/co/'s ghost waifu

The alarm beeped and anon groaned tiredly. Pulling the blanket tighter, he swatted blindly at the nightstand before managing to hit the button and flipping over to the other side to hide from the sunlight peaking through the drapes

“ANON! WAKE THE HELL UP!”

Normally, it would be rather alarming to see a transparent, rather large and ANGRY woman screaming at you while looming over you first thing in the morning

But for anon, it was Tuesday

“Hi Carrigan...”

Half a year seemed to fly by faster than it frankly had any right to, especially while being tormented for the duration of it. One day Anon was minding his own business and living his life, the next he was saddled with this banshee of a woman that was haunting him. At first he tried everything to get rid of her; blessing the house, calling an exorcist, he'd even considered calling those exterminators from New York before they went out of business; yet nothing would make her leave.

When asked 'why him', she always gave a non-answer: “Just lucky I guess~”

He once overheard a professor on TV say: “Human beings could learn to take anything in stride if it was truly unavoidable”, and that seemed to be something of an apt description for how he ultimately dealt with his uninvited house guest: He adjusted

“I swear, every morning I yell you out of bed while you just lay there sleeping like the dead!” She pinched the bridge of her nose as anon got up to brush his teeth.

“So do death puns come standard when you keel over?” Anon wondered out loud as he scrubbed the toothpaste into his mouth.

“Don't get mouthy with me, smartass” He watched his reflection in the bathroom mirror morph into her

“Go to hell” He spat into the sink and rinsed

“I've been, it's rather nice this time of year~” She countered, flipping her hair.

“Then why don't you want to go back?” Anon fired right back

“Because you little worm, I have unfinished business-!” She suddenly popped straight out of the mirror to get right in his face, with glowing eyes.

Right, her 'unfinished business'

That was the only motive he was able to get out of her: She was still among the living because she had unfinished business; namely revenge. Apparently there were these two people somewhere in Maine that seriously crossed her and she was, for lack of a better term, DYING to get her hands on them.

Trouble is: They weren't in Maine anymore. In the time between going to whatever afterlife there was and coming back, more time passed than she had thought. This “Dr. Harvey” and “Kat” she had been searching for were long gone, and so was this “Casper” kid she kept mentioning

THAT had certainly been a waste of a road trip...

 “Beat it, I need to shower” Anon pulled back the sliding glass to step in

“Ugh... like I'm interested...”

Anon watched her drop down through the floor and made sure she was gone before he turned the water on.

The two of them were always bickering with one another. Carrigan always acted like she had the upper-hand, but it was actually during that roadtrip that he learned that she NEEDED him.

*********

It was during the drive home. Anon still hadn't fully adjusted to Carrigan being around; and she could still give him a good scare; a trick she was using to 'motivate' him to drive all the way through the night to get home, with Carrigan wanting to put as much distance between herself and Maine as possible after their trip had amounted to nothing.

Yet despite it all, the call of sleep was stronger and he found himself nodding off at the wheel. Suddenly, as he was about to veer off the road and run straight into at tree, his body had seemed to go into something of an autopilot. He was suddenly wide awake, and his body was acting all on its own!

“You INSECT, I have to do EVERYTHING around here!” He had heard and FELT her voice come through his throat

Anon managed to catch his reflection in the rear view mirror, his eyes were of a different color as well!

“A-Are you inside of me?! Did you possess me?!”

“This is hardly fun for me either”

“Why not just let me die then if you hate me so much!?”

“It's...complicated. Just shut up and let me drive, you're pathetic!”

*********

Still.. it could be worse

Carrigan for all of her faults was actually rather attractive... for a ghost. An hourglass figure any model would die to have, and he wasn't sure if it by virtue of being a ghost but she seemed to 'jiggle' quite a bit.

Wait... “die to have?” The death puns were rubbing off on him...

Though... on the subject of rubbing off... Carrigan lurching at him through the mirror had given him a rather generous peek at her cleavage and, he was still feeling it's effect on him as he showered.

“...Fuck it, my life is fucked up enough as it is”

After relieving himself and finishing his shower he lurched his way into the kitchen to fetch breakfast. As usual, Carrigan was pouring over the latest phone book she had acquired, this one from Michigan; she was still hellbent on tracking down whoever Kat Harvey was, even after all this time.

As anon stepped in, he was surprised to smell actual food cooking.

Well, to be more exact, it was a set of eggo waffles that were already in the toaster. But the fact that they were cooking on their own was more impressive than the meal itself.

“...Did...you make me breakfast?” Anon stared at Carrigan incredulously

“It'll get you out of my house and out of my hair faster” She didn't look up as her ghostly tail dragged across the page in place of her finger.

“...That's oddly considerate of you...”  Anon went for a plate and syrup.

“Whatever keeps you from getting fired since you take your sweet time in the morning” Still she didn't look up

“...You CARE if I get fired?”

“Its bad enough I'm haunting YOU, I'm NOT going to be haunting a homeless guy” She finally looked up to snap at him. “After I take care of my unfinished business, you can rot for all I care”

One thing about Carrigan is that she was stubborn. Apparently when she died it was some time in the mid-90's, as he had managed to piece together; she had no concept of the modern age or how something like the internet worked, and every time Anon offered to show her she dismissed it as a waste of time.

After all, internet in her day was dial-up, slow, and only good for primitive message boards. If she wasn't so stubborn she would have found Dr. Harvey in less than a minute like he had. In between her going to fetch phone books, Anon had already tracked him down.

Dr. Harvey had written a book about grieving and moving on, seemingly inspired by a real ghost encounter he had. His daughter Kat had followed in her father's step in taking up psychology and was studying abroad.

Anon COULD tell Carrigan what he had learned several months ago... but where was the fun in that? If she was making HIS life difficult, he'd make HER afterlife difficult

...At least that's what it started as.

The rare moment of kindness of having cheap waffles made for him made him realize that if she ever DID actually leave... in a twisted way he'd actually miss her.

“....Any luck?” Anon sat down at the table

“Of course not...”

As he poured syrup onto his cheap waffles and began to cut them, he cast a quick glance up as she stared back down at the book, and then back down at his plate.

“...You look nice today...” He muttered quietly.

“....What?” He saw her look up out of the corner of his eye.

“...I said you look nice today”

She sat there waiting for a snide remark to follow, but when she realized none was coming she found herself at a loss

“...Hmph, whatever... thanks” She sulked back into her yellow pages

Anon could swear her white complexion looked a little red this morning...

Maybe it was just a trick of the light