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- [11/6/2016 6:40:57 PM] A: JOHNNY
- [11/6/2016 6:41:05 PM] Johnny.: Hi
- [11/6/2016 6:41:06 PM] A: DO YOU WANNA HAVE A PRIVATE CALL?
- [11/6/2016 6:41:08 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 6:41:15 PM] Johnny.: Why a private one lol
- [11/6/2016 6:41:19 PM] Johnny.: What's the difference
- [11/6/2016 6:41:23 PM] A: These guys killin me
- [11/6/2016 6:41:25 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 6:41:30 PM] Johnny.: How lmao
- [11/6/2016 6:41:33 PM] A: LOL
- [11/6/2016 6:41:53 PM] A: ;-; Help me
- [11/6/2016 6:42:04 PM] Johnny.: I joined because of you
- [11/6/2016 6:42:10 PM] Johnny.: I'm here with u spiritually
- [11/6/2016 6:42:11 PM] A: I WANNA GET OUT
- [11/6/2016 6:42:15 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 6:42:31 PM] Johnny.: "I have to go guys. My mom is bugging me about something. I'll talk to you guys later."
- [11/6/2016 6:42:34 PM] Johnny.: BAM
- [11/6/2016 6:42:35 PM] A: LOL
- [11/6/2016 6:42:56 PM] A: I'll feel bad
- [11/6/2016 6:42:58 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 6:43:15 PM] Johnny.: this call will never end then
- [11/6/2016 6:43:19 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 6:43:31 PM] A: Will you talk to me after?
- [11/6/2016 6:43:47 PM] Johnny.: No.
- [11/6/2016 6:43:49 PM] Johnny.: Maybe
- [11/6/2016 6:43:50 PM] A: O:
- [11/6/2016 6:43:50 PM] Johnny.: Idk
- [11/6/2016 6:43:54 PM] A: WHAT
- [11/6/2016 6:44:05 PM] Johnny.: I'm laying down lmao
- [11/6/2016 6:44:10 PM] A: YOU ARE COLD
- [11/6/2016 6:44:13 PM] Johnny.: And I'm bad at conversations
- [11/6/2016 6:44:15 PM] Johnny.: ):
- [11/6/2016 6:44:17 PM] A: ;-; Sometimes
- [11/6/2016 6:44:20 PM] A: I feel like
- [11/6/2016 6:44:30 PM] A: you don't miss me and Alli anymore
- [11/6/2016 6:44:37 PM] A: But dats cool
- [11/6/2016 6:44:39 PM] Johnny.: DONT SAY THAT
- [11/6/2016 6:44:41 PM] Johnny.: Omg
- [11/6/2016 6:44:43 PM] A: ITS TRUE
- [11/6/2016 6:44:48 PM] Johnny.: Ur guilt tripping ):
- [11/6/2016 6:44:48 PM] A: YOU NEVER TALK TO US
- [11/6/2016 6:44:53 PM] A: AND DONT EVEN TRY TO
- [11/6/2016 6:44:56 PM] Johnny.: Okay
- [11/6/2016 6:45:00 PM] A: No, I'm for real
- [11/6/2016 6:45:03 PM] Johnny.: Alli I don't talk to as much
- [11/6/2016 6:45:07 PM] A: You don't need to
- [11/6/2016 6:45:11 PM] Johnny.: Cause I just don't know where to reach her
- [11/6/2016 6:45:15 PM] A: It's okay
- [11/6/2016 6:45:19 PM] Johnny.: And you I talk to you every now and then
- [11/6/2016 6:45:30 PM] A: You right
- [11/6/2016 6:45:30 PM] Johnny.: DONT JUST SAU THAT
- [11/6/2016 6:45:34 PM] A: Nope
- [11/6/2016 6:45:34 PM] Johnny.: Then say it's okay
- [11/6/2016 6:45:38 PM] Johnny.: ):
- [11/6/2016 6:45:43 PM] Johnny.: It's not okay
- [11/6/2016 6:45:45 PM] A: Just done
- [11/6/2016 6:45:59 PM] Johnny.: crying irl
- [11/6/2016 6:46:03 PM] A: You can sleep
- [11/6/2016 6:46:17 PM] Johnny.: Lol
- [11/6/2016 6:46:22 PM] Johnny.: Your making me feel so bad
- [11/6/2016 6:46:28 PM] A: I love how you're laughing
- [11/6/2016 6:46:31 PM] Johnny.: I CARE ABOUT YOU GUYS
- [11/6/2016 6:46:33 PM] A: So hilarious omg
- [11/6/2016 6:46:35 PM] Johnny.: I'm not
- [11/6/2016 6:46:35 PM] A: Psych
- [11/6/2016 6:46:43 PM] A: It's cool
- [11/6/2016 6:46:44 PM] Johnny.: IM NOT LAUGHING
- [11/6/2016 6:46:46 PM] Johnny.: ...
- [11/6/2016 6:47:37 PM] Johnny.: Anna I do care okay. Don't make it seem like I dontt.
- [11/6/2016 6:47:47 PM] Johnny.: I'm just bad at keeping in touch
- [11/6/2016 6:48:03 PM] Johnny.: I wouldn't be willing to exchange phone numbers or fb with you if I didn't
- [11/6/2016 6:48:08 PM] A: It's okay, man
- [11/6/2016 6:48:16 PM] A: Just forget about it
- [11/6/2016 6:48:29 PM] Johnny.: Well, I can't now that you brung it up.
- [11/6/2016 6:48:38 PM] Johnny.: Since that's how you feel about it
- [11/6/2016 6:48:42 PM] A: Nope
- [11/6/2016 6:48:50 PM] A: I'm not going to make you change
- [11/6/2016 6:48:56 PM] A: what you wanted to do
- [11/6/2016 6:49:10 PM] A: because then it doesn't feel genuine anymore
- [11/6/2016 6:49:20 PM] Johnny.: Anna
- [11/6/2016 6:49:21 PM] A: So no point, you said yourself
- [11/6/2016 6:49:23 PM] A: No
- [11/6/2016 6:49:27 PM] Johnny.: You really think I don't care?
- [11/6/2016 6:49:28 PM] A: So it's a no
- [11/6/2016 6:49:37 PM] A: Yep
- [11/6/2016 6:49:39 PM] A: I know
- [11/6/2016 6:49:44 PM] A: But it's okay
- [11/6/2016 6:51:27 PM] Johnny.: I'm laying down half asleep. You messaged me. I could've easily ignored it but I chose not to. You told me to join the call, I could've easily said I'm sleepy and about to sleep and chose not to. Everytime you have a issue going on and you come to talk to me, I try to be there for you. That one time you was scared and wanted to be on a call with someone I was there for you. Yet I do all these thingd and you think I don't care. I openly admitted that I have a problem keeping in touch with people, but that doesn't mean I don't care.
- [11/6/2016 6:51:35 PM] Johnny.: I'm not gunna say anymore after that
- [11/6/2016 6:51:42 PM] Johnny.: I'ma just go to bed.
- [11/6/2016 6:51:48 PM] Johnny.: G' night.
- [11/6/2016 6:52:16 PM] A: Cool Johnny
- [11/6/2016 6:52:23 PM] A: But that was in the past
- [11/6/2016 6:52:48 PM] A: Yes, you cared then, but who knows how long that lasts till
- [11/6/2016 6:52:48 PM] Johnny.: Well it's not like I'ma just stop caring one day.
- [11/6/2016 6:52:59 PM] A: The world I live in
- [11/6/2016 6:53:19 PM] A: People don't care for too long
- [11/6/2016 6:53:37 PM] A: So I have to teach myself not to care to not get hurt or carried away
- [11/6/2016 6:53:56 PM] A: I'm prepared for you to stop keeping in contact
- [11/6/2016 6:54:16 PM] A: I know that you want to preach and say that you want to be the friend that everyone deserves
- [11/6/2016 6:54:29 PM] A: But to be realistic, that doesn't exist
- [11/6/2016 6:54:37 PM] A: It's physically impossible
- [11/6/2016 6:54:57 PM] A: Say what you want and try to make it seem like its a different way
- [11/6/2016 6:55:02 PM] Johnny.: I understand where you're coming from. But Anna sometimes friends don't talk for a period of time
- [11/6/2016 6:55:07 PM] Johnny.: But they still remain friends
- [11/6/2016 6:55:10 PM] A: but at the end
- [11/6/2016 6:55:12 PM] Johnny.: And they still care just as much
- [11/6/2016 6:55:16 PM] A: None of it is real
- [11/6/2016 6:55:18 PM] Johnny.: As they did in the first place
- [11/6/2016 6:55:20 PM] Johnny.: No
- [11/6/2016 6:55:28 PM] Johnny.: Idk what type of ideal you have right nos
- [11/6/2016 6:55:35 PM] Johnny.: But it's not always like that
- [11/6/2016 6:56:35 PM] A: I walk around with a shield in my heart
- [11/6/2016 6:57:02 PM] A: I know you say stuff like I was there for you when this that or this
- [11/6/2016 6:57:38 PM] A: But like I haven't genuinely poured a true piece of my problems to you at all
- [11/6/2016 6:57:38 PM] Johnny.: I haven't talked to my sister in 3 months
- [11/6/2016 6:57:45 PM] Johnny.: She goes to college in s different state
- [11/6/2016 6:57:47 PM] A: I haven't spoken to mine in 3 years
- [11/6/2016 6:57:52 PM] Johnny.: You think that means I don't care for her?
- [11/6/2016 6:57:53 PM] A: She hates me
- [11/6/2016 6:57:57 PM] Johnny.: I don't love her?
- [11/6/2016 6:58:08 PM] Johnny.: I still care just as much as I did when she was here
- [11/6/2016 6:58:16 PM] Johnny.: I understand where you're coming from anna
- [11/6/2016 6:58:23 PM] Johnny.: And I'm not saying I'm innocent or whatever
- [11/6/2016 6:58:25 PM] Johnny.: I am wrong
- [11/6/2016 6:58:26 PM] A: Well, maybe I'm just heartless
- [11/6/2016 6:58:30 PM] Johnny.: But I just want you to know
- [11/6/2016 6:58:33 PM] Johnny.: I do still cate
- [11/6/2016 6:58:35 PM] A: ;-; And I've had a tough year
- [11/6/2016 6:58:36 PM] Johnny.: Care*
- [11/6/2016 6:58:42 PM] A: I don't feel like myself anymore
- [11/6/2016 6:58:47 PM] A: I got a piercing
- [11/6/2016 6:58:52 PM] Johnny.: I was typing lol before because I didn't know you was being serious
- [11/6/2016 6:58:58 PM] A: Without permission
- [11/6/2016 6:59:16 PM] A: I do illegal things
- [11/6/2016 6:59:27 PM] A: All because I don't feel like myself anymore
- [11/6/2016 6:59:35 PM] A: Nothing feels real to me anymore
- [11/6/2016 6:59:48 PM] A: I don't understand what life consists of anymore
- [11/6/2016 7:00:00 PM] A: And I'm most definitely not the same person
- [11/6/2016 7:00:16 PM] A: I had a ton of anxiety attacks at the beginning of the year
- [11/6/2016 7:00:32 PM] A: The way I dress and act is becoming different
- [11/6/2016 7:00:58 PM] A: and I'm not sure whether I'm going down this slope or becoming the person I was meant to be
- [11/6/2016 7:01:11 PM] A: But ye, you said there was no way I'd be a smoker
- [11/6/2016 7:01:17 PM] A: I smoke now
- [11/6/2016 7:01:35 PM] A: But these are things I wouldn't care to bother you with Johnny
- [11/6/2016 7:01:50 PM] A: Because nobody has that friend that you want to try to be
- [11/6/2016 7:02:08 PM] A: But I really don't mind if you want to sleep
- [11/6/2016 7:02:17 PM] A: It's honestly okay
- [11/6/2016 7:02:22 PM] A: Please ignore me
- [11/6/2016 7:03:09 PM] Johnny.: I'm not going to ignore you.
- [11/6/2016 7:03:37 PM] Johnny.: I know you think that a friend like that is just unrealistic and such but it's not.
- [11/6/2016 7:04:27 PM] Johnny.: I try to be that friend because sometimes people need someone to vent to release some stress. Or they need someone to talk to, to hear their opinions.
- [11/6/2016 7:04:34 PM] Johnny.: I'm not trying to be some god tier friend
- [11/6/2016 7:04:41 PM] Johnny.: Best friend in the world or some shit
- [11/6/2016 7:04:50 PM] Johnny.: I go through some problems my damn self also
- [11/6/2016 7:04:56 PM] A: Well, I can't have that
- [11/6/2016 7:05:07 PM] A: Which is why I need to be that friend for myself
- [11/6/2016 7:05:10 PM] Johnny.: Says who
- [11/6/2016 7:05:19 PM] Johnny.: Like why are you restricting yoursekf
- [11/6/2016 7:05:24 PM] Johnny.: In such a way like this
- [11/6/2016 7:05:27 PM] A: It's come to the point, that I've been doing it for so long
- [11/6/2016 7:05:35 PM] A: that I started breaking this year
- [11/6/2016 7:05:46 PM] A: And that's why I turned to other things
- [11/6/2016 7:05:52 PM] A: to make my heart feel alive
- [11/6/2016 7:06:06 PM] A: Smoking does that
- [11/6/2016 7:06:14 PM] A: Piercings did that
- [11/6/2016 7:06:21 PM] A: I plan on doing more things
- [11/6/2016 7:06:32 PM] A: I've been riskier when it comes to death
- [11/6/2016 7:06:41 PM] A: I won't kill myself
- [11/6/2016 7:07:04 PM] A: But at the end, they are just distractions for me
- [11/6/2016 7:07:16 PM] A: Which is why I'm constantly busy
- [11/6/2016 7:07:36 PM] A: If I have too much free time, I start to get influenced by my thoughts
- [11/6/2016 7:07:41 PM] Johnny.: Anna you're at the point where you're acknowledging what's going in with you. You are aware of it.
- [11/6/2016 7:07:48 PM] Johnny.: What's the cause of this change?
- [11/6/2016 7:08:07 PM] A: But I haven't met that "friend" or "partner"
- [11/6/2016 7:08:41 PM] A: So I'm going to have to replace that hole with myself
- [11/6/2016 7:09:05 PM] A: I have to create enough love for myself just so everything becomes normal
- [11/6/2016 7:09:21 PM] Johnny.: But that isn't love
- [11/6/2016 7:09:28 PM] A: Oh well
- [11/6/2016 7:09:31 PM] Johnny.: And you're aware that it isn't
- [11/6/2016 7:09:35 PM] Johnny.: Just distractions
- [11/6/2016 7:09:35 PM] A: I guess I don't know what love is
- [11/6/2016 7:09:59 PM] A: Well, I'm enjoying myself for now
- [11/6/2016 7:10:31 PM] Johnny.: Well. What your going through doesn't have to necessarily be a bad thing.
- [11/6/2016 7:10:35 PM] A: I need to change myself
- [11/6/2016 7:10:39 PM] Johnny.: People change, we get new inspirations
- [11/6/2016 7:10:40 PM] A: to be happier
- [11/6/2016 7:10:52 PM] A: But it's also scary
- [11/6/2016 7:10:54 PM] Johnny.: But what's this ideal happiness
- [11/6/2016 7:10:59 PM] Johnny.: That you're striving for?
- [11/6/2016 7:11:16 PM] A: I don't know
- [11/6/2016 7:11:24 PM] A: Everything I haven't had so far
- [11/6/2016 7:11:28 PM] A: Good friends
- [11/6/2016 7:11:36 PM] A: A true partner
- [11/6/2016 7:11:40 PM] A: A path
- [11/6/2016 7:11:55 PM] A: Knowing what I'm doing
- [11/6/2016 7:12:03 PM] A: Because I feel blind
- [11/6/2016 7:12:32 PM] A: I live in two worlds at the same time
- [11/6/2016 7:12:53 PM] A: I'd like to focus on the one that will help me create a relationship with the people around me
- [11/6/2016 7:13:05 PM] A: And once I've become a greater artist
- [11/6/2016 7:13:14 PM] A: that's when I know I've achieved it
- [11/6/2016 7:13:34 PM] A: If I can't achieve it, then I'm utterly useless as a human being and as a life
- [11/6/2016 7:14:24 PM] Johnny.: Well if you're striving for it like you are now, I'm sure one day you'll achieve what you're hoping for.
- [11/6/2016 7:14:36 PM] Johnny.: And what you want
- [11/6/2016 7:14:45 PM] Johnny.: Good friends, a partner and a path
- [11/6/2016 7:14:55 PM] Johnny.: That's something almost we all strive for.
- [11/6/2016 7:15:20 PM] Johnny.: That's what happiness is really about honestly
- [11/6/2016 7:15:23 PM] A: I don't think you get it ;-;
- [11/6/2016 7:15:32 PM] A: But IM SORRY
- [11/6/2016 7:15:34 PM] Johnny.: What don't I get about it?
- [11/6/2016 7:15:37 PM] A: JUST GO TO BED
- [11/6/2016 7:15:55 PM] Johnny.: I'm awake now
- [11/6/2016 7:15:59 PM] Johnny.: So it doesn't even matter
- [11/6/2016 7:16:04 PM] Johnny.: What don't I get
- [11/6/2016 7:17:15 PM] A: That I'm mindlessly trying desperately to chase after something
- [11/6/2016 7:17:21 PM] A: that I can't see
- [11/6/2016 7:17:31 PM] A: I don't know what I want anymore
- [11/6/2016 7:17:54 PM] A: I honestly believed at the beginning of this year, that I didn't live in this world
- [11/6/2016 7:18:34 PM] A: I do agree that everyone is searching for this happiness
- [11/6/2016 7:18:55 PM] A: The happiness I created right now
- [11/6/2016 7:19:16 PM] A: I don't know how long it'll last
- [11/6/2016 7:19:22 PM] A: If I'll have anything better
- [11/6/2016 7:19:51 PM] A: Then the world around us is also changing
- [11/6/2016 7:20:09 PM] A: And in not the greatest way
- [11/6/2016 7:20:40 PM] A: Race has become more relevant once again
- [11/6/2016 7:21:39 PM] A: It's hard to feel great, when people treat you as an ugly human being because of your skin
- [11/6/2016 7:22:11 PM] A: I'll just not be good enough, the way I used to think last year
- [11/6/2016 7:22:22 PM] A: is all an alien language to me this year
- [11/6/2016 7:23:07 PM] A: I've changed too much
- [11/6/2016 7:23:15 PM] A: I don't recognize myself anymore
- [11/6/2016 7:23:33 PM] A: And I slightly want to go back
- [11/6/2016 7:23:45 PM] A: At least, back then, I knew I was sad
- [11/6/2016 7:23:55 PM] A: Now, I don't really know how to feel
- [11/6/2016 7:24:20 PM] Johnny.: I feel like you just need to find yourself. Like try to clear your thoughts, meditate and just evaluate how you really feel about everything.
- [11/6/2016 7:24:24 PM] A: But the people around me make it apparent as to how I should act
- [11/6/2016 7:24:40 PM] Johnny.: Because you seem to be so conflicted
- [11/6/2016 7:24:48 PM] A: Ye, but I don't need anyone to tell me that
- [11/6/2016 7:25:00 PM] A: What will that do for me?
- [11/6/2016 7:25:07 PM] A: I'm already aware
- [11/6/2016 7:25:20 PM] Johnny.: Then why are you doing things
- [11/6/2016 7:25:35 PM] A: Well
- [11/6/2016 7:25:35 PM] Johnny.: That you supposedly do not want to do
- [11/6/2016 7:25:45 PM] A: I like doing it now
- [11/6/2016 7:25:59 PM] A: I love my piercings, I will get tats
- [11/6/2016 7:26:08 PM] Johnny.: But what I'm getting from what you were just saying
- [11/6/2016 7:26:08 PM] A: Smoking is such a great feeling
- [11/6/2016 7:26:25 PM] A: Almost got into a car accident
- [11/6/2016 7:26:28 PM] Johnny.: You doing all these things make you feel really conflicted on who you are.
- [11/6/2016 7:26:36 PM] Johnny.: And conflicted in a bad way
- [11/6/2016 7:26:37 PM] A: And I didn't even flinch
- [11/6/2016 7:26:54 PM] A: My friend commented on how super calm I was
- [11/6/2016 7:27:15 PM] A: I walked on top of a building
- [11/6/2016 7:27:23 PM] A: at a very high height
- [11/6/2016 7:27:30 PM] A: Never mind this being illegal
- [11/6/2016 7:27:47 PM] A: And jumped to the roof of another
- [11/6/2016 7:27:55 PM] A: I'm terrified of heights
- [11/6/2016 7:27:59 PM] A: But instead
- [11/6/2016 7:28:05 PM] A: I felt thrilled
- [11/6/2016 7:28:17 PM] A: I could have easily died if I slipped
- [11/6/2016 7:28:32 PM] A: But I don't think I care anymore
- [11/6/2016 7:28:50 PM] Johnny.: You might be misinterpreting it
- [11/6/2016 7:29:00 PM] A: In a way it's like therapy
- [11/6/2016 7:29:18 PM] Johnny.: I don't think is that you don't care. You're doing all these things
- [11/6/2016 7:29:19 PM] A: ;-; So like I could feel a heart inside of me
- [11/6/2016 7:29:33 PM] Johnny.: And you say you feel satisfaction from it
- [11/6/2016 7:29:38 PM] Johnny.: Feel great from doing it
- [11/6/2016 7:29:50 PM] Johnny.: It's like you're seeking thrill right now in life.
- [11/6/2016 7:29:54 PM] A: The car
- [11/6/2016 7:30:03 PM] A: ;-; I truly honestly to God
- [11/6/2016 7:30:15 PM] A: didn't care or feel thrill or anything
- [11/6/2016 7:30:26 PM] A: I just blandly stared
- [11/6/2016 7:30:36 PM] A: My heart didn't react at all
- [11/6/2016 7:30:46 PM] A: When my friend kept talking about it
- [11/6/2016 7:30:58 PM] A: Freaking out
- [11/6/2016 7:31:12 PM] A: I treated it like it was a fly
- [11/6/2016 7:31:31 PM] A: I kind of was confused when she kept speaking about it
- [11/6/2016 7:31:36 PM] A: But then I rememberd
- [11/6/2016 7:31:38 PM] A: *ed
- [11/6/2016 7:31:50 PM] A: "Oh, yeah. We could've died lol."
- [11/6/2016 7:32:48 PM] Johnny.: Might just be going through a phase in life. A life changing one. Whether it's s good or bad one you'll just have to see at the end.
- [11/6/2016 7:32:55 PM] Johnny.: You seem to have mix feeling about it
- [11/6/2016 7:33:01 PM] Johnny.: You enjoy doing certain things
- [11/6/2016 7:33:19 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 7:33:20 PM] Johnny.: But st the same time your aware that some of the things that your feeling is not normal
- [11/6/2016 7:33:24 PM] Johnny.: Like the car thing
- [11/6/2016 7:33:45 PM] Johnny.: Idk what to say to help but hopefully it's just s phase
- [11/6/2016 7:33:52 PM] Johnny.: In life we all go through phases
- [11/6/2016 7:33:58 PM] Johnny.: No matter what the age
- [11/6/2016 7:34:03 PM] A: o-o A phase?
- [11/6/2016 7:34:10 PM] Johnny.: Sometimes, yes.
- [11/6/2016 7:34:15 PM] A: I mean
- [11/6/2016 7:34:29 PM] A: I feel like these are things I wanna do for a long time
- [11/6/2016 7:34:32 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 7:34:49 PM] Johnny.: Then if you feel that way then your seeking it out.
- [11/6/2016 7:34:56 PM] Johnny.: There's nothing wrong with them at all
- [11/6/2016 7:35:05 PM] Johnny.: The only thing that was weird
- [11/6/2016 7:35:08 PM] Johnny.: Was the car thing
- [11/6/2016 7:35:21 PM] A: I decided I'd risk my life for art
- [11/6/2016 7:35:26 PM] A: o-o Really?
- [11/6/2016 7:35:53 PM] Johnny.: Yes. I want to get tattoos one day also. And do crazy shit.
- [11/6/2016 7:35:59 PM] Johnny.: We all have desires
- [11/6/2016 7:36:10 PM] Johnny.: Whether they are good or bad
- [11/6/2016 7:36:22 PM] A: o-o So you don't do anything?
- [11/6/2016 7:36:31 PM] Johnny.: Well
- [11/6/2016 7:36:40 PM] Johnny.: Me and my friend we stay at the part sometimes till like 4am
- [11/6/2016 7:36:49 PM] Johnny.: Even though it closes at 12pm
- [11/6/2016 7:37:05 PM] Johnny.: We do it like once in a blue moon
- [11/6/2016 7:37:08 PM] Johnny.: Not often
- [11/6/2016 7:37:15 PM] A: Just sit in the park?
- [11/6/2016 7:37:17 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 7:37:20 PM] Johnny.: No we talk
- [11/6/2016 7:37:23 PM] Johnny.: Play basketball
- [11/6/2016 7:37:28 PM] Johnny.: Just chill
- [11/6/2016 7:37:28 PM] A: LOL
- [11/6/2016 7:37:33 PM] Johnny.: What's so funny lol
- [11/6/2016 7:37:33 PM] A: that's not bad
- [11/6/2016 7:37:39 PM] A: at all
- [11/6/2016 7:37:42 PM] Johnny.: I mean I'm just giving a example
- [11/6/2016 7:37:51 PM] A: I talk about
- [11/6/2016 7:38:00 PM] Johnny.: You jumping from a roof isn't bad either.
- [11/6/2016 7:38:26 PM] Johnny.: In college we stood on top of the college buildings during homecoming even though it was illegal
- [11/6/2016 7:38:34 PM] Johnny.: People have desires and want to fulfill them
- [11/6/2016 7:38:40 PM] Johnny.: Smoking isn't bad either
- [11/6/2016 7:38:40 PM] A: o-o
- [11/6/2016 7:38:43 PM] A: Johnny
- [11/6/2016 7:38:46 PM] Johnny.: I have a lot of friends who smoke lol
- [11/6/2016 7:38:52 PM] A: The roof of an abandoned building
- [11/6/2016 7:38:52 PM] Johnny.: I'm just saying Anna
- [11/6/2016 7:39:00 PM] A: and I used
- [11/6/2016 7:39:11 PM] A: This really crappy pole
- [11/6/2016 7:39:15 PM] Johnny.: Anna you're missing the point of what in saying
- [11/6/2016 7:39:19 PM] A: that they use for the walls
- [11/6/2016 7:39:23 PM] A: as a bridge
- [11/6/2016 7:39:27 PM] Johnny.: I'm saying°
- [11/6/2016 7:39:34 PM] A: and had to balance myself
- [11/6/2016 7:39:40 PM] A: to the other roof
- [11/6/2016 7:39:46 PM] A: o-o
- [11/6/2016 7:39:48 PM] A: What
- [11/6/2016 7:40:20 PM] Johnny.: That's really dangerous yes. But if that's something you always wanted to do, then it's a desire. As humans being we would strive to fulfill all the desires we have.
- [11/6/2016 7:40:29 PM] Johnny.: It was highly dangerous
- [11/6/2016 7:40:37 PM] Johnny.: But it's something YOU wanted to do
- [11/6/2016 7:40:41 PM] Johnny.: So you did it
- [11/6/2016 7:40:44 PM] Johnny.: Simple as that
- [11/6/2016 7:41:11 PM] A: o-o It isnt
- [11/6/2016 7:41:18 PM] Johnny.: It is
- [11/6/2016 7:41:33 PM] A: ITS NOT LIKE I DESIRED IT
- [11/6/2016 7:41:38 PM] A: Lol
- [11/6/2016 7:41:43 PM] Johnny.: YOU SAID YOUBDID THOUGH
- [11/6/2016 7:41:47 PM] A: I just thought
- [11/6/2016 7:41:49 PM] A: Why not
- [11/6/2016 7:41:53 PM] A: And did it
- [11/6/2016 7:41:57 PM] Johnny.: A - Today 10:34 PM
- > I feel like these are things I wanna do for a long time
- [11/6/2016 7:42:02 PM] A: I meant
- [11/6/2016 7:42:10 PM] A: pierce/tat/smoke
- [11/6/2016 7:42:22 PM] A: May never change
- [11/6/2016 7:42:38 PM] Johnny.: Well nothing's wrong with those
- [11/6/2016 7:42:45 PM] Johnny.: You think there's something wrong with that?
- [11/6/2016 7:42:52 PM] A: o-o Also I was in nature
- [11/6/2016 7:42:59 PM] A: Why all of a sudden
- [11/6/2016 7:43:13 PM] A: Also completely stopped watching anime
- [11/6/2016 7:43:30 PM] A: Randomly
- [11/6/2016 7:43:40 PM] A: But I guess that's good
- [11/6/2016 7:44:12 PM] A: Started talking to guys first ;-;
- [11/6/2016 7:44:39 PM] A: Oh well, by senior year
- [11/6/2016 7:44:47 PM] A: I'll be a dif person for sure
- [11/6/2016 7:45:58 PM] A: I want to become the person I'd want to be friends with
- [11/6/2016 7:46:10 PM] A: //Nods./
- [11/6/2016 7:46:15 PM] Johnny.: And what type of person is that
- [11/6/2016 7:47:32 PM] A: Reckless, risk-taking, passionate, beautiful, has everything going for her, beyond talented, smart, funny, lots of love, kind-hearted
- [11/6/2016 7:47:35 PM] A: ;-;
- [11/6/2016 7:48:04 PM] A: I want to have the right amount of love for people
- [11/6/2016 7:49:17 PM] A: Are you asking because you're curious or for other reasons?
- [11/6/2016 7:50:18 PM] A: I'm honestly okay, Johnny. This was in the beginning, but maybe I'm becoming better
- [11/6/2016 7:50:46 PM] Johnny.: I was just curious
- [11/6/2016 7:51:21 PM] A: I do believe I'm becoming a stronger person
- [11/6/2016 7:51:43 PM] A: I have a strong heart, that's become pretty delicate
- [11/6/2016 7:52:21 PM] A: And everyone has to start from the dirt to get to the garden
- [11/6/2016 7:52:52 PM] Johnny.: I'm happy to hear that then.
- [11/6/2016 7:52:52 PM] A: I will get what I want
- [11/6/2016 7:53:08 PM] A: Maybe I will desperately reach for it
- [11/6/2016 7:53:18 PM] A: But my life genuinely depends on it
- [11/6/2016 7:53:24 PM] A: I won't be a loser
- [11/6/2016 7:53:43 PM] Johnny.: I believe you can do it. You have the right mindset for it
- [11/6/2016 7:53:47 PM] A: Also, you're right
- [11/6/2016 7:54:02 PM] A: We don't have to keep talking to be friends
- [11/6/2016 7:55:53 PM] Johnny.: Yeah. Honestly even if we haven't talked for months I'll still care and consider you my friend. But what you said earlier, I realised that it was my selfish thinking. If I truly value you as a friend I should at least check up on you once in awhile or just talk to each other whenever I'm free and such.
- [11/6/2016 7:56:06 PM] Johnny.: And the way you usually message me first I understand why you'll feel that way
- [11/6/2016 7:56:11 PM] Johnny.: So I'm sorry about that
- [11/6/2016 7:56:24 PM] Johnny.: Just wanted to get that out the way
- [11/6/2016 7:56:53 PM] A: It's alright
- [11/6/2016 7:57:15 PM] A: It doesn't bother me
- [11/6/2016 7:57:36 PM] A: Or I guess it does, otherwise I wouldn't have asked
- [11/6/2016 7:57:43 PM] A: But at the end of the day
- [11/6/2016 7:57:47 PM] A: Who cares
- [11/6/2016 7:58:03 PM] Johnny.: I guess so. And you mentioned alli
- [11/6/2016 7:58:10 PM] Johnny.: Does Alli feel that way too?
- [11/6/2016 7:58:21 PM] A: Who knows
- [11/6/2016 7:58:39 PM] A: She's been pretty busy and had computer problems
- [11/6/2016 7:58:48 PM] Johnny.: Yeah.
- [11/6/2016 7:59:14 PM] A: But I may have mentioned Alli more because I wanted to speak to you
- [11/6/2016 7:59:27 PM] A: But I have no doubt that she misses you and Hosoth
- [11/6/2016 7:59:54 PM] Johnny.: I'll try messaging her whenever I see her on. I miss her too. I've talked to her recently but
- [11/6/2016 8:00:07 PM] Johnny.: It was just small talk
- [11/6/2016 8:00:10 PM] Johnny.: We shared music
- [11/6/2016 8:00:55 PM] A: Yep, that's cool
- [11/6/2016 8:01:12 PM] A: Sorry for bothering you, then
- [11/6/2016 8:01:19 PM] Johnny.: Honestly
- [11/6/2016 8:01:31 PM] Johnny.: It wasn't a bother. I'm glad you told me everything that you did
- [11/6/2016 8:01:37 PM] Johnny.: It opened my eyyyeees
- [11/6/2016 8:01:42 PM] Johnny.: For the better lol
- [11/6/2016 8:01:49 PM] A: Nah
- [11/6/2016 8:02:01 PM] A: It doesn't change anything for me
- [11/6/2016 8:02:18 PM] A: I feel like it's something that could have easily been
- [11/6/2016 8:02:18 PM] Johnny.: Well I was talking about for me
- [11/6/2016 8:02:28 PM] Johnny.: n~n
- [11/6/2016 8:02:36 PM] A: handled differently
- [11/6/2016 8:02:44 PM] Johnny.: I mean
- [11/6/2016 8:02:47 PM] A: It might make you happier
- [11/6/2016 8:02:53 PM] Johnny.: How else could it have been handled
- [11/6/2016 8:02:57 PM] Johnny.: You approached me
- [11/6/2016 8:03:00 PM] A: But I still feel dull inside
- [11/6/2016 8:03:00 PM] Johnny.: We talked about it
- [11/6/2016 8:03:12 PM] Johnny.: I mean what do you expect?
- [11/6/2016 8:03:33 PM] A: It's not a topic I enjoy talking about
- [11/6/2016 8:03:39 PM] A: I've never said
- [11/6/2016 8:03:53 PM] A: Hey Johnny, you won't believe what happened today
- [11/6/2016 8:04:09 PM] A: My family said they hate me
- [11/6/2016 8:04:18 PM] A: Or Hey Johnny
- [11/6/2016 8:04:34 PM] A: My aunt reminded me how useless I am to everyone today!
- [11/6/2016 8:04:44 PM] A: I keep it in
- [11/6/2016 8:04:53 PM] A: Because it's easier
- [11/6/2016 8:04:57 PM] A: It's better
- [11/6/2016 8:05:04 PM] A: and I don't bother people
- [11/6/2016 8:05:05 PM] Johnny.: No
- [11/6/2016 8:05:08 PM] A: Yes
- [11/6/2016 8:05:11 PM] A: So
- [11/6/2016 8:05:11 PM] Johnny.: It was easier
- [11/6/2016 8:05:16 PM] Johnny.: Definitely not better
- [11/6/2016 8:05:18 PM] A: I'm glad you enjoyed it
- [11/6/2016 8:05:25 PM] Johnny.: ANNA
- [11/6/2016 8:05:27 PM] A: And I'm glad
- [11/6/2016 8:05:42 PM] Johnny.: Next time something happens. Tell me about it. Don't keep it in
- [11/6/2016 8:05:44 PM] A: that you wanted to talk to me before I told you all of this
- [11/6/2016 8:05:53 PM] A: I don't want to be a pity card
- [11/6/2016 8:06:04 PM] A: And honestly, the way I've lived
- [11/6/2016 8:06:07 PM] Johnny.: It's not about
- [11/6/2016 8:06:11 PM] A: which I will never tell you
- [11/6/2016 8:06:16 PM] Johnny.: Being the pity card
- [11/6/2016 8:06:25 PM] Johnny.: It's aboutventing your emotions
- [11/6/2016 8:06:31 PM] Johnny.: If you don't vent it
- [11/6/2016 8:06:33 PM] A: Someone like me should have killed themselves already with all the nightmares and voices in their thoughts
- [11/6/2016 8:06:37 PM] Johnny.: Eventually it'll explode out
- [11/6/2016 8:06:46 PM] A: But I'm glad it was a good talk for you
- [11/6/2016 8:07:49 PM] Johnny.: Listen, it's not about being pitied on and such
- [11/6/2016 8:07:54 PM] Johnny.: When something happens
- [11/6/2016 8:08:00 PM] Johnny.: And it makes you feel negative
- [11/6/2016 8:08:03 PM] Johnny.: Or even happy
- [11/6/2016 8:08:15 PM] Johnny.: It's okay to share that with a friend or someone
- [11/6/2016 8:08:23 PM] Johnny.: Especially the negative emotions
- [11/6/2016 8:08:28 PM] Johnny.: If you keep them bottled up
- [11/6/2016 8:08:34 PM] Johnny.: It'll just make things worse
- [11/6/2016 8:08:39 PM] Johnny.: Honestly
- [11/6/2016 8:08:49 PM] Johnny.: I know you don't want pple to pity you
- [11/6/2016 8:08:53 PM] Johnny.: But it's not pity
- [11/6/2016 8:08:56 PM] Johnny.: It's empathy
- [11/6/2016 8:09:10 PM] Johnny.: Sometimes people would relate to you
- [11/6/2016 8:09:12 PM] A: What happened this year?
- [11/6/2016 8:09:14 PM] Johnny.: And understand how you feel
- [11/6/2016 8:09:19 PM] A: I definitely exploded
- [11/6/2016 8:09:32 PM] A: to the point of getting anxiety attacks
- [11/6/2016 8:09:36 PM] A: But
- [11/6/2016 8:09:43 PM] A: You know, what if
- [11/6/2016 8:09:57 PM] A: just maybe I felt like pouring myself to you
- [11/6/2016 8:10:01 PM] A: And you replied
- [11/6/2016 8:10:10 PM] A: No, I don't wanna talk
- [11/6/2016 8:10:18 PM] A: Really don't feel like it
- [11/6/2016 8:10:23 PM] A: I'm playing a game
- [11/6/2016 8:10:30 PM] A: I'm in a call with friends
- [11/6/2016 8:10:37 PM] Johnny.: When have I
- [11/6/2016 8:10:39 PM] Johnny.: Ever
- [11/6/2016 8:10:41 PM] Johnny.: Did that
- [11/6/2016 8:10:42 PM] A: But of course, that's not your fault
- [11/6/2016 8:10:51 PM] Johnny.: Lol
- [11/6/2016 8:10:57 PM] A: Because Im not going to open the discussion
- [11/6/2016 8:11:05 PM] Johnny.: The other day you told me you wanted to talk it was serious
- [11/6/2016 8:11:10 PM] A: with Johnny, I feel really bad
- [11/6/2016 8:11:10 PM] Johnny.: I made time for you to talk
- [11/6/2016 8:11:13 PM] Johnny.: Snd we called
- [11/6/2016 8:11:17 PM] Johnny.: And-
- [11/6/2016 8:11:31 PM] A: This isn't something I talk about
- [11/6/2016 8:11:38 PM] A: So I won't mention it
- [11/6/2016 8:11:59 PM] A: Unless it's there or I'm searching for a distraction
- [11/6/2016 8:12:10 PM] A: But like I said
- [11/6/2016 8:12:15 PM] A: You could be busy
- [11/6/2016 8:12:27 PM] A: And I just realize I have to deal with it
- [11/6/2016 8:12:35 PM] A: Cause like it isn't your problem
- [11/6/2016 8:12:53 PM] A: And I'm prob being stupid
- [11/6/2016 8:13:10 PM] A: And then I don't say anything anymore
- [11/6/2016 8:13:11 PM] Johnny.: You're right about thatn. Sometimes the problems you face
- [11/6/2016 8:13:19 PM] Johnny.: Youll just have to deal with them on your own
- [11/6/2016 8:13:36 PM] Johnny.: But what in trying to say is
- [11/6/2016 8:14:00 PM] Johnny.: If you feel a way about something. And a friend so happen to be available for you. Don't be scared to vent it out.
- [11/6/2016 8:14:12 PM] A: Nah
- [11/6/2016 8:14:21 PM] A: I'm tired of talking about it
- [11/6/2016 8:15:09 PM] Johnny.: Alright
- [11/6/2016 8:15:21 PM] A: Sincerely sincerely sorry
- [11/6/2016 8:15:29 PM] Johnny.: Of course I won't force you to talk about it but Anna
- [11/6/2016 8:15:32 PM] A: I honestly wont bother you anymore
- [11/6/2016 8:15:56 PM] Johnny.: If you ever do get the urge to do it, even though you saying you won't try to 'bother' me with it anymore
- [11/6/2016 8:16:06 PM] A: I won't
- [11/6/2016 8:16:06 PM] Johnny.: I'll be here to listen
- [11/6/2016 8:16:12 PM] A: Because
- [11/6/2016 8:16:25 PM] A: I can tell you have other things to worry about
- [11/6/2016 8:16:36 PM] Johnny.: That doesn't matter
- [11/6/2016 8:16:38 PM] A: I'm not supposed to be that friend
- [11/6/2016 8:16:47 PM] Johnny.: If my friend is stressed about something
- [11/6/2016 8:16:52 PM] A: Nor should I be allowed to talk about my feelings anymore
- [11/6/2016 8:16:58 PM] Johnny.: And she can't even vent it out with me
- [11/6/2016 8:17:01 PM] Johnny.: Then like
- [11/6/2016 8:17:09 PM] Johnny.: How can I be considered a friend
- [11/6/2016 8:17:12 PM] Johnny.: Like
- [11/6/2016 8:17:19 PM] Johnny.: It's not even that idealistic friend
- [11/6/2016 8:17:23 PM] Johnny.: You were talking about
- [11/6/2016 8:17:30 PM] Johnny.: It's just a friend in general
- [11/6/2016 8:17:31 PM] A: That's exactly what I've been trying to explain to you
- [11/6/2016 8:17:41 PM] A: Those friends do not exist
- [11/6/2016 8:17:53 PM] Johnny.: Wtf
- [11/6/2016 8:17:56 PM] Johnny.: Yes they do?
- [11/6/2016 8:18:03 PM] A: I have to be that friend for myself
- [11/6/2016 8:18:21 PM] A: Why are we still talking about this ;-;
- [11/6/2016 8:18:33 PM] A: Why wont you sleep already
- [11/6/2016 8:19:09 PM] Johnny.: Because I can tell it's something that's weighing heavy on you and your just so stuck on the ideal that you should just keep your feelings bottled up when you shouldn't.
- [11/6/2016 8:19:23 PM] A: I might be trying to chase you away
- [11/6/2016 8:19:42 PM] A: Just to not feel hurt
- [11/6/2016 8:19:56 PM] A: But you don't have to take back what you said
- [11/6/2016 8:20:18 PM] A: I don't want you to change it just because I decided to keep saying stuff
- [11/6/2016 8:20:29 PM] Johnny.: The only thing
- [11/6/2016 8:20:34 PM] Johnny.: I'm going to change is
- [11/6/2016 8:20:35 PM] A: What you said to begin with is what matters the most
- [11/6/2016 8:20:45 PM] Johnny.: If me and you haven't talked for awhile
- [11/6/2016 8:20:49 PM] Johnny.: And I think about you
- [11/6/2016 8:20:51 PM] A: And it makes perfect sense
- [11/6/2016 8:20:54 PM] Johnny.: I'll just hit you up
- [11/6/2016 8:21:00 PM] Johnny.: Simple as that
- [11/6/2016 8:21:07 PM] Johnny.: Now that we've been talking
- [11/6/2016 8:21:15 PM] Johnny.: I'll probably think of you more often
- [11/6/2016 8:21:19 PM] Johnny.: But that's basically all
- [11/6/2016 8:21:22 PM] A: Why do you think I had thoughts of deleting Skype?
- [11/6/2016 8:21:25 PM] Johnny.: Still the same old me
- [11/6/2016 8:21:45 PM] A: I never thought you would reach out to speak to me
- [11/6/2016 8:22:12 PM] A: The only reason I haven't, is out of pure laziness
- [11/6/2016 8:22:33 PM] A: So like, I kind of expect people to stop talking
- [11/6/2016 8:22:52 PM] A: I know I've been joking about you never speaking to me
- [11/6/2016 8:23:16 PM] A: But tbh, I know it's happening, I'm prepared for it, and I'm accepting it
- [11/6/2016 8:23:25 PM] A: People disappear
- [11/6/2016 8:23:34 PM] Johnny.: Well
- [11/6/2016 8:23:35 PM] A: It's a natural part of life
- [11/6/2016 8:23:38 PM] Johnny.: I guess I'll just
- [11/6/2016 8:23:46 PM] Johnny.: Have to defy your expectations
- [11/6/2016 8:23:55 PM] Johnny.: If that's the case
- [11/6/2016 8:24:02 PM] A: You always say the same thing
- [11/6/2016 8:24:20 PM] A: And I always feel the same way
- [11/6/2016 8:24:21 PM] Johnny.: I have friends I've known for 7 years in chatango
- [11/6/2016 8:24:28 PM] Johnny.: We don't talk every day
- [11/6/2016 8:24:33 PM] Johnny.: We don't talk every week
- [11/6/2016 8:24:41 PM] Johnny.: Sometimes for a month or two
- [11/6/2016 8:24:43 PM] A: Then again
- [11/6/2016 8:24:52 PM] Johnny.: But at the end of the day
- [11/6/2016 8:24:53 PM] A: We technically are strangers
- [11/6/2016 8:24:58 PM] Johnny.: We keep in touch
- [11/6/2016 8:25:03 PM] Johnny.: Why are we strangers?
- [11/6/2016 8:25:07 PM] A: We don't know much about one another
- [11/6/2016 8:25:16 PM] Johnny.: That makes no sense.
- [11/6/2016 8:25:29 PM] A: We've played jokes on one another and met through a mutual friend
- [11/6/2016 8:25:51 PM] Johnny.: We've talked together. Played games together. Shared music together.
- [11/6/2016 8:25:59 PM] Johnny.: Way past the point of strangers
- [11/6/2016 8:26:16 PM] A: We don't even know each other's full name
- [11/6/2016 8:26:21 PM] Johnny.: Why does
- [11/6/2016 8:26:27 PM] Johnny.: That have to validate
- [11/6/2016 8:26:30 PM] Johnny.: A friendship?
- [11/6/2016 8:26:43 PM] A: It just proves
- [11/6/2016 8:26:50 PM] Johnny.: It proves nothing
- [11/6/2016 8:26:53 PM] A: how much we truly know about the other person
- [11/6/2016 8:27:03 PM] Johnny.: I know the full name of my class mate
- [11/6/2016 8:27:07 PM] Johnny.: But idek that guy
- [11/6/2016 8:27:12 PM] Johnny.: He just in my class
- [11/6/2016 8:27:21 PM] Johnny.: So I just know his name
- [11/6/2016 8:27:25 PM] Johnny.: That proves nothing
- [11/6/2016 8:27:27 PM] A: Personally
- [11/6/2016 8:27:40 PM] A: We don't know each other quite well
- [11/6/2016 8:28:02 PM] A: It's like the high school friends you only share a class with
- [11/6/2016 8:28:08 PM] Johnny.: Anna
- [11/6/2016 8:28:12 PM] Johnny.: We're not strangers
- [11/6/2016 8:28:21 PM] A: Yeah?
- [11/6/2016 8:28:23 PM] A: How?
- [11/6/2016 8:29:08 PM] Johnny.: The memories we have together proves that we aren't strangers. Just because we don't know certain personal information about each other doesn't make us strangers.
- [11/6/2016 8:29:55 PM] A: Ye?
- [11/6/2016 8:30:22 PM] A: I mean when I don't think the way I used to
- [11/6/2016 8:30:36 PM] A: It's kind of hard to comprehend my old feelings
- [11/6/2016 8:31:41 PM] Johnny.: I guess so.
- [11/6/2016 8:31:51 PM] Johnny.: I'm going to head to bed now Anna
- [11/6/2016 8:32:22 PM] Johnny.: I'll talk to you some other time Anna.
- [11/6/2016 8:32:26 PM] Johnny.: Gnight
- [11/6/2016 8:32:32 PM] A: No, you won't
- [11/6/2016 8:32:37 PM] A: But sleep well
- [11/6/2016 8:32:44 PM] Johnny.: omg
- [11/6/2016 8:32:58 PM] A: Please go to sleep
- [11/6/2016 8:33:04 PM] Johnny.: I'ma spam you tomorrow
- [11/6/2016 8:33:07 PM] Johnny.: Just wait
- [11/6/2016 8:33:14 PM] Johnny.: Every day of this week
- [11/6/2016 8:33:18 PM] A: I'll sign out of skype
- [11/6/2016 8:33:18 PM] Johnny.: I'm going to spam you
- [11/6/2016 8:33:23 PM] Johnny.: Just because you said that
- [11/6/2016 8:33:32 PM] Johnny.: >:[
- [11/6/2016 8:33:52 PM] A: Just live your life and stop worrying about me
- [11/6/2016 8:33:55 PM] A: Good night
- [11/6/2016 8:34:32 PM] Johnny.: I'm going to worry whether you want me to or not
- [11/6/2016 8:34:37 PM] Johnny.: Okay
- [11/6/2016 8:34:39 PM] Johnny.: Night
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