(The) Bawdy in the Lounge (MFMFFM)

(The) Bawdy in the Lounge: A Definitely-Not-Clue Mystery
MFMFFM4A [murder mystery] [sex party gone wrong] [no sex] [definitely not Clue] [the danger of stilettos] [Msub] [rope burns] [voyeurism] [blackmail] [collab]

Murder! Poison! Blackmail! Stiletto heels and latex! It's a wild party at the home of the mysterious Mrs. Bawdy, who's invited a bunch of sexy swingers for an evening they won't forget. But everyone has secrets...

Starring:
Mr. Oak - u/Maple-Laffs
Miss Lime - u/midnightlemons
Dr. Gray - u/Lord_Bartex
Ms. Book - u/readerr7
Mistress Peg - u/Sly-Raconteur
Mr. Teal - u/Traceur77

Sound effects scavenged from freesound.org
Script and editing my /myauralfixation

---------------------------------------------------
[faint rain/thunder from outside]
[door chime]
[footsteps; door opening; rain gets louder]

MR. OAK: Hello.

MISS LIME: (slightly out of breath, as if nervous) Oh. Hi?

OAK: Good evening. Miss Lime, I take it?

LIME: What? Uh, well no, that's not my name. It's Le--

OAK: (cutting her off) Please. We're not using real names here tonight.

LIME: Oh. Yes. Of course.

[door closing]

OAK: And you can call me Mr. Oak. Yes, I know, the joke is obvious.

LIME: Okay. I... you're right. Thanks. I've just actually never done something like this before. A sex party, I mean. (laugh) I'm, ah, not used to going by different names either. But the invitation said...

OAK: It's fine. Everyone gets used to Mrs. Bawdy's little habits soon enough. One reason I'm here is to take coats... may I?

LIME: Oh, sure.

[clothes rustling]

OAK: ...and escort everyone around, that kind of thing. Might I say, that's an excellent choice of outfit. The corset really suits you.

LIME: (chuckle) Ahhh, thank you.

OAK: Anyway, it turns out you're the last one to get here, so that means my actual job is just about done.

LIME: I know. Sorry. The storm screwed up my GPS and...

OAK: Oh, It happens a lot. It just means the others might have gotten started already. I'll be down to the dungeon myself right after you.

LIME: Dungeon?

[dramatic crack of thunder]

OAK: Or the lounge, if you prefer. Right this way.

[footsteps]

LIME: So. Have you worked for... Mrs. Bawdy... very long?

OAK: (chuckle) I suppose you could say that. It's been quite a while now. I don't just work for her, exactly, but... we've been partners in some things.

LIME: Oh. Sorry, I can't help being curious. I, well, only just got to know her recently. We haven't even actually met in person yet...

OAK: I understand. Actually, you might not be the only one. But you'll see about that once we join everyone else. Right in here...

[door opening]

OAK: Hello, everyone. Let me introduce Miss Lime.

[chorus of hellos]

LIME: (laugh) Well! This looks like my kind of party.

OAK: As I thought, it looks like they didn't want to wait. But you had an idea what to expect, right? (laugh) This gentleman is known around here as Dr. Gray.

DR. GRAY: Nice to meet you. Pardon the (chuckle) lack of formal dress.

LIME: (laugh) Oh, that's all right. I like a man in leather.

MS. BOOK: (flirty) What about a woman in latex?

LIME: (sexily playing along) Oh? Well actually, I don't mind playing that game either...

OAK: This is Ms. Book... oh. Do you know each other?

BOOK: (bashful) Ahhhhmmmmm....

LIME: (also sounding uncertain) I... don't think so. I mean, a lady with those... looks? I think I would remember. (nervous laugh) But it's.. a pleasure.

BOOK: Charmed.

OAK: Ah, I see. My mistake. Over here is Mistress Peg.

MISTRESS PEG: Hello.

LIME: Hi. Such an interesting nickname. (laugh)

PEG: That's Mrs. Bawdy's little joke. Though I will say (chuckle) I definitely like it.

OAK: And there was one more...

PEG: Yes, my sub for the evening. For tonight he's going by Mr. Teal. (laugh) He went to fetch us all some more drinks.

OAK: Yes. Well. And the lady tied up in the corner here is our distinguished hostess herself. (chuckle) The gag should explain why she hasn't said hello yet. But let me just take care of that...

[footsteps, abruptly stopping]

OAK: (stunned) What? (pause) What the hell? Are you...

(Overlapping other voices: "What's going on?" "Is she moving?" "Is something wrong..." "Oh my god" etc)

(pause)

OAK: She.... she's dead!

(more cries/exclamations of shock)

PEG: What? How is that possible?

LIME: Oh my god! Are you saying...

OAK: She was just fine. I left for FIVE MINUTES. Just to answer the door... (a couple heavy breaths) What. Happened?

PEG: *Doctor* Gray? You were the one over in the corner with her.

GRAY: (flustered) What? Well, sure I was, but...

LIME: So what did you do?

GRAY: Nothing!

BOOK: You were beating her.

GRAY: Well. Okay, not *nothing*. But it was just some light paddling. (pause) Well, that was what she asked for...

OAK: That's how she does like to start, true.

BOOK: I saw her writhing over there. Maybe she was choking. You mean that didn't strike you as unusual?

GRAY: (defensive) Tied in ropes while being smacked? No, in fact I would *not* call that unusual.

OAK: Shit. I guess... this is... what the... I should go call the police. There's - ahhhmm. Let me think. There's a phone out in the hall. Don't touch anything.

[running footsteps]

(awkward pause; everyone's shocked/nervous)

LIME: You people sure know how to greet a girl.

BOOK: Heh. Well, sorry. Obviously this... isn't exactly normal. I mean, we do usually try not to scare anyone too much while they've still got their clothes on.

LIME: What?

GRAY: Yes, sometimes the house can be scary enough. Did you notice that big portrait next to the ceiling harness? That always spooks people too.

PEG: I couldn't *help* noticing, the way those staring eyes follow you around.

BOOK: Makes you feel like you're being watched all the time, doesn't it? Mmmmmm...

LIME: Look! What's that around her mouth?

[steps, jostling]

GRAY: You're right. A little something purple. And the bloodshot eyes... maybe she was poisoned?

PEG: What? Who would want to poison her?

(BOOK chuckles ruefully)

GRAY: What does *that* mean, Ms. Book? Do *you* have something against her?

BOOK: What? No. We.. well, you know we've had a thing in the past, but...

PEG: Actually I don't know. In fact, I barely know anything about any of you...

GRAY: Well, that's a big part of the fun after all...

LIME: Maybe Mr. Oak could shed a little light on that.

BOOK: He's the one who works for her. Um. Worked. He must know a lot of things. (pause) Do you think he's gotten through to someone yet?

PEG: Maybe we should check... I'll go see how he's doing.

[footsteps]

LIME: Wow. (nervous laugh) This is... fucked up. I thought I was coming here, I don't know, maybe for a good spanking or something...

GRAY: Well. You know, that can still be arranged.

BOOK: Come on! At a time like this?

GRAY: What, are you jealous? You'd still get your turn too.

LIME: Sorry. (liking the idea) I mean, maybe?.... (getting a grip on herself) No. Wait. I don't know. I am a little freaked here.

[PEG screams from down the hall]

GRAY: Oh no...

[running footsteps; gasping/panting from PEG getting louder as they get near]

BOOK: What now?!

PEG: It's-- it's Mr. Oak. He... he...

LIME: (gasp) Oh. Oh fuck.

PEG: I wasn't sure where to look. I came into the hall. Then I saw that foot sticking out from behind the stairs and then... this. He was lying here.

BOOK: (skeptical) You just found him like this?

PEG: Yes. Like this, right here on the floor. Not moving.

LIME: And what? Someone left him here dead? Already? That's ridiculous.

BOOK: How long was he even gone anyway?

LIME: I mean... what the hell happened? Who could have done that? We were practically right behind him. I didn't hear anything. Did you?

BOOK: Nothing besides the screaming.

PEG: I don't know. I can't think what must have happened. I mean, look. There's no blood.

LIME: Hmmmmm. Nothing seems broken.

PEG: (breathing fast) No. It doesn't look like there was... any kind of struggle or anything.

GRAY: What's that by the phone? Is it a glass?

LIME: What? What does that have to do with anything?

GRAY: [sniffing] I smell something faint. A little like... almonds.

PEG: (still panicked) What does it MATTER?! It's the middle of nowhere, we're cut off and TWO people are DEAD here--

BOOK: You don't have to shout.

PEG: (shouting) I'M NOT SHOUTING!

(silence for a couple seconds)

GRAY: (thoughtfully) But he was looking for the phone. Why would he be taking a sip of scotch?

LIME: Wait. So *did* he call anyone?

PEG: How would I know? I just saw him and yelled--

LIME: Sorry. Okay. Look. We're trying to figure things out here. If we still need to get in touch with the cops... (beat) Wait. Wasn't there one more person here?

PEG: Yes. Uh, Mr. Teal. He was in the kitch-- oh!

BOOK: You don't think... (trails off)

GRAY: Which way was the kitchen?

(pause)

[all take off running again; footsteps etc]

BOOK: (panting) It's at this corner of the house...

[footsteps come to a stop]

(pause)

PEG: I don't *believe* this.

MR. TEAL: (gasping and wheezing)

BOOK: Is that... a stiletto heel buried in his neck?

GRAY: So he's not going to be making my cocktail after all.

BOOK: And what are all those red marks there? Around his collar. Did somebody try choking him?

PEG: Oh. (nervous laugh) Uh, no, that was me. Earlier, I mean. I think I got a little rough with the rope.

LIME: Ah. Well... if that's your kind of thing...

GRAY: Is he trying to say something?

PEG: Shhhh! I think so.

TEAL: (struggling, breathing hard) She said I could... be the big spoon... (chokes and dies)

(silence for a few seconds)

GRAY: This is getting serious.

PEG: I don't get it. This makes no fucking sense. Him? Too? Why would anyone want to kill him?

BOOK: You tell us. Wasn't he your partner for the night? You know, actually, you don't seem so upset about this.

PEG: What? Well. We weren't really *that* close. I mean, I used to... top him. Sometimes. It's been a while now. But Mrs. Bawdy wanted to play with us both. (pause) Maybe that's why she brought us here tonight...

LIME: So you aren't in the habit of coming here often? You just got one of those special invites like me?

PEG: Well, yes.

GRAY: And me.

LIME: You?

GRAY: I got that invitation, although I have been here before quite a lot. You could say I'm her regular go-to guy for some... favorite games. I had the feeling there was something else planned for tonight, though.

BOOK: Same here. Um. I, well, wouldn't say I'm a regular, but... like I said, we knew each other. We had a... side thing going on. I thought that was what this party was about. She just said it would be about trying something new.

LIME: I'll say. (slightly hysterical laugh) New things for all of us.

[door opening]

OAK: Hi, everyone.

(all gasp and shout in surprise) - "OAK?!"

LIME: What the hell?!

GRAY: You... you're not dead.

OAK: Obviously not.

GRAY: We - we thought you were.

OAK: Hmmmm, really? Did any of you bother to look at me back there? Maybe check a pulse?

(silence)

BOOK: Oh.

LIME: Then what were you doing in the pantry?

GRAY: Is hiding in cupboards your thing?

PEG: That's pretty kinky.

OAK: Oh no, no. I just went back to the lounge.

BOOK: The lounge?

LIME: That's over at the other side of the house--

OAK: Maybe, Miss, but there's a secret space behind the picture. There's a passage *through* the house, which happens to come out here in the pantry. I can show you if you like. Why don't we talk more easily out in the hall...

[footsteps as they walk out]

GRAY: That minx. Someone really could watch from that spot after all? (impressed) There were times I wondered if I was hearing noises in the walls. (laugh) And she always told me it was just the pipes.

BOOK: Make one of those jokes about *your* lead pipe right now, and I have a feeling you'll regret it.

LIME: Wait. So there was a way to spy on things in the lounge?

PEG: Now that just makes it extra creepy.

BOOK: Mmm, or that could be a little bonus. Depending.

OAK: All things relative, eh, Ms. Book? But yes, let's say, that was a viewing post from time to time. I went to see what I could find out while you were all running over here. She's still there, still dead.

LIME: Unlike you.

OAK: Well. I admit that was a last-minute idea. Once I saw Mr. Teal on the floor in here, it was obvious something big was going on. So, I thought I'd fool you for a minute and see if someone gave themselves away.

LIME: Oh. (pause) So you didn't take a drink from that scotch glass?

OAK: No, definitely not. I had a hunch that would be a pretty bad idea. But you also knew that... didn't you, Miss Lime?

LIME: *What*?

OAK: Don't act so surprised. You knew *someone* had left a glass out here. Scotch and cyanide, on the rocks.

GRAY: Oh! I *knew* I smelled almonds.

LIME: I... I don't know what you mean. How would I know anything about this?

OAK: Are you sure?

LIME: (stammering) I, uh... well, I...

OAK: You knew because it was your plan. Did you tell the rest of them you're his mistress?

GRAY: Oh, this gets better and better.

OAK: I just put it together. Nobody would suspect you if something happened before you arrived. And so - you had *him* poison Mrs. Bawdy. After all... He was used to following your orders. When you got here, you just had to go around to a window and check that he'd done the job. That's why you were out of breath when you first got to the front door.

LIME: (defensive) Now why would I do that? Do you think I'd want to walk around that yard in a storm? In barely anything but this corset?

GRAY: Mmm. Which is very hot, by the way.

PEG: I really like the little spikes.

BOOK: Aha! So that's what happened? It was her plan?

OAK: Oh, not just hers.

GRAY: Now I'm really confused. Then was someone else involved?

OAK: Not knowingly, I think, but it was both of them. Miss Lime... (dramatically) and Ms. Book.

ALL TOGETHER: What?!

(pause)

BOOK: I'll say it again. WHAT?!

OAK: You had the same plan to get rid of her. You knew our hostess's habits. It sounds like you probably offered him something... maybe the chance to be on top sometimes? After all... he was your sub too.

LIME: YOURS? You mean... he was doing it with both of us?

OAK: He couldn't believe his luck. The two of you both wanted her gone. He could do one favor and get his candlestick waxed at both ends for it.

GRAY: (impressed) Wow. Now that's smart.

LIME: I don't know whether to be angry or flattered.

GRAY: Oh, don't look at me like that. Can you blame him? Look at you two. I'd do the same thing.

(pause)

PEG: I would too.

(pause)

LIME: Thanks?

BOOK: Umm. Well, you have to admit he was a good one.

LIME: Oh. That's... well, that's true...

OAK: And naturally, he also got to know about some of your particular habits. It seems our hostess learned some really interesting things about both of you. That's why you were invited here tonight... all of you. She was planning to blackmail you.

PEG: What? Why? For money or something?

GRAY: Knowing her? I'm guessing it was probably for more sex.

OAK: You do know her very well. Yes. From what I could tell, she wanted partners for some... *particular* games.

PEG: You know, I had the feeling she had a sadistic streak. And not the wholesome kind.

OAK: That was certainly true. She always liked to try a lot of things at these parties. Different kinks, different preferences... preferably a mix of single people and couples...

GRAY: Like this group tonight, for instance.

BOOK: One plus two plus two plus one plus one.

OAK: Precisely. Maybe she could always just *ask* people... to come... but she also enjoyed cracking the whip a little. (pause) Figuratively. (pause) And not.

PEG: Wait. So you two weren't coming here just for fun?

(pause)

BOOK: Well, not just that. It *was* also fun.

GRAY: I'll say... (pause) Wait, but there was more? She was holding something over you to get... whatever she wanted?

BOOK: Yes. (beat) That's what happened.

LIME: (sigh) Yes... yes.

PEG: I see. So this isn't your kind of domming.

BOOK: Not really. I mean, I'm fine being tied up now and then. But when it includes salad tongs, things have really gone too far.

LIME: Oh. (pause) So you're saying I really could have stayed home and saved myself a lot of trouble here...

GRAY: Hang on. Then what happened to Mr. Teal? Was this to keep him quiet afterwards?

LIME: I didn't do it.

BOOK: I didn't either.

LIME: And for what it's worth, I always liked it when he *wasn't* quiet.

OAK: They're right. After all, there were much more fun ways of keeping him gagged. Why get rid of him?

BOOK: Exactly.

OAK: No, they didn't kill him, Dr. Gray... you did.

THE OTHERS: What??

GRAY: Me?

OAK: Yes.

(pause)

PEG: You know, that makes sense.

LIME: You're probably the only one here who could pull off wearing those stilettos.

BOOK: Mmm, I liked those... but wait! You were barefoot when we were standing by the phone.

GRAY: Now wait just a minute--

OAK: Plus, you didn't come right along with the others when you found me in the hall. You walked up a minute later... and from the other direction.

BOOK: You did?

LIME: Well, slap my ass and call me a... uh, nevermind. So you came here to the kitchen first?

(pause)

OAK: You figured out that he poisoned her, didn't you?

GRAY: (angrily) Yes! Yes. All right. (sigh) I remembered he was the one who gave her the scotch. I thought he might be, I don't know, running away or something. So I came looking for him. Then he grabbed a knife and we fought...

PEG: Still. Those kinds of heels? I have to say, I'm impressed.

LIME: Really? That's what you're thinking about right now?

PEG: Why not? (small gasp) Those muscles...

BOOK: Oh yeah...

OAK: True - but it's still no small matter to stab someone who's struggling. (chuckle) Even if you do have unusually sharp heels.

GRAY: Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.

OAK: I'm sure it would have been much easier if you had help making sure he was slow and weak already. Maybe from dehydration... and a lack of oxygen.

LIME: What? What does *that* mean?

OAK: You noticed the rope burns. It seems like he'd been choked a little already before he came in here. And Mistress Peg here did leave him looking pretty drained.

PEG: (flustered) I told you, I got a little carried away in the dungeon...

OAK: Really? Someone who's been a high-end dominatrix for almost ten years? Oh, no. I happen to know you're *very* good at handling a rope. It sure seems like you knew what you were doing.

GRAY: Well, now I can't believe I've never visited you yet.

OAK: Anyway, I suspect you were thinking the same thing as the others. If your victim was tied up and gagged, it might even look like an accident. Or your strong accomplice here could help you out.

(pause)

BOOK: You're right. It all makes sense.

PEG: (sigh) It does. How did you know?

GRAY: Oh. So if I hadn't come into the kitchen...

OAK: Right. She probably would have finished the job later. She just hadn't counted on the evening going quite like this.

BOOK: Ha. I doubt *any* of us counted on that.

(pause)

LIME: Or... did we?

GRAY: What?

LIME: Hang on. I don't know about that. Now that we're seeing the whole picture... it sure seems like someone does know an awful lot about *everything* that's been happening. (pause) And when. And how. And why.

PEG: Oh god, you're right.

GRAY: You mean...

LIME: Well, think about it. I didn't know about you and Mr. Teal. *You* didn't know about his history with Mistress Peg. *She* didn't know about Mrs. Bawdy and her little spy room.

BOOK: Ohhhhhhh. But *her partner* would know about all of it. Aaaaand the house. And the secret passage.

GRAY: And the blackmailing.

(pause)

(OAK starts chuckling, smug and amused)

OAK: Oh, good. *Very* good. I wondered if one of you would put it together.

BOOK: So you're saying...

GRAY: Of COURSE. It should have been obvious.

PEG: But why? There's no way he could have predicted all this. Really? Everything we'd do?

LIME: Nobody's *that* smart.

OAK: Hey now.

BOOK: I see. Maybe not everything... but he probably knew there was a chance some of this might happen.

PEG: Ohhh. (beat) And maybe there were things he *wanted* to do... or wanted someone *else* to do.

(pause)

OAK: (long sigh) Well, you're right. It's a long story, but suffice to say... I've wanted to be free of her myself for a long time now. It was worth trying *something*. You have no idea what I've had to do to keep her happy...

BOOK: Not the salad tongs?

OAK: Oh my dear, there were times I would *wish* for the salad tongs.

LIME: It's so obvious. He had more motive than anyone.

OAK: Well. You were right, of course. I couldn't do anything about her myself.. but I could give you an opportunity.

GRAY: Wow. And of all things... it worked.

(pause)

OAK: Impressive, when you think about it. If I say so myself.

(pause)

BOOK: So wait. Let's think it through for a minute. This means...

(pause)

LIME: ...Are we off the hook?

GRAY: Well.... Mrs. Bawdy's killer is dead.

PEG: Because of you, you mean.

GRAY: Hey, you tried to kill him yourself.

(pause)

PEG: Well, nobody's perfect.

GRAY: I agree. Most definitely. (suggestively) So. Then we may have an interest in keeping each other quiet.

PEG: I can think of a *few* ways we could come to an agreement.

LIME: So let's get this straight. Are you saying... we don't need to call the police? This could just all be over?

BOOK: Nobody needs to know anything?

OAK: Ladies. Do you think I'd *want* the police anywhere near this house? Even without anyone being killed?

(pause)

PEG: You know, that means we could turn *you* in.

OAK: For what? What did I do?

LIME: You...

GRAY: Ummmm...

PEG: Well....

(pause)

BOOK: (chuckle) Well done.

LIME: So what are you saying? What do you want?

OAK: Well, it's not just me. Let's ask, what do we *all* want?

LIME: Ummm, probably lots of things...

OAK: The chance to enjoy a little exhibitionism and bondage? Without any cutlery?

BOOK: Well, that one was probably obvious.

OAK: A good regular spanking when you want it?

LIME: (can't help herself) Ooooh, really?

OAK: The perfect cocktail, in whatever sense of the word?

GRAY: What? Are you saying...

OAK: And perhaps another sub or two who are good at taking orders.

PEG: Ohh. I'm listening.

OAK: Ladies and gentleman... it looks like we can all help each other here. And we can do it without needing to play our hostess's kind of game. I have a feeling this could work out pretty well for everyone. (pause) Do you think we can agree to stay quiet?

(pause)

BOOK: (suggestively) Find a good gag and I guess I won't have much choice, will I?

LIME: I think I can help with that if you want.

GRAY: I can keep my mouth shut. Peg?

PEG: Hm? Ohh, don't worry about me. It's usually other people who do the screaming.

(pause)

OAK: Well, I'm glad to hear it. I'll just have to make sure things here are cleared up. You can leave that to me. (laugh) Would anyone care for dessert?

(pause)

All right. Then it looks like the party's over for tonight, but I'll know how to find you. Shall we say, the same time next month? How does that sound?

(pause)

OAK: Oh look, I see it's clearing up outside.  No hurry, though. Talk it over. Have a drink if you want... (laugh) or not. Show yourselves out whenever you like. I'm sure we'll all *be in touch*.

[footsteps]
[door closing]