14[124:56pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Guys, I have question.
 14[124:59pm14]  14(12jammi14) ok
 14[124:59pm14]  14(12@diffra14) we await your inquiry
 14[124:59pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Would you ever hold on to a lost cause?
 14[124:59pm14]  14(12jammi14) more specifically, what kind?
 14[125:00pm14]  14(12@diffra14) Purely in theory if something's dead weight, there's no point in continuing. However, there are of course exceptions, so details are warranted
 14[125:00pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) A friend of mine is just a wreck.
 14[125:01pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) And I really want to help her get back to a functioning psychological state.
 14[125:01pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) But I'm starting to think she's hopeless.
 14[125:01pm14]  14(12@diffra14) You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped
 14[125:01pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) What would you do in that situation?
 14[125:02pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) That's just it, I don't know if she wants help or not.
 14[125:02pm14]  14(12jammi14) give her some mdma pills
 14[125:03pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) We're separated by a large geographical distance.
 14[125:03pm14]  14(12jammi14) send them by mail
 14[125:03pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) By Large, I mean there's an ocean between us.
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12jammi14) she probably has a local market also
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Local Market?
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) As in drugs?
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12jammi14) would give her a bit of perspective and enable a disconnect from her depressed state
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12@diffra14) yeah, wrong answer
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I have been giving perspective for 10 months.
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12@diffra14) drugs + already bad mental state = a whole lot of bad shit
 14[125:04pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) She's not an addict.
 14[125:05pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) But she's tried to commit suicide through various means, and she's almost reached a mental burnout from stress.
 14[125:05pm14]  14(12@diffra14) PsychoNerd: i've been in your exact position including the ocean and the depression, plus some abusive family. FWIW, we're married now with 2 kids.
 14[125:06pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) The problem is that I really don't know what to do.
 14[125:06pm14]  14(12@diffra14) I don't know your friend
 14[125:06pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) And She has no sense of self.
 14[125:06pm14]  14(12jammi14) depressed people won't listen to reason and they don't have energy to act on their own
 14[125:06pm14]  14(12jammi14) and listening over-all may only make it worse
 14[125:06pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) She bases her personality and wants on what other people think of her.
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12W3E14) <diffra> You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helpe
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12W3E14) Correction: lead aspirin.
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I know.
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12@diffra14) Yeah, she needs to get actual help
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12@diffra14) not friend-over-the-series-of-tubes help
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) It's really frustrating.
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12W3E14) PsychoNerd, why do you care?
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I know what you mean.
 14[125:07pm14]  14(12W3E14) Will you get laid?
 14[125:08pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I will not get laid.
 14[125:08pm14]  14(12W3E14) It is probably in your favour not helping in that case.
 14[125:08pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) It's not in my favour.
 14[125:08pm14]  14(12W3E14) Also, why are you bothered then?
 14[125:08pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Because as damaged and lost as she may seem, she is a friend.
 14[125:08pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) And I am obligated to help her.
 14[125:08pm14]  14(12W3E14) Not really worth the effort surely?
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12W3E14) Cost benefit wise.
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) It's not.
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12W3E14) Less robotic that one would seem then.
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12W3E14) Irrational shitty human beings.
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) There are situations in which you can't be robotic.
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12W3E14) Admirable and still
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12W3E14) disappointing
 14[125:09pm14]  14(12@diffra14) What is the benefit of her friendship?
 14[125:10pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) We were captains of a now long dead guild from an MMO.
 14[125:10pm14]  14(12@diffra14) you're intimately familiar with the cost it sounds like
 14[125:10pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) And from there we established a friendship.
 14[125:10pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Only after the guild died did I found out about all her problems.
 14[125:11pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I'm aware of the costs of the relationship. I'm aware that's it's just not feasible to keep this relationship alive.
 14[125:12pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) But there's a psychological weight to letting go.
 14[125:12pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) If I let go I don't know what would happen.
 14[125:12pm14]  14(12jammi14) try to ensure yourself that breaking it up will help her
 14[125:12pm14]  14(12W3E14) Not for me
 14[125:12pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I don't have enough information to be sure of that.
 14[125:12pm14]  14(12jammi14) and anyway, I don't think suicidal tendencies should be prevented
 14[125:13pm14]  14(12W3E14) but I am an asshole like that.
 14[125:13pm14]  14(12@diffra14) PsychoNerd: Polish off the Fi that you've ignored for your entire life for a moment
 14[125:13pm14]  14(12@diffra14) Does helping her help her in anyway, or does it just make you feel better?
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) It's an incredibly draining process. So it's not helping me in any way.
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12W3E14) I only help people directly when I have nothing better to do.
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12W3E14) Try doing that.
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) And I don't know if it's helping her in any way either.
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12W3E14) and don't become invested
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12jammi14) PsychoNerd: it's likely she could spend the time on actual help instead of clining to you
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12@diffra14) ^
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12W3E14) death is just a thing.
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12W3E14) If they want to anhero. Why should you be bothered.
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12W3E14) Their decision?
 14[125:14pm14]  14(12W3E14) erp
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) She can't get help.
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) She's kept isolated in her house by her parents.
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I just really don't know what to do.
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12jammi14) PsychoNerd: then let her die. if there's nothing you can do about it, there's nothing you can do. thus, she's just wasting your time.
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12@diffra14) ^ reality blows
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12jammi14) (and her time as well)
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Reality does suck.
 14[125:16pm14]  14(12@diffra14) again, i come around to
 14[125:17pm14]  14(12@diffra14) helping her makes you feel better about yourself and you avoid the guilt of "i let her go" but does nothing to benefit either of you
 14[125:17pm14]  14(12jammi14) ^
 14[125:18pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I really shouldn't feel better about myself.
 14[125:18pm14]  14(12jammi14) I've broken up several friendships, because of mutual waste of time
 14[125:18pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Mostly because my soul is black and I've said and done some really bad things in my life.
 14[125:18pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) You're right, I need to end this.
 14[125:19pm14]  14(12@diffra14) Actually, the more I think about it in terms of MBTI and functions, I retract my earlier statement, this scenario is almost entirely driven by Fi.
 14[125:19pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) Yeah, pretty much.
 14[125:21pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) I left her.
 14[125:21pm14]  14(12@diffra14) I mean, really though, it does sound like a shitty situation, best of luck.
 14[125:22pm14]  14(12PsychoNerd14) That's a lot of weight off my shoulders.
 14[125:23pm14]  14• 14Quit:12 PsychoNerd 14(12c4d76ba4@gateway/web/freenode/ip.196.215.107.16414) has quit irc12 14(12Quit: Page closed14)