<@macrophage> None of you have ever seen Rei eat.  But you figure she probably does.  And she's even taken to doing stuff on her own time, now.  James, who is probably searching for her, will come upon a room.  ...Is this where she sleeps?  The door is closed.
* James_Arroyo knocks on the door lightly enough that (he hopes) a sleeping person won't hear.
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<@macrophage> The door opens.  Rei stands in front of James, watching him curiously.  "Is there something you wanted?", the room inside...looks kinda like quarters James has been in before.  At a NERV base.  But seems kind of generic and flat.  Though there's a few oddities, like an empty bookshelf built into a wall.
<James_Arroyo> "Hi," James greets softly, "Am I interupting?" he asks.
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<@macrophage> "No.", Rei's got what looks to be...soup in a bowl on a table.  Perhaps she prefers to eat alone.  The room itself is pretty barren.  There's a small handbag, opened, a book visible inside of it, and a PDA in here.  And that's it.
* James_Arroyo chuckles weakly, "Its a little tough knowing how to talk to you," he admits, "Can I come in?"
<@macrophage> Rei turns, and seats herself on the chair she had been using.  "Are people worried that I will commit suicide?", Rei will ask flatly.
* James_Arroyo enters, "No, not that I know of," James says, giving the room a casual glance, before settling back on Rei with a slightly guilty expression, "I just wanted to see you."
<@macrophage> Rei's eyes meet James's.  "Okay.", and...she'll stare at him.
* James_Arroyo looks to see if there's somewhere he can sit.
<@macrophage> There's a bed.  And a shelf.  And the floor.
* James_Arroyo decides the lip of the bed is his best bet. "You're really busy," James notes, "I've seen you helping a lot of people."
<@macrophage> "I prefer to keep busy.", Rei will reply.  "Like you."
* James_Arroyo nods, "Yeah," James says, "but I still need people to talk to every once in a while."
<@macrophage> "I am not a very good conversationalist, James.", Rei replies.
<James_Arroyo> "That's alright," he says, "I just want to hear about how you're doing."
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<@macrophage> Rei shakes her head.  "I've deliberately chosen to put my own feelings aside for now."
<James_Arroyo> "Is that working for you?" he asks, posture slackening.
<@macrophage> "Not very well, no."
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<James_Arroyo> "You've helped me a lot, even if you don't know it," James replies, "I'd like to return the favor, even if you need to put your feelings aside again afterward."
<@macrophage> "....I don't see the benefit in dwelling on the past."
<James_Arroyo> "The feelings are current, though," James replies.
<@macrophage> "You won't let me get away without talking about my feelings, will you?", perhaps she sounds faintly annoyed.
* James_Arroyo detects the mood, "I..." he stops and rubs his mouth in consideration, "...only out of concern for you," he decides, "if it would hurt more than it will help, I won't press you."
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<@macrophage> "I feel like I should not be here.", she will finally reply, turning to the bowl of soup.  She lifts a spoon.  Awkwardly.  And sort of looks at it, tearing her gaze from James.
<James_Arroyo> "Where?" James asks gently.
<@macrophage> "What I mean is that I would have preferred to perish, if it means Kaworu could live on.", she takes a spoonful of the soup, a piece of tofu in it...and eats quietly.  And then..places the spoon down and turns back to James.  "It is an unhealthy desire to have."
<James_Arroyo> "survivor's guilt," James notes, "A lot of people here feel like that. Myself included."
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<Malcolm_Winters> "I am aware.", she replies.  "It's more than that.  What we spoke of before.  About regrets."
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* James_Arroyo bows his head slightly, guessing at her next words.
<Yui_Ichijo> If he expects her to elaborate, he may be disappointed.  She doesn't.  She turns back to her food.
<James_Arroyo> "I'm sorry," he appologizes.
<Yui_Ichijo> "It is in the past.", she says, and tends to the miso before her.
<James_Arroyo> "And how about the present?" James asks, changing the topic.
<Yui_Ichijo> "What about it?", she replies.
<James_Arroyo> "How do you feel about it?" he asks, "Most everyone is worrying about the nature of reality... You know. Existential stuff."
<Yui_Ichijo> "It is cruel that I would be designed with such a fate in mind.  But then, it was cruel even without knowing that my design went deeper."
* James_Arroyo smiles slightly, "I've been going on something like that too. Grappling with it all this time finally paid off."
<James_Arroyo> A pregnant pause, "But do you believe it?"
<Yui_Ichijo> "Belief is not something I am interested in.  It either is, or is not.  Would you like to talk about yourself?", she suddenly changes the topic, focusing on the bowl before her.
<James_Arroyo> "Okay," he takes the hint, "...what would you like to know?" he takes a sudden interest in his feet.
<Yui_Ichijo> "I did not have anything particular in mind.  I simply enjoy hearing you speak.", well, that can either be a compliment or not.
* James_Arroyo smiles a little.
<James_Arroyo> "Well..." he says, trying to put together a thought.
<James_Arroyo> "Did you ever have a hero?" James decides to ask.
<Yui_Ichijo> "Kaworu's father.  Before...", she stops.  And then, before James can interject, "If it actually happened, that is."
<James_Arroyo> "before," James asserts, before continuing, "What was it about him that you admired?"
<Yui_Ichijo> "I believe I simply enjoyed his attention.  He spent time with me.  And praised me.  I did not have a father, so he was like mine.  Even if perhaps he did not see me in the same light."
* James_Arroyo smiles, "You're lucky," he says, "I had heroes growing up to, but they weren't real people," he admits.
<James_Arroyo> "I loved my father, and I viewed him with..." James struggles to find a word, "with awe. But I don't think I ever said to myself 'I want to be like him. I want to follow his example'."
<Yui_Ichijo> "Is that still true?", she'll ask.
<James_Arroyo> "About my dad or about heroes?" James looks up at Ayanami.
<Yui_Ichijo> "Your father.", she will quickly reply.
<James_Arroyo> "My father... was a very sad man," James hesitates, "He was a good person, but he had been hurt a lot. I know he lost his wife, and his kids... and I don't think he ever really recovered from that," James continues, "I think he felt guilty for making me, and also for raising me like he did. I think he had a lot of regrets, and... so I guess its still true. I don't want to be like him."
* James_Arroyo looks up at Ayanami, "I think you knew him better than I did though."
<Yui_Ichijo> She shakes her head.  "He did not volunteer much about himself."
<James_Arroyo> "No, I suppose not," James agrees. "...I really did love him. When we talked about... regrets... I went and told him. He couldn't say it back," he shields his gaze from Ayanami to keep himself composed, "I told him it was alright, but... it would have been nice to hear."
<Yui_Ichijo> "It is hard to put emotions into words sometimes.", Rei says.  "I never knew how to ask Kaworu to forgive me."
<James_Arroyo> "For?" James looks up slightly to judge her expression.
<Yui_Ichijo> Her expression, usually blank, seems fairly deliberate.  As if she's guarding herself from being read, or expressing anything.  "I have read that it is not common for victims of child abuse to seek validation in relationships and acts similar to the abuse they experienced.  I betrayed his trust.", well...push hard enough, and you might learn something unpleasant.
<Yui_Ichijo> *not uncommon)
<James_Arroyo> "What did you do?" James asks as gently as he could manage.
<Yui_Ichijo> "I did something very foolish, not thinking how it would affect him."
* James_Arroyo looks at her with a patient, unjudging eyes.
<Yui_Ichijo> She stares right back at him.  And says nothing.
<James_Arroyo> "What happened?" he pushes lightly.
<Yui_Ichijo> She looks like she's about to relent, but then, at about the point her facade breaks, and her face contorts in sadness slightly, she simply says "I do not think it would be good to discuss."
<James_Arroyo> "I don't think its a good idea to hold it in. We're close to what might be the end. It may be cruel to say, but... at least it could be one less regret," James says sympatheticaly.
<Yui_Ichijo> "I allowed myself to be used by numerous Gehirn staff.  Before and after Kaworu expressed how he felt towards me.  When we went to study under Lorentz's protection in Germany, this did not change.", Her expression hardens, and she looks away from James.
* James_Arroyo drops his head as well as he tries to process it with out touching his own experiences.
<James_Arroyo> "Ms. Ayanami? No, Ms. Ichijo?" James corrects himself.
<Yui_Ichijo> "Yes?", she's staring down at the bowl before her.
* James_Arroyo slowly stands, "I didn't know Mr. Nagisa well, and I'm probably going to make you angry at me for pretending I can speak for him," he moves closer to her, "I think he was a good man. He probably loved you, and it probably hurt him, a lot," James confesses. "But I think what happened to you hurt him more. I think he forgave you even without you asking for forgiveness," he looks to see how she takes his words as he tenatively reaches out a hand to her shoulder.
<Yui_Ichijo> *cough.  rokubungi)
<James_Arroyo> *cough. Rokubungi indeed.
<Yui_Ichijo> She smoothly pulls away from him, shifting her position.  "I do not know how to put this eloquently.  But when you push like you do, and I answer, it is for the sake of relieving whatever it is you need, and I am not comfortable with the fact that I enjoy this.", gaze goes up to his.  Her eyes are just a little...more intense than usual.
* James_Arroyo lets the hand back to his side, searching for clues in her expression, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
<Yui_Ichijo> "It feels like you do things to me emotionally that others have done to me physically.", she replies.  Deadpan.
* James_Arroyo runs his hand through his hair, a nervous habit if there ever was one. "...Am I... hurting you?" he asks uncertainly.
<Yui_Ichijo> She continues to watch him.  "It does not need to hurt to be similar.  But I wonder what it is you seek from me.  I do not dislike you, James.  I enjoy your company.  But when you ask questions, I feel like I should answer.  And so I do, for your sake.  Even if I do not want to."
* James_Arroyo pauses as he tries to process this, and slowly sits himself back down.
<Yui_Ichijo> "Perhaps it is more cruel for me to have been created at approximately the same time you were.  It would imply that I had even less choice in the matter."
* James_Arroyo frowns, "Don't say that."
<Yui_Ichijo> "I apologize.", she will say in return.  "We can stop this line of discussion if it displeases you."
* James_Arroyo shakes his head.
<James_Arroyo> "...I feel like I'm very connected to you," James admits, "I don't really know, or honestly, care, what is real or what is not real. We're a lot alike," he continues, "And so maybe its selfishness. Like I could help myself by trying to help you."
<James_Arroyo> "But I don't want to hurt you. Even if you don't feel pain. Not for my sake."
<Yui_Ichijo> "We are connected.  In a way.  A bond of fate, at the very least.  But as I have said.  I am not sure whether this is unhealthy or unpleasant.  I can only compare it to past experiences.  Which becomes confusing.", she will say.
<James_Arroyo> "My heroes growing up were Superman. Optimus Prime. Spiderman. Fictional characters," James backtracks suddenly, "I looked up to them. Wanted to be like them. Because no matter what they faced, they could save everyone, no matter what."
* James_Arroyo half smiles at Yui, "Its fiction though. I can't do that, no matter how hard I try. I still try though, because... well, I admire them."
<Yui_Ichijo> "...Would you like to save me?", Yui asks, standing, stepping towards James.  Red eyes lock with his gaze as she stands before him.
* James_Arroyo bites his lip, "All I have is kind words and the power to cause harm," he looks back at her, opening his hands palms up, "And I can't use those things to save anyone from what's already happened," he says.
<Yui_Ichijo> "I wonder if by allowing myself to be used, I helped anyone.", Yui will say, sitting beside James.
* James_Arroyo averts his gaze.
<James_Arroyo> "It doesn't matter. No one had the right to hurt you for there own sake," James says, "And if I'm doing that, please don't let me."
<Yui_Ichijo> "And if I do not know whether they hurt me?"
<James_Arroyo> "I don't know," he confesses, running his hand through his hair again, "I try playing the hero, but honestly? I don't even know if I can save myself."
<Yui_Ichijo> She falls back onto the bed, a quiet breath exhaled as she does so.  Gaze is upwards, at the cieling.  "That is also how I feel.  Trapped within a cycle that may not even exist, which may not be unpleasant.", she shifts, turning slightly.  "For instance, if you were to impose yourself upon me right now, I would not turn you away.  But I would not know whether I have truly done something good or not."
* James_Arroyo looks at her from his seated position, unsettled by her words.
<Yui_Ichijo> "....I've dreamt about it.  About you.", eyes roll away from his, to once again focus on the cieling.
<James_Arroyo> "...how long?" he asks quietly, tone unreadable.
<Yui_Ichijo> "Since the first time you touched me.  Every time."
<James_Arroyo> Silence.
<James_Arroyo> "...I don't know what to say," he says eventually.
<Yui_Ichijo> "There is nothing to say.  But I am curious to know whether you will take advantage of me."
* James_Arroyo forces himself to meet her gaze, to try to find an answer to this situation there.
<Yui_Ichijo> She's on her back and staring up at the cieling.  To directly meet her gaze James would have to position himself over her.
<James_Arroyo> "Yui?" James says, hoping to draw her gaze.
<Yui_Ichijo> She continues to lie how she is, sprawled out on the bed, staring up at the cieling.  "Yes?"
* James_Arroyo sighs. "...I won't," he resolves, turning to face away again, "...I don't know how I feel about Ai. Or you," he says, "...and you don't know what you're feeling either."
<James_Arroyo> "...I care about you," he confesses, "...and I don't know what the future will hold. But we'd just cause more pain right now."
<Yui_Ichijo> "That is the difference between you and I.", Rei will say.  "To do this would compromise you.  And if you had resolved to do this...I would have stopped you."
* James_Arroyo gives her a confused sidelong glance, "...I don't understand."
<Yui_Ichijo> "Were you to take advantage of me, you would be consumed by the same doubt I have.  I do not presume to know what has happened between Ai and yourself.  But were you to betray her trust.."
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* James_Arroyo nods.
<Yui_Ichijo> "You've saved yourself.  How does it feel?"
<James_Arroyo> "I didn't," James says, "for what ever reason, 'a bond of fate', maybe, I feel that when one of us is saved, the other will be too."
<Yui_Ichijo> "I find your phrasing troublesome.  But-", they're interrupted by a beep.  Then another beep.  Then another.  Dual beeps if James has his PDA on him.
* James_Arroyo pulls his PDA out and examines it.
<Yui_Ichijo> Yui's PDA near the bowl is blinking gently.  She'll sit up and examine hers as well.  On the PDA.... To: ALLx5, PRIORITY 3: Sarah_Arroyo: DOES
<Yui_Ichijo> To: ALLx5, PRIORITY 3: Sarah_Arroyo: THIS
<Yui_Ichijo> To: ALLx5, PRIORITY 3: Sarah_Arroyo: WORK
<Yui_Ichijo> To: ALLx5, PRIORITY 3: Sarah_Arroyo: CYNTHIA?
<Yui_Ichijo> Yui stares at her PDA in silence.
<Yui_Ichijo> "I do not believe so.  I think Sarah has discovered how to send high-priority messages.  To everyone."
* James_Arroyo chuckles a little, the tension broken by Sarah.
* James_Arroyo looks at Yui with a small smile.
<Yui_Ichijo> "We should keep today's events to ourselves.", Yui will state.  "I'm going to find Sarah.", she makes for the door.
<James_Arroyo> "Yui," James says to stop her for a moment.
<Yui_Ichijo> She stops in place.  "What is it, James?"
* James_Arroyo stands up, "I'll do it. You never got to eat your soup."
<Yui_Ichijo> "It tastes terrible."
<James_Arroyo> "Try rice then. Its mostly right," James replies.
<James_Arroyo> "Also..."
<Yui_Ichijo> "Learn how to send messages so you can teach me later.", Yui lets James go after Sarah, then.  Who is currently overwhelmed with a number of profanities sent back to her in response to her message.
* James_Arroyo moves to stand in front of Yui.
<Yui_Ichijo> She stands, half-expecting a hug.
<James_Arroyo> "I do like talking to you," James says, "And if you do too, I'd like it if we could continue," he smiles as he sees her gird herself for hugs.
<Yui_Ichijo> "Of course.", she replies.
<James_Arroyo> "...I'm not going to force a hug on you if you don't want one you know..." he chuckles.
<Yui_Ichijo> She frowns in annoyance.
<James_Arroyo> "Sorry," he says, smile still in place.
* James_Arroyo heads for the door, waving on his way out.
<Yui_Ichijo> End.