With Twilight's help I eased myself painfully down onto her couch. Nurse Mercy back in the Ponyville Clinic had done a great job with the bandaging but the wound in my side, although well on the way to healing, was still throbbing painfully and I'd run out of the little candy-shaped painkillers that I'd been given. Luckily, there was an open bottle of dandelion wine on the coffee table, and I reached across and took the bottle gratefully.
"Oh, you're not going to drink, are you?" The little unicorn looked on in concern as I poured myself a glass of the wine with a grimace. "Nurse Mercy said you shouldn't drink alcohol until you're feeling better!"
"Look Twi," I said, pausing to knock back a quick mouthful. The warm, sweet liquor was already doing me more good than all the pain-killers I'd taken. "I got hit by a manticore's tail – I think I'm going to have a drink to celebrate the fact I'm not dead – Nurse Mercy be damned!"
Twi giggled at my swearing, but then her face filled with remorse. "It's all my fault. We never should have gone into the Everfree forest! I almost got you killed."
I smiled at her and shook my head. "It wasn't your fault, Twi. You were just trying to help me. And if you hadn't reached me in time, I'd be in a lot worse shape than just having a bunch of puncture marks in my side!"
"What in Equestria are you talking about?" Twi frowned. "You leaped in front of me!"
"Nah, I was just trying to run past you. You see, I didn't have to outrun the manticore, I just had to outrun you!" I winked at her to let her know that I was joking. Twi was not great with picking up even the most obvious jokes, so you had to be careful.
Twi giggled. She had a throaty, gentle little laugh that you didn't hear that often. I'd been trying to get her to loosen up a little, and it seemed to be working. But she was still obsessed with returning me to the human world after I had been brought here by accident through one of her spells.
"Aren't you going to join me?" I asked, waggling the bottle in front of her face. "I can't possibly drink the whole bottle all by myself in my weakened condition!"
Twi eyed it with longing. "Oh, don't tease me! You know I've sworn off alcohol."
It was true – she had. For she had been drunk when she'd cast the spell that had accidentally dragged me into Equestria rather than the sample of extra-dimensional plant life she had intended. She'd been collecting plants from the various universes that bordered on Equestria and it was usually a simple thing to bring a sample through a small portal that she'd open up. But around a month ago, after a few too many shots of vanilla-lemon vodka with Pinkie and Rarity, Twi had come home and thrown herself back into her work – and instead of a sample of plant life, it was me who had ended up getting sucked through the portal into Equestria.
I'd been here for a few months now. Of course, after trying all the magic she knew, Twilight had taken me to see Princess Celestia – but the news hadn't been good. The Princess had told us that although drawing things into Equestria was quite straightforward, there was no easy way to send things back to their own universe. Apparently, and here's where the explanation became a bit hard for me to follow, the universes keep moving around at random and predicting which one will be closest to Equestria at any given moment is well-nigh impossible. And so I was stuck here. I'd moped around for about a week, as you might expect, worrying about my family and friends back on Earth, but slowly I'd adapted to life here in Equestria. Having to be vegetarian and also eat dessert three times a day wasn't all that bad, and the ponies were pretty cool. They'd welcomed me with open arms – er, forelegs – and here in Ponyville there weren't any essays to write, exams to sit, or other pointless, mundane crap like that that had filled my pretty-disappointing-overall life back on Earth.
And so I'd started to enjoy living here, and more and more I was wanting Twi not to find a way to get me back home. But the stubborn little pony refused to be diverted from her latest project and she spent day and night obsessing about it, although recently I'd managed to get her to take breaks from her experimentation and research – but she always seemed to somehow find a way to involve her work with whatever little activity I'd dragged her off to.
Our ill-fated little walk through the pleasant, flower-filled meadows around Fluttershy's tree-house was the latest example. I'd been getting Twi to tell me the names of the all the different birds and insects and plants that we encountered – I knew she loved showing off her knowledge, and spending time outdoors in the endless sunshiny days of an Equestria spring was much more fun than being stuck in her laboratory and watching her fill test tubes with strange colored chemicals in a seemingly endless succession. Equestrian flora and fauna overlapped with ours in a lot of ways, but there was often some strange, punny aspect to them. As we walked together through the meadows fields we found buttercups that in Equestria taste like real butter (they were Twi's favorite, and she'd finally cajoled me into trying some, and they'd been creamy and delicious), sunflowers that shone so brightly with their own light that you could barely stand to look at them, snapdragons that snapped at you when you tried to pick them, and so at last I decided to try picking some daisies instead, and having found them to be just the same as the ones you get back on earth, I made a little bouquet of them and surprised Twi with them.
"For me?" she'd cried in delight, taking the bouquet in her mouth and straight away starting to eat it. "How did you know daisies are my favorite?"And as I watched her happily chewing on them, I suddenly realized I was in love with the little, lavender-colored pony.
I guess I'd been trying to fight the feelings for a good while now. When I'd first come to Equestria, I'd been a little freaked out by all the talking ponies and dragons and so on, but you'd be amazed how quickly you get used to things. And the ponies were adorable, with their big eyes and cheerful faces, their ability to talk and their human mannerisms, and their round little bodies that seemed like they were made from marshmallow. They were quite unlike real ponies or horses, except for odd times such as this one, with Twi munching on the bouquet just like a real pony would, a single white petal she'd missed sticking to her lip. But it was one thing to think of them as people, and quite another to fall in love with one.
As we walked through those flowery meadows, the gentle buzzing of bees in our ears, the glittery spring sun setting the little brooks that we hopped over into streams of tiny diamonds, my heart became filled with increasing panic.
I was in love with Twilight Sparkle! And she probably saw me as nothing much more than another interesting sample from an alternate universe, or even worse –
A friend!
Twi had been watching me for a while now as I'd looked downcast. But she, in her own little way, completely misinterpreted the reason for my sudden dejection. Twi was like that. She wasn't good at understanding emotions, especially the emotions of others. I guess it was that variety of naivety that so often goes hand in hand with genius.
And so she walked up to me and getting up on her hind legs she placed a forehoof on my shoulder and said, with sisterly concern, "I promise I'll do everything I can to get you back home."
I looked at her, and the soft kindness of her big violet eyes filled my heart with a terrifying mixture of longing and anxiety. But then I saw them sparkle with sudden intensity.
"Oh, I've just had an amazing idea!" cried Twi. "Follow me!" And without further ado she started to trot off in the direction of the Everfree Forest.
I just stood there. "Wait, Twilight! What idea? What are you talking about?"
Twi stopped and looked back at me with exasperation. "We're going to go to the Temple of the Two Sisters! Don't you remember that Princess Celestia said that only the most ancient of all ancient magic could get you home? And there's sure to be something there – some clue, some object, something! – that can help us."
Great. Another quiet little moment together ruined. I didn't want to seem unthankful, though, so I masked the feelings of sudden disappointment that welled up in me with the thought of leaving Equestria, and I ran to catch up with her.
But we'd never reached the temple, and instead had met up with a manticore – not the kind-hearted one that Fluttershy had tamed, but a vicious and terrifying predator that we'd just barely escaped from with our lives.
After jumping in front of its mighty tail and taking the blow that had been intended for Twilight, I'd fallen on the ground, dazed and in terrible pain, with just enough life left in me to watch in awe and amazement as the manticore was flung through the air as if by a mighty invisible hand, all through the desperate power of Twi's magic. And then, slipping in and out of consciousness, blood pouring from my side, Twi had carried me out of the forest on her back. We were closer to Ponyville than to Zecora's hut, which was deep in the centre of the forest, so it was in the Ponyville Clinic that I'd woken up several hours later, Nurse Mercy and a concerned and remorseful Twilight at my side.
But that was yesterday, and now I was sitting on her couch, drinking dandelion wine, and feeling much, much better. But Twi was just as remorseful as she had been when I'd first woken from my daze.
"I'm so sorry I brought you here, away from all your friends and your family," she said. "And that awful injury. It's all my fault!" She looked down at her hooves. "You must... hate me."
I laughed, and at the sound Twi raised her face again and looked at me in confusion. "Oh Twi, I don't hate you! I –" But of course I didn't say what I felt. My heart did a somersault, and panicking I found myself babbling instead: "You're... you're an awesome friend and... and I really, really like you! As a friend, I mean."
Oh god. Had I really just said all that crap?
But Twi didn't seem put off by my pathetic ramblings – in fact, she seemed pleased. Her look of misery had brightened into a smile and her shoulder had slumped in relief. "Really? You think of me as a friend?"
I nodded lamely. Well, that was the end of that! I poured myself another glass of dandelion wine, but as I did I suddenly saw a second glass floating in the air before me, held in place by a magenta glow.
I looked at Twi and she smiled back in embarrassment. "I guess I will have a drink after all."
I chuckled as I poured her a substantial glass of the fiery liquor. "You definitely deserve it, Twi. That was some amazing magic out there!"
Twi's ears went back and she blushed. "...thank you," she replied. Then her ears perked up again and she looked at me with glittering eyes. "You were pretty amazing too, you know. I know some big burly stallions that wouldn't try and face up to a manticore like you did!"
"I think it was just foolishness rather than bravery," I replied.
Twi looked at me with a frown. "Foolishness?"
I blinked then quickly corrected myself. Twi wasn't great with irony either. "Yeah, OK. I guess I was pretty brave."
Twi nodded. "You were. It was just luck that it was a glancing blow – that manticore could easily have killed you." She took another drink from her floating glass and flew it back over to me for a refill, and I was more than happy to oblige. I love drinking at the best of times, but drinking with a pretty girl who's not afraid to meet you drink for drink is even better – don't you agree? And unlike most human girls, Twi could actually hold her liquor without getting sleepy and collapsing. In fact, the liquor made her talkative and upbeat, quite different from her usual phlegmatic self.
Unlike the other little ponies in Ponyville, Twi was genuinely interested in my stories about the human world. I regaled her with my knowledge of science, only some of which was applicable to the world of Equestria. For example, for them the sun revolved around their planet and the seasons were the result of... you guessed it! Magic. I explained to Twi about how our world revolved around the sun and how the tilt of the globe on its axis was what brought about our seasons. She sat there, riveted – and I laughed to myself that this was the first time in my life that my knowledge of science had been useful in keeping a girl entertained.
"So your Earth is essentially an entire planet like the Everfree Forest?" Her eyes were wide with amazement. "Life on your world must be so dangerous, what with all the monsters roaming around everywhere."
I chuckled. "There aren't really any monsters on Earth. I mean, we used to have dinosaurs – big lizard things not much different from dragons – but they all got wiped out. I guess you could say that the only monsters left on the Earth now are us humans. But some people still believe in them – I mean, believe in werewolves and vampires and stuff like that..." I suddenly laughed. "You know, Twi, I'm so glad that the first thing that pops into my head now when I hear the name Twilight is your face, and not those lame sparkly vampires..."
Twi paused mid-sip and frowned. "What do you mean, 'sparkly vampires'?"
"Er, well..." I didn't really want to get involved in an in-depth explanation. "There was a series of novels called 'Twilight' that were pretty popular for a while in the human world. They had these lame sparkly vampires in them that..."
Twi snorted. "You know there's no such thing as vampires, right? I've no idea why anypony would want to read about things that aren't real. It seems such a waste of time to me."
"Just for fun, I guess," I replied, shrugging. I started kicking myself that the conversation had gone in this direction. Twi had been getting all worked up over the science and now she was on the defensive and about to start on one of her rants.
"Made up stuff isn't fun!" Twi rolled her eyes. "Statistics and graphs and facts – now they're fun!" She raised her head and with her horn glowing she levitated down a huge book from high up on of her bookshelves. Written on the spine was 'The Encyclopaedia Equestria Book of Facts', and as she opened it I saw the subtitle on the front cover: 'They're Totally Fun!'
"So what should I look up?" she asked excitedly.
I shrugged. "Uh, I dunno – how about manticores?"
The little unicorn muttered as she flipped through the book rapidly and cried out when she found what she was looking for.
"Aha! Here we are." She cleared her throat and started to recount the fun fact she's discovered. "The spines in a manticore's tail are covered in a venom containing an anticoagulant, which makes wounds inflicted by them bleed for days afterwards." She crinkled her muzzle. "Eew, that's actually kind of gross." She looked at my bandaged side. "And it makes me feel even worse about what happened."
"It's definitely an interesting fact though," I chuckled, brightening up. Maybe facts could be fun! "Here, pass me the book."
Twi hopped up onto the couch and lay down so that she could read the book alongside me. Her eyes were glued to my hands as I flipped through the pages rapidly looking for another fun fact.
"It must be useful having those... hands," Twi sighed. "It can be pretty exhausting having to use magic to move everything around all the time..."
"How about those poor Earth ponies?" I said.
Twi looked thoughtful. "Well yes. But Earth ponies are much stronger than unicorns."
"Well, it says here that Earth ponies are usually three times as strong as unicorns!"
"Really? Oh, let me see! Let me see!" She scooshed herself up closer to look over my shoulder and I suddenly felt the softness of her coat where her foreleg was brushing against my upper arm. She was so near to me now that I could smell her usual scent of vanilla and lavender. It was from the soap that Twi used, and for a long time now I'd associated her with the smell.
As we read together, taking turns looking up more and more ludicrous and little-known facts, she kept pouring drink after drink, and we soon getting pretty tipsy. A lot of the 'fun facts' were suddenly a lot more fun than they would ordinarily have been, and the entry on the mating-dance of dragons had us in hysterics.
Tears were running down Twilight's face. "Oh, we have to show Rarity this! She'll never look at Spike the same way again! Who knew that dragons did all that?!"
As I caught my breath I said "Aw, don't do that to the poor little guy! He'd never live it down."
Twilight wiped her eyes with her forehooves. "I guess you're right." She turned and floating a newly opened bottle of wine across to us she freshened our glasses.
I took mine out of the air and glanced over it at the smiling little unicorn who was already taking gulps of wine in between giggles. "Miss Sparkle, are you trying to get me drunk?"
Twilight took the glass from her lips, her cheeks suddenly flushing red. "Why... why would I be trying to do that?"
"I've absolutely no idea. But lucky for you I like being drunk!" I said, taking another mouthful of the wine.
Twi's eyes flickered over my face but didn't linger anywhere for long, and I noticed her trying to hide a nervous little smile. "Why don't we read a little bit more?" she suggested.
"What should we look up now?" I asked. "We've already read about the terrible secret behind sea-serpent facial hair, the reason why griffons and ponies hate each other and that strange case of the oatmeal that made all those ponies in Hoofington go crazy..."
Twi's eyes flashed. "Oh, ponies and griffons! That reminds me." I was holding the book and so she leaned across me to read it as she flipped the pages looking for the entry she was interested in. I felt my heart beat faster as she rubbed against me, but suddenly she found the page she was looking for and sat back on her half of the sofa.
I looked down at the page. "Hippogriffs?"
Twi nodded.
I read the entry. "It says that the hippogriff is the foal of a griffon and a pony produced with the aid of magic." I scratched my head. "I never knew about that."
"But don't you think it's amazing that two species that are so different can actually fall in love?" Her violet eyes searched my face.
"Well, it is pretty amazing. And actually kind of adorable if you think about it."
Twilight clopped her hooves together. "Oh, it is, isn't it! Let's have another drink..."
I was already quite drunk now, but Twi kept levitating the dandelion wine over and topping up my glass. I was at that point when you stop being able to judge how much you've had to drink already, and I took another sip, turned to Twi and looked at her.
She'd had a few drinks too by now – she hadn't quite been meeting me drink for drink, but her cheeks were flushed and she was softly smiling as she shyly looked down at the glass floating before her face.
"Hey, you're not tired are you?" I asked suddenly. I was worried that the evening was starting to come to an end just when we were starting to get close.
Twi didn't look up and just shook her head.
I leaned over and looked up at her, but she turned her face away, and the flush from the liquor deepened into a blush on her cheeks. "I think I've had a bit too much to drink," she whispered.
"Aw, c'mon Twi. Let me see those gorgeous eyes of yours!" All that wine had made me braver, and with her body so close to mine I was gripped with a desperate need to see that face I'd fallen in love with.
"They're not... gorgeous," she said, still refusing to meet my gaze. "And my face feels all flushed. I must look terrible!"
"I don't think it's possible for you to look terrible," I told her. I brought my hand to her face and lifted it up. She didn't resist but just stared at me, her violet eyes glistening behind those long dark lashes.
"You... really think so?" she asked shyly.
I nodded. "You know, I've had a thing for you since the first time we met."
Twi frowned. "A 'thing' for me?"
I felt my heart beating faster. I guessed it was now or never! "You know – a crush!" I realized I had to tell her sooner or later. At least this way I'd get it all out of my system and not have it eating me away inside.
Her mouth became an O of surprise. "You have a crush... on me?" she said, pulling away.
"You're not freaked out, are you, Twi?" I was gripped by a sudden panic that cut through my drunkenness. I'd forgotten that I was essentially a hairless ape in a world of magical little ponies, and I knew I must look strange to them. And strange was more or less the same thing as unattractive.
Twi didn't reply, and just turned her face away.
"Twi?" I felt my heart like a dead weight of ice sink in my chest. I wanted to reach out to her and touch her, but my hand fell back. I knew my heart just wouldn't be able to stand it if she recoiled from me at that moment.
But at last she turned back to look at me, and her eyes were glistening with the beginnings of tears.
"Twi? What's wrong?"
"Why are you making fun of me?" she demanded, distraught. "I thought you were my friend!"
Did she really think I was making fun of her? I fought off my own tears. "I'd never do that to you, Twi," I said. I slipped a hand onto her foreleg, and she looked down at it, but she made no move to pull away. "Is it really so hard to believe I'd have a crush on you?"
"You... you don't think I'm ugly?" she asked. The glistening had become tears, and they rolled down her lavender cheeks and droplets, like diamonds, were trapped by her thick black lashes.
"Ugly? What are you talking about?"
"Weird then?" she said, her voice little more than a whisper. "An ugly, weird egghead?"
"Who's called you that?" I was suddenly furious at the thought that someone could be so mean-spirited.
"Ponies... have," she replied. "And it's true. I'm a plain, boring egghead with a fat rump who nopony would ever want," Her tears were falling onto the couch now. "I've never... even had a coltfriend before. I guess stallions just find a mare who's interested in reading and books a bit too boring to want to date." Her eyes closed in pain. "I mean, I'm no Fluttershy. I can be pretty tetchy at times, and I guess that scares a lot of guys off. And nopony wants a girlfriend who's uses big words."
"Who told you that garbage?" I demanded.
"Rainbow Dash," she replied.
"Rainbow Dash giving you advice about stallions?" I snorted. "I think you can discount anything she says, Twi. I bet it was Rainbow Dash who said that you were an egghead as well." I reached over and slipped my arms around her. She flinched, but didn't move away, so I pulled her towards me and hugged her. "You're none of those things," I told her. "You're funny, you're... well, you're smart, but I wouldn't call you an egghead. Eggheads are supposed to be boring, and you're easily the most interesting individual I've ever met."
"You... really think so?" She rested head on my shoulder. It was soft and warm, and I could feel the hot wetness of a tear-filled eye against my cheek.
"Really," I replied. "But most of all, you're beautiful, Twi. I don't think you realize how beautiful you are."
She pulled out of my arms and slid across the couch away from me. "Please stop saying those things. I know you're just saying that to make me feel better."
I shook my head. Seeing her so fragile, so vulnerable, so unlike her usual, stubborn, opinionated self was breaking my heart. "I'd never lie to you to make you feel better. You'd be able to tell straight away if I was."
Twi looked at me. "But why do you think I'm beautiful? I look just like one of those animal-ponies you told me about from your universe that spend the entire day eating grass and neighing and pooping and..."
"Animal-ponies?" I chuckled. "I never met a pony in my universe that I could sit on a couch beside and drink with and have fun with and fall in..." I stopped before I said too much.
"But... why don't you like somepony like Rarity then?" she asked. "Or Fluttershy? They're so much more beautiful than me..."
"Are you going to make me say it, Twi?" I closed my eyes for a moment in pain. "It's those eyes of yours, Twi. That look you get in them sometimes when you're talking about stuff you love. And your... well, your mane," I went red. I'd never