Lucy Letter

Lucy.
The good times I've spent with you have been the best times of my life. Those memories will never fade and are exactly how I hope you will remember me.

Somewhere along the way I lost myself. Today I love in a constant state of regret and sadness about the way my life has turned out and it has burnt out my mind. I don't really know who I am anymore, or when I am making my own decisions.

There is nothing I want more in life however than for you to be happy, both short term and long term. In the short term, I'd like you to try new things with new people, to enjoy and enrich yourself without stress or worry. For that I have to leave you be, and that will be tougher that you can ever imagine but I will put 100 percent into it if needs be.

In the long term, I need to fix myself. I need to start my life back at square one, and I am scared to death of it. I'm going to fix my mental health, my physical health, and every other aspect of my life. Until I reach that point in my life I know we will never be together.

I may never reach it. I may turn into a person you are even less compatible with. But I realize it is what I have to do. You knew as much a long time ago.

The guilt I feel is overbearing. I don't know how to express how sorry I am for everything. I haven't been honest and I haven't listened. I should have trusted you from the start.

I'm so happy you came out of this okay and been there for me for so long. You had it way tougher than me and did a thousand times better and I am so proud.

You are brilliant, and my most important wish is for you to never let anyone treat you like you aren't again. Every day I worry about you, and every day I dream of going back and changing things to where they would be as perfect as we imagined way back.

I want you to hold onto this letter, keep it safe. Tuck it away somewhere you won't forget. Just to look back on and know where I'm at.

Be safe, be happy. I hope I can get to a place where I can speak to you again. I love you with all my heart. Thank you.

- Matt

Bit.ly/tolucyfrommatt

I'll try to make it up to you.