A Simple Guard and Just a Human (chapter 3

>You are once again, Gleaming Ember and you're sitting on your cot
>You're not sleepy, even though your body is tired
>You can't cry, even though your stomach is turning, and your mind is spinning
>Your legs tell you to run, and yet you can't even feel them
>You want to go home and sleep, but you cant feel at home, not here though, not here...
>You blink away the sleep again, the count is lost on you
>When you open your eyes, your laying down, feeling slightly refreshed
>Another dreamless sleep
>Your eyes catch the time on the clock, telling you that its five past eleven, almost an hour before you are to meet Princess Celestia and give her your report
>On the Ambas, on Anon
>Who trusts you
>Who also probably doesn't know half as much as you do, about himself
>You roll out of your bed, and begin telekinetically removing your armor
>Your helmet is first to come off, severing the enchantment on your coat and mane
>You carefully remove each piece of armor, hanging them on the ponequin in the corner of your room
>You stretch your back, and arching it like a cat
"Ohh yeah..."
>You trot over to your drawer, pulling out a rag, and a metal container
>Using your magic, you grab the rag, and open the container exposing your armor wax
>You get a good glob on the rag before you bring over your greaves to begin the meticulous process of polishing
>...
>You've polished each piece of your armor, each gleaming with the signature golden gleam of the Celestial Royal Guard
>The rivets assembling it are solid
>The joints are oiled and roll smooth
>The glue holding the feathered plume on your helmet is good
>And you're to meet Princess Celestia in five minutes
>Putting the ensemble together is a muscle memory after so many years
>You stand before your mirror before you don your helmet, checking yourself over
>Your gray, almost ashy coat lays in sharp contrast to your armor's golden sheen
>Your fiery sanguine mane is done up into a bun, to better seat your helmet, while your tail sits a bit frazzled from sleeping and not being brushed
>Were it not that you just woke up an hour ago, and needed to polish your armor, you would have cleaned yourself off
>But duty calls
>You place your helmet on you and watch the enchantment make way across your coat, painting it the stellar white that could only hope to mimic the radiance of your Princesses's coat
>Your tail takes on the same color as the fringe on your helmet, a rich sapphire, as deep as the ocean
>Your eyes are the last bit to change
>The intense ruby irises blink to a heavenly blue
>In but a brief half a minute you have become one with the ranks of the guard
>Your guard
>Giving yourself a once over, and finding it to be adequate, you exit your spartan room, into the barracks
>Though it is not something of note, the barracks are still an impressive accomplishment
>One you get the privilege to marvel every time you walk through the marble halls
>Enough rooms to house over a thousand ponies, almost triple during war time
>A mess hall large enough to feed that twice over
>Training grounds for all three races, and entire platoons
>And a complex network of tunnels that would allow the Guard to deploy anywhere in the city at a moments notice
>All hidden under neath the Castle
>Out of sight, out of mind
>You take a series of pasages out into the main hall
>Many of the Canterlot nobles pass the door you stand at
>Surprisingly, you don't count Anon among their numbers
>Strange, but considering what happened last night, it wouldn't be surprising if he was talking to the Princess
>The unusually rowdy crowd of nobles finally crosses the threshold of your passageway, allowing you through
>You march your way to the door, taking note of the slightly upturned faces of the door keepers
>You exchange a silent salute before the doors grind inward
>You quietly slip through the doors
>The first thing you take note of is the absence of Anon
>The second is that Princess Celestia looks more disheveled than usual
>You march to her steps, before taking a bow
>"You may rise Sargent Gleaming Ember" Celestia says
>Her words echo through the room before you notice that you are alone with the princess, the rest of her guard remains absent from their posts
>"You do not have to worry, my pony. I sent the rest of the Guard on a temporary break so that we may have some privacy during our discussion."
>Figures she would notice your lack of attention
>"What would you say to a walk? Though I am tired, one of the few respites I have between court sessions is having a pleasant walk through the gardens. From what I understand, you and the Ambassador shared the pleasure of such a walk."
>Immediately, you feel your face grow hot
"I apologize your majesty, that's where I found the Anon when you ordered me to find him"
>You look up to see Celestia smiling
>Its not forced, or quaint, or smug
>Its gentle, like the love of a mother
"And I would very much enjoy sharing a walk with you, your Majesty."
>Celestia continues to smile as she makes her way down the steps
>You do not need to be ordered to flank her, marching to her right
>The two of you make your ways through the golden doors, back out into the hall
>Celestia seems to enjoy the silence, and your companionship
>You feel antsy and at edge
>"So, it seems you too have taken to calling the ambassador, Anon, I take it?"
>Celestia's voice snaps you out of your worry
"Yes, your majesty."
>"Then I take it the two of you became friends then. Despite what he may say, he reserves his nickname for those he enjoys the company of."
>You think back to the night, to the comradery the two of you shared, talking as if there wasn't a difference between the two of you, no barrier built by rank or social class, just two friends, talking
"I believe so, your majesty"
>Celestia speaks almost with as much of a smile in her voice, as there is on her face
>"Good."
>The two of you are nearing the garden when the Princess finally puts forth the question you've been dreading
>"So how was he last night?"
>How was he?
>How was it to see someone so tired
>Who walked among the living with the eyes of the dead
>Fighting himself because there needs to be something that keeps him walking
>Agonizing over something buried so deeply that not even he can recognize the memory, for fear that its revelation would burn him out like a candle in a flame
>How could you put this into words
>"I take your pause in step to be the answer I needed."
>Her voice takes you out of your thoughts
>You turn to see something you've never seen before on her
>Fear
>Fear not for herself, not for her ponies, or what she stands for
>Fear for one she cannot help
>You turn back to the ground, taking a seat on the cold marble
>The Princesses takes a spot next to you
>"I've known there was something wrong with Anon, for some time now, my little guard."
>Celestia begins
>"The eyes of one far beyond home, wandering, lost, and confused. I wanted to help him, to give him the strength he needed to build his home."
>Her voice is sentimental, which only serves to twist your stomach even more
>"I wanted to help help him, I didn't want to see what happened to my Sister, happen to somepony else. But what I saw of him last night, what he saw in me, is burned scarred into my mind. Consuming, abject horror, no just of what I am, but what I am doing, and of where he is."
>She lowers her voice to but a whisper
>"Not even my fears of the nightmares conjured by Discord could hold a light to what I felt in the moment I saw on his face."
"All night. All night I heard him toss, never staying still for more than a moment. Thrice I heard him waking up from night terrors, screaming in anguish. I wanted to do nothing more than to go in there and to ease his pain b... but I."
>You feel Celestia's wing drape over you, and pull you close
>You're on the verge of tears, barely holding yourself together, and yet you're being comforted by Celestia herself, she whose far worse than you
>Were it not for the pain you were feeling right now, you would be disgusted with your inability to control yourself
>But right now, that's a thought that's slipped miles away from your mind.
>"I know. I know of his night terrors. Luna and I have tried many times to ease them, and yet all have failed. His mind is far too complex for Luna's dream walking magic to work, and far too troubled for any degree of calming spells. I'm sorry I had to make you see that."
>Celestia's voice is too sincere for you, she should not have to apologize to you, who are but a guard in her service
>"That is why I am going to have to ask something from you, my little guardpony."
>You straighten yourself out, pulling yourself from Celestia's embrace
>A quick shake of your head is enough to clear it
>Snapping into a resolute salute kills your unease
>Your princess, your charge needs you now
>Celestia's face pulls into an amused smile
"Your majesty, as a Sargent in the Celestial Royal Guard, I am able and willing to accept what ever task you may charge me with."
>That's right, you are a Sargent of the Royal Guard
>Those that you fought, those you lost, and the scars you earned, both physical and mental, are the proof of what you are
>Who you are cannot conflict
>It cannot, and must not slip from your control
>Celestia composes herself before she too stands
>The stains of her tears are still fresh on her hair, clashing with her amused smile
>"I am happy to hear that Sargent Gleaming Ember."
>And how does she look like she's happy right now
>Its infectious, you almost resist the urge to smile yourself
>Almost
"What are my orders, you Majesty?"
>"My Guard, Gleaming Ember, you have served me faithfully, and diligently for the past 5 years as one of my personal Guards. You have risen to the rank of Sargent, and have a number of commendations so act as proof of your rank, and as foreshadowing that you will do so much more. Now, do you trust me?
>You don't have to think about what you need to say
"Your Majesty, I would stand as your side at the gates of Tartarus. If I were to be struck down, and my soul to be stuck, I would trust you to ensure that it be carried to the Elysian Fields. I would do the same for you, were I to fail in my charge of protecting you."
>Celestia's smile falters for a second, almost saddened by your devotion, before she nods, accepting it
>"I accept your pledge of loyalty Sargent Gleaming Ember, and I'm sorry for what I am about to ask of you."
>Huh?
>"Sargent Gleaming Ember, from this moment forth, I am removing you from the Celestial Royal Guard."
>WHAT?!
"WHAT?!"
>Celestia flinches at your outburst, but continues nether the less
>"You will no longer function as one of my personal guards, either. You will also be stripped of your rank and commendations, though they will remain archived under a black listed name."
>No
>She can't be serious
>Please
>Your limbs grow heavy, and it becomes increasingly difficult to keep your composure
>"You will no longer function under my Sister's, Princess Twilight's, Princess Cadence's, or my authority."
>But how?
>Why?
>Is this punishment for befriending Anon?
>That last bit though felt like a knife slipping between your ribs
>The pain you were feeling before, comes back full force
>You cannot even bare to look at Celestia, even if you could, the tears in your eyes would blur your vision to much
>"And because of the charge I can now only ask you to perform, I am also black listing your name as a citizen of Equestria."
>And the knife has been twisted
>But you trust Celestia
>You must
>Because you are a Guardsmare, if not in title, then in memory
>"I am sorry Gleaming Ember. I am truly sorry for what I had to do."
>But you didn't hear what she said
>You don't feel her embrace you
>Nor can you tell if the tears on your face are coming from you, or Celestia
>"But now..."
>She mumbles in a tone barely above a whisper
>"But now you can protect Anon, not just from himself, but from all of those who would wish to do him harm, even me if my mind were to give, and I were to slip into the same darkness poor Lulu did."
>You accept the silence
>Because you are a Guardsmare
>And tha,
>Because thats...
>Because that's what you do
>"Gleaming Ember, you told me that you trusted me. You trusted me beyond the throes of death. Can I trust you to protect someone I would return from death for?"
>You don't have to think about what you need to say
"I will protect them in this life, and into the next, just as I would do for you."
>You somehow manage to say into Celestia's chest
>Celestia's embrace tightens
>"You now have your charge Gleaming Ember, I'm sorry I had to do this. But know that I am so proud of you in this moment, and nothing you could do would ever change that."
>Memories begin to flood your mind as you're forced to finally accept what has happened
>Why must they always hurt?
>You cannot contain it anymore
>Your tears begin to fall anew
>The only respite you have is when Celestia's wings close around you, cutting you off from the world around
>No, you also have a charge
>One given to you by Princess Celestia
>She who trusts you
>And you trust
>You who now must protect Anon
>Who trusts you
>And you trust
>You are a Guardsmare
>And you will protect Anon
>Because that's what you do
>Because that's what you are
>Not who you are

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>You are Princess Celestia
>Solar Monarch of Equestria
>And once again, you've done something that has left a bitter taste in your mouth, and froze your stomach
>You had struck down a mare who's loyalty to you exceeded her own ambitions
>It wounded you as much as it made you pity her
>Not because of her decision, but because she had the same eyes as Anon
>That same look of abject terror
>Of complete denial of not just the situation, but of who they were
>And you've just charged the blind to lead the blind
>You watch Gleaming Ember march off
>Not knowing what to feel
>Not knowing what to do
>Gleaming Ember has long since left you, leaving you staring into an empty hall
>Your revery pulls you farther into its grasp
>Its all you can to to walk to the garden edge, overlooking Canterlot in it's mid day splendor
>All your little ponies
>Their lives pass in the blink of an eye, the ages take their mark, and life moves on
>Each life is still precious
>Even the ones that have held dissenting thoughts of your love
>But its one thing to be hated by the unwashed masses for what you represent, and what you do
>Its another to be hated
>To well and truly be vilified
>By such a being who's malevolence for you is only matched by their reason for wishing you harm
>And in less than a week, you've personally created two such examples
>One conflicted by his inability to accept the present, bound by his denial and pain
>The other lost in her past, hiding behind the aegis of what she perceives herself to be
>And you
>You who is chained by fate to live until her charge is but dust
>And the dust consumed by the nova born from her death
>You who is subject to the whims of the future
>As Anon would put it, the entire situation reeks of bullshit
>Ironic coming from one so tired from carrying his chains
>He who should, above all else, realize that the chains that destiny binds with, are so easily broken

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If you want to see the prose version, which will no doubt be leaps and miles better, or would like to continue following the story once the thread dies for good, my FIMfiction account is
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/The%20Synn%20Lofsvard
And the prose version of Chapter one should be put up on 02/11.  Until then, I'll keep shitting out green, and bumping the thread until it fucking dies.