R2 makeup plan

The coffin burst up through the catwalk under Hale's feet, shredding through the metal and slamming him against the ceiling. The whole apparatus broke free from its supports and toppled to the ground, spotlights and all, bringing Hale back down to earth in front of a smirking Moriarty. The makeup bottles burst like shells against them, coloring their bodies in red and blue facepaint. Oh, he was so sick of red and blue.

[...]

...Actually. That was an idea.

Saxton stepped back to dodge Moriarty's uppercut, missing by a centimeter. Again and again, he stepped back with every one of Moriarty's punches, and busily, violently, rubbed his hands together as fast and hard as he could. Two strong, calloused hands furiously scraping together faster than the eye could follow.

Look, Hale knew some things. He knew that Moriarty had calculated certain modes of action for Hale, certain expectations. He knew that rapidly rubbing together two objects could generate heat and friction really fast, like starting a fire out in the wilderness. And hey, he liked to think he had experience with women. Enough to know that makeup can be extremely flammable.

Moriarty thought he was unintelligent? He'd exceed his calculations in every way. I'll surprise him with just how stupid I can be, Hale thought, as he intentionally set himself on fire.

Finally, the cold-blooded Moriarty looked shocked. The color drained from his face as he saw Hale ignite like a phoenix. The temperature was incredible, the flames were raging so monstrously they threatened to burn Hale to a crisp. And Hale screamed. But not in pain! It was a scream of triumph, which was a lot manlier!

Saxton grabbed his shirt and pulled him in. The flames leaped onto his clothes immediately, swarming over his body, devouring Moriarty. One burning man lifted the other up, and pulled his arm back, five fingers bunching up into a fiery fist.

"Out with the old, huh? It's you who's out, Moriarty! Punched out of this goddamn building!"

With one tremendous blazing blow, Hale smashed Moriarty and rocketed him through the roof in an explosion of brick and mortar. The sonic boom was enough to blow the hats off the theatergoers, the fire setting off the smoke alarms and causing the sprinklers to splash down on everyone in attendance. Hale, still burning, posed heroically with his fist in the air. Maybe he wasn't trillionaire CEO Saxton Hale anymore. But he was still Saxton Hale. And Saxton Hale kicked ass. Nobody could ever take that away from him.