My Take On Speedrunning Recently

I've been meaning to talk about this for the past several months and now I think it's the time to talk about how I've been feeling about speedrunning lately. First off, nothing is changing as far as streaming content but my approach has changed recently.

It's hard to really describe how I've been feeling about speedrunning because there are many things that have been going on with me. I've been speedrunning for many years at this point but only taken it seriously in 2015. Many people know that I am very competitive in not just speedrunning but in online multiplayers as well.

Throughout 2015-2016, I speedran A Link To The Past very seriously every 1-2 days and hung out with the community. I've made some decent friends in the community and in a large community like ALTTP, you can't always please everyone. So there were some people who weren't fond of me because of the way I was back then. Every once in a while I look back at some of my old ALTTP highlight clips and cringe at some of the things I'd say or do.

After 2016, I became less active with ALTTP and began grinding for world records in New Super Luigi U. I became very well known for my achievements in this game from this point and it was a big ego boost for me and I've let this get the best of me over the years mainly because for as long as I grinded the game, I was the only person taking the grind seriously. Starting from late 2018, a few people got into the game but they never took the grind as seriously as I had.

Fast forward to 2019, I began to have thoughts of what happens if someone tried to contend for the NSLU WR and I began to feel stressed out thinking about it. The first person that succeeded in this was BlueX2. Of course, as good sportsmanship, I did congratulate him and I tried to immediately take the WR back when this happened but the pressure was difficult for me to handle. So I took a break from the game for a while.

I picked up speedrunning New Super Mario Bros. 2 in September 2020 when I got my 3DS capture card and I really enjoyed running this game for my first few times. This was the last of the NSMB games that I finally picked up as I tried speedrunning every other game in the series in an attempt to be as competitive as NSLU but NSMB, NSMBW and NSMBU all have things in their runs that demotivate me from competing in them at top levels. When I finally picked up NSMB2, I was very impressed with the run. Optimizing spin flying as well as other technical tricks was so appealing to me and I felt like I found a game that can spark up as much of an interest as NSLU. Throughout 2021, I made an effort to be as active with NSMB2 as possible. However, I started running NSLU less actively as I was beginning to lose interest in NSLU. I got so good at NSMB2 to where I am capable of getting WR in NSMB2 but I knew it was going to be a lot harder to get WR in NSMB2 than in NSLU. While not popular, NSMB2 still has very high level competition.

While I was being less active with NSLU, the thought of losing WR was still looming over me. Years ago, I had the mentality of once I get WR, I should keep maintaining my dominance and if someone beats me, then I should beat them back. when New Super Mario Bros. Deluxe came out, I swept the entire leaderboards across every category of NSMBUDX and NSLUDX and as of right now, I am slowly losing all of my WRs in that game and in NSLU. I thought about one day coming back to NSMBUDX to reclaim all of them but on second thought, I don't enjoy NSMBUDX because they have the same runs of NSMBU and NSLU and wanting to come back to NSLU gets demotivating to me because I have to be in the right mindset to play NSLU. So I kept playing what I felt like playing.

So to conclude all of this, while I like the feeling of self drive to improve at speedrunning, I do not enjoy WR pressure. I never liked the pressure of getting WR since trying to reclaim WR in ALTTP GBA back in 2016. If you've ever contended for WR before, then you know that it is a much different feeling than just trying to get a good PB. Grinding for WRs also takes up a lot of time, commitment and dedication and as time goes on, I'm having a harder time trying to keep up with the curve. Back then, I had a lot more free time to speedrun all I want to get the WRs I wanted to get. If today was my first day speedrunning, I would never get WR in anything because all of the games that I run have gotten so competitive nowadays. At this time, I work full time as an after school teacher, I want to hopefully go back to school one day to get a degree in accounting, I keep up with regular uploads on my YouTube channel, and I am dating Danielle. I have been dating Danielle for over a year now and I want to be there for her for as long as possible. There were times were I felt like I was neglecting my time that I could be spending with her because I wanted to instead work on a goal in speedrunning. Taking streaming and speedrunning as seriously as I have has hurt many relationships with the friends I made. There are more character flaws in myself that I want to improve on so I can be the best person I can be for Danielle.

I have even deleted some of my times off of games and/or categories that I do not have any plans to come back to ever again. Some people have disagreed in my decision of doing this but to me, I do not need a leaderboard to prove that I achieve the times I removed. To me, a leaderboard exists so I can compete and compare with other people and I do not see a point in submitting every single time that I achieved if I have no plans in competing with anybody. I have even thought about removing all of my times off from NSLU, the game I'm most well known for, because as soon as I achieve some goals that I want to achieve in NSLU, I plan to retire from the game entirely. Some people are also aware that I have not been in the NSMB community for over a year now and that is because I do not like the direction that that community has become, in addition there are people there that I do not trust. However, I will still be actively moderating the game. As of writing this, I do not plan to compete for WRs even if I lose them immediately. I will only run whatever I feel like running and will instead improve at the best time that I can get. WR competition has been a trap for me and I'm sorry for anyone that I've disappointed over the years. See you all next stream or in a future stream.