notkickass222urmom

Moon worshipper

Nov 20th, 2014
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  1. So the target tonight (or this morning, if you're me) is "The Moon Worshipper", by Dillion 0909, which can only mean that he's born in '09.
  2.  
  3. The story has 2 thumbs up, 10 thumbs down, 3 comments and a sequel. It stands at almost 6000 words, all of which I will regret reading.
  4. The story is complete, for everyone (excluding those with a functioning brain), and it's tagged Sad, SoL. The characters are Luna, the Mane 6, and "The Moon Worshiper", who I'm going to call Fruit Bat (or Fruitcake), based off his horrible appearance.
  5.  
  6. >story pic
  7. Can we all just agree that Ponyvcreator might be the worst thing that has ever happened to this fandom?
  8. This is high up on the list of the worst OCs I've ever seen. Red and black should never be used together unless you know very well what you're doing. And the green? Ugh. Don't get me started.
  9. Furthermore, why do people away feel the need to give their ponies accessories?
  10. I am a shitty writer, which is why I've never posted my fics here (yet), but I've never had the need to give any of my OCs items, clothes or something else. Just look at the show. That shit isn't cool. Besides, where does his armour/shirt end and his batwings begin? Are they the same fucking thing?
  11. And he has a monkey-skull in a chain around his neck. I shouldn't have to explain why that's horrible.
  12.  
  13. I might be overly sensitive to bad OCs at this point.
  14.  
  15.  
  16.  
  17. >Synopsis:
  18. >A mysterious pony
  19. Any sane person would have stopped reading right here.
  20.  
  21. >sends Luna letters once a month in secret until Pinkie Pie catches him one night.
  22. "until Pinkie Pie catches him alone, masturbating to the moon one night".
  23.  
  24. >She comes to the logical conclusion that he's a vampire pony
  25. Because only vampires send mail at night.
  26.  
  27. >and must hunt him down with her friends.
  28. "Girls! We must catch the spooky mail vampire before he gobbles us all up... with mail".
  29.  
  30. >Chapter the only:
  31. >The Moon Worshipper
  32. Let's do this.
  33.  
  34. >Author's Note:
  35. >I do not own MLP Friendship is Magic.
  36. Well that's a relief.
  37.  
  38. >Authors Note: I've just recently became a brony
  39. What drives people to the fandom now, more than halfway into 2014?
  40.  
  41. Onwards to the actual story:
  42.  
  43. >The figure walked away and said “Lovely moon tonight.”
  44. Ah, the "Talking to absolutely no one because I can't get information and feelings across in any other way syndrome", a telltale sign of lackluster writing.
  45.  
  46.  
  47.  
  48. >The figure walked off to the entrance in silence, a smiled, as it put a cloak on and towards Ponyville.
  49. A friendly reminder to all writers out there. Editing. Do it. It could save lives. Particularly mine.
  50.  
  51. >When it arrived at Ponyville it walked to the mailbox where a Griffin was there picking up the mail from every pony.
  52. Gotta love the nighttime-Griffin-mailman.
  53.  
  54. >She said “Oh hey, the mysterious shadow guy” the Griffin said with a smile to the now revealing to be male figure.
  55. This... this sentence is a mess. I won't have to explain why, right?
  56. No one speaks like that. Do these shitty authors never speak to people? Do they all live in their parent's basement, shielded from the outside world?
  57.  
  58. >The Figured said, its voice being surprisingly deep for such a small frame, “Yeah, I came to deliver the new letter” He said to the mail griffin.
  59. Have you seen the picture? That's not a small frame. He's a big guy.
  60. For you, author, this sentence might make sense, but for everyone else, this is shit.
  61.  
  62. >The Griffin looked at the letter and the figure said “It's for the one that raises the moons”
  63. "An Ode to Gravity".
  64. Does Luna have a public mail? Is there a tiny, deep blue mailbox outside the Canterlot Castle where she pics up her mail?
  65.  
  66. >The Griffin smiled and said “A fan letter to Princess Luna eh?”
  67. Deep inside, that Griffin knows the inside of that letter is insane notes, cum, acid, explosives, pictures of the sender's penis or all of the aforementioned.
  68.  
  69.  
  70.  
  71. >The figure nodded. “You know you write her one once a month, I don't need to be reminded on where they go”
  72. "It's getting creepy, but what can I do. Life as a nighttime-mailman is hard."
  73.  
  74. >“Aww don't be like that, I think it's adorable that the Princess has such a devoted fan, I'll give it to her post haste”
  75. The Griffin proceeded to laugh, but soon found that the mysterious creep had no taste for postal-humour.
  76.  
  77. >He turned to move faster not wanting to be seen when suddenly a pink blur crashed into him sending him flying and launching his cloak off.
  78. Oh Pinkie, out ambushing and molesting total strangers at night again? When will you ever learn?
  79.  
  80. >The Griffin gasped at the red marks on the face of the figure as it grabbed its cloak. It threw it back on quickly, and looked at the Griffin and Pinkie staring at it.
  81. "Please don't tell anyone about my past in an experimental punk band. We thought we were so cool. We weren't. And now I can't get these shitty colours out of my fur."
  82.  
  83. >He put his hoofs up and said “Don't worry about it, I need to go back home”
  84. "psssh...nothin personnel...kid..."
  85.  
  86.  
  87.  
  88. He said running back to the Everfree forest as fast as he could.
  89. I'm a bit amazed that the whole infatuation with the "Everfree Outcast". It's basically a whole genre of OC characters. What is it that makes these types of ponies resonate so well with the fandom?
  90.  
  91. >In Canterlot, the Griffin Mail woman flew to Celestia and Luna's castle and dropped off the letter to Luna that the figure wrote earlier and then looked at her bag, which was full of Pinkie's party invitations.
  92. Which... she posts at night? The entire concept behind this story feels so forced. If I would write a OC-centred fic, I would at least have the decency to not jam it into the main setting and characters of the show. If you want me to see something that's not the Mane 6, and not Ponyville, then don't include them heavily.
  93.  
  94. >Celestia smiled “I'm so glad that our subjects love us so”
  95. She has ruled longer than a whole lot of IRL countries has existed, so it's no wonder people have strong opinions about her.
  96.  
  97. >Luna's eyes were filled with dissapointment as she noticed how few the letters were compared to Celestia's stack which was getting bigger and bigger.
  98. Until a few years ago, no one knew you existed. This is only natural. Then again, Luna might be the jealous type.
  99.  
  100.  
  101.  
  102. >Luna began to examine her fan mail, and then her eyes were once again replaced with sorrow.
  103. Turns out all the fan mail for Luna was actually for Celestia. Luna once again falls, becomes NMM, gets banished, returns, and Celestia bans mail to avoid this ever happening again. The end.
  104.  
  105. >Every letter she read so far was about how great Celestia is, and if she could sneak them a meeting.
  106. "Oh, immortal God-Ruler, why won't you come down to my place tomorrow for a a good time and some a one-on-one rump-romp"
  107. "Yours truly, Long Lance"
  108.  
  109. >“They all...really love your light over mine” She said quietly. “I'm glad...for you” Luna said, there being a deep sadness emitting from her voice.
  110. Aside from the "telling not showing", is letters really all it takes to break Luna down again?
  111.  
  112. >Celestia noticed that Luna forgot to read one letter and smiled “Well, there's one more letter, I'm sure that someone appreciates you as much as I and the other princesses do” She said with a smile.
  113. Not only is he a special snowflake OC, he's also the entire pony in all of Equestria which enjoys Luna.
  114.  
  115. >Dear Princess of the Moon,
  116. "May you forever be your sister's imperfect mirror."
  117.  
  118. >I hope you aren't finding the fact I'm sending these once a month, creepy.
  119. I hope she is.
  120.  
  121.  
  122.  
  123. >I know it's a little weird that I send these letters at least once a month, because there's only so much I can say about a pony who I've never even seen, even in a picture.
  124. It's been four years, they the citizens of Equestria still haven't even gotten access to images of their new ruler, despite newspapers and cameras being a thing.
  125.  
  126. >I've only heard about you from word of mouth...which I must say makes you sound very nice.
  127. Is Luna some sort of national secret?
  128.  
  129. >I hope you know that I appreciate all the work you do, and that I hope you never stop showing the sky with the full moon in the sky.
  130. "I mean, it's basically identical to when your sister controlled the moon, but... I... I forgot where I was going with this?"
  131.  
  132. >It's...the only friend I have...because of where I live.
  133. I'M SO SAD U GUYS. THE MOON IS MY ONLY FRIEND. BOO FUCKING HOO.
  134.  
  135. >Thank you again,
  136. >Your Number One Fan.
  137. "PS. Please smell this letter closely. Hold it up to your nose and let it's musk seduce you."
  138.  
  139. >Luna slowly smiled at that, and said to Celestia. “Well that certainly made my day”
  140. It's night.
  141.  
  142.  
  143.  
  144. >Celestia paused at that and said “Your Number One Fan?” Celsestia said “That can't be right”
  145. "Shut up Luna, nopony likes you."
  146.  
  147. >Celestia smiled “Because I'm your Number One Fan”
  148. "Please don't flip out and try to kill me. Again."
  149.  
  150. >She then levitated a blank letter to her and wrote something to send to whoever this fan is.
  151. "Dear fan. After close nasal inspection of your letter, I've decided to file for a restraining order."
  152.  
  153. >Back in Ponyville, Pinkie is running around trying to find one of her friends, desperately because of what happened last night.
  154. I actually find it OOC for Pinke to see this pony, and then go to sleep and wait before she seeks help. I would have expected her to storm over to Twilight.
  155.  
  156. >It was so weird to see a pony with those markings last night, and the way he was hiding behind the barrel, it was like he was hiding something, and she was determined to find out what.
  157. It might just be that he's hideous.
  158.  
  159. >he was running into the Everfree forest, which means that he either lives there or is hiding there.
  160. Which are sort of the same thing.
  161.  
  162. >In Sweet Apple Acres, Apple Jack and Apple Boom were busy bucking down apples for their family
  163. At least someone's in character.
  164.  
  165. >“Pinkie Pie, what's gotten into your girl, you're more excited than a cockroach at a garbage dump”
  166. Hehehehehe... cock...
  167.  
  168.  
  169.  
  170. >Pinkie smiled and said “Apple Jack, I need to borrow Apple Bloom for a second. I got the most amazing thing I have to find out in the Everfree Forest”
  171. "Quick AJ, I'm going to hunt a monster-pony, and I really need bait."
  172. >She said happily. “And Apple Bloom visit's Zecora all the time!”
  173. "Besides, she goes into the scary forest all the time. She can maybe, probably, perhaps find her way out again."
  174.  
  175. >“What's so urgent you need my sister to drop what she's doing and go there?”
  176. >“He was so spooky, wearing a brown cloak and everything! He had these red marks on his face too!”
  177. "And we all don't like ponies with stripes in this town"
  178.  
  179. >“Nope, she speaks in riddles, this pony had a really deep voice!”
  180. So the stranger has stripes and a deep voice? I'm... not going to comment further on that
  181.  
  182. >Maybe he's a vampire pony or maybe he's some creepy weirdo”
  183. Remember kids, whenever you see a creepy weirdo wearing a coat in the middle of the night, stalk him back to his home!
  184. What could possibly go wrong?
  185.  
  186. >“I see him outside some times when I come home from Zecora's place”
  187. "He just stands there, breathing heavily while stroking his tummy under his cape"
  188.  
  189. >“Though, he's often writing something looking at the moon like he's talking to it”
  190. This guy sounds fun, safe and mentally stable
  191.  
  192. >"Okay, Pinkie after Apple Bloom and I get done with our chores, I'll help you.” Pinkie nodded and then Apple Jack, and Apple Bloom went back to work.
  193. Bringing children into the forest is fun AND safe
  194.  
  195.  
  196.  
  197. >Fluttershy asked softley as usual. “Hi Pinkie Pie, why are you so excited today?”
  198. "I cut a deal with my dealer last night!"
  199.  
  200. >“Because Apple Jack and I are gonna go find this weird guy in the forest who speaks to the moon!”
  201. "We're going to stalk him because he's different than us, which makes it ok."
  202.  
  203. >Fluttershy looked at Pinkie and said “Weird marks on his face?” She said suddenly getting nervous.
  204. I don't think Fluttershy gets nervous. To become nervous, you must at some point NOT have been nervous, which isn't like Worst Pony at all.
  205.  
  206. >Fluttershy was nervous, and said “So...that...that's who left the Everfree forest last night” under hear breath
  207. THE PLOT THICKENS
  208.  
  209. >“It's okay Pinkie Pie, and no I didn't see that pony with out his cloak on, but I did see his eyes before he put his hood up.” She then said “They were really, really, red”
  210. I'm sighing right now. So should all of you. Red eyes are never fun. Ever. Don't include them.
  211.  
  212. >“Oh my Celestia! He is a vampire pony!”
  213. So is, arguably, Fluttershy.
  214.  
  215.  
  216.  
  217.  
  218. >“That's so cool!” Fluttershy gulped quietly.
  219. Looks like someone skipped all the Fluttershy episodes.
  220.  
  221. >Fluttershy muttered “I really hope I did the right thing”
  222. We're all decaying bags of meat darling, it really doesn't matter.
  223.  
  224. >Dash backed up and then bolted at Twilight at hypersonic speed.
  225. This kills the unicorn.
  226.  
  227. >Pinkie walked to them and said “Hi guys, whatcha doing?”
  228. "Weird supersonic sex."
  229. >Rainbow Dash smiled “And I NAILED it” She said boasting with confidence.
  230.  
  231. >Twilight said “Well maybe he's just a big fan of Princess Luna”
  232. "It's totally reasonable to only send mail at night, live alone in the forest, hide under a cloak, and speak to the moon. I do it all the time."
  233.  
  234. >“I wanna prove that I'm tougher than a vampire pony!”
  235. And this, Dash, is why no one likes you.
  236.  
  237. >Twilight looked at Rarity and asked “How did Pinkie Pie drag you into this?”
  238. "She threatened to tell the police about the working conditions of my assistant seamstresses."
  239.  
  240. >As the shadows of the night rose, the mane six were pretty deep into the Everfree forest.
  241. I wonder what exciting places Equestria has to offer that isn't the Everfree Forest.
  242.  
  243.  
  244.  
  245. >He took a deep breath and said “So, how are you doing tonight?” He asked the moon
  246. "I'm doing fine Bill." The Moon answered.
  247.  
  248. >Pinkie Pie whispered “We found our vampire pony!”
  249. Are vampires moon-whisperers? What would a moon-whisperer even do? Slightly affect the tides?
  250.  
  251. >The mystery pony continued. “That's good to hear, I'm okay too” He sighed “I sent another letter to the one who was so kind to raise you”
  252. But this OC totally isn't crazy, right guys? He's just so mysterious, dark, lonely, brooding, awesome, sexy, smart, strong, and well endowed in the penile section.
  253.  
  254. >There was a deep emanating sadness that came from his voice, as he sounded almost regretful, he continued and said to the moon.
  255. "Why do I waste my life talking to a distant block of stone?"
  256.  
  257. >“I know, I know, I shouldn't do that to myself, to have interactions like that, no one should see me” He paused as he looked up.
  258. "Bill. Do not socialize with the lesser beings. Soon our time will come. The age of fire. The age of cleansing. We will remove them all, you and I, Bill." The Moon answered, it's ominous moon-laughter making echoes in Bills head, because only he was stupid enough to talk with the moon.
  259.  
  260. >“What was that? You want me to sing that song?”
  261. Yes. The moon wants you to sing a song. This is to be expected.
  262.  
  263.  
  264.  
  265. >“Some ponies have lots of friends, Some ponies have make others swoon.
  266. >However, I love my only friend the one and only kindly moon.”
  267. I'll submit this to Autism in Equestria: The Musical.
  268.  
  269. >The Mystery pony stood up and grabbed his cloak unveiling his true form, which caused a combined gasp from the mane six, which went unnoticed as this mystery pony went to his song.
  270. Are... are we about to get a musical number? In writing? About a horrible OC and his intimate relationship with the moon?
  271.  
  272.  
  273.  
  274. >“I was born with bat wings, I was hated by even my own family
  275. >and I sought comfort, but everyone everywhere rejected me.
  276. >So I acted out, and tried to get attention
  277. >But All I ever earned was every ponies rejection.
  278. Oh shit, it's happening. Sit back and enjoy the ballad of the edgy OC.
  279. Try to sing these lyrics as we go along. Sing them loudly for maximum effect. Try to make the rhymes work.
  280. ARE YOU ALL READY FOR A SING-ALONG?
  281.  
  282. >So I got this necklace, and tried to become a shaman priest
  283. >To say that didn't end well, was an understatement at least
  284. >Then I looked at your gaze, I looked at the stars at your mercy, it helped me though all my lament
  285. >Then I felt what it was like to be in the light of someone with no scene of ill intent.
  286. >I know it's not normal, to talk to you, I know it's not right to want to meet the one that raised you”
  287. ARE YOU FEELING IT? SING!
  288.  
  289. >His eyes closed as he began doing a little dance
  290. COME ON ANON, LEAP OUT OF YOUR CHAIR, DANCE WITH ME, AND MAYBE SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD, ANOTHER ANON IS DANCING TOO!
  291.  
  292. >“But it's a dream that I once have, even if I know it can never come true.
  293. >No form as ugly as my form, was ever meant for such a beautiful light
  294. >So I will always live in the shadows of the night.
  295. >Some ponies have friends, others make ponies swoon
  296. >but my best friend is the kind and loving moon.”
  297. I CAN FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME! SING ANON!
  298.  
  299.  
  300.  
  301. >“And even though I wish for one day where I can walk among them, and not hide from them.
  302. I know that it is a fantasy that eventually I'll look just like them.
  303. But for now, I'm perfectly happy listening to your voice
  304. I'm perfectly happy living with this choice.
  305. IT IS A GOOD PAIN!
  306.  
  307. >“Why would anyone love you, and give you any form of bliss”
  308. >“Some ponies have friends, others make ponies swoon
  309. >However I'm happy being under the light of the kindly moon”
  310. I AM RIGHT NOW SPENDING AN EVENING ALONE SINGING HORSEWORDS LOUDLY TO MYSELF. TELL ME WHERE MY LIFE WENT WRONG.
  311.  
  312.  
  313.  
  314. >“Even though I know it's not natural, or right.
  315. >My best friends are the moon and the night!
  316. >And even though, how much I wish for it to be true.
  317. >I will never be good enough to meet the one who raises you.
  318. >My friends aren't real, and I know it to be a catch all
  319. >But having you as friends, is better than having no friends at all”
  320. >“For I walk the path of a monster, forever alone, and distraught
  321. >but one day I hope for the day I will be happy, even if it's all for naught.
  322. >I hope that one day...I can be happy without you, my best friend...the lonely...moon.”
  323. Did you give it everything you had right there at the big finale anon? I know I sure as hell did. I wonder if the neighbours heard me?
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