aldi nord

M: To have kids is totally shit
F: Nothing against the pregnant, surely it's a total miracle and super but... eww Have you seen [the movie] Alien?
M: Ida, is there something you don't like at all [implying food]?
F: I don't like tomatoes and I don't like children.
M: Today I have Ida as a guest, and Ida knows since she was 8 years old that she doesn't want to have children, and she'll tell us why, and we cook something on the side.
M: Vegan tofu balls

F: Already as an 8-year-old I imagined my glamorous life and already at 8 I thought "huh, why children?"

[discussing couscous]

M: As it's now cooking, can you tell us something about yourself?
F: I am Ida, 28 years old, I'm from Munich.
M: Were you born in Munich?
F: No, I'm from Hanover originally.
F: There are no quantities specified here [recipe], very good.
M: Just based on feel.
F: Well, how many carrots do you feel?
M: Two carrots.
M: Have you ever thought about getting sterilized?
F: Hmm, no actually not, because I only do interventions that really are super necessary, and it's rather that I say I don't want children, but I don't have a panic-like fear about it, so if it was something that influenced my life that I would get a panic attack when it comes to that, like "oh my god I could be pregnant" then I could imagine it, but it's
rather that I say I don't want it and so it's fine for now like this.
M: So since you were around 8, you know this maybe 10, have you since then changed this opinion?

F: I think there is a time in teenager years, there are quickly expectations, and since everyone was talking about that, "yeah of course I want a family", then "yeah I want children", so I thought for a time that "I'll also do it, I don't know, but not so sure". But when it became more concrete, "ok I have a boyfriend, I've reached the age I could"... Then I thought eww. But I'm also a type who never says never, so I leave a small gap, a skylight, but actually, no.
M: You can leave a comment if you think you want to have children, I'd find it interesting.
F: And whether you woudl you *have* one, or *adopt* one?
M: Are you thirsty?
F: What have you got?
M: We have all kinds of soft drinks, water, ice tea...
F: I come from Bavaria, take something with a nice label
M: We just talked about pregnancy, yesterday in the hotel bar I saw a pregnant woman. What kind of feeling do you get when you see a pregnant woman?
F: A little like seeing someone parachuting, I think "good for you" -- cheers -- But personally I don't have a deep understanding for it, and for sure I don't feel like
oh my god, I also want that.
M: How is it with your boyfriend?
F: For him is it also not a big topic.
M: Ok.
F: I think he's less extreme. I think he also has a much better connection to children, so for him it's not like he couldn't stand children, but more that "it doesn't fit in my life". But I think I'm the more extreme of the two of us. We were at a point where I asked him "so hey how does it look like? because if you say that it's really a big dream for you
 then we have to go separate ways because I don't want to keep anyone from his life dream, I can also not get a kid if you'd like it".
M: And so if your boyfriend would come to you and say he changed his mind overnight
F: To have children, that's totally out of the question, because ehh.
M: It's also a good topic
F: Just imagining it is totally horrible, have you seen Alien?
M: Sure, oh god.
F: When the alien is inside her and nourishes itself from her, I find it horrible to imagine. Nothing against the pregnant, it must be totally The Miracle and super and totally beautiful but my... ewww. The only thing I could imagine,
M: that's the 5% left open?
F: Yes, if at all, then adoption. But I myself, to have children, no. If I had a child, before that I would like to ask it "Do you want to come to the world?" But that can't be done
M: Do you wish your parents had done that?
F: I had such moments in my life when I thought, that can't be serious. Do you not know the feeling? When you become an adult and must do your tax declarations? And you're overwhelmed with all and you think they can't be serious. You just decided I come into the world, you want to have me, and now I have to do my taxes. Have you never had the thought,
baah, it would be, it would be... It sounds crazy, but it would be easier not to have been born. It's a very sad thought, but...
M: But you only get that when doing taxes.
F: Exclusively with taxes.
M: Can someone make a note, oh my god. What do you think about the opposite opinion that "I definitely want to have kids, 10 kids, definitely, very quickly" What could be reasons for that?
F: We should distinguish between people who really really want it and those who actually never thought about it. Because that's a standard attitude, right? So it's the deviation from the norm to say "I don't want kids". I ask myself how many people would have children if the attitude was reversed. Like a tattoo, the default attitude is that first you don't have any and only if you really want it, then you do the opposite, get a tattoo
M: Do you have a tattoo?
F: *shows a flower on the arm*
M: Very nice
F: You can only compare it in my case with the fact that I have a dog. That also makes no sense, it costs me money, sheds hair everywhere in the apartment, you always have to take care of it, go out with it, there are always some vet's bills. And you'd never do it, if you don't once look into those eyes and you think "oh my god, it's worth it!"
M: And that's why you have it?
F: Yeah, definitely. Can *you* imagine having kids?
M: Basically yes, it's not in my 5 year plan, I hope it doesn't happen before that. Not for reasons you named, but I'm career-focused, I want to experience more, to travel. Not that it's impossible afterwards, but you get a drastic life changing event. I had thought earlier that you become an adult when you are 30 or if you have kids. But now I don't think you become an adult simply at 30.
F: No.
M: But I do think one becomes somehow more adult when having kids. I imagine that in itself to be nice, and even if it sounds stupid, life becomes boring at 35 when you've experienced everything and then it's nice that your spirit lives on in someone else whether my own kids or adopted children, or a dog. I don't have a dog either. But a companion who
is on your side, unlike a boyfriend who may leave you or whom you may leave. That's quite nice, I can imagine that.
F: I think it's important not to over-romanticize it. This movie-collage in your mind, background music me with this child as I transmit my knowledge and light shines in from the background, romantically. You know, these few scenes?
M: Yeah, to have kids is totally shit.
F: It's exhausting for sure. A living bundle that you have to take care of and your whole life you are fucking worried not sure if it's like that with your parents. It's a piece of your heart running around in the world freely.
M: Exactly, and even without that, changing diapers.. I can't imagine that.
F: You have a piece of vegetable in your face, what are you doing? I think I grated avocados in your eyebrows. Leave it there as a small mask.
F: The uncle and aunt of my boyfriend they have no kids, had the same attitude and now at old age have noticed "oh, somehow it would be nice actually" So they contacted the
child protection association and there families can apply who have a lot of stress and are overwhelmed "we need some support", so it's like substitute grandparents. So they live through this time that others live through in their 20s or 30s, they installed child seats in their car, always go "look at this video, it's so cute". Of course it's not their own children, but it's enough not to regret one's full life. So I will surely not sit there at age 95, "oh, I should have decided differently at 20" and above all I can't just decide differently just so that I won't sit like that at 95.
M: We have to fry the tofu.
F: The whole time I just concentrated on this one carrot...
F: I take some safety distance (*stepping away from the stove*)
M: Who cooks at home in your case?
F: My boyfriend.
M: If he's a good cook, can he do this? (*mixing the pan by swinging it*)
F: He can do many things.
M: But this?
F: We should have cut this?
M: You'll manage that right? (*looks at recipe*) Ginger? Why ginger?
F: Come, I'll do it. (*catches avocado thown at her*) I didn't see that coming, full reflex.
M: Do you think you are an adult?
F: I think you never really become an adult. As a kid I thought, oh my parents are awesome they are superhumans who know everything, unnaturally adult and only afterwards you realize, they just improvised the whole time. You do it (*cooking*) like an art, I like it. So I think you just improvise, and anyway you do that in your whole life. Do you feel adult enough to rent an apartment? Erm, in a way no, but then you do it and somehow manage to pay your rent and I think it's the same with children, you improvise through and somehow it will be good. I don't think you become an adult, rather you have a solid proof "Look, the creature there, it's still alive!" Or you could say the tax forms,look I did my taxes. What an adult I must be then...
M: I don't feel really adult yet, rather a kid. You can like this video if you also don't quite feel adult. You can't imagine what fancy stuff (*some kitchen tool*) we have here. The ginger is there for...
F: I also thought it's for the sauce, and you said no, you put it on top. I'll take a look myself. (*doesn't catch lemon thrown at her*)
M: But before it worked! We can edit the video such that you catch it!
F: If you would have kids, do you have any idea how it should be? I find it bad when people have kids and "it has to go to piano lessons, good grades, etc."
M: No, but I think you'd catch yourself pressing your expectations there. It's a father thing too, to project the things you didn't achieve yourself onto your children. [some joke]
F: Looks cool, I find it cool how you can take just a few ingredients and make some cool shit from that. It's just 3 things in there, right? I left half the kitchen garbage here. Another piece of avocado for your eyebrows? Cheers!Looks nice too when you have 3 colorful ingredients. Sweet.
M: It could have been a bit more sauch, but okay. I just blew on it, but there's nothing warm in there. Did you and your brother celebrate mother's and father's day?
F: In our case it's, because my father stayed at home and since mother's day is about "so nice that you take care of us", my dad always said on mother's day that "actually this day is for me". On my birthday my mom was like "it was actually me who did all the work today"
M: On my 18th birthday my mom celebrated a birthday for herself and it had a lot more people than mine and a cool DJ...
F: They could get together.
M: Do you celebrate father's or mother's day now?
F: If I find something cool, something small then I do send it, but I don't force it much. How is it with you at home?
M: My parents are divorced and I think with my mom I do something on mother's day, I bring her flowers, but with my dad, I only send a message. "Happy Father's Day, thanks for having me". We have a polaroid camera, can I take a picture of you?
F: Sure.
M: Very cool! The avocado tastes great, right? All in all it tastes great and it's easy. If you want to make it at home, the recipe is in the description as always. Should we get dessert and ice cream afterwards?
F: Many people project the joy of their life onto their children.
M: What would you say is for you the joy of life or a good life?
F: You come with such...
M: It's a deep question!
F: Very big philosophical question.
M: It can be a one word answer. Chaos[??], roller coaster...
F: Love. I find it important that you simply do something where each morning you get up and you think "that's actually awesome" Of course it is in a way so simple but it's not so simple to achieve. I want to enjoy life, that's what matters to me. And if that's on a soft couch with a Cola ice cream, you can be satisfied.