Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- >Dump your binbag full of rubbish into the rubbish bin next to your house.
- >Dust your hands off and sigh, taking a moment to enjoy the heat on your face.
- >Equestria is warm as hell on the best of days.
- >Hear a distant voice on the winds.
- >Strain your ears to try and pick it up further.
- >Notice that your hands are beginning to prickle.
- >...
- "Oh no."
- >Fear fills you.
- >Spin around.
- >The voice on the winds is much louder now.
- >"Aaaaaaanoooon!"
- "No. Not again. NOT AGAIN!"
- >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
- >Twilight Sparkle, alicorn princess and heir to nobody's throne slams into you.
- "I JUST WANT ONE FUCKING DAY ALONE!"
- >"ANON THERE'S TROUBLE AND WE NEED YOUR HELP!"
- "WHY?!"
- >She slaps you with a hoof, grips the front of your shirt with magic and violently shakes you back and forth.
- >"BEcAUSE THE VOICES DEMAND IT!"
- "I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH."
- >You are Anon.
- >Involuntary adventurer.
- 1/?
- >"Alright, Anon. Here's the deal."
- >You're tied to a chair in Twilight's basement.
- >She turns around in a high back office chair and places her elbows on the desk, bringing her hooves together.
- >"We need your help."
- "Why have you made your basement an office?"
- >"There's trouble brewing. And because I'm now a princess, I need you to do my dirty work for me."
- "Have you seriously got a plaque that says 'Da Boss'?"
- >"Fluttershy has told me that there's been suspicious activity near the Everfree Forest. And I'd like you to investigate."
- "I thought you said you needed my help. Not my eyes."
- >"Technically, using your eyes -would- be helping"
- >She grins.
- >You glower.
- "No deal. I have better things to do."
- >"No you don't."
- "And who are you to say that?"
- >Twilight pulls out a small brown-backed book and slides it across the desk towards you.
- >It's your planner.
- >Stare at it, slowly raising your eyes to look at Twilight.
- >She gives you a toothy smile and unbinds you with magic.
- >Tentatively open it to today's date.
- >Start flicking through every page, increasing the pace with each page turned.
- >Every single page has "HELP OUT TWILIGHT" written in red ink.
- >The very last page reads "Pick up milk".
- "DAMMIT, TWILIGHT. I DON'T EVEN DRINK MILK!"
- >"IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR BONES! But that's not the point. You're not too busy, and books don't lie."
- "How are -you- a princess?"
- >She sticks her tongue out.
- >Twilight stands up and walks over to a fireplace.
- >That she's inexplicably built in her basement, even though she has a perfectly good one upstairs.
- >She strikes a pose and gives you a questioning look.
- >"So. You'll do as I ask, yes?"
- >Realise that she's stood in front of a massive painted portrait of her stood in the exact same place striking the same pose, complete with Dreamworks smile.
- "Help you, investigate the forest, then what?"
- >"Well, if you survive, you can go home."
- "Sweet."
- >Doesn't sound so bad.
- "So where abouts was this strange sighting?"
- 2/?
- >"O-oh, Anon! Thank goodness you came! I was worried you might, um, not come... B-but if you still want to come, I'm ready and waiting..."
- >Fluttershy blushes.
- >Don't answer her.
- >"S-so what do you think?"
- >Don't answer her.
- >"Can you help me?"
- >Don't answer her.
- >"I'm worried it might hurt somep0ny..."
- >The massive black and green vortex hovering slightly above ground uproots a nearby tree and drags in into the swirling abyss.
- >"It looks sort of dangerous."
- >The pebbles near your feet begin shuffling towards the void.
- "This uh..."
- >A rabbit gets sucked in.
- "This might be out of my area of expertise."
- >A loud purple bang scares the shit out of you.
- >"Ah! Anon. There you are"
- "What the fuck, Twilight?!"
- >"I know! I was rooting through your drawers and found this!"
- >She holds up a long dead mobile phone that came with you.
- >"Is it some kind of human pleasure device?"
- "TWILIGHT."
- >Point at what you're now sure is some kind of black hole.
- "WHAT. THE FUCK. IS THIS?"
- >She scrunches her face up and scrutinises the vortex, ignoring an otter that nearly hits her head as it flies past and into it.
- >Just then a lightbulb appears over her head.
- >That gets dragged in as well.
- >"Ah ha! So -that's- where I put it!"
- "You... MADE this?"
- >"Of course! I was trying to make soup."
- >She laughs.
- >"Pretty crazy, huh?"
- "Twilight are you insane?"
- >She grabs your face with magic and drags you down so that your nose is touching hers.
- >"LOOK INTO MY EYES, ANON. GAZE INTO MY EYES JUST AS I GAZED INTO THE HEART OF MADNESS AND EMBRACED INSANITY. GONE IS THE MARE YOU ONCE KNEW. THERE IS ONLY ENTROPY IN HER PLACE."
- "Being a princess must really suck"
- >"I'm amazed I haven't killed myself yet!"
- >She laughs again.
- >"Oooh... I'm hilarious. I should write that one down!"
- >And she does.
- >The paper and quill then get wrenched from her grasp and into the vortex.
- >"Woah! When did that portal to Changeling territory get there?!"
- "What."
- 3/?
- >She strolls over to the vortex, seemingly unphased by the sheer gravitational pull its emitting, and starts prodding it with a stick.
- >When the stick gets pulled in and disappears, Twilight gasps.
- >"Fascinating!"
- >She returns to your side.
- >"Okay, Anon! I have a job for you!"
- "Don't say it."
- >"I want you."
- "DON'T."
- >"To jump into the portal. And return to me your findings."
- "...WHY."
- >"I dunno. For kicks!"
- >She picks you up with magic and hurls you into the void.
- >Unspeakable images flash before your eyes as you traverse the planes between this world and the next.
- >This must be why vortex travel is actually illegal in Equestria.
- >When you emerge from the other side, you land on an uprooted tree, a quill, some paper, and two dead furry animals, as well as a shit load of soil and grass.
- >Blink a few times to make sure you're not actually dead.
- >A sudden blow to the head confirms your lack of mortality.
- >Clutch your head and groan.
- >Rub it and see what hit you.
- >Fluttershy is wrapped around the tree.
- "Whaa..."
- >Look up at the vortex.
- >Twilight's head pokes out.
- >"HELLO AGAIN! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"
- "Yes..."
- >"GOOD! IT'S QUITE LOUD IN HERE!"
- >Another bout of laughter.
- >"LISTEN! THIS IS YOUR MISSION. TO INVESTIGATE THE CHANGELINGS! THEN WRITE A FRIENDSHIP REPORT! THEN I WON'T WRITE BACK FOR SEVERAL MONTHS AND LEAVE YOU IN THE DARK!"
- >Her eye twitches violently.
- >"JUST LIKE WHEN CELESTIA WAS MY MENTOR! NOW I'M JUST LIKE HER! SEE! I CAN BE A PRINCESS TOO! I CAN ORDER PEOPLE ABOUT!"
- >She explodes into laughter.
- >"OKAY! I'M GONNA GO NOW! BYE ANON! GOOD LUCK!"
- "WHY THE FUCK IS FLUTTERSHY HERE?"
- >"SHE JUMPED IN AFTER YOU IN AN ACT OF UNWAVERING LOVE AND CONCERN FOR YOUR WELLBEING!"
- "Really?"
- >"NO! I THREW HER IN!"
- >The princess guffaws a final time before charging up her horn.
- >"CHEERIO!"
- >And with that, the vortex sucks itself inwards, leaving the air where it was still again.
- 4/?
- >Sit on the fallen tree, your head resting on the palm of your hand, a bored look on your face.
- >All around you is absolutely nothing.
- >Wasteland as far as you can see.
- >Sigh and slide off the tree.
- >Walk around and poke Fluttershy's face.
- "Get up. Your idiot friend has stranded us."
- >She groans.
- >"B-but we haven't seen Rainbow Dash all day..."
- "Your other idiot friend, moron."
- >"Applejack?"
- >Pinch the bridge of your nose.
- "Right. Fuck this."
- >Start walking in a random direction.
- >A scroll materialises before your very eyes.
- >Grasp it before it can fall to the floor.
- >Unfurl it.
- >'Wrong way.'
- "Seriously?"
- >Raise your fists to the heavens
- "GET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE, YOU BELLEND!"
- >Another scroll appears in a sunbeam, accompanied by what you swear is the singing of angels.
- >Grab and open it.
- >'No.'
- >Crush it in your grip and grind your teeth together.
- >Start stomping in the other direction, past a now fully awake Fluttershy, who is sat on the log watching you storm around.
- >"Can I help?"
- "NO."
- >"Want a back rub?"
- "NO!"
- >"Okay..."
- >Fluttershy starts flying after you.
- >"C-can't we just wait for help?"
- "What help is going to find us out here, Fluttershy?"
- >"Twilight might save us..."
- "And why, pray tell, would she do that?"
- >"She might have had a change of heart and realise that she cares about our safety?"
- >A scroll lands in her mane, already unfurled.
- >'HA!'
- "No, something tells me that Twilight went off in the deep end long ago."
- >"But why?"
- "Being a princess must not have worked out for her. Must have broken her mind with stress or whatever."
- >"Would you like to be a princess, Anon?"
- "Hell no. Princesses are gay."
- >"I'd like to be a princess..."
- >Stop .
- >Turn to her, a deadpan look on your face.
- "Why."
- >She blushes.
- >"Well... Every princess needs a prince..."
- >She hides behind her mane and bites her lip.
- "Of all the ponies to be stuck with..."
- 5/?
- >"Sorry, Anon..."
- >She's quiet for a moment.
- >"...But I think you'd make a really good prince..."
- "Unbelievable. I'm going to leave now, Fluttershy."
- >With that, you stroll off towards an imposing looking plateau.
- >"W-wait! Don't leave me alone!"
- >She latches onto your back as you walk.
- >"You smell nice, Anon."
- "Thanks. I guess."
- >You lumber on, the heat steadily wearing away at your energy, assisted by the pony on your back.
- >Luckily, the sun is creeping behind the plateau ahead, basking you in it's shade.
- >Feel much better as the cooler air washes over you.
- >Decide to take a break next to a rock, prying Fluttershy off your back and placing her on the ground.
- >Slump against the rock and close your eyes.
- >Fluttershy prods your leg.
- >"Anon?"
- "Not now, Fluttershy... I just want to rest for a moment."
- >Enjoy a brief moment of respite before she pokes your leg again.
- >"Anon? Are you thinking about me?"
- >Reply without opening your eyes.
- "Oh god you're so bad at social situations..."
- >"I-I know..."
- >...
- >She pokes your leg.
- >"Anon?"
- "What."
- >"C-can you open your eyes?"
- "No."
- >"Please?"
- >Ugh
- "Fine."
- >Open them.
- "What do y- Oh fuck my ass."
- >Fluttershy, you, and the rock, are surrounded by changelings.
- >They don't look very happy.
- "In retrospect, I should have expected this."
- 6/?
- >You and Fluttershy are currently suspended from a large wooden pole. Bound and upside down similar to how a cannibal tribe would carry their latest catch.
- "Well this sucks."
- >"SILENCE, WHELP!"
- >The largest and most armoured changeling, who you assume is the captain, is leading the pack deeper into the plateau.
- >Which strangely enough happens to be a fortress containing an entire changeling hive.
- >You can tell because the walls are crawling with changelings, each coming out of holes in the walls and roof.
- >Watch as they check up on the sickly green sacks dotted around everywhere before scuttling back into their holes.
- >A couple of them stop to watch you and Fluttershy.
- >Enter a large cavern at what you guess is the heart of this bastion.
- >At the centre of the room, surrounded by green sacks and perched on a hastily assembled rocky throne, is a single huge changeling.
- >You are carried over to her and set at her feet.
- >Look up at her front your new position on the floor.
- "Damn, you're ugly."
- >The captain stamps on your face.
- >It hurts like a bitch.
- >You should have been drinking your milk.
- >The bigger changeling leans down and insects your face.
- >Insects? Inspects? Get it?
- >Damn, you're funny.
- >She grins at you, revealing large fangs and a malicious intent.
- >"Well well well. What do we have here? Some kind of exotic mercenary sent by Celestia to destroy me?"
- "Not even close."
- >"Then what? Speak quickly and don't waste my time."
- "Aight. I'm an alien being sent here by a lunatic princess obsessed with acting more like her teacher whilst being completely unaware of the misery she causes others, she sent me and my companion here--"
- >Nod at Fluttershy, who is pissing herself in fear.
- "--To learn about changelings and friendship."
- >The big bug blinks slowly.
- >"Very, uhh, well."
- >She straightens up.
- >"Release them."
- >The captain blurts out a response.
- >"M-my queen! They might escape!"
- 7/?
- >The queen rolls her eyes.
- >"Oh shut it, Milhouse, they aren't going anywhere."
- >Milhouse looks at his hooves.
- >"...Okay..."
- >The other guards cut your binds and step back as you stand up.
- >You're taller than the queen.
- >She seems unnerved by this at first. But regains her composure and begins what you can guess is a practised royal glare.
- >"You are now my prisoner. You shall never leave these halls, alien. You or your com-- Wait, I'm sure I recognise that pony."
- >Look over a Fluttershy, who is imitating a deer caught in headlights.
- "Oh, that's Fluttershy. Element of Kindness. She's friends with Twilight Sparkle. You know her from somewhere?"
- >The queen narrows her eyes.
- >"ANON! HEEEELP!"
- >Watch with a bemused expression as Fluttershy runs around a pit as a large changeling who looks as though she was force-fed steroids chases her around.
- >Reminds you of the Rancor pit.
- >The queen - Chrysalis, chews on a popcorn bucket filled with grubs.
- >"She's got a set of legs on her."
- "Yup."
- >"ANON PLEASE!"
- >Fluttershy narrowly avoids a swipe from the changeling hulk.
- >"Why doesn't she use her wings?"
- "She's not the smartest pony in the world. You know she tries to have sex with me all the time?"
- >Chrysalis raises an eyebrow.
- >"No, really?"
- "Oh yeah."
- >"You must be flattered."
- "Actually it's a massive pain in the ass."
- >She laughs at that.
- >The hulk manages to catch Fluttershy and pins her to the floor.
- >Chrysalis finishes her grubs and sets the bucket down.
- >"Alright, I think she's had enough. You can get out now, Fluttershy."
- >Fluttershy lets out a sigh of relief as the hulk gets off her.
- >Then flies out of the pit and sits next to you, smiling sheepishly.
- "God, you're dumb."
- >"Is that your fetish?"
- >...
- >"ANON PLEASE MAKE HER STOP!"
- >Chrysalis offers you some grubs.
- >"Want one?"
- "Nah."
- 8/?
- >"So after we got kicked out of Canterlot, we ended up here. Took about a year to get back on our hooves."
- >The queen rubs her behind.
- >"And a whole lot of labour on my part."
- "Gross."
- >"So. You know what Shining Armour is up to nowadays?"
- >The door bursts open.
- >Milhouse is panting heavily.
- >"M-MY QUEEN! THE YELLOW ONE HAS ESCAPED!"
- >Chrysalis stands up, anger in her eyes.
- >"What?! Impossible! I left her with the hulk!"
- >Milhouse gulps.
- >"She befriended it and is now riding it around like some kind of steed!"
- >Chrysalis smirks.
- >"Kinky."
- >"My queeeeeeen!"
- >"Shut up, Milhouse."
- >She turns to you.
- >"Wait here while I sort this out."
- >Shrug and watch her go.
- >Being a prisoner here might not be so bad.
- >All you need is some paper then you can start documenting this misadventure.
- >Lie back and put your hands behind your head, resting your eyes for a moment.
- >You never got the chance before, what with being captured and all.
- >Just before you doze off, the wall next to you shatters as a black and yellow blur steam-rolls through it.
- >Fluttershy, looking like she's spent the last through years in some form of guerilla war-zone, looks down at you from her new mount.
- >"Anon! Come on! We have to get out of here!"
- "Why? I kinda like it down here. It's cosy."
- >Look down and see that you were lying in green goo.
- "Sort of."
- >Fluttershy groans.
- >"Listen, mister! Get your cute little tush up here and hold me! I'm getting us out of here whether you like it or not!"
- "But I haven't documented--"
- >"ANON GET ON THIS CHANGELING RIGHT FREAKING NOW!"
- >You get on that fucking changeling right then.
- >Cling to Warmaster Fluttershy, whose heartbeat feels like a jackhammer.
- >"Alright Miss Fuzzyboobles! Go!"
- >The changeling turns her head to look at Fluttershy.
- >"Me Susan."
- >"Oh. S-sorry..."
- >No one moves for a while.
- >You can hear shouts coming from outside.
- "You really know how to botch things up, don't ya, Shy?"
- >She whimpers.
- 9/?
- >Susan huffs and starts running towards the other wall.
- >She head-butts her way through it and starts running down random corridors.
- >You grip Fluttershy's waist tighter.
- >She tenses up at that.
- >Susan grunts.
- >"Flutt-shy need bathroom me thinks."
- >Fluttershy mumbles in response.
- >"N-not exactly..."
- >Duck your head down as another wall gets crushed under the walking muscle's warpath.
- >Find yourselves right in a huge cavern.
- >At one end is the mouth of the cave.
- >About a hundred changeling guards stand ready in front of it.
- >The one at the front steps forward.
- >Milhouse.
- >"STOOOOOP!"
- >Susan looks back quizzically at Fluttershy.
- >"What do?"
- >Fluttershy taps her hooves together.
- >"Umm... Ch-charge?"
- >Susan shakes her head.
- >"That stoopid. What ape think."
- "Accelerate movements in a forward direction and maintain the highest velocity you can straight through the enemy ranks and don't stop until we've cleared the exit."
- >"That smart plan. I like ape."
- >She looks back at the small army before.
- >"Susan hope to mate with you some day."
- >Shudder.
- >She grunts and takes off like a bull.
- >Several changelings scatter, but Milhouse holds his ground, holding up his hoof before him.
- >"I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!"
- >Susan doesn't slow down.
- >Before he realises his folly, he gets flattened by the hulk.
- >You turn around and give him the finger while you ride the oversized changeling into the barrens.
- 10/?
- >Chrysalis steps over the bodies of her guards and watches her newest friend leave her.
- >Just like all the others.
- >He didn't even get to see your rock collection.
- >The changeling at your feet coughs and stands up, his legs shaking.
- >"I-I tried, my queen! But they wouldn't listen!"
- "Shut up, Milhouse."
- >Be Twilight Sparkle.
- >Stare at the rock in the middle of the floor in the front room of the library.
- >Stick your tongue out while you concentrate on casting the spell.
- >If your calculations are correct, this spell -should- turn the rock into gold.
- >Slam your eyes shut and finish casting.
- >Open them.
- >Oh, no, that's not right.
- >A fully grown grey pony blinks. He hasn't got a cutie mark.
- >He looks around, dazed and confused.
- >"wh-where am I?"
- "Beats me. Wanna become my new test subject?"
- >"What kind of tests?"
- >Glance over at your secret chest filled with your self-written princess erotica.
- "So how do you think you'd look in a tiara?"
- >Before you can roleplay as Celestia and he as you, your front door is levelled.
- >Look over with a bewildered expression.
- >A huge changeling covered in battle armour and various wounds grunts and kneels down.
- >Anon hops off, a harpoon slung over his back and wearing what appears to be a handmade breastplate.
- >He's also missing an eye and is sporting the most marvellous beard.
- >Fluttershy takes up his side.
- >She's completely bald and is missing half her teeth.
- >Look at the calender.
- >...Oh dear.
- >Anon stomps forwards.
- >"Princess."
- >Nod slowly.
- "Anon?"
- >He glares down at you.
- "So uhh, where have you been these last... Umm... Five years...?"
- >His eyes narrow even harder.
- >"Do you have any idea where I've been and what I've been through?"
- >Take note of the dragon skull he's using as a shield.
- "Umm. I can guess?"
- >He reaches into a pouch and produces a few scrolls.
- >Take them from him and start reading.
- 11/?
- >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
- >'Today I learned that not only are changelings carnivorous, but they have an intense sexual libido. I pray that the citizens of Appleoosa forgive me.'
- >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
- >'Today I learned that a dragon matriarch will fight to the death to protect her young, but also that their blood burns like acid.'
- >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
- >'Today I learned that Fluttershy does dark and terrible things to my body while I sleep. And that I should always sleep with a knife for future encounters.'
- >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
- >'Today I learned that there is a race of rat-men living under Canterlot. I decided not to report them to the overworld because they were gracious hosts.'
- >'PS, You might have to deal with a rat-man uprising.'
- >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
- >'Today I learned that my changeling mount (Susan) can fly. Not even the pegasi are safe from her wrath. RIP Wingslow Village.'
- >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
- >'Today I learned that potions bought from native Zebra tribes have regenerative properties. In relation to that, Fluttershy can no longer die. So I have no qualms stabbing her if she annoys me.'
- >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
- >'Today I learned that it's been 4 years since you forsook me and Fluttershy. We're going to fucking kill you when we get back.'
- >Look up
- >Anon's fist connects with your face and you go reeling backwards.
- 12/?
- >Be Fluttershy.
- >Lean on Susan's leg and watch with an unimpressed face as Anon gets on top of Twilight and starts beating the blood out of her.
- >Susan grunts.
- >Sigh and scratch a developing itch.
- >Twilight's cries reach your ears but you don't care.
- >You've seen things that no pony should see.
- >Anon finishes destroying her face and stands back up.
- >He reaches into another pouch and hurls a carton of milk at her face.
- >Then looks towards the grey pony, who was watching the whole thing amazed
- >"Hey, you. Wanna come on an adventure?"
- >"S-sure!"
- >"What's your name?"
- >"...I don't know."
- >"How does Tom sound?"
- >"Great!"
- >Anon turns around and points at you
- >"So where to now?"
- "My bedroom?"
- >He stabs you and walks out, Susan and Tom following him.
- >Fucking Anon.
- 13/13
- The End.
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement