ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (2:33 PM):
 Found just suggested to me that there were other reasons why he didn't go

to school and shit
 and they were so bad he didn't want to talk about them
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (2:34 PM):
 and he said that people either didn't believe him or said they wished

they'd known before
 and that there were things that only he knew
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (2:36 PM):
 and now I feel frightened
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (2:37 PM):
 like a total sense of horror
 it's hard to describe
 but it's like I need to know
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (3:04 PM):
 and I know this is going to occupy my thoughts forever
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (3:05 PM):
 I also feel angry that there's stuff he hasn't been telling me
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (3:06 PM):
 there isn't a lot of stuff of importance in my life I haven't told him

about
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (4:01 PM):
 I wish people
 would either
 fucking tell me everything
 or not tell me anything
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (4:02 PM):
 what I don't know won't hurt me
ununoctium@hotmail.co.uk said (4:24 PM):
 sorry for the rambling
 but it's hard for me to form a coherent thought
 night <3

Ugh, okay I'm going back to bed but, uh...


I don't think you should be hurt. Everyone's allowed one or two inner

demons. And yeah, there are vast swaths of people's lives you will never

know anything about until you actually live with them, and even then you

might not know everything.

The best thing you can do with a friend is say you're there (and more

importantly, be there) to support them when shit gets bad and when and if

they want to talk about it. Most of the time though, things are just

either too mundane to talk about or there just hasn't been the right

occasion to bring it up.


I used to have a similar feeling, but several more ridiculous. When I had

started to get to know someone I really enjoyed hanging out with. It was

almost like a bittersweet-anger-jealousy at not having had the experience

to get to know them when old stuff had happened. It's not something I feel

anymore though. It's an extremely stupid expectation. Thankfully I always

kept it bottled up.

Basically, with Found and anyone else in a similar situation, the first

thing you need to ask yourself before you react at all is "Why does this

person not want to talk about this?" It generally boils down to three

things. 1.) He doesn't want to tell anyone at this point, but most likely

will eventually. 2.) He's keeping something from you that you should know.

3.) It's not something that's at all related to you, but not something he

would want to spread.

In cases 1 and 3, the best thing you can do for a friend is to be

supportive and helpful. Offer your assistance, but don't bring it up more

than once in a while and only to be supportive, not prying. If you're

overly pushy, what could possibly happen is the friend would tell you

about the matter at hand, but decide that since he doesn't like being

pushed into revealing something, he won't even confide in you the

possibility of there being something wrong in the future. When he does

tell you, you should continue to be supportive even if you find whatever

the confession is personally distasteful. Reacting negatively only

reinforces the mentality that makes people hide things like this. Rather

than feeling upset that he won't tell you (even though he hasn't told

anyone else, either), you should feel honored if he does choose to tell

you. The worst thing you can be in this case is selfish. Don't make the

issue about you. Always keep your focus centered on the other person.

I don't believe this is Found's scenario, at all, but if you have a good

reason to believe it's something that you should know, then be pushy but

don't overdo it. In that case, it could be something as bad as "I was

kicked out of school for posting your nudes all over the boys'

lockerroom", or a belief that someone might hurt themself or others, or

could be holding on to something so hard that he is unwittingly hurting

people.

All of this is part of being a good friend. Keep it in mind.