Thread 78: Stories 1-15

https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/23102420/
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SO NC
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~~

>Celestia? Got a question.

"WHAT!?"

>That's related to it.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

>Any reason yer' stockin' up on earplugs?

"Intuition."

>...Fair enough.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"29"
'Trixie'
~~~

>This next lesson shall be on... magic!

"Oh, okay, I-"

'DID SOMEONE SAY MAGIC!?'

Out of nowhere, thousands of fireworks raced into the sky.

'The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie will tell you allllll about magic both big and small! Her might is unrivaled, her knowledge far reaching and vast! Behold, mere mortals! Behold the magic of TRIXIE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!'

>...Fireworks?

'What?'

>Fireworks. Thou art mostly doing fireworks.

'...Fireworks are impressive!'

>They're not.

'They are so!'

>Are not.

'ARE SO!'

>Screaming louder shall not avail you.

'THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MAGIC OF TRIXIE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL IS SO IMPRESSIVE!'

>...

'...'

>...Is not.

'WHY YOU! Trixie does not care if you are a princess, Trixie shall show her-'

A dark cloud of pure magic hovered over Luna's frame, completely blotting out the sky.

From within, something roared.

'...It's not that impressive.'

>...

'...Can Trixie sit in too?'

"Tis my lesson."

>No.

'Please?'

>...Yes.

"Did thou really just cave so easi-OW! LIGHTNING!? You shot me with LIGHTNING!?"

'THAT IS SO CO- I mean, Trixie could do that if she wanted.'

>...

'...begin the lesson!'

>...So you put up with her all the time?

"She ate my food-OW!"

'TEACH!'

"Why would thou hit me!? Hit her!"

'...fuck no.'

>She is smarter than she looks.

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[Editor's note: Talking about Thread 78's OP picture.]
NC
>Applejack
"Applebloom"
~~~~~~

>...It uh...

"Don't ya' love it? It looks just like ya'!"

>....Like lookin' in a mirror. Totally goin' up on the desk.

"Awesome!"

*Leaves*

>...Actually? Totally is goin' up on the desk. This here's mah' cart license pic now, just ta' see the look on their faces... ya' done good, Applebloom.

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~

>Honey? Have you seen Two?

"She's playing with Applebloom, according to the guards."

>...In Canterlot?

"In Canterlot."

>How the hell do they know that?

"They're pretty good at watching her."

>Huh... remember when they used to freak out if a shadow got too big in front of them?

"I still remember the nightmares... and the love-magics to make them stop."

>Yeah, that's pretty effective.

"..."

>...Soooo... since we have some alone time-

"Seriously? Applejack has a twenty four hour deadline and then Chrysalis is going to lose what little cookies she has left, and you bring that up now?"

>...Not like I NEED Twenty Four hours...

"You come close when it's been a while."

>I can go fast!

"Shiny."

>It's just, Chrysalis isn't paying attention to me, 18's locked in her room, 42's off doing stuff, this is rare that we don't have to worry about anyone trying to join in....

"Shiny, no. Not right now, I have a hooficure appointment."

>...Seriously?

"I need to look good in case I have to pull Chrysalis off Applejack! The cameras are everywhere, Shiny! We'll do it later, I promise."

>...always friggen promise...never friggen do it...

*Walks off*

>...we never play monopony anymore...

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>PD
"Guard"
~~~~

>...

"...M-miss?"

>...

"...M-m-ma'm, you're, uh, you're worrying me."

>...

"It's just... I know I drew the short straw when I had to be the one to bring you the paper, but that doesn't mean... look, I'm just a normal guy like everyone else, please don't shoot me in a blind rage."

>...

"...eep..."

>...What's your name?

"Uh-"

>Your name, what is it?

"It's... it's Brass Shoes, ma'am."

>Not Brass Balls, obviously... Brass?

"U-uhhhhh..."

>You're dismissed.

"...PHEW!"

He wasted not time. In seconds, mere seconds, he was gone.

>...So, that bitch has been getting her own allies, has she? Well... fuck you.

She trotted over to her window, soaking in the sight of the Gryphon Lands out before her. Lands that had once been nothing but harsh jungle but now showed the industrial might she was capable of.

>...Mine are stronger... and you'll see that... soon.

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>2
"Applebloom"
'SB'
[SL]
~~~~~

>Are ya' sure this is the right way?

"Ah'm always sure! Ah' know exactly where Ah' wanna go when Ah' wanna go to it, and ain't nothin' gettin' in mah way!"

>So ya' wanted ta' walk off the side of the castle... twice.

"...Yes."

[Can I just call bull on that one, by the way? I am. Total bull.]

'What? I thought it was pretty cool!'

[HOW CAN SHE FLY SO FAST!?]

>Cause Mommy and Daddy loves me.

[...]

"Uh, Scoots? You okay?"

[S-sure...]

'...So where are we going?'

"Where Ah' wanna go!"

>Where do ya' wanna go?

"Ta' yer friggen... aunt? Cousin? Hows that work?"

>Don't be silly! Forty Two's just Forty Two! She ain't gotta lame nothin', she's special!

"Cousin ain't lame!"

>It's lamer than Forty Two! Forty Two is awesome!

"It's just a number!"

>YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

"Don't ya'll tell me what ta' do!"

>I will sick Maney on you! She's crazy, ya' don't know what she's gonna do!

"... Can we actually fight her?"

[That sounds AWESOME!]

>Sure! She likes it!

'CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SUPERHEROES!'

"But we need a name... awesome super ultra heroes?"

[Mega super duper Rainbow Dashing ultra heroes?]

'Megasuperhyperinfinitybombingrainboomingprincessy-'

>HEY!

"'[...]'"

>...What's wrong with Cutie Mark Crusaders?

"..Oh, right, that does fit."

'That was easy.'

[...Weren't we finding Forty Two?]

"OH! RIGHT! She's obviously this wa-AHHHHHhhhhhhhhh...."

'This castle is very unsafe for children.'

>GASP! APPLEBLOOM! AH' GOTCHA!

ZOOM!

[...Friggen showoff.]

'At least she's not showing off her parents.'

[...]

'...I'm sorry.'

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NC
>Pommel
"???"
~~~~~

>...Why did I want this job again?

"Something about protecting innocents, something about the little guy, blah blah blah blah."

>...When you put it like that, I probably jumped the gun here.

"I'd say."

>...So, uh, miss Chitania-

"I'm not going to eat you again."

>Was hoping not. So-

SPLAT!

>-I should have seen that coming.

"Shortest captaincy ever."

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>42
"AJ"
'??'
[??]
{??}
-???-
~???~
~~~~

>This is taking too long.

The mare walking in front of her huffed, peering back over her shoulder with barely a glance.

"Ah' sent the guards ta' go git 'em, all of 'em. They'll be here soon enough."

>Time is of a factor here.

"Ya' think Ah' don't know that?"

>Then stop delaying.

"Ah'm not, trust me."

>That is a very tall order to ask me right now.

She winced, but kept walking.

"Yer' gonna want ta' see this."

>Forgive me if I remain suspicious.

"...Guess ya' earned that much... we're here."

She came to a stop at what at first appeared to be a very odd wall on the back side of the castle. It was only on closer inspection that Forty Two noticed this 'wall' that ran all the way up to the ceiling was, in fact, not a wall at all.

>...What in the...

The doors before her looked like they could withstand a bomb that would level the castle, magical runes all alongside every inch of it to ward off any from entrance. They were so large, they looked as if a dragon could easily and comfortably enter into it without even having to bend his head, and powerful enough to hold that dragon back should they wish it.

And there, dead center, was a single magically enchanted hole. Fitted perfectly... for an alicorns horn.

"We ain't got a lotta time... but maybe this'll help."

She slipped her horn into the hole smoothly, and in an instant it lit up like plugging in a hearts warming eve tree. The runes danced with magic and one by one all blockades fell away. Soon, it swung open, groaning under it's own massive weight as the sealed doors let air rush in from where there had previously been a vacuum. Grandly, it's contents inside were revealed.

'HI FORTY TWO!'

>...what.

The pink hoof never once stopped waving.

To the other four's credit, they looked at least a little more serious.

>... Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, how are you all?

[Oh, we're just-WAIT MINUTE!]


"Rar, hush. We got bigger issues."

[HMPH!]

>Is there any particular reason you're all here, Twilight?

{Just getting ready to leave.}

>...Absolutely not.

They all shared a look, brief, but meaningful.

Meaningful and very incredulous.

-You're kidding, right?-

'Yeah, Dashie's got a point, I mean... really?'

~Um, if this is about me-~

>It is not about you.

~Oh, okay, just checking.~

{Soooo-}

>So this is a very, very dangerous mission and I need only those I can trust on it.

{...And the reason you have a problem with me is-}

>I actually requested you personally.

"Wait, ya' did?"

>I said ALL past and present members.

"Oh... uh, okay, didn't think ya' meant that thorough, but lesson learned."

{Okay, well, can I bring them along then? I need ponies *I* trust.}

>...

{That did not mean to come out as racist as it sounded.}

>...

{...Because it wasn't, it's just... they're all ponies, okay? So it would sound weird if...}

>...

{...Look, do you want this mission accomplished or not?}

>I very much do.

-So, run this by me, why don't you want us? US?-

>Because you... uh...

[...no no, please, go ahead and say it. Imply it, even.]

>...Well, uh...

-Thiiis I gotta hear.-

>...Okay, so, yes, technically you all have a much... much... much... muuuuuuch better track record of defeating grand threats than me... or all of the other A-team combined, and most of you are ridiculously powerful, but...

~Um... if you want, I'll stay behind.~

>Actually, you're one of the ones who would do the most...

~...~

-Look, we wanna help you, and we're the friggen Elements of Harmony, you really going to turn this down and risk a mission failure? You want Twi, you gotta take all of us!-

{Please do not speak for me like that.}

-...Ice cold.-

>Well, I suppose if I have to bring Applejack...

'Yyeeeesssssss?'

>...I remain in charge of this operation, understood?

{That sounds reasonab-}

'WOOOO! FINALLY! FINALLY I GET TO DO SOMETHING AGAIIIIIIIN! WOOOOOT!'

{...}

>...

"...Pinkie? Wrong time."

'NO REGRETS!'

>Do we have to bring-

[Yes.]

>...is this because I-

[Yes.]

>...No regrets.

[Plplplplpl.]

"Alright folks, saddle up! The minute Spike and them get here, WE RID-OW!'

>Do NOT steal my thunder right now.

"...Fair enough."

>Good... alright, maggots! Get ready to go, when my A-team finishes assembling, we're going fast and we're going in hard! You have any problems with that, get the hell out! Any questions?.. GOOD! Now... what is our mode of transportation?

'...Really? Uh, Forty Two?'

>Yes?

{We're taking the Highwind.}

>Oh, it's been repaired? Where is it?

-Seriously?-

>What? Am I missing something here? I don't see it.

{Look up.}

Her head tilted back... and back... and back.... and baaaaacccckk... and back.

>...huh.

{Yep.}

>...SHOTGUN!

'SON OF A

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I blatantly rip jokes! Now for our main guest...TWILIGHT!!!

"Hm."

>If you were milked would it taste like purple drink?

"Pinkie, first of all I'd...wait purple drink?"

>Yeah, it's what the studio can afford to give me. Anyway, since you're occasionally called purple smart your milk would probably taste like purple drink.

"I...There's so many things I want to say about that."

>Sadly there's not enough time to say it so good bye!
Twilight wakes up and sees a mysterious purple drink next to her bed.

"..."
She takes a sip of it.
"...huh it actually tastes like purple."

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 >Chitania
"SN"
'Pony'
~~~~~

>...

*FLIPFLIPFLIP*

"..."

*FLIPFLIPFLIP*

'...So are you guys, like, actually friends?'

>No, as I said, it was a hoax.

'But that's also what you would say if you were friends.'

>Correct.

'So how do I know you aren't lying and just got caught with her?'

>You don't.

'Huh... so-'

>I'm allowed to toss you out if you keep bugging me. And I will, and I will have no regard for if you are in good shape afterwards, and this is totally fine.

'...Er, what about you-'

"I'm reading!"

'...It's just, it looks like you guys know a lot of stuff and-'

>Three... two..

'EEP!'

>...I liked it better when it was quiet.

"Awww, I miss our me and you time too!"

>...Sure, that's what I meant.

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 >Luna
"Mayor Mare"
~~

>Mayor of this town, we have a question.

"Oh... this is weird, but, okay! What do you need, majesty?"

>What is the purpose of this... mayoral thing."

"I'm... sorry?"

>This whole choosing thine own leaders every few cycles, what is the benefit to this?

"Uh... I guess to allow ponies to choose who leads them instead of just giving the power to whoever comes next in line?"

>Does thou have an issue with such a thing?

"Well, I mean, no but-"

>But thou still plays in a game that flies in the face of our monarchy.

"Well I don't know about that-"

>So then thou does not support this practice.

"Well obviously I do but-"

>So then thou does wish that higher rulers were chosen and temporary!

"N-no! But... uh... I mean uh... er..."

>...

"...Actually? It's not a bad system to keep from getting burned out. Otherwise you get rulers who never ever leave, but aren't nessecarily good past their first... 'term', let's just say. Not perfect for everybody, but perfect for small scale stuff."

>...

"..."

>...

"...Am I going into a dungeon?"

>HA HA! Do not be so foolish, politician! We were merely playing a joke on thee, do not take it so serious! We merely spoke in jest, calm thyself!

"Oh, uh... ha ha?"

>HA! It is good to laugh like such!

"Yeah, it's great."

>HA!... But to be serious, attempt to sway this up in Canterlot, and thou shalt face our wrath.

"...Is... is this still a joke-"

>No.

"Oh, uh... got it."

>Good, now let us continue laughing at our old joke! HA HA HA!

"..."

>Laugh.

"Ahahah... ahahha... ahah."

>HAHA!

"...I'm starting to see why you never go to any galas."

>HA!

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>Luna
"Zecora"
~~~

>Excuse us, fair potion maker, but in thine residence...

"Yes, oh princess of the night? What can I help you with to make right?"

>We noticed thou has a lot of items from very ancient times.

"Indeed I do have such thing, oh royal of Canterlot! I am a collector of the mysterious who loves all this would has got."

>Indeed, but the thing is... we noticed several of items that we, particularly, used to own.

"...Oh?"

>Yes. Things like that mask that segments into threes, and that vase that depicts a dragon being devoured by a squid, we used to hold all of that, but it was lost to time. We were wondering...

"Oh, I see what you mean princess Luna, and I hear of your plight! I shall gladly return the items... if the price is right."

>WE BEG THINE PARDON!?

"You heard us with ears as clean as the fresh day. Perhaps we can negotiate that which I send your way."

>This is absurd! We are the princess of Equestria!

"You are one of them, this is certainly true. But you being a royal does pay for my berries so blue. If you want them back, I'll be kind because of who you are. But of course they will be expensive, they were gathered from both near and far!"

>W-WE... WE JUST...

"Does thou seek to demand of thine items for nothing at all? Robbery you speak of, and surely to such lengths you would not fall."

>...Fine. Set thine prices.

"Each one is varied, and worth so much to me. So, I will put it on this paper for her highness to see."

>........WHAT!? THOU SPEAKS OF ROBBERY AND THEN WRITES THIS DOWN!?

"We think it is fair, but we understand if you disagree. Twenty Nine is always looking for things from royals, perhaps he will barter more with me."

A massive stormcloud filled with eruptions of fire and light lit up the sky, blazing as hotly as the magic in Luna's eyes.

>Y-YOU!..... YYYOOOUUUUUUUUU!

Zecora never even twitched.

>........I will send for the funds shortly, you should have it by the morrow.

"Pleasure doing business with you, oh majesty of Equestria so grand! Would you like it wrapped up, or would you prefer it boxed up and sent across the land?"

>We'll take the box.

"Splendid! That will be an extra six bits for shipping.... and of course whatever you are tipping."

>WHAT!?

"Shipping isn't free. For you, or me."

>GRAHHHHHHH!

"...Would you like a receipt? To ensure no deceit?"

>RAHHHHHHHHH.... yes.

"Thank you for shopping Zecora! Pleas tell your friends, I also handle flora."

>...How are thou so good at this?

"Gotta pay the bills somehow."

>...

"..."

>...You didn't...

"..."

>...Nevermind. Do you take giant stacks of gold?

"Yes."

>Splendid.

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>Spike
"DT
'SS'
[Daw]
{???}
~~~~

>I'm thinking right in the head to start, then the heart, then maaaaybe her ass, I'm not sure, I'm playing this one by ear.

As one, they were stomping in unison down the hall, all of them in lock-step behind the dragon who's claws were clutching his gun so tightly they worried he might scratch it.

Well, two of them were stomping. The ex-pirate Daw was mostly content to sortof stomp just because she could, and Silver Spoon was content to just walk.

Diamond Tiara joined in, of course, because of course she did.

[Ya' know, for you wankers getting on my case for talking smack, you all sure are violent.]

"Wait, what?"

>THIS IS PERSONAL!

"Personal because she punted you or the other thing?"

>OTHER THING!

"Uh huh."

>...Mostly the punt.

'You got some amazing air, by the way.'

>Don't give her points for that, that was mostly Shiny being a dumbass. A well meaning dumbass, but a dumbass all the same.

[Shiny?]

'Prince Shining Armor.'

[Gem place guy?... You guys have some serious connections.]

"HMRPH! Obviously. I'm Diamond Tiara."

[Never heard of ya'.]

"WHY YOU-"

{AHEM!}

The party froze mid-stomp, almost bumping into one another comically as a guard shuffled into their path.

{The A-team's presence has been requested.}

"HAH! Bullshit we will! We've got some bug brains to splatter across the wall, so you just go tell princess fat-apples that-"

{All of them, past and present members, by request of the changeling captain, Forty Two. All members.}

"-that we will be right there and we are ready to kick some ass! Come on, Spike!"

>What happened to-

"I SAID LET'S GO THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT OBVIOUSLY SHUT UP!"

[Can I go too?]

{Are you an A-team member?}

[I'm like three seconds from being let in!]

'He said A-team, not gunclub.'

[The fuck's the difference!?]

'One's a private military force that is hired by the Equestrian Government and is not subjected to military regulations, the other is a club.'

[...That sound's pretty distinct, actually, point. Sooo, can I get in this club?]

'Private military organization, and-'

"NO! The A-team is the best of the best, the brightest of the bright, the coolest of the cool! NO OTHERS!"

'Which is why I'm not a part of it.'

"...She COULD, she just doesn't feel like it."

[What, are you special?]

'N-'

"OBVIOUSLY! But she just didn't get a chance to join yet!"

[Uh huh... so can I-]

"NO!"

>So are we going or-

"NO... I mean yes! Come on, Spike!"

She grabbed hold of him with one foreleg, propped up her rocket launcher with the other, and in the next second there was plus one hole in the ceiling, and minus two A-team members.

[THAT FUCKIN' THING CAN FLY!? IT CAN FUCKIN' FLY!? I CARRIED THAT GIANT HUNK OF METAL IN ADDITION TO HIS SCALY ASS UP THE MOUNTAIN AND THIS WHOLE TIME IT CAN *FLY*!?]

'Yep.'

[WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST FLY!?]

'It was funnier to watch you carry him.'

[...That little gobshites a BITCH.]

'And yet, still better than you.'

[Ouch.]

'Fuck you, she's my best friend.'

[...Point taken.]

{Uh...}

[The fuck'er you still here for?]

{I uh... was supposed to tell them where to meet. It's not in the usual place.}

'Oh, uh... they'll ask someone else?'

{It's classified.}

[Huh...]

'...damn it, DT.'

[So uh-]

'Now we wait for Spike to come back.'

[Not her?]

'She's... got troubles with asking for help.'

[Huh... got any stories? Cause I've got a ton!]

'...Damn it, DT...'

[Okay, so it started with me in a bikini, and not the one you're thinking of!]

{...Go on...}

'...Just damn it.'

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NC

>Batmom
“Night Guards”
~~~~

>So. Can’t help but notice the distinct lack of a certain Canterlot voice using mares in the near vicinity.

From one corner of the room, a stallion briefly glanced over his magazine.

“You mean Princess Luna? Yeah, she’s off doing… something or another.”

>I see. And do we know where she’s doing this something or another?

Some other guard, this one a mare seated comfortably at the round table, lifted a hoof.

“Down there in Ponyville. The captain dropped us a note about three hours ago. Told us not to worry, just keep watch over the castle.”

>Ha, should have known.

“No kidding. You’ve been out the game for a good while, Glims, but things haven’t changed a lick.”

“Except for the staggering knowledge of how far your legs can spread.”

“HEYO!”

>…

“But seriously, our tabs on the Princess haven’t weakened by any means.”

“Yeah, we don’t need some milf fixing her lips to scorn us for shirking our duties.”

>…Are you saying you want to fuck me?

“I-what? No, that's not what I... damn, hoisted by my own petard.”

>Yeah you were.

“Gonna ignore the fact that he didn’t deny it?”

“Deny what? Glims is hot, course I’d fuck her. If it weren’t for her changeling hubby, I- hold on, hold on… you, how long you been with us, newbie?”

“For about a couple months…?”

>Ah, so you don’t really know our ways yet, or who I am.

“W-well, I’m still learning but I-”

>But nothing. There’s only three things you need to seer into your brain. One, when neither the princess or the captain are around, you follow me. You’ll come to affectionately know me as either ‘Batmom’ or the ‘Night Bitch’. Second, we, the night guard, don’t operate by our own devices, but together, as one cohesive unit. Get me? None of that lone ranger shit you see other guards elsewhere doing. We are the night, and the night works best a whole. And third… we are a family. We don’t consider ourselves as ponies lumped together to watch the princess, punch the clock then go home. If that’s your mentality, stomp that shit out right now.

She approached the latest to their division and lifted a hoof.

He flinched.

But then he looked on, confused, when her hoof gently tilted his head back by the chin.

>Everypony here? Family. And Luna is our surrogate mother.

“Another milf if I ever saw one.”

“…But she’s not a-”

“She is in my dreams.”

“Guys, come on, let’s get the rules laid out before we speak about our fantasies, alright? Sheesh, have some decorum around the new guy.”

“…”

>…As I was saying, we’re all family here. To do our job and protect one another efficiently, there are no secrets in the dark, not with us. Can you do that?

“I don’t think-”

“Oh, and you also get four free passes a month to ogle the princess’ royal backside.”

“-Sold.”

>…Damn it, you guys.

“Nothing but love, Glims. Nothing but love. What was our creed back in the day again?”

““““FOR THE GLORIOUS MOON!”””””

“Exactly.”

>…And she never figured it out, that’s what gets me.

“Faust above, I love our princess.”

“I think I’m going to like it here.”

>So not the right hoof I wanted to start on.

“Yeah, yeah, anyway, so like I was saying, I always envisioned our princess as a mom, right, ‘cept she always wore this apron and….”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CD
>DT
"Spike"
'42'
~~~~
As they rocket through the air.
>Oh my gosh, 42's finally back in Canterlot and we're going to be the A-team again and it's going to be just like old times! How is she? Do you think she made the trip here safely? How long do you think she's staying? Should I give her some gifts to make her comfortable while she's here? What am I talking about? Of course I should. Shoot, what makes a good 42 gift? IfIDon'tThinkOfSomethingFastShe'llProbablyJustLeaveAgainAnd-

"Breath please!"

>*inhales* I mean...What do you think she wants if she's assembling all of us?

"What ever it is. It sound like serious business if it's past and present members...I thought you were still mad at her for not writing?"

>O-of course I am. It took her long enough to visit...it doesn't mean I can't give her a warm welcome so she stays longer...you don't think she's mad that I didn't give her a fruit basket while she was hurt do you?

Spike rolls his eyes.
"...yeah, that sounds like 42. She doesn't want to visit because you didn't send a fruit basket."

>Hmm you're right, I'll make sure to send a train full of fruit to the Crystal Empire. Is one trainfull enough, or should I send 2?

"I was being sarcastic and can you please look forward before we...pass our usual place."

>So we're taking a little detour, but we'll meet them before you-

"Look out for the wall!"
They crash through the wall and find themselves surrounded by the elements and 42. DT puffs her cheeks.

>I'm so mad at you right now!

'...that's hard for me to tell when you're hugging me.'

>I'm hugging you with pure unadulterated rage. This is the most marely way to express how mad I am that you've been gone...please don't leave soon. I'm sad you're not here.

42 smiles and returns the hug.
'I missed you too.'

Spike brushes himself off.
"Great to see you 42...what do you need?"

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