Thread 89: Stories 1-15

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 >AJ
"Rarity"
'Spike'
[Pinkie]
{Dash}
(FS)
=Poindexter=
~~~~~~~

>Ah' hell no!

=...Well, hi to you too.=

"This is the worst! The worst! NO NO NO NO NO!"

=I was hoping for a hoofshake, but okay.=

'YOU!? YOU! OF ALL THE... NOT TWILIGHT, YOU!? THAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN!'

=That hurts a lot more coming from you, I want you to know.=

[THIS IS NO TIME TO PANIC!]

=She said, panicking.=

{THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO PANIC!}

=...Have we met? I don't think we have.=

(...It's not that bad...)

=Confidence rising.=

'Celestia, Shining, Eighteen or Forty Two... heck, even Chrysalis or Cadence would've been a HUGE improvement!'

=Browwwwwnnnnn... boom. There it went.=

>Well, shoot! Guess there ain't nothin' ta' do now.

=I'm sorry I exist. I will work on that.=

"We could try tossing him into the sky and hoping Luna will trade."

=Or break my neck... you know, not seeing the downsides, I admit.=

{HOLLLLLD EVERYTHING!}

=Dare I dream she's just grown tired of putting me down?=

{If Twilight's not here... who's in charge of the party?}

>'"[{.....,.....}]"'

(Oh dear.)

=...Yep, just gonna... gonna keep quiet.=

>'"[{DIBS!... You can't call dibs! I called dibs!... No, I did! ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME-}]"'

=...So, how are you. Have we talked? I don't think we've ever talked.=

(...)

=I can see why.=

>'"[{MEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMEMEME}]"'

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NC
>Twilight
"SA"
~~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"...A-hem."

>A-hem.

"..."

>...

"..."

>...You uh... you look... good?

"Thanks?"

>I mean... you don't look BAD.

"..."

>If I was a mage, I'd make you some different gab you know.

"Thanks, I appreciate that."

>No problem.

"..."

>...

"...Don't tell mom and dad."

>Preeeetty sure mom would just kind of nod approvingly, actually.

"...Oh dear Celestia she would."

>She totally would. She was always super proud of how handsome you turned out.

"..."

>...We have a weird family.

"No shit."

>I'm telling them you said that.

"NO TWILI NO!"

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 >Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'18'
~~~~

>Damn.

'Damn.'

"...Damn."

>Wait, why are you damning? You shouldn't be damning!

"I'm damning."

'But... why? Me and her are doing it for... you know.'

>Kiiinda hard to do this with his sister watching.

"I know, that's the problem!"

>...

'...Explain.'

"What, you think I don't love teasing him too? I was driving him up a wall and into a hospital while you all were still shuffling about in the woods! I was making him blush bright red while you all were planning what low dive bar to go looking for for sustenance!"

'I'm actually a spy class infiltrator, I gathered intel mostly.'

>HAH! Like I was going to do that myself!

"Point is, I've been having fun teasing him far longer than you! Why do you think I picked this class? I look damn sexy!"

>...She's right, you know, she does look sexy.

"Thank you! So it's just as bad to ME that I can't do it here! I mean, could you imagine the look on Twilight's face if she saw me tantalizingly rubbing up against him? She'd never think of me the same way again!"

>That is true.

'Very disillusioning.'

"Ugh... wish it was Rarity or Rainbow Dash, they would have egged me on if nothing else!"

'Could've been worse, could've been Spike.'

"...Oh dear me, no. Could you imagine his face?"

>Spewing so hard he lifts straight off the ground.

"And then some."

>...Sooo... run interference?

"..."

'Hey, I'm dating him, I don't have to worry about the teasing.'

>In front of her, though?

'...Point.'

"...I'm down."

'I guess I'm in.'

>Hoof it.

HOOFED

"Let's do this."

'...You ever wonder what normal ponies do most days?'

>Boring shit, probably.

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NC
>Velvet
"SA"
~~~~

>Oh my goooosshhh! My little boy is so good looking in that thong!

"...This is how my sparklejoules die..."

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>AJ
"Dash"
'Spike'
[Pinkie]
{Rarity}
~~~~

>Okay, so we're all in agreement... punchin' each other in the face is a bad idea.

"Only because Rarity is a bullshit golem."

{More machine, darling.}

"...But this is in the past."

{But I'm from even further in the past, in a lost civilization!}

"..."

{...}

"...No, absolutely not."

{Respect the lore!}

[Also, can we all agree it's funny watching Spike try to decide on who to vote for?]

'IF I KEEP HITTING MYSELF, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME CHOOSE!'

"Sound logic, but seriously, how are we going to pick a leader? We're ALL great at leading.... some more than others... me."

>Ah' guess there's only one real way ta' do it... Eeny meeny miny-

{Absolutely not. Do you think we're stupid?}

[Come on, AJ.]

>Worth a shot... flip a coin?

"..."
'...'
[..]
{...I see no problems with this!}

>Good, Ah'll-

{APPLEJACK!}

>Fiiiine... just do team stuff?

'...FOR NOW!'

>...

'And probably later too, I don't know.'

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>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
[Trixie]
~~~~~

>If there were only a blade that could pierce mine soul, I would heft it upon my neck, and slice.

"...Wait, are you stabbing yourself or slicing? That's two different things."

>...Do not question mine sexy talk!

'Besides, your groaning is completely unneeded. This work is important, and must be heeded.'

[What, finding enough internal revenue to fill four schools?]

>Indeed! For you see, t'was always a dream of mine ghostly companions for there to be comprehensive, true blue education!

[...You made that up.]

>Mine truth be exposed, but this is SO BORING!

"It's paperwork, it's not supposed to be exciting. I DO occasionally have to do my job, you know. Last time I didn't, she sent a dragon with a gun at me. I mean... you'd think the dragon would be enough, right?"

'I think that in her heart, she had the best of intentions. That said, I understand any apprehensions.'

[Yeah, sounds harsh.]

>Well, then let us not do it again! NEXT PAPER!

"Bloop."

[...So, where are we going on our lunch break?]

"You two don't have to stay."

'I like it here. It's quite... queer.'

[...Really?]

'Language is hard. So very hard.'

[You didn't even try with that one!]

'Meh.'

>Children, no fighting.

[DO NOT TELL TRIXIE WHAT TO DO-]

SMASH!

[...OHHH! You meant the ghost children! Okay!]

>No, no I did not.

[...HEY!]

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Fluttershy"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but that doesn't mean the strange can't happen! Now for our main guest...FLUTTERSHY!!!
Applause

"Um H-hello."

cut to a smiling cardboard cut out of Pinkie.
>...

"Pinkie? You were just here..."
She blinks and the cardboard Pinkie is covered in red.

"EEK!"
Fluttershy zips away.

>I'm back! Fluttershy? Oh no, my jam!

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>???
"Guards"
~~~~~~

The soldiers in the line stood as any good soldiers should. Unmoving, unwavering.

Completely lost as to what to do next.

"Sooooo... how long should we wait for the captain?"

"I guess until he comes?"

"But with most teachers, it's like... an hour, at best."

"Yeah, but what if it's a test to see how long we'll stay put?"

"When would you ever need to..."

"..."

"...Riiiiiiight... forgot it's not just about spearing things sometimes."

"...But, wait, what if the test is to see if we will come help him if he doesn't show up?"

"No soldier left behind... but standing guard is important."

"So is helping others."

"Hrm.... this is a conundrum... where is the captain!?"

>He got ran over.

"...What!?!?"

>Ran over. Stampeded and stepped on by a bunch of changelings who left him on the ground.

"....WHAT!?"

>Yep. But it to clarify was TOTALLY Soarin's fau-

"Let's get going before they run someone else over!"

"Nobody runs over OUR captain!"

"CHARGE!"

Without waiting, their own stampede took off, all of their forces charging with full speed in what had to be an utterly randomly chosen direction.

>...Huh. I didn't get to finish saying it was Soarin's fault... is that going to hurt or help the plan?....Hmmmm... meh, it'll be fun regardless.

With a smile, a wonderbolt uniform clad mare took off in the opposite direction, a smile on her face all the while.

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 >Dash
"Pinkie"
'???'
~~~~~~

>Friggen mecha class- I don't even care what it's actually called! She's a freakin' mech!- putting all her stats in durability like a freaking... hold up... orange, white, yellow... weirdly tanish yellow? Annnnd blue is me, that means... where is pink?

There was a rustling in a bushes not too far from her, and a pink hoof jutting up shortly thereafter.

"Over here, Dashie!"

>Pinkie, if you've to use the bathroom, then at least- wait, isn't this all fake? If you go to the bathroom, aren't you like... peeing on the floor? Ugh, what if I step on it!?... Whelp, now I'm just going to hope I don't think about it-damn it.

"I'm not doing that, silly! I'm helping Audrey make some noise!"

>...If that's a euphemism-

"It's not!"

She shrugged, parting the plant.

>Oookkaaay, cautious, but- what the fuck!?

"Sorry, we've been practicing. But Audrey has TERRIBLE breath, so it made it hard for me to focus, so I made some breathmints out of berries!"

>...

"Oh, what, like Applejack is the only one who can pull out crazy stuff? I'm Pinkie damn it!"

>...

"I take your silence to mean you are on board. And with that note... hit it!"

'Ahhhhhh~ I'm just a mean green mother, from outer space and I'm bad!'

>Outer space?

'I'm just a mean green mother, from out space and it looks like you've been had!'

"...What do you think she means by that-"

'I'M MEAN, AND GREEN, AND I.... AM... BAD!'

"See, that's what I thought you meant-"

>PINKIE MOVE!

"SNICKERDOODLES!"

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>32
"77"
'88'
-???-

"What exactly are we accomplishing here?"

>Getting a cleaner.

"On a street corner? Did Cleaner become slang for-?"

>Just wait, he'll come.

"Riiight."

'So...can I just ask something?'

"What?"

'That thing 32 talked about...the goo thing.'

>What about it?

'Why would 42 hesitate if 77 were to kiss her? She doesn't seem the type to melt into the arms of any old fucker.'

>You'd have to turn into Armor.

"But wouldn't it leave you open to-"

>Or Cadnece.

"'...'"

'...pardon?'

>Cadence would work better.

"How...how do you know that?"

>I know a lot of things I wish I didn't.

"What are you talking abou-"

>There you are.

The grungy blue pegasus regarded the three changelings placidly with half-lidded eyes.

-Need somethin'?-

>I need you to clean up my office.

-Payin'?-

>Fifty bits on completion. Don't kill any cockroaches you find, please.

-Embassy?-

>Yep.

-On it.-

The janitor began walking towards the embassy, the stoic expression never leaving his face.

"...friend of yours?"

>Just some vagrant who cleans places around town.

"So again, how did you-"

>Follow me.

With a shuffle, the changeling began walking away.

"What is he playing at?"

'No clue, let's follow the breadcrumbs for now, and if he's just fucking with us, we throw him off the mountain.'

"...couldn't he just fly?"

'I didn't say it'd work.'

Sharing a look between themselves, his siblings followed.

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 >SA
"Various"
~~~~

>Okay, so from what I can see, we're closer to the ice mage. This is good! Several of us are fire users in real life, we're well acquainted with how this works. Map says all we have to do is get through the frosty forest, traverse over shatterlake, maybe we'll go through icicle tunnel haven't decided yet, maybe stop at this town to rest at an inn or something and sell some loot-so don't drop anything that looks like it's expensive- and then we just have to go around the precipice pillars of pikes, maybe slip in underneath the frost giants domain, perhaps find ourselves on the edge of the Winters kingdom, and with that done we can go up the side of the mountain of eversnow to face the lord of ice in his home! We ready!?

"..."

>...You're all just looking at my thong covered ass, aren't you?

"..."

>...

*Shake shake*

"WOOO!"

"SHAKE IT BABY!"

"THAT'S HOW MOMMA LIKES IT!"

"THAT'S... um..."

>...

"...................................So we're all just going to pretend Twilight didn't just talk, right?"

>"YES"

"Just doublechecking... SHAKE IT!"

>Moment is gone.

"Awwww..."


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>Pommel
"???"

>Okay, oooookay, they wanna play that way? I'll play that way. Them AND their weird changeling stampede scheme! I'm not an idiot, ohhhhh know, I know how I'm gonna do this.

Thump

"..."

>...okay, I know how this looks, like I'm crazy, right?

"..."

>Right, well, I'm just gonna say this, I do NOT have a concussion, noooo sir. I'm just talking out my plan to fashion some kind of...net...gun and use it to capture two rogue wonder-waitaminute, YOU'RE a Wonderbolt!

"...?"

>Look, I need to know, are you with them? The rogue guys that are causing havoc?

"*Headshake*"

>Ohhh thank Faust. Listen, okay? Listening? Okay. I need you to help me here, two Wonderbolts have gone crazy and are terrorizing the residents of the castle-specifically me. But you, you can help me right? You're a Wonderbolt and and Wonderbolt can totally catch a Wonderbolt, right?

"YEAH!!!"

>THAT'S THE SPIRIT! LET'S GO!

The guard captain ran off, leaving the humongous white pegasus to just kind of...flutter after him.

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>Spike
"Applejack"
'Peasant'
[Rarity]
{Dash}
-Pinkie-
~Poindexter~
(Fluttershy)
~~~~~~

>DI-REC-TIONS!

'...huh?'

>DIRECTIONS! DIRECTIONS YOU ASSHOLE WE NED DIIIIRRREEECCCTTTIOOOONNNNS!

'...huh?'

"This ain't workin'."

>Maybe if I talk slower...

"Lemme try... ahem... Fella? Would ya'll be kind enough ta' tell us which way ta' the firelords castle?"

'...huh?'

"Tell us or Ah'm gonna get mad."

'...huh?'

"BUCKIN' TIME!"

[Darling, please! Let me handle this!... Oh, you big strong, handsome... peasant. Wouldn't you pleeease tell little old me the way? I'd be so very appreciative.]

'...huh?'

[It's just a little favor... for me?]

'...huh?'

{I got this. YOU BETTER TELL US WHICH WAY TO GO OR I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASSHOLE IN SO FAR YOU CAN TASTE IT!}

'...huh?'

-I'll give you a soooonnnng!-

'...huh?'

-DON'T DISRESPECT THE SONG!-

~I robbed him while you all were talking, he doesn't have a map.~

{Soooo, I can beat him up, then?}

"DASH!"

{I like to think of myself as chaotic good.}

>I'm mostly cursed stuff by now, not like it can do WORSE.

"Fine, but don't-"

(Um... do you know where the big evil badguy is? I want to avoid him)

'Inferno mountain. Stay faaaar away from that.'

(Thanks.)

>"'[{-~....~-}]"'

(It's peasant talk, you wouldn't get it.)

>...I'm stabbing him.

(SPIKE NO!)

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 >Actarius
"JJ"
~~~~~~

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Wow, uh... huh."

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"That is... something. I feel like I need to ask the Queen if we can explode now."

>AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I'm serious, I have a legitimate fear we can get so pent up that we almost burst, then out of nowhere just BLAM all over the walls like... this."

>AHHHHH! AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"... Don't let me explode, Acty."

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Super scary, yeah... so if your boss is dead, do you get the day off?"

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I choose to think that's a yes. I'd leave the embassy job for another day or two, I think he'll understand... from the hivemind."

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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NC
'Poindexter'
>spike

'Damn dude, that is one stabbed peasant'

>eyup

'Like. Like every part. You stabbed him at least twice in every major body part.
...why are you taking off your helmet?'

>I'm not done.

'How can you not be...SWEET CELESTIA! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK SPIKE'

>She made me take this perk I may as well put it to use cleaning up trash! She wanted me to be a monster!? I'll give her a monster! I'll give you all a monster! Mine enemies shall know not the sweet peace of burial! I shall slay them! Eat them! Turn them into crap! And thus shall they meet eternity!
>MWAHAHAHAH Cannibal Holocost you Lunar Twat Hammer! How bout them Apples!?

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