May 19th, 2013
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  1. This is the tale of a man. A man who sought to change his destiny.
  3. This man was named Anon. Anon lived a meager existence on this planet we call earth. With a low paying job, barely a college education, and low self-esteem, he was a truly pitiable existence. However, Anon also had hopes and dreams, as we all do. Anon also had a life filled with love: a love for ponies.
  4. As Anon sat in his low-rent apartment, basking in only the lonely glow of his computer screen, he giggled with glee as he finished up another round of listening to "Smile Smile Smile" on youtube. "Oh Pinkie Pie, you so crazy" he chortled.
  6. Looking at the time, it was getting close to 3am. Although Anon typically liked to stay up well into the morning hours, he had work to do in the morning and and staying up this late was already pushing it. With a heavy sigh, Anon turned off the monitor screen and turned to get into bed. "Guess I'll wait till tomorrow to start on my Tupla. Again."
  8. Turning off the lamp beside his bed, Anon stared at the Pinkie Pie doll setting on his nightstand. How he loved it so; it had taken him several hours to figure out how to style its hair to be show accurate, an amazing feat considering he usually didn't even touch his own hair. Anon loved to talk to the doll and pretend it was actually Pinkie. It somehow made his existence less lonely. "If only," he thought, "there was some way for me to go to Equestria to be with my Pinkie waifu."
  10. "Ah, but there is my dear Brony friend."
  12. Anon shot up at the unexpected voice in his room. Who the fuck was there with him? Was he being robbed? Upon seeing the creature in his room, he had begun to wish that were the case. In the darkness of the night, lit only by the light of the moon and Anon's Twilight Sparkle nightlight, stood a figure composed of many things: pieces of a goat, a pony, a deer, even a bear. It was pure chaos. If you haven't figured out this is Discord by now, do you even watch the show?
  14. "Wha wha what the fuck!? Discord!?" Anon shouted, doing everything not to shit his pants. "How but why How can you be here!?"
  16. "Tisk tisk, pull yourself together my dear Anon. That stoopified look is quite unbecoming" The draconequus said, pulling up a stool from Anon's breakfast nook. "To answer a part of your question: I am here to make you an offer."
  18. "What? But how? You're a cartoon!" Anon began to shake his head frantically as he held it in his hand. "This doesn't make any sense!"
  19. "Anon, I know you've heard me say this before, and I do hate to repeat myself, but I'll say it again for your benefit: What fun is there in making sense?" The chimera chuckled as he held out a sharp claw to Anon's chin. "Besides, shut up and listen. I've come to help you achieve that dream of yours. You do still want to see your Pinkie pie, do you not?" The creature batted his eyelashes effeminately, mocking Anon's desire for pink pony.
  21. "Okay, okay. So you're somehow cartoon that's here on earth," Anon said with a curious expression, "I won't continue to question that, but what are you talking about? How can I meet Pinkie Pie?"
  23. "Oh, how great of you to finally ask! I was getting bored of this inane dialogue." The beast leaned in closer to Anon, as if what he was about to slip was top secret."I'm saying I can take you to Equestria. Take you from this miserable world and take you to pony paradise! There's just one small thing you have to do..."
  25. "You're not going to rape me are you?" Anon fearfully asked, " 'Cause I've never, you know, been with a girl before, or I mean, ah..."
  27. "What? Oh no no no no," Discord said, shaking his head in disgust, "get your mind out of the gutter boy, I say, get your mind out of the gutter. This isn't one of those smutty homo fanfictions; not yet, anyway."
  29. "Okay, okay. So what do I have to do?" Anon asked the demi-god, eying it for any threatening movements it might suddenly make. "Why, my dear boy, the fact is that the land of Equestria is at its heart a land of balance. Even with my chaotic powers, there are certain laws that even I cannot bend or break. For you to be sent, something else must be taken away, understand?"
  31. "I, guess. No. What do you mean?"
  33. Discord leaned in yet again, looking Anon straight in the eyes. "I mean, my lad, that you must KILL a pony. Any one of them will do, really. I'd greatly appreciate it if you did in one of those goodie-goodie Element of Harmony users, or one of those snobby princesses, but..." Discord eyed the young man up and down, as if studying him. "with that kind of build, I'm guessing they may be a bit out of your league. I guess you can just go kill a background pony or something. No one really likes those except for autistics, anyway."
  35. "Discord, I don't think you know what autistic really means."
  37. "Oh, and I suppose you do?" Discord retorted, annoyed.
  39. Anon shifted his glance and looked away, lowering his head. "Um.. no, I don't."
  41. "Now, now," Discord said with a smile as he wrapped his arm around Anon's shoulder "When no one knows what the word means, then everyone uses it correctly! Anyway, it's time for you to go now. Say hello to Pinkie Shy for me!"
  43. Before Anon could object or even correct the obvious naming mix-up, Discord placed his finger to Anon's head and seemingly pushed him down into his own bed, through the fabric of reality. It seemed like Anon was falling through darkness, then a tripy light show, then more darkness, then some apples, and then darkness again. Anon thought he saw Grover out of the corner of his eye, but it turns out it was Baby Animal doing one of those gags from the "Muppet Babies" that uses stock footage. The footage was of Santa's workshop from "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians".
  44. ­­­
  45. With a loud thud, Anon belly flopped straight into the cobble stone road of some back alley in Ponyville. Thankfully, unlike earth, this alley was nice and clean and didn't smell like hobo piss. Also, despite the long fall and hard impact, Anon was still able to get up and dust himself off. Stupid cartoon physics, you know.
  47. As Anon peered out from the Alley way, he saw what he had always dreamed of seeing in person: the magnificent and colorful ponyville. It nearly brought tears to the young man's eyes. "How could I do anything to fuck this place up? I'm already here, I don't see why I need to kill a pony. I'm sure this will be just like those greentext stories on 4chan!" He happily exclaimed, giddy with excitement like a little school girl.
  49. The excitement was short lived, however, as a mysterious pain began to rack Anon's entire being. As he buckled and fell to the ground, he saw what looked like his hands turning transparent, as if fading away. When the pain finally subsided, he realized what Discord meant about the land being give-and-take.
  51. Anon rustled through a garbage can, eventually finding a piece of a broken wood beam. As much as he didn't like it, he realized that he knew of no way to get back and if he were to survive, there was only one thing to do: kill a pony.
  53. Anon nervously walked into the street as he held the wooden stake up as if holding a baseball bat. It was pretty late in the day in Ponyville, despite the time it was back home. Anon didn't see any ponies in the streets; especially not the one he ran into like a dumb fuck.
  55. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" the pony, a mare exclaimed in a raspy voice. Startled, Anon dropped his piece of Plank's dong as he began to apologize. "Oh! I'm, I'm sorry 'mam! I'm sorry!" Anon began bowing in humiliation like one of his Japanese Animes when the mare interrupted. "Humph. Well, don't let it happen again." She pointed her nose in the air as she began to walk away.
  57. Suddenly, Anon realized something was wrong. "Wait," he asked, as he caught up to the mare, "aren't you going to ask me what I am? That I'm human?"
  59. The mare stared at him with a look of confusion. "What are you talking about?" She asked, this time in a valley girl voice. "You're not on that same stuff Lyra is, are you?" Anon simply gawked at the pony, realizing for the first time he was talking to Bonbon, one of the infamous background ponies. "I'm not in the mood for this." She snorted as she continued on her path.
  61. Anon decided it was now or never. Nobody liked Bonbon. Everyone liked Lyra, and Lyra with Bonbon, but not Bonbon herself. Plus she had an inconsistent voice and even now she was acting like a bitch. She made Fluttershy mad in that one episode. Yep, he was gonna' kill her.
  63. "Wait, I need your help with something. In- in the alley here! It's a sick... a broken, a thing that needs fixing!" Wow, smooth pick-up line, Anon. "Why should I help YOU? I'm already running late as it is." Anon looked around nervously as he tried to think of an answer "Well, I, uh... well. CANDY!" He exclaimed.
  65. "Candy?" Bonbon asked with a confused look on her face. "Yes, Candy! If you help me with the thing in the alley, I'll give you candy!"
  67. Bonbon seemed to think for a moment before finally agreeing to help out. "Fine, I guess I'll help you. Besides, It'd be nice to fill Lyra up with more sweets."
  69. After a few moments there was a bloody pony mess in the alleyway. Anon had slammed the piece of wood into Bonbon's skull right between the eyes and continuously beat her with it until she lay unconscious in a pool of blood. After a few kicks to the ribs, Anon finally decided to finish the job by stabling her in the heart like a vampire.
  71. "Die monster, you don't belong in this world!" Anon said in his best Richter Belmont impersonation. It was times like this he was so glad he had both the Original and Remake dialogue of that scene memorized.
  73. The deed done, Anon wiped the sweat from his brows as he admired his grotesque handiwork.
  75. "Hey, Anon, what's going on?" came the call of another mare's voice from the front of the alleyway. Panicked, Anon turned to find Lyra, of all ponies, looking at him. "Ah! Lyra! This isn't what it looks like! I- I- I swear!"
  77. "What are you talking about, Anon? You feeling alright?" Anon looked behind himself nervously only to find Bonbon's corpse had somehow vanished. "Why are you so nervous?" Lyra asked with a chuckle, "Come on, we're running late. Let's go."
  79. As they walked through the streets of Ponyville, Anon suddenly realized that Lyra had been addressing him by name the whole time. He had guessed the vicious murder of Bonbon had worked and that it had somehow allowed Equestria to assimilate him, as if he had always been a resident. As he walked together with Lyra, other ponies greeted them warmly, as if they were old friends. It was all so exciting for Anon. He especially couldn't wait to finally meet his waifu, Pinkie Pie.
  81. "Boy, I'm starving." Lyra said as they continued along. "Hey, lets stop over here and get something to eat. I haven't had anything since this morning."
  83. The two enter a nice restaurant, picking an outdoor table. As they begin to look through the menu, a sudden realization hits Anon. "This menu is terrible" Anon thought as he looked it over. Hay fries, Daisy Sandwiches, several types of grasses; most of the menu didn't exactly strike him as appetizing.
  85. The waiter approached to take the couple's order. Lyra orders the flower sandwich with extra daffodil. The waiter then looked at Anon expectantly. "Ah, I um.. I want.. the uh, The Hay Fries!" Anon blurts out as the waiter takes note and walks off. "Why the fuck did I order the fucking hay?" he thought to himself.
  87. When the waiter returned with their dishes, Lyra began chowing down. Watching her go, Anon thought she actually looked kind of cute. Letting out a sigh, he then eyed his plate of fried hay with contempt. "What's wrong? Aren't you going to eat?" Lyra asked, in between chews. "Aren't the one always saying you shouldn't waist food?"
  89. Anon wondered briefly how Lyra could know about his eating habits before chalking it up to an effect of his integration into Equestria. Not wanting to disappoint Lyra, Anon grabbed a bunch of hay fries and choked them down.
  91. Much to his surprise, it actually didn't taste that bad. These ponies must do wonders with seasoning.
  93. After their meals, the two chit-chated, almost as if they were old friends. Looking at the clock in the restaurant, Lyra got up from the table. "Well, I guess we should be heading out now." Just as Anon was about to sit up, a sharp pain struck. Thankfully, it wasn't the pain of non-existence from earlier, but it was still enough to drop the young man to his knees. His whole mid-section hurt as he kneeled. Maybe it was the hay fries? Could hay really fuck him up that badly?
  95. "Anon, What's wrong?" Lyra asked with concern for her friend. "Sorry, It must have been something I ate" Anon smiled back weakly. He tried to stand, but the sudden pain in his back made it unbearable. With a yelp, Anon dropped back down. "Ah, my back. Oh wow my back hurts."
  97. "Back.. hurts..oh!" Lyra exclaimed, seeming to form an idea. "I know! How about a trip to the spa! That's just what you need! Don't worry, I'll help you there!"
  99. Despite Anon's protests, Lyra forced him to crawl along part way to the health spa before giving up and carrying him the rest of the way. Upon their arrival, the two were greeted warmly by the two attendees at the front desk. "Ah, Ms. Heartstrings and Mr. Anon. Will you be getting the usual this evening?" Anon had no idea what "the usual" was, but before he knew it Lyra had already forked over the bits, signed the wavers, and stamped the release forms. The Spa ponies worked nimbly, undressing the human and getting him into a bathrobe that was surprisingly in his size.
  101. The spa ponies went to work on Anon for a number of treatments, such as a mud bath, a wash and style of his hair,and a massage for his back. Despite the fanfictions he had read back home, he didn't find it as exciting as he had hoped for. As the masseuse finished up, another one of the spa staff entered into the room and handed Anon a piece of paper. "Ah, Mr. Anon, this is that cake recipe I believe you asked me for last visit. I am sorry it took so long to get it to you." Anon looked the paper over as she handed it to him. Obviously he had no idea about asking for this, but it did seem like a good recipe for a carrot cake. Anon decided to hold on to the recipe; maybe Lyra would like it.
  103. Unfortunately, the spa treatment did little for Anon's back problems. The pain was mostly gone, but he still had to hobble along like a baby or something. Worse yet, those stupid ponies had apparently died his hair a deep blue and pink. Stupid ponies and their stupid hair colors. Lyra suggested going back to her place saying that a good night's sleep would help. "And maybe I could help with... something else" Lyra said with a suggestive wink.
  105. As they trotted along to Lyra's house, Anon finally saw it. Bouncing up and down in front of him was the pony of his dreams. "Hey Lyra! Hey Anon! Whatcha doin'?" Pinkie Pie asked inquisitively. Anon could hardly believe it. Just like he always wanted, Pinkie Pie was right there in front of him. He was utterly speechless.
  107. "Oh, me and Anon were just on our way home" Lyra responded, "He's been having some trouble lately, so we're just going to get a good night's rest."
  109. "Oohhh..." Pinkie said, trailing off "Well, I hope everything goes better for you two! See ya later!"
  111. Anon watched befuddled as Pinkie hopped off into the distance. That was it? No Pinkie Pie welcoming party for him? Stupid Equestria. He probably had a bitchin' welcoming party that he never actually experienced thanks to this world's dumb integration. Stupid back problems. If it wasn't for that, he could go after his pink pony.
  113. However, as Anon looked back at Lyra, he felt something he haven't before. It was similar to that feeling he had for Pinkie, but it was something more. Had he started to fall for her after spending most of the day together? How could that possibly happen so quickly? Anon stared dumbfound as Lyra smiled softly back at him in the sunset. "Come on, let's get you home."
  115. By the time they had arrived at Lyra's cottage, Anon had started to get used to walking along like a stupid animal, or, at least, it didn't bother him as much. The ponies in town didn't even notice, probably because they walk the same way. Stupid Ponies.
  117. As they walked into the house, Lyra removed her saddlebags and helped Anon out of his clothes. He didn't know why she did that immediately after entering, but he figured it had something to do with the sweet unicorn plot he was hoping to be plowing by the end of the night.
  119. Anon made his way to the bedroom and lay face down on the soft bed. He was pretty tired, especially considering all he had been though and the fact he had actually been up most of the night back on earth. The squeak of the door opening caught his attention as Lyra walked in. "Poor Anon. I'm sorry you felt so bad all day. I hope I can make you feel a lot better," A sultry tone entering her voice.
  121. Anon looked back at Lyra and HOLY SHIT IS SHE STANDING ON HER HIND LEGS? All that Fanon bullshit was right! There she was, standing in front of Anon in, of all things, a bikini made of whip cream. wut.
  123. "This is how you like it, right, Anon?" Lyra asked in a false tone of innocence as she approached the bed. Anon lay on his back as she climbed up to straddle him, hoof running gently through his hair. Anon simply nodded in agreement with a goofy smile. Sure that was how he liked it. He was finally getting some pony poon. He didn't care if it involved whip cream or not.
  125. "Well, then," Lyra said as she caressed Anon's silky, creme colored body, "I think it's time to eat up." With a gasp Anon suddenly found himself face-deep in whip creme covered pony vagina. After a bit of awkwardness, he finally managed to force Lyra into a position where he could actually breath. Slowly he began to lick way at the creme and into the delicious treat inside. The excitement and the heavenly smell sent his mind into a clouded haze. It all felt so right, so good. As he worked his way through, Lyra started to move her hips. At first it was just small movements, but as Anon began to make stronger, more powerful strokes with his tongue, her movements became more frantic. "Oooohhh... oh sweet Celestia, Anon... Oh.. please.. please stop.. stop."
  127. Anon stopped his mare molestation in time for Lyra to get off his face. "I need... something else..." she said, reaching under the bed.
  128. "If you want, I could use my hands, baby." Anon said in his attempt at a seductive voice. Unfortunately, it came out kind of raspy. However, He barely noticed as his mind was still filled with that wonderful hazy feeling from before. Lyra simply giggled at Anon's proposal "Oh, stop it Anon! Are you making fun of me? I know you don't have hands." Anon chuckled out a "Ah, you got me" as Lyra finally emerged from under the bed, this time wearing a huge, vibrating strap-on.
  130. Anon looked at Lyra nervously as he eyed the size of the humongous shaft. "Uh, Lyra, I'm not really into Anal." Lyra looked curiously at Anon as she adjusted herself. "Anal? What are you talking about? Have you been getting ideas from Applejack?" Lyra joked as she lined herself up for entry.
  132. "Alright, here we go!" Lyra shouted has she jammed the huge dildo straight between Anon's legs. It was the most wondrous feeling ever as Lyra entered Anon's vagina with incredible strength and speed. "Oh Celestia, Lyra, It feels so gooood" was all Anon could muster, arching their back and thrusting their hips forward in an attempt to grasp more of the massive rod. "Oh Anon, I love you so much" Lyra responded as she continued to pump at a fevered pitch "Oh Anon, Anon, Anon, Anon!"
  134. That wonderful feeling had returned as Lyra went to work pounding on Anon. It was like a blanket of pure bliss had taken hold their mind. It was getting hard to think, it was getting hard to breath. It was getting so hard to focus on anything but the party going on between those legs. "Oh, Anon, I can feel it!" Lyra shouted passionately. However, something seemed off about the whole thing. A strange thought had bubbled up in Anon's mind. "Oh Oh, I'm about to explode... but.. Anon, Anon...Why does she keep shouting that. No, No that's not right.. it's.. it's.."
  136. Anon's train of though was suddenly interrupted by Lyra's passion-filled moans "Anon! Anon! Do you feel good Anon! Anon! Anon! Oh! Oh! OH BONBON!"
  138. As if a switch was flipped, Bonbon's marehood let loose a flurry of juices as she moaned in ecstasy "YES THAT'S RIGHT! MY NAME IS BONBON! I'M BONBON! OH LYRA! LYRA!"
  140. As the two calmed from the climax, Lyra looked over at her partner with a puzzled look. "Yeah, of course your name's Bonbon. You've been saying some strange stuff all day."
  142. Bonbon sat up as she adjusted her frazzled mane. "Oh, yeah, I guess I have been feeling strange today" She stated in a airy, bubbly kind of voice. "Hey, I got that recipe from Aloe for her carrot cake! Do you want to try some?" Lyra looked at Bonbon with some disappointment at the sudden proposal "Now? At this time of the night?"
  144. Bonbon smiled as she walked by, flicking her tail in Lyra's face as she did, "Of course, silly! It's never too later for cake!" With that, Bonbon trotted off into the kitchen to start Lyra's pre-midnight snack.
  146. Sitting in front of the blazing fire place, Discord slowly closed the book shut and returned it to the nearby shelf. "And that, my dear friends, is the story of a man who sought to change his destiny, only for destiny to change HIM. Oh my, I do love a good story, don't you? Now all you Anons and Bronys and what have you out there, you do take care of yourselves and remember, If you ever manage to find yourself in Equestria, just pick a pony, any one will do, and go... With the flow. Not like you'll have much choice."
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