You Can Get Away With Anything If you Try Hard Enough(RGREQG

Dec 31st, 2017
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  1. >Be Princess Twilight Sparkle
  2. >Esquire
  3. >Today was an extra special day for your purple self
  4. >Today you were going to help one of your friends with a problem
  5. >A problem so... unique that not only did you have to think out of the box to solve it, you needed to cross a different dimension entirely
  6. >But that was fine
  7. >You were a big mare that didn't afraid of anything
  8. >You also had access to a different dimension that you could go to whenever you felt like it
  9. >So, after sending some letters, clearing your schedule, and talking your hesitant friend to joining on this journey with you, you found yourself in the human world
  10. >You, Sunset, and this world's element bearers were sitting in a nice little restaurant that you had gone to once or twice
  11. >It was a small place, but even so you were able to find a secluded booth to sit in
  12. >Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie, and Sunset were crammed into one side of the booth
  13. >You, Rarity, this world's Twilight, and Fluttershy had taken seats in chairs next to the booth
  14. >While the girls were normally rambunctious and a little loud--just like your friends at home--at the moment they were as quiet as a house full of mice
  15. >Even Pinkie, who usually couldn't sit still for two seconds, wasn't moving a muscle
  16. >You, and all of your friends were staring at the friend you were trying to help, who was sitting on the other side of the booth
  17. >Anon, bless his coltish heart, was staring back at you with only a little bit of suspicion
  18. >There was a plateful of food sitting in front of him uneaten, as was the same as the rest of the girls
  19. >Food had been forgotten pretty much the moment that you had sat down and told them where Anon was from
  20. >You had no idea if the girls had taken the news that Anon was from a different, different universe too well
  21. >They didn't look all that upset, really, or even shocked
  22. >To be honest, they looked completely facinated
  24. >Even Rarity, who was a gentlemare in whatever form she happened to be in, was staring at him unabashedly and with interest
  25. >Anon, while he was never one to shy away from anything, seemed on edge from your staring
  26. >Not too much, but you knew from experience that an on edge Anon was never a good thing
  27. >Another minute of silence passed before Rainbow leaned toward in the booth
  28. >"So... you like have male presidents and stuff?" she asked
  29. >Anon nodded
  30. >"Yep. Male presidents, founding fathers, boy bands, you name it."
  31. >"And there's guys all in the army and they do construction work and shit like that?"
  32. >Rarity's nose scrunched up
  33. >"Rainbow, language," she said
  34. >Rainbow ignored her, staring at Anon intently as he nodded
  35. >"Yeah. I mean, there's some women in stuff like that but nowhere near as much as guy."
  36. >Some of the girls exchanged glances
  37. >You could see gears churning in heads as the progressed what he had just said
  38. >"Ohoh! Do your women lay eggs?" Pinkie asked, nearly climbing onto the table as she leaned toward the stallion
  39. >Poor Anon--who hadn't had many... positive experiences with your Pinkie--leaned away from her with a grimace
  40. >"No, just sticking dicks in the right holes. I'm sure you guys do the same here."
  41. >Both Applejack and Rarity winced at Anon's bluntness
  42. >"So then your women..." Rarity said, before trailing off
  43. >She made some vague hand gestures
  44. >Applejack cleared her throat
  45. >"I think Rarity's tryin' ta ask if yer womenfolk are the ones that stay at home, partner," she said
  46. >"They did years ago," Anon replied, shrugging. "The man would go to work, the woman would stay and home and mind the kids and the hou--"
  47. >"So girls are the sluts then?" Rainbow interrupted, a bit of excitement creeping into her voice. "They get the free drinks and all the guys they want and all of that shi--OW!"
  48. >"Quit swearin' in front of 'em, Dash," Applejack said as Rainbow rubbed her arm, giving the farmer a dirty look. "It ain't polite."
  50. >Anon gave you and the rest of the girls a quick glance
  51. >You gave him your best reassuring smile, all the while fidgeting with your hands
  52. >Holy horse apples was this a heck of a lot harder than you thought it was going to be...
  53. >You looked over at Sunset hoping for some support, but the fiery haired was just staring hard at Anon, not moving an inch
  54. >"So the men are the head honchos and all that?" Applejack said with a whistle, taking off her hat to fan herself with. "Whoo, that there's somethin' ta think 'bout..."
  55. >The other girls nodded slowly
  56. >"So you won't cry if I called you a dick or said that your hair looked dumb?" Rainbow said
  57. >"No. I might call you a cunt but you'd need to do a hell of a lot more than that to make me cry."
  58. >"Not that Rainbow would do such a thing, darling," Rarity assured. "Though she might seem a bit... crass, she's a gentlewomen at heart like the rest of us."
  59. >Anon leaned back into his chair
  60. >You watched as some of the tension left his body
  61. >"Well... at least you don't have giant eyes or anything," he said, more to himself than anything. "You all still might be weird colors but at least you look like girls..."
  62. >The girls looked like they wanted to say something to that but none of them really could figure out what
  63. >So, once again, you all lapsed into silence for a minute or two, just looking at each other
  64. >"So, Mr. Anonymous, may I ask what a man like yourself enjoys doing?" Rarity asked, crossing her legs
  65. >Anon perked up
  66. >"I do a lot of reading. Sometimes I like to do a bit of D and D stuff if you can talk me into it."
  67. >Fluttershy reddened
  68. >"D-D and D?" she mumbled, bringing a hand to her chest
  69. >"Dungeons and Dragons, or Orks and Obelisks, or whatever you guys call it. Fantasy roleplaying,"Anon said
  70. >Fluttershy let out a sigh that sounded both relieved and disappointed
  71. >Rainbow and Pinkie made similar sounds
  72. >"I..." Applejack began, only to stop
  74. >Biting down on a knuckle, she drummed the fingers of her free hand against the table
  75. >She frowned, furrowing her brow
  76. >She opened her mouth, only to close it
  77. >This happened two more times before she could finally say something
  78. >"So what's it like?" she asked
  79. >Anon shrugged
  80. >"I went to work everyday, paid my taxes and tried to hit on good-looking, not crazy women."
  81. >Rainbow snorted
  82. >"Are you me?" she asked, only to get nudged in the ribs by Applejack
  83. >"It wasn't bad," Anon continued, ignoring the little exchange. "I did the best I could with the stuff I had, I had fun when I could, I have some half-decent friends."
  84. >He waved a hand in the air
  85. >"There's nothing special about me. Not really."
  86. >"But you're not even a guy though," Rainbow said, standing up as best as she could. "I mean you're a GUY, but... not really."
  87. >"What I think Rainbow here means is that your experiences are completely unlike the men around here, dear," Rarity said. "Though that--"
  88. >"Do you have a ball bra?!" Pinkie asked
  89. >You all instinctively froze, all of you sucking air through your teeth
  90. >Whatthefugswrongwithdisfilly?
  91. >Anon's expression didn't change
  92. >"Why would I need support for my balls?" he asked. "It's not like they're the size of basketballs or anything."
  93. >"You're supposed to wear them to keep from sagging, silly!" Pinkie chirped, not knowing when to SHUT HER BUCKING MOUTH!
  94. >Anon's nose scrunched up
  95. >"...That's dumb. No, I don't have a ball bra. I'm not gonna get any either."
  96. >"O-oh... my," you hear Fluttershy say, tugging at her collar
  97. >Sunset licked her lips, her eyes narrowing
  98. >She wiggled out of the booth and stood up, walking to the other side of the booth and sitting down next to Anon
  99. >Anon, though a bit confused, did nothing as she stared at him
  100. >"So what would you do if a girl placed a hand on your shoulder, Anon?" she asked
  101. >"I might ask them if they needed anything I guess," Anon said
  102. >Sunset looked him up and down before placing a hand on his shoulder
  104. >The other girls flinched but said nothing
  105. >"What about if a girl got really close to you and started asking you questions? Would you get mad?" Sunset asked, proceeding to scooch toward Anon until their sides were touching
  106. >Anon tensed for a moment as they touched but quickly relaxed
  107. >"It depends on the girl, but the worst I would do is tell them to move over a bit," he said.
  108. >Sunset clicked her tongue
  109. >Slowly, very slowly, she reached down and placed a hand on Anon's thigh
  110. >She looked into Anon's eyes, gauging his reaction
  111. >When Anon didn't scream to shout, like she was no doubt expecting, you saw a small smile work its way onto her face
  112. >"So me doing this doesn't bother you?"
  113. >Anon looked down at her
  114. >"Ma'am, for the last year the only other people I've seen are crazy giant headed, giant eyed horses that randomly have singalongs. You could do a hell of a lot to me and I wouldn't bat an eye."
  115. >In an instant, the other girls perked up
  116. >"Anything?" Pinkie asked
  117. >Before Anon could answer, Pinkie leapt over the table and, though Pinkietry, she found herself in the man's lap
  118. >Rarity's eyes grew to the size of dinnerplates
  119. >"Pinkie! You get off him right this--"
  120. >Pinkie giggled, her face reddening
  121. >Her face contorted, and you could see her squirming in Anon's lap
  122. >Anon's hands, you noticed, couldn't be seen above the table
  123. >"W-Wowie zowie..." Pinkie said, her breath hitching
  124. >For the first time since Anon had stepped into the restaurant, he smiled
  125. >His hands moved under the the table for a bit more, making Pinkie squirm and breathlessly giggle for a little more, before he stopped
  126. > Wrapping his arms around Pinkie's middle, squishing her breasts together with his biceps, he rested his head on her shoulder
  127. >"Pretty much anything," he said
  128. >Sunset smacked her lips together
  129. >"He's staying with me," she announced
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