Living at the castle

>So after arriving in Equestria courtesy of being struck by lightning… twice, you landed a pretty cushy gig.
>The big white horse said you could crash at the castle as long as you wanted.
>Effin’ A Cotton.
>So after goofing off all day you decided it was time for your midday nap.
>Rounding the corner you saw your door.
>You could almost feel those high thread count sheets and the comfy mattress already.
>Turning the knob you opened the door, and stopped right in the doorway.
>There laying on your bed giving what you assumed was supposed to be a seductive look was Luna.
>Sunhorses little sis.
>This girl had it bad, she tried spiking your drinks almost on a daily basis now.
“Luna you really need to cut this shit out.”
>”Never! Now ravage me!!!”
>With that outburst she hurled herself at you.
>Like a boss you took one quick step back and closed the door.
>A thump and “owwie” later you presented the mare with a question.
“You okay in there?”
>”Why won’t you make sweet love to me?”
>God you hated Thursdays.

---

>”Got any 3’s?”
>Carefully you scan the cards in your hand.
“Nice try, go fish.”
>A grumble came from the white unicorn sitting next to you.
>This is the life, spending a saturday night relaxing with your two best friends.
>Blue Blood sucked at cards, but he always brought the best booze
>And as for the other unicorn currently trying to make out with the table.
“Shining, bud it’s your go.”
>”Who? What? Huh?”
>A quick jolt and Shining rose with a snap, some cards stuck to the side of his snout.
>”I’m sorry guys, ever since Cadence got on her ‘get everything ready for the baby’ stint I haven’t gotten much sleep.”
>You felt bad for the guy, his wife ran him ragged.
>Thankfully she hasn’t fucked with the sacred guys night, yet anyway.
>”Anyway Anon, hows my aunts latest attempts at wooing you?”
>Damn you Blue Blood, you just had to remind me.
“Well last week she tried using some zebrican voodoo ritual but we did manage to save those griffons she was going to use as sacrifices.”
>A slow nod from your two companions was the only response.
>”But earlier today she drugged all the food in the kitchen.”
>”Wait all the food?”
“Yup.”
>A quick glance passed between the two stallions and before the realization hit you.
>All three of you bolted out of the dimly lit room, the game completely forgotten.
>Running through the hallways you all reached the main dining hall at the same time.
>The carnage before your eyes was beyond belief.
>There was probably close to a hundred ponies unconscious surrounding the dinner table.
>And there sitting next to a passed out Celestia was a sour looking Luna.
>Note to self, start making your own meals.
>Oh well, back to the game.

---

>Fuck homework.
>Seriously fuck homework.
>Why were you doing homework you may be wondering?
>Simple really, sunbutt said that since you got free room and board you should strive to be a productive member of society.
>That’s all well and good, but your previous job didn’t really translate into anything they offered here.
>So you were only left with one viable option.
>Back to school to get a degree.
>Apparently pony land had colleges, and asshole professors.
>”Anonymous my favorite human, how does your day fare?”
>Involuntarily your shoulders tensed.
“Uh, just some homework. So umm, I’m just going to head back to my room now and finish it.”
>”Nonsense, with our vast knowledge we shall assist thee.”
>This isn’t going to end well.

That Monday… in the Dean’s office.
>”Mr. Mouse I do not believe a paper on pony mating dances is an appropriate topic.”
>Fucking Luna.
>Fucking Mondays.

---

>One of the best things about living in a gigantic castle is that there’s always something going on.
>And naturally being an inquisitive human you indulged in your curiosity.
>Currently you were spying on two of the castle guards.
>”And then he said that I’ve been putting on some weight.”
>”Stallions can be so vain.”
>”Tell me about it.”
>”Our shifts up anyway, want to hit the gym with me to show him different?”
>”Nah, I got a massage scheduled, so not today.”
>The two guards parted ways.
>There was a gym in the castle?
>It did make sense for there to be one, ponies did have to stay in shape in one way or another.
>Let the search begin.
>Okay, so it didn’t take very long.
>Mostly because there were several signs pointing to it.
>Peeking inside you were surprised to find Luna running on what looked like a treadmill.
>”Dearest sister how is your workout going?”
>That sounded like Celestia.
>Looking further in you saw the sun princess doing something that looked like yoga.
>”It bodes well, we haven’t exerted ourselves this much in ages.”
>”And you swear this has nothing to do with the rumor that Anon likes fit mares.”
>”Of course not, that would be preposterous.”
>”That’s good then, because your flanks have been getting bigger.”
>The noise of the treadmill speeding up echoed around the room.
>Enough spying for today.
>Maybe you should get some cake.