Educated Fluffies Pt 1.

Jun 5th, 2012
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  1. >First day of the last semester of College
  2. >Only have one non-elective class left, and when you pass this, you'll get your degrees in both education and biology.
  3. >Just you and five other students.
  4. >Damn, these classes really weed out the people with no dedication.
  5. >The professor takes the stand.
  6. >"Welcome, students, I'd like to start with this years final project. It is worth 77% of your final grade."
  7. >He gently places a pet carrier up on the desk, and unhinges the door.
  8. >"You can come out, Bonnie."
  9. >A peach-colored fluffy pony, with pink mane carefully picks her way out. "Daddy? Whe' Bawnie?"
  10. >"You're in my classroom Bonnie. Say hello to my students."
  11. >She gasps, and turns toward the class. "New fwiends! Hewwo stewn'ts!"
  12. >Positively pinging with joy.
  13. >"Students, meet your final project."
  14. >Ohshit.
  15. >Luckily, it's another dumbass who decides to ask the obvious question.
  16. >"Do we have to raise a fluffy pony, like this was some sack of flour and it's middle school sex-ed all over again?"
  17. >Collective silence, and staring at the dumbass.
  18. >"What? You guys didn't do the thing where students have to work together to raise a baby, where the baby is proxied out to a sack of flour or baby doll, or an egg or something?"
  19. >The professor breaks the collective shunning.
  20. >"It's similar, but also much more complicated. Bonnie, what is one plus one?"
  21. >The fluffy's ears jolt upwards "Tu!"
  22. >"and can you recite your Alphabet?"
  23. >The orange/yellow ball of fur sits up on it's hind legs and starts with a singsong voice. "Aye Bee See Dee Hee Eff Jeee..."
  24. >"Very good Bonnie, keep reciting it while I tell my students what comes next."
  25. >"Eich Aye Chay Cay..." deep breath "Ellemmennohpeee...."
  26. >"Your objective, my fair students, is to come with me down to the local fluffy pony shelter, and acquire any fluffy pony of your choosing."
  27. >The professor starts passing out big thick packets. Binder-clipped, not stapled.
  28. >"You must then create a three-month lesson plan detailed for said fluffy pony, in order to educate it enough to pass a standardized kindergarten exit exam."
  29. >"... Wai an' tzeeee! Nao Bawnie no Fwuffy's Aye Bee Seees...."
  30. >"Very good Bonnie! Have a treat!"
  31. >"Yay! Nummies!"
  32. >a tiny treat is dispensed, the pony noms it happily.
  33. >"If you complete exactly to the requirements listed, you will get a "D". Passing grade. Your final grade ultimately depends on the performance of your fluffy on it's exit exam."
  34. >You raise your hand, as a mere formality
  35. >"So, to preserve my Grade point average, I have to train a fluffy to pass a kindergarten exit exam completely, will this be a written exam?"
  36. >The professor chuckles. "No, I'm willing to forgive you if your fluffies can't hold a pencil. But fluffies should at least be able to identify words on a page, colors, shapes, count, perform basic math and spelling. Speaking of, Bonnie?"
  37. >Bonnie looks up. "Yef Daddy?"
  38. >"Spell "Circle".
  39. >"See, Aye, Are..."
  40. >The fluffy stalls, and panics slightly.
  41. >"....kayy? Ell yee?"
  42. >The class chuckles.
  43. >He pats her head. "Close, it's actually C-I-R-C-L-E."
  44. >Bonnie mopes. "Sowwy Daddy."
  45. >"It's Alright Bonnie. Next time. You did good today."
  46. >"Bawnie Gud Fwuffy?"
  47. >"Yes Bonnie, very good fluffy. Now say good-bye to the class."
  48. >"Go' bai cwass!" She wobbles over into her carrier, chirping happily.
  49. >"Anyone who is thinking about dropping this class, walk out now."
  50. >A third of the class leaves.
  51. >Which, if you remember the start of the story, is like, two students.
  52. >NotThatImpressive.gif
  53. >You and three other students pack up the text book, laptops, assorted things that every student carries one way or another, and head out wit the Professor.
  54. ---
  55. >Selection, selection... selection is very, very, very important.
  56. >A pregnant mare will have other things on her mind instead of learning.
  57. >A newborn will be SHITTONS of work, just training it to poop in a box.
  58. >But you get a higher grade for going over and above the expected requirements.
  59. >Maybe some pre-screening?
  60. "Hey Fluffy, how many friends do you have in there?"
  61. >"Hoomen tak t' Fwuffy? Pick Fwuffy! Fwuffy gud Fwuffy! Fwuffy wan' wuv yu!"
  62. >Every fluffy in the entire place, this far, has displayed roughly... hell with it... absolutely identical levels of conversational skills.
  63. >Oh look, the other three have all grabbed their fluffy ponies.
  64. >The Other Guy took a little terracotta-colored earth fluffy, and it cradling it protectively.
  65. >The Girl Who Won't Talk To You took a yellow pegasis, she's holding it like a teddy bear.
  66. >The Girl Who You'll Never Get The Name Of just grabbed the first fluffy she saw, and left right away.
  67. >You and the professor are eventually left alone.
  68. "So, this is doable, right? I mean, you're not tricking us with an impossible final, like my buddy over in CompSci who graduated last semester... Being told to write a program that would consume 100% of a system's resources and leave it completely useless for anyone else..."
  69. >He chuckles. "I've had bonnie for a year now. She can be a handfull, but i assure you, everything you saw today was taught to her over the course of three months. But there was quite a lot of help."
  70. "Spill it, doc."
  71. >"Well, The truth is, Fluffies, like children, learn best through peer reinforcement."
  72. >Obligingly, you wait for him to continue telling you how to get an A in this class.
  73. >"And that's all I'm saying. Nice of you to ask though. You'd be amazed how few students ever question the possibility of the assignment."
  74. >He ambles out of the adoption area.
  75. >You stare blankly at the softly bouncing mass of fluffies, all clamoring for your affection and attention.
  76. >Peer reinforcement. Peer reinforcement.
  77. >Finally, you call over the attendant.
  78. "I'll take these six."
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