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- is it tuesday? no
- ok, Thursday, June 2nd, 2022, started 12:58 pm, im in the basement of the burlington house, on the couch, im facing east? or maybe north east, i like the song im playing, its Gomni by ali farka
- whatever i dont care
- not sure what im doing with all this detail like its worth anything anyways, but i guess i set the scene.
- i wish i did a major that i liked im tempted to say
- i dont know if i actually like or care for english or any particular one of the arts any more than i do for eng
- but i just dont know if i love it that much, if i want it as much as some other ppl do,
- i also HATE the weight i have on me, why does everyone care whether you can do shit with your fucking major afterwards, what is the big deal? to get a ' Good ' job and make enough money to afford 'my' lifestyle, what does it even matter, what if i want to get a piss and shit major, one i 'cant do anything with', because god knows i havent the connections that would take me from some liberal arts bullshit to private equity without considerable effort. i just got used to buying 60$ soaps but that isint nothing only people make it out to be something.
- in all honesty i just want to rot,
- i dont care
- i dont want to care
- and i dont want any responsability, maybe thats the real luxury, to not care, to be so lucky to be this miserable about all the things i am, the privilege to the problems i have
- i just want to turn to dust, i want to not matter whether i read this book or that, whether i eat here or there, i dont care about many people and i have the half assed energy of pushing the people i dont liek away but havent made any efforts to becoming so mysteriously desirable, i dont think i could medically induce a years long sleep and come out of it looking model shabby chic , i dont think even with any reasonal effort i could do that, the culture just is not aligned with me , and i dont knwo if i care that much about that but it would certainly make things easier, i wouldnt need to try and would have everyone push for me, but i am still just not trying, just people arent pushing for me in the way they would if i had the alignement
- whatever
- now this song is shit the reccomended stream goes off the handle sometimes, im over typing this, my back hurts from sitting on the couch like an idiot, the lights are off so its just the windows light and the computers screen, the book is good but i dont know, what do i do with it once ive finished, where is the application, im going to play baltimore by nina and finish it, or atleast try to before ravi gets back to me.
- finished 1:13pm
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