Letters to the Editor (Ed)

Letters to the Editor

    The Ponyville Courier, February 28th, 1001


    To the editor,

    I am a fine and upright citizen of Ponyville.  I have spent my whole life here.  As have my parents and my children.  We have always been kind, generous, nice ponies here in Ponyville.  I have always been very proud of my community.
    That is why I am physically sickened of Ponyville.  Am I the only one who is disgusted at what our once fair neighborhood has fallen into?  Is there no sense of decency left in our community?  I, for one, am sick of ponies walking around trodding all over basic moral values.  This town has become a cesspit of indecency, and they should all be ashamed of themselves.
    Take, for instance, the zebra who has recently moved into our community.  I won’t name any names.  Who does she think she is moving into a home in the woods we are all afraid to go into?  There goes the forest.  What does she do in there all day?  Who knows?  Probably sitting around all day with her big family, collecting my money from the government while not doing any work.  And while they’re not doing any work they’re probably too busy taking our jobs.  How is it that I can pay my taxes so that zebras won’t work if I can’t find a job because that zebra took it?  And I won’t even mention the corrupting influence they’re having on our youth.  Take my granddaughter, for instance.  I had her brought up nice and old-fashioned like, just like the good old days.  Then she goes off into the woods one day, and comes back flaunting her degenerate “don’t judge a book by its cover” lifestyle.  Is this what’s happening to this town when a no good stripey can undermine my education?
    And that brings up another issue.  Retards.  I go down to my local post office, and use my hard earned social security to buy stamps from the government.  And what does the government do with my money?  They turn around and hand it out to the retarded postal worker that they’ve hired.  Just what do those ponies do to deserve that money?  It’s bad enough that I have to see her every day when she delivers my mail for me.  Not that I’m not kind enough to her when she comes by; I’m a good Celestia-fearing woman.  I speak real loud and everything so I’m sure that she hears me.  And speaking of money, why is it that I had to pay with my tax dollars for those kind of ponies to go to school?  What are they ever going to use it for?  To get jobs?  Not likely.  And speaking of schools, don’t they teach eugenics no more?  I’ve got to see them retards with their little foals, walking around like they own the place.  Back in my day, snip snip, no more mistakes like that.
    Which brings me to another point.  Probably the greatest threat to the nation of Equestria: lesbians.  It just so happens that I’ve learned that there are a pair of lesbians right here in Ponyville.  I won’t say who.  But I think we all know who.  They even want to redefine the definition of marriage.  God created Celestia and Luna, not two lesbians.  They’ve even got a little filly together.  Now, I don’t know how lesbians work, and I don’t rightly want to.  Is it some kind of butt baby?  I don’t know, and I don’t want to.  I could go on for hours hypothesizing about how it works.  But I don’t want to.  So stop making me think about it, you whores.  Stop shoving your naughty, sweaty lesbian sex thoughts down my moist inviting throat.

    Sickened,
    G. Smith
    Ponyville



    The Ponyville Courier, March 3rd, 1001


    To the editor,

    I am myself a recent immigrant, who cares to address a certain rant.
    Though I was born quite far away, I like it here and I’d like to stay.  I’ll admit some times have been rough, but I can take it.  I’m pretty tough.  Most ponies are friendly, most ponies are nice.  It doesn’t take much to break the ice.  We’re all the same inside you see, although sometimes apples will fall far from the tree.  I’m an outsider but I hope most nice ponies agree on which side of these issues they’ll be.  My message to your readers will follow forthwith, a rebuttal of comments from a one “G. Smith.”
    I should state up front that I’m a bit biased, but my facts are checked, and my intentions the highest.  I promise that I won’t steal your jobs, work, or careers, the differences in training are just too severe.  Every job that there is has its own qualifications, all sorts of training for all sorts of occupations.  You need not worry about your job and this zebra, unless you too have a PhD in algebra.
    As for taxes, who likes it?  Every year we remit.  Though it’s probably more fearsome for those of us with incomes.  Where all of it goes I have really no say, others decide and it’s not bad that way.  But those who throw stones should not live in glass houses, lest I stop paying taxes and your social security check bounces.
    Use whatever words you must, but I would be grateful, if you don’t mind me using “specially-abled.”  Some hate them and fear them, or badger and threaten.  Others say that their minds are already in heaven.  Opinions will vary, and I’ll be honest, when I started this note it was facts that I promised.  You mentioned that it’s her presence to which you object, yet you buy from her stamps and she delivers your check.
    Definitions are important, my books have had multiple readings, but I don’t look to them on marriage and weddings.  Hand me a dictionary and I’ll give it a shove.  I don’t need it to see when two ponies share love.
    We all have our morals and ethics and values.  I come from a land with many taboos.  I find it so immoral when a brother, despite all options takes his sister as lover.  The product of this union is often a fool, it will sit there and drool, it’s all so cruel.  But you don’t see me giving your parents any shit about it, now do you?

    Sincerely,
    Z.
    Everfree Forest

    P.S.  Get well soon.