second chance?"

>...

"...and where will she, and you, be without one more?"

That, seemingly, was it. She was done, and patiently waiting.

>...Are you seriously going to go into mentor mode all the damn time with me? Celly, you need a new hobby, this one is affecting your personal life.

"It's a force of habit."

>Then you need a new habit. Like smoking!

"Terrible for the lungs."

>Only if you do cigarettes, but they're not the only long, white, available things...

"...I see what you are getting at, and choose not to be drawn in."
>He's really sexy, isn't he?

"Your attempt at changing of topics is well noted, and disregarded."

>HAH! Please, like you don't find him sexy."

"How much or little I find my ex-captain attractive is certainly no concern of yours."

>I wonder what you would've been like without your 'problem'?... I bet at least one of those scrabble matches would've taken a weird turn!

"Perhaps, we'll never know will we?"

>But, oh, Caddy would have a problem with that.

"I should say."

>...Unless she joined in.

"HA! Because, of course, the most vanilla mare in the world would love a threesome! That fits!"

>She's not vanilla, she just wants it to be more about loving than pleasure, come on, even I see that, and I've only...

"..."

>...

"...Y-you've... what?"

>...I've suddenly found somewhere I need to be.

"Chrysalis? You've only what? You've only what!? What were you going to say!?... Chrysalis!

But too late, she was already running.

"... N-nooo, hold it in, Celly, you can do this, you've held it in stronger befo-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH! AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAH!"

Even in the distance, she could hear the call back.

>SHUT UP!

But she would not.

She could not.

And that was fine.

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>Pinkie
"Maud"
~~~

>...Really?

"It would be rude to leave before telling him."

>So tell him!

"He's busy."

>...

"..."

>...You're just waiting to beat the crap out of Shiny, aren't you?

"...No..."

>...

"...yes..."

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Sombra"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Sort of Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does still matter, but *censored*! Now for our main guest...Sombra!!!
Applause

"Hello Pinkie."

>Too bad about that one anon writing your bit. What are your plans now?

"First of all, I'd like to-"

>MOOOO! That's all the time we have!

"But I have so much-"

>Spend your Hearth's Warming with 2, Sombra.
Sombra wakes up to 2 jumping around.

"...I will."

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>Luna
“29”
‘???’
[???]
____

A dark blue wing flapped only once, and just hard enough to shake off the built up snow.

>Mother above, father below, a pox upon this infernal snow….

“Hark, be that the winsome words of mine exotic enchantress, Zecor-oh. Alas, ‘tis only mine wretched teacher. Bane of mine existence. Haunter of mine very dreams. Tormentor of mine-”

>We must say, if only thine work ethic were as verbose as thine’s flattery, we would find it appealing. We were often called thus and much worse by our enemies of old. Titles such as that we wore with great pride.

“…Huh. Rendering me with mine vast vocabulary speechless. Touché, teacher.”

>For Hearth’s Warming, we were kind enough to give thee the day off to bask in the company of thine’s associates, yet, curiously, thou persists to be near us. Why in tartarus for?

The prissy changeling approached his mentor.

“Were this not so time sensitive, believe me, I would be elsewhere.”

>And what, pray tell, is…this…?

A white envelope, spattered with drops of melted snow, sat in Twenty-Nine’s extended hoof.

And she glanced at it with disbelief.

“…In such circumstances, it’s usually custom for the intended to accept their letter.”

Still, Luna made no immediate move to take it.

“Please. Mine leg burns holding this posture. Can you just-”

Her magic suddenly enveloped the whole of his leg, dragging him forward and causing him dig in his hooves.

“Ummm… hello? Princess? I am most certainly not part of your delivery.”

It was perhaps that subtle calling that caused Luna to realize she had gripped more than necessary, and she relinquished the changeling, pulling only the letter.

She continued to remain silent even as she performed an about-face and began to trot away as if in a trance, leaving her pupil to gaze after her retreating form.

“…Happy Hearth’s Warming, Luna.”

She didn’t hear his parting words.

No, she was too busy fiddling with the envelope, her magic somehow managing to stutter and trip over itself in her haste to read the letter. The letter that was slightly crumbled and contained a great many errors.

It read,

‘(pic very related)’

>…

The first read was sufficient.

The second read instilled a warmth she didn’t know she had missed.

The third read annoyed her on a grammatical level.

The fourth read turned her previous scowl into a quivering smile.

And the fifth read caused other drops of water to spot the letter….

>Give him a hint.

Despite the tears, her voice was steady, hardly above a whisper yet stronger than steel. It was an irrefutable command.

[Yes, my princess.]

A command that was instantly answered by a ghost lurking in the surrounding frost.

There was no need to acknowledge the captain of her guard. They’d never needed it before and they didn’t need it now. So she gently folded her letter, tucked it behind her ear, and kept on towards her destination with a chuckle.

>…Greatest present we’ve received for many a year…

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>AJ
"AB'
'BM'
~~~~~

>....Okay... not sure.... what ta' thik... of all that there squirrel vomit.

"Granny might'a been tellin' her stories again."

>It's a possibility.

'Eyyyup.'

>Positive side, it means we're on the right pa=

"OH MY GOSH!"

>WHAT!?

"....MAH INITIALS ARE A AND B!"

>...

'...'

>..Mac, get the rock, we'll put 'er down quick.

'E-eyyyup...'

"No ya' idjists, don't'cha get it!? A and B!"

>...

'...She ain't wrong, Ah' guess?'

>Ah' blame the gryphon rap fer' this.

"A! AND! B!"

>... Let's just keep goin' and pretend we didn't hear nothin'.

'Eeeyup.'

"NOOOO! A! AND! B!... Like Applejack and Big Macintosh!"

>....OHHHHHHH.

'Huh.'

>....That's kinda neat.

'Never noticed.'

"Right!?"

>...Was that it?

"Well... yeah. That's cool."

>Huh. Guess it is.

"..."

'...'

>...Whelp, back ta' lookin'! Granny! Grrraaaannnnyyyyy!

"Ah' thought it was cool..."

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>Spike
"Rarity"
'Fluttershy'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~~

>Okay, they tracks kind of futz around a bit here, which means either Applejack had a fight, or she was easily distracted and had some random conversation where she walked in a circle a bit.

"...It's rather fifty fifty, isn't it-"

>GAH!

'EEP!'

"What!?"

>..Where the buck did you come from!?

"Where the what? What does that even mean? Why does-"

'They already talked about this, move on to the fact you're invisible!"

"I am not!"

>How... I can barely see you!

"Oh ha ha, because I'm white, oh you card. Well, I'll have you both know that's very hurtful to me and my Whiteys! We like to take pride in our coats, thank you! And making fun of-"

>What happened to your mane!?

"...What, what happened to my mane?"

>It's WHITE!

"...."

>....

"..."

*Pat pat*

"...."

*Pull*

"..."

*Sniffle*

>...O-ohkaaay, there's no need for the tears...

"M-my hair is white..."

'Wasn't me this time!'

"M-m-m-my hair is white..."

>Just... same color as your coat and everything. It's weird.

"MY MANE IS WHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE!"

>And now comes the sobbing.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

>...This is going to sound bad, but I feel like crying too, her mane was just... it was perfect. It was so... soooo pretty...

'...Spike?'

>So... pretty...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>Oh right, reality!... I-it's not that bad!

"HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED!?"

~~~~~~

[...Hrmph! Rarity didn't even notice my gift!]

{You didn't give her one, Sweetie.}

[Yes I did, I gave her a whole new mane! It was awesome!]

{...You sure? I didn't notice a difference.}

[It was pretty subtle.]

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Very NC

>???
"???"

>So how have things been?

"Eh, can't complain. Work's been taking me all over."

>That's a shame, I've missed you.

"Well considering current events I'll be around a lot more-hang on."

KA-BUCK!

A certain insidious space rock goes hurtling back into the vastness of space.

"Back into the abyss with you!"

>He got very close that time...

"Yes, it's been a pain ever since he figured out how to take advantage of gravitational pulls. He'll be back around again if I can't soccer kick him back into the void."

>Then I suppose you're going again?

A sigh.

"Yeah, say hello to the girls for me. And if that little alabaster casanova tries anything with Celly-"

>One, it's usually the other way around, two, way ahead of your.

Smooch.

"Happy Hearthswarming, hon."

>Happy Hearthswarming.

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>SA
"18"
'Cadence'
[Chrysalis]
{Celestia}
(42)
~Spitfire~
^2^
~~~~

>Don't fly too fast! It's hard to turn when you fly it fast!

"Are you insane!? Don't fly over there, that'll disrupt air traffic! Be respectful to air traffic!"

'You're doing great, sweetie!'

[HAH! Sick moves! Do it faster!]

{Try to be a little more diligent with learning the controls, there's a lot to go over before you can master it!}

(Don't show off so much! Be more effective in your laps!)

~WOOO! CRANK UP THE SPEED TO ELEVEN!~

>Don't turn so hard! If you turn too hard you can't see where you're going!

"Please don't scuff the crystal walls, we just had it shined! The shiner has to make a special trip for that, and that throws the whole schedule out of wack!"

'Way to go with the turns!'

[You call that a bank!? SHOW THAT THING WHAT IT CAN DO!]

{Remember, you need to learn how to walk before you can run!}

(You are wasting so much effort with the flare! Nobody cares about flare, just go for it!)

~You call that a spin!? Wow me, Rookie!~

>NOT SO FAST NOT SO FAST!

"OH CRAP NO THE DAMAGE!"

'It's fiiiinnneeee.'

[YEAAAHHHHHH!]

{Oh dear, well... everyone learns from their mistakes I guess.}

(It's not over till you're bleeding on the ground! PULL UP!)

~DO A BARREL ROLL!~

>"'[{(~....~)]}'"

>WOOOOOOOOOOOO

"AWESOME!"

'TOLD YOU SO!'

[HAH!]

{Most impressive!}

(Hrmph, lucky turn.)

~THAT'S AN ACADEMY RECORD!~

^DO YA' MIND!? AH'M TRYIN' TA' DRIVE THIS THING!^

>...Yeah?

^Yer' distractin'!^

>...No we aren't.

"Don't be silly."

'I'm being supportive!'

[Me too!]

{I'm just giving advice.}

(Same.)

~WOOOOOO!~

^... Ah' still remember when Ah' DIDN'T want nobody ta' notice me...^

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 >Granny
"???"
~~~~~

>...Ah'm not lost.

"Squeak!"

>AH'M NOT LOST!

"Squeak."

>Now ya'll listen here, there ain't never been no day no how Ah' ever got mah'self lost in no neverwhere! Ah'm the keenest of the keen, the lookiest of the lookers, Ah've done see things that's make yer' coat turn gray and Ah' came out laughin'! Ah've been cross these lands and Ah've found these places, and Ah' ain't never, not NEVER, been lost!

"...Squeak."

>AH'M NOT LOST!

"..."

>...Ah'm a LITTLE lost.

"Squeak."

>Whatever, ya'll don't know nothin', yer' a dang cragodile.

"..."

>...Wait, why are ya'll squeakin'? Cragodiles roar.

"Squeak Squeak."

>Swallowed a dang chew toy?

"Squeak."

>...And ya' want me ta' reach inside?

"Squeak!"

>Well, Ah' guess Ah' could-waiiiiiiit a minute! Hoo hoo! Ya'll almost got me with that one!

"...Squeak."

>Better luck next time, ya' big old-

"ROAR!"

>CRABAPPLES!

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