Highs & Lows

Sayounara, 2018

Hey Bunch. You pretty much know that I don't typically do New Year's Resolutions BUT it is still a time of the year where the reflections are strong. Anything that pushes me to examine my life, where I've been, where I'm at, and what's possibly in store, I welcome 2000%. It's something I do quite often, as I'm a person who likes to tackle stuff head on.

2018 has been full of many experiences. Some of which have pushed me beyond my comfort zone, have challenged me in less-than-desirable ways, and have brought me more joy than I could ever hope for (Going to Twitch Con, Face Cam Reveal monkaS cutting ties with folks, familial/marriage stuffs, past mistakes - to name a few experiences). I'm a fairly private person when it comes to my personal life and what I decide to share. Most of this stems from wanting to keep a piece of myself for myself and my family. And some of it has to do with the amazing support system that I do have in who I do decide to sometimes share with. I'll share things if I think my own life experiences can somehow help other people, but for the most part, yeah - private person haha.

Lately, I've been noticing more and more people touching on the concept of "people only showing the highlights" as it pertains to the stuff they usually post on social media. It's funny, because this very thought has been on my mind for a good while. Today, I'm encouraged to unpack a bit of that for myself here. I know that mostly posting the highlights can often give the impression that peoples' lives are perfect or rarely suffer adversity.

I've had a bunch of highlights and rarely feel the need to complain about much in general. However, I do have my share of lowlights (yes, I said lowlights), to where it feels as if life sucker punches you straight in the gut. Sometimes I'm the one doing the sucker punching, meaning there are some things I bring on myself. However it all pans out, I want to embrace it all, because these are the things that make me.. me. I know there are those who think or have thought (and have also brought to my attention) that I have a 'perfect' life just based on what I have: a husband, two beautiful & healthy rice grains, a steady job, a loving/supportive community, etc. And it's no lie; I do have these and I'm thankful beyond measure for these. But I want to reiterate and, for some of you, express for the first time, that each one comes with its own challenges. Flat tires, traffic, broken stuffs don't really get to me. Most of my battles are mental more than anything. I'm a sensitive person to a fault and if you couple that with some of the social/self-image insecurities that I sometimes struggle with, it can be a crazy time for my mind, so yeah. I fail and mess up and sometimes take it hard when I do. There are days when I don't feel very social or much like doin anything. Those aren't long-lasting, but they do happen. There are days where I know that I'm not where I'm supposed to be in some aspects of my life. That feeling sucks, lol. I'm tryin, though. Heh, I share this mini novel with you to hopefully put myself in a more human light.

I want you to know that having you guys in my life helps more than you'll ever realise. Being part of these communities, getting to witness, receive AND give the love, the kindness, the support, the laughs, even the challenges; just everything. It all helps to make life more enjoyable; the tough times more bearable; and my heart super full. I have a big and awesome family in you. Some of you I met this year; some of you I've known for a few now. I look forward to the blessings and challenges that are ahead of me in 2019. I thank God for you, fam. If you have anything you'd like to ask or talk about, hit me up <3 I love you all.

- Radi