**SPOILERS FOLLOW***





You were warned.


Darth Vader is Luke's father. The woman in the "Crying Game" is really a man. Ole Yeller dies. In "Murder on the Orient Express" they all did it. Captain Kirk isn't really dead, he's in the Nexus; but then he dies for real later. On July 4th, we killed all the aliens by giving them a computer virus which took down their shields. Verbal Kint is Kaiser Soze. The North wins. The Nazi's lose. Tom Cruise screws over the firm and gets away. Jeff Bridges did kill his wife in "Jagged Edge". The creepy girl Alma is the player character's mother. In Irreversible, they kill the wrong guy. Galron is a shapeshifter imposter. Fortran really is dead. Harrison Ford always, always saves the day. In "Crimson Tide", Denzel Washington is right. George shoots Lennie. Jim Phelps is the one who betrays the Impossible Mission team. All of the "Reservoir Dogs" die. Goku kills Frieza; both power levels are well over 9000. Robert Redford hits a game-winning homer at the end of "The Natural". James Bond gets the girl. Lestat isn't really dead. Leia is Luke's sister. Henry V wins, but barely. Pyrrhus likewise. Nothing happens after you beat the elite four in Pokemon. Nothing happens after you give Atrus the White Page in Myst. Nothing happens period in the Sims. Cousin Vinny gets the "two yutes" off, but only after Marisa Tomei's expert testimony. V dies, Evey evolves into V. Richard Gear ends up with the slut in "Pretty Woman". Reuben killed Maureen O'Flaherty. Spock dies, then comes back to life on a planet where Kirk's son gets killed, and proceeds to help save the whales and earth by travelling back and forth in time in a Klingon ship, but doesn't get demoted for stealing the Enterprise because he wasn't there, he was dead. ET goes home. Kerrigan becomes queen of the evil Zerg. Arthas becomes king of the evil Undead. In the next Blizzard RTS, x becomes ruler of the evil y. In "Blade Runner" Rachael is a replicant -- According to the director, Deckard is too. Mel Gibson dies at the end of "Braveheart", but the future queen is pregnant with his kid. Sean Penn did do it in "Dead Man Walking". The Wizard of Oz is really a short, fat, bald man. The Jamaican bobsled team make it to the Olympics, but do not win. Nicolas Cage dies at the end of "Leaving Las Vegas". Sydney Carton dies in Darnay's place. In "Field of Dreams", "He" is Costner's father. Mr. Holland's former students play his opus in the end -- the redhead becomes governor. The Apollo 13 crew makes it back safely. Samus Aran is a woman. Barnabus is a vampire. Al Pacino shoots and kills Robert DeNiro. In "Speed" there is a videocamera on the bus and a hole under the trash can. OJ did it. Harry marries Sally. To get to the other side. The prisoner is Pip's benefactor. There is no Santa Claus. Romeo and Juliet kill themselves. Either a newspaper or a half-eaten zebra. Sue Ellen's sister shot J.R. Maggie shot Mr. Burns (not on purpose). Smerdyakov did it, but Mitya is convicted. Sephiroth kills Aeris. Bobby's death was just a dream (Pam's). The HAL9000 computer goes homicidal, but it isn't his fault. (Incidentally, the letters followng HAL are IBM.) There is always someone in the back seat. Jack gets old and dies.The Villain is the Nameless One's mortality, trying to stop him from remembering and reclaiming him. In "Terms of Endearment" Debra Winger gets cancer and dies. The Holy Grail is Mary Magdalene's grave, under the Louvre. The cast and crew are arrested in the last scene. Bill Clinton wears briefs. Tyler Durden is the narrator. Sharon Stone's character is the murderer. Andy escapes by digging a hole with the rock hammer he hid in the bible. Raskolnikov turns himself in. Rick stays behind while Ilsa and Victor escape. Fallon is Alfred Borden's twin brother. The Bride's name is Beatrice Kiddo. Her daughter is alive and being cared for by Bill. The player character is Darth Revan. The Planet of the Apes is Earth. The Roommate, the girl and the government man are in Nash's head. Alyx Vance doesn't die when the citadel explodes. Gandalf comes back after fighting the Balrog.

Meanest thing I've ever written? Possibly.
If you actually took the time to read all that, you probably had it coming anyway.

Oh, and Rosebud is the sled. In case you were wondering.