bind pub omn !ks proc_kicks
bind pub omn !kbs proc_kickbans
bind pub omn !DECAPITATION proc_decap
bind pub -|- !DICEDUEL proc_duel
bind pub omn !LAZOR proc_lazor
bind pub omn !GOATSE proc_goatse
bind pub omn !DERP proc_derp
bind pub omn !DINO proc_dino
bind pub omn !RAEP proc_raep
bind pub omn !MORDOR proc_mord
bind pub omn !BEARTRAP proc_bear
bind pub omn !HUH_ proc_huh
bind pub omn !SAS proc_sas
bind pub omn !DICKINBUTT proc_dib
bind pub omn !COCKS proc_cocks

proc proc_kicks { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Methods are \: \002 !DECAPITATION !DICEDUEL !LAZOR !GOATSE !DERP !SAS !DICKINBUTT \002"
}

proc proc_kickbans { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Methods are \: \002 !RAEP !MORDOR !BEARTRAP !HUH_ !COCKS \002"
}

proc proc_dib { nick uhost hand chan text } {
    global botnick
    if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :8:::::::::D~~~$text"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :Eat my love juice"
    putquick "INVITE $text $chan" }
}

proc proc_sas { nick uhost hand chan text } {
    global botnick
    if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :This is $text http://imgur.com/Hsmxw"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :$botnick hates socks and sandals"}
}

proc proc_raep { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$text is far too innocent. He needs a DAMN good RAEPing."
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034With blood. \0032\:3"
    putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :$botnick RAEPs $text with his large collection of anatomically correct animal dildos"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Thank you to RAEP for being Dino's AMAZING test subject <333333333"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
}

proc proc_cocks { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :COCKS."
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :http://i.imgur.com/ddse1.gif"
    after 3000
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\00316Do you like the cocks?"
    after 5000
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034We know you do"
    putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :Lolcocks"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
}

proc proc_mord { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :YOU SHALL NOT"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038FUCKING"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034\002PASS"
    after 500
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\00316My precious"
    putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :Gandalf"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
}

proc proc_dino { nick uhost hand chan text } {
    if {$nick == Dinosaur} {
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :DINOSAUR IS FUCKING AWESOME"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :DINOSAUR IS FUCKING AWESOME"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :DINOSAUR IS FUCKING AWESOME"}
else{
        putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :YOU ARE NOT DINOSAAAUUUUWWWWWWW"}
}

proc proc_bear { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$nick places beartraps in a circle around $chan, to keep $text out"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034$text will now leave voluntarily. In 20 seconds."
    after 20000
    putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :I told you not to stand on the beartraps"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
}

proc proc_huh { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Huh_ hears $nick's pleas, and banishes the fuck out of $text"
    after 200
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Seriously Huh_'s awesome"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $text :PM Huh_ for an unban"
    putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huh_\(god\)"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
}

proc proc_decap { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$text is decapitated"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :It's only temporary"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
}

proc proc_duel { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    if {matchattr $text o} {
       putquick "KICK $chan $nick :DAFUQ IS WRONG WIT YOU NIQQA?!?"
    }
    else {
    set dice {expr { rand() }}
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Rolling dice"
        if {dice <=0.50} {duel = 1}
        else {duel = 2}
    after 2000
    if {duel = 1} then {
        putquick "KICK $chan $text :You lost"
    }
    elseif {duel = 2} then {
        putquick "KICK $chan $nick :You lost"
    }
}
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
}

proc proc_lazor { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Charging.........\003"
    after 500
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Charging.........\003"
    after 1000
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038Charging.........\003"
    after 1500
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038Charging.........\003"
    after 2000
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0033Charged :D\003"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :LAAAZZZZOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
}

proc proc_goatse { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$botname applies gloves\003
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :Tears $text a new asshole on his chest"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
}

proc proc_derp { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  global botnick
  if {[onchan $text]} {
    if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038Lol-DERP$text\003"
    after 500
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032I wrote you a poem, Derp$text\003"
    after 500
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032Lemme find it...\003"
    after 1000
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038FOUND IT!\003"
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Clears throat\003"
    after 200
    putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0033Roses are Red, violets are blue, I'm gonna fuck you with a rake\003"
    putquick "KICK $chan $text :I hope you enjoyed it. \0032I wrote it myself"
  } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
}

putlog "my large anus is loaded"